Day 31: Questioning

For a while now I have been wanting to write this not just for myself but for my readers out there that are also questioning and figuring out who they are when it comes to sexuality. Now this isn't a coming out post because I feel strongly that I do like men, but I had come to a point in my life where I felt unsure. Like yeah I found some girls to be attractive but I couldn't see myself spending my life with a woman or to a raise a family with her if that is the case. On the other hand though I wasn't finding guys to be attractive either so I was kind of just stuck in between as to who or what did I actually like. I went through this stage that maybe I was just asexual and just wasn't fit for a relationship since I have never had that feeling of what it was like to be in one. I had started watching strong celebrity figures who had stated confidently about their sexuality such as Ellen Degeneres, Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, Ellen Page, Jane Lynch, and a few more on YouTube celebrities and I couldn't stop feeling so happy for them for figuring out that missing part of their lives. One of the videos that immediately struck a chord in my heart was from a YouTuber, Ingrid Nilsen. She is a beauty/lifestyle YouTuber that gives her viewers tips and inspiration on how to do certain makeup looks, putting your hair up a certain way, or sometimes just even talks casually all with a smile and making jokes on camera. The first time I started watching her videos I was upset about my petite size, but she is also petite and she was rocking with what she got. Having been subscribed to her channel for a few years, she posts her coming out video this year which definitely took me by surprise. I am not even sure that no one at first believed what was happening because Ingrid was always this chirpy, bubbly person that I wouldn't even guessed how much she was struggling to just come out to the public. When she started crying from happiness to be able say that she was gay, I kind of wanted to cry myself there was just so much emotion in that video that left me speechless at the end.

To stand true for themselves in all the hardships they had to overcome to realize that deep within themselves they knew who they were they were just unsure how to explain themselves to other people without having the fear of rejection. I already feel like it's tough enough as it is to be a sexuality that isn't heterosexuality because as a society we are still trying to get the full concept that the attraction, the desire, the love should only be solely based on female and male. Though what some are forgetting is that those are medical terms to distinguish whether you were born with a vagina or a penis but not all the time will these medical terms fit into the definition that you have set for yourself. No one is going to know you more, than you yourself. So if you have a vagina and feel attracted to ladies, then that's great or to a guy that is also great. Have a penis but like guys? Perfectly fine to me. Or attracted to ladies, that is also great. Transgender? I am still fine. Asexual? Totally respect your decision. Queer and more? Have my 100 percent approval. If you feel incredibly proud and happy for who you are then that is enough, you don't have to prove to other people unless you want to but that shouldn't be necessary. I am still going to love you.

Looking at coming out videos, this has taught me a very important lesson that society has already placed these stereotypes on the LGBTQ+ community that are already being implemented that people under this community behave a certain way but that is not how the way the community works. I think that is why when Ingrid came out I couldn't believe it because she didn't follow any of these set stereotypes which is a perfect example that everyone is a person living on this Earth. I feel horrible for this realization, for having a fraction of myself corrupted by society, but that is why I am constantly educating myself to learn more about the things that I am not being told. Coming back to the LGBTQ+ community, the people came first than the community, society just places another label on something they don't necessarily understand at the moment. From birth everyone is considered to be a human baby and depending how they grew up is how they behaved. What I am trying to say is that everyone is a human with a mind of their ideas and a body to carry themselves around. When I was younger and I know many of you can relate, we didn't see the person for their sexuality because that was not the first thing that come up in our minds. Perhaps for the majority, it's because we didn't know the difference between sexuality and gender. We saw people for the first time based on gender and not on sexuality, and for the most part if the person didn't say they were anything but heterosexuality, then we just assumed that they were heterosexual because for the longest time we are already placed with the idea that this ideal family consists of a mother and father then the children. I can't recall when was the first time I experienced same sex love but I didn't find it to be weird. Of course I was surprised but only because no one told me that was a possibility and I feel that is what we are doing wrong. People like to build bubbles around themselves away from things that they don't approve but forget that not everyone believes in the same things. So when parents block homosexuality from their homes, I feel that the child is not living a very truthful life. There is this giant elephant in the room and people do not want to talk about this matter. I know I can't force people to talk about things they don't want to discuss but at least tell your children that this does exist, that this is not some sort of monstrosity, life happens to everyone in different ways. As we live under the same sky, I feel that is enough to give people equal amount of chances.

I know I will never be able to empathize but I do support same sex marriage and the fact that everyone has the right to love who they want to love and live a fulfilled life.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

xx Chavelita

Day 30: Remember to open your eyes

There is always the time between eleven p.m. and one a.m. that my creative juices tend to flow out or more like my brain is just too tired to keep itself within its boundaries that my mind wanders off. Not all nights this happens but yesterday was one of those nights where I felt tired but I was not quite ready to fall asleep yet. Scrolling through social media I find a picture of my friend's drawing that instantly sparked ideas of things that I wanted to draw but I was not quite sure what yet but somehow I came up with the quote, "Remember to keep your eyes open" and started to draw the first thing that came into mind. One of the most valued features while I draw are eyes, which is why for the most part when you see any of my drawings their eyes are bigger or more centered attention than the rest of the drawing. Not because I enjoy drawing the eyes more than anything else, but eyes can be drawn in so many different ways and can shape the expression of the drawing. Big opened eyes can preview vulnerability and innocence while small eyes could express confusion or anger. Eyes allow to speak for itself and it's brilliant to say that eyes could tell so much more with just a glance.

When I was thinking about "Remember to keep your eyes open", I found it to be a reminder for myself to seek the possibilities out there and stop being afraid to take risks that may have a chance to change my life for the better. I also need to start giving other people chances who actually want to get to know me instead of being dryly sarcastic and disconnected. When I was younger, hugging and showing affection to people was like a piece of cake. I didn't think about how the other person will react, I simply went for that touch that everyone seeks and held it for as long as I could. Now that I am older, I find this action to be difficult and frustrating. I do want to hug people and show that I sincerely care, to kiss their cheek without feeling incredibly out of bounds. I do not want to miss anymore moments and instead I want to record all of these moments. Be more open to people and tone down a bit of the sarcasm, kind of settle my feet on the ground, and take in whatever it is that is going on at the moment.

You have the ability to change at any given day, at any given time. Do not feel like you have to stay the same person because people are used to the way you are. As many as people get accustomed to who you are, then it is possible for them to get used to the new you as well. So long as you changed to better yourself, then I don't find anything wrong in that. Throughout your early teenager years you're going to find yourself in loads of scenarios that test to see who you are and it's okay if you are not sure. All of these years you have to experiment as to what person you want to be, exactly. Depending on who you are brings in people that share similar qualities, so I don't find it surprising anymore when you find yourself speaking to new people and at other times speaking to a handful of people who remained by your side. Remember to open your eyes and try not to miss out on the good stuff in life. Seek out what you want to accomplish, follow your own path if you have to, look around you are not the only one trying to figure out what on Earth is going to happen next.

What was the last thing you saw that left you breathless?

xx Chavelita

Day 29: Goals for the next month

Most of my goals for August is pretty much college related because that is the month I start my first year of college! Pretty pumped, pretty frightened, but I am still looking forward to what the month of August has to offer for me. Turn a new page, start fresh, meet new people, cultures, finding out more about myself without the influence of people I have grown close to.

1. Settle in college smoothly - I can already feel move in weekend for me to be a whole load of stress on me so hopefully that everything moves rather easily without little to no complications. At least if things do go rather sleek, I will probably spend less time freaking out that I cannot turn back now or not have my parents around me when I feel uncomfortable.
2. Be able to see my friends one last time before we all split into different paths - This is a must because I know that if I go to college without seeing my close friends for the last time, I would simply be sad and have a lack of closure that will be bugging me. 
3. Get back into study mode - The time to put away the Netflix, and settle down to focus on my studies. Only this time I'll try to not let my studies completely consume me and try to get involved within my campus.
4. Try to post on my blog at least once a week - I am not sure I can promise this because I am not sure myself how much free time I will end up having. At least I know on Tuesday's I only have one class so maybe Tuesday's? Maybe it can work out, I can do my laundry and write to you guys. No promises though, I'll try to post whenever I can!
5. Make new friends in college and find an eating buddy - The sooner I make friends the easier the transition into college will be so if I at least make one new friend I will feel fine. Of course, I hope to find someone I can spend eating my meals with and get to know more in depth. I already had enough of eating alone in high school.
6. Celebrating my mom's 50th birthday - Not everyday someone turns half a century, and I want my mom's birthday to be special so crossing my fingers that I am able to make this happen. 
7. Take my dad to eat I-HOP - A promise is a promise, so I cannot wait until we have our own little pancake date before I head to college. 

What are your goals for next month?

xx Chavelita

Day 28: Things that make me LOL

This topic is quite difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes me laugh because I am constantly laughing at everyday things. You don't even have to try to make me laugh because in all natural cases I would probably be laughing by the third sentence or so into the conversation that is if the person happens to be friendly and kind to me. Alright well here are a few things I find myself laughing at.

1. My dad's jokes - My dad could whip up a joke from thin air and have me holding my stomach from laughter. I want to say that I laugh a whole lot than I should is because I have such a visual imagination that allows to surpass the intentions of the joke. Yet, I still enjoy his jokes even if some people may not understand his humor the way I do, I don't mind being the one laughing the hardest among the crowd even if my dad needs to explain himself sometimes. 
2. My best friend's stories - Hands down my best friend is one of the best storytellers, her choice of words and actions that she takes to explain her experiences actually makes you feel like you're there with her cringing alongside, laughing, or being embarrassed all depending on the central emotion these stories are based on. Also the most sarcastic and punniest person, the fact that I can distinguish when she is being sincere or serious I could tell which expressions she used. I feel like I know her so well to that I can guess what happens in her stories before she tells me which again activates that vivid imagination of mine.
3. Watching Wipe Out with commentary - I already know what you are going to say, that laughing at people's pain is not a laughing matter but this rule does not apply when you are watching Wipe Out. Just the fact that people sign themselves up to do these stupendous obstacle courses, you pretty much gave the viewers the right to laugh. Many nights on the i-Pad I would just watch it with my dad and laugh to the point where my mom on the other side of the room have told us to be quiet. No apologies there. 
4. My twin a month apart - Alright so I have this close friend who's birthday is June 5th and mine is July 5th so I consider us to be a month apart twins. Well I have met her my freshman year of high school through my best friend, and I felt like something clicked between us. Just one of those friendships that you can instantly trust and share personal information with because you already know they can handle it. My friend has been one of the most hilarious people I have met, her stories, her reactions, her phrases, just as a whole person she is brilliant and I am really glad to have been introduced to her. Now as high school graduates we are still friends sharing laughter and stories when we can. 

Honestly I am constantly laughing, whether my laughing is legitimate or I am nervous and decide to laugh away the distress, I am simply a giggly person. I laugh at the smallest things that people may overlook at and perhaps give me odd looks for laughing at air. Sometimes I laugh at my mom when she misinterprets my question and says something completely off topic. Or when people swear in front of me and think that I haven't heard such colorful words before. I laugh when people mistaken me for a little girl and hand me goodie bags because the joke is on them! Maybe I take some things lightly but I prefer to laugh than to hold back things that are bothering me. Laughing is the cheapest medicine, the best therapy to sadness, and a great exercise for those lungs and abdominal. 

What makes you laugh?

xx Chavelita

Day 27: Near death experience

Not too long ago in my 'Thirty facts about me' blogpost I had mentioned that I was allergic to walnuts and pecans, two nuts at the time that I didn't know that were related and would give me the same allergic reaction.

One day one of my closest friends had invited me over to make a cake, I do not recall at the moment what was the cake for but as we were baking this cake everything was going well. Mixing in the contents according to the instructions on the box and preheating the oven to avoid having to wait another ten minutes to heat up. Well my friend she has the characteristics of a wonderful hostess who likes to over her guests food and beverages. On the kitchen counter laid a bag of whole nuts that I was not completely familiar with and she offered some to try.  My friend told me that they were "Mexican nuts" so I thought, why not give these "Mexican nuts" a try. That should have been a red flag to begin with but nope that didn't stop me from risking my life. So I didn't just have one whole nut but I had two and to this day I keep asking myself why did I eat two when eating the first one I was already feeling uneasy? I am not sure if many of you have experienced an allergic reaction but before any physical changes begin to happen a strong pang of fear overcomes your body at the fact that you did eat something you were allergic too and you're not sure what will outcome be. Normally when I eat walnuts, I would only get puffy, itchy lips and a really irritated tongue no irritated skin or break into hives none of that happened. I thought, wow how lucky was I to not go into a severe shock after eating something that can potentially take my life away. Until I realized that those "Mexican nuts" were in fact pecans, my body was already breaking into sweats and the coughing had commenced. Now not only do I have to try to keep calm so that my friend does not freak out that she had fed me something I was allergic to but she had confirmation class that day in which she asked me to watch the cake as her mom took her to church. So imagine me, house sitting as I watched a cake rise from its liquid substance to a rather puffy texture, a mobile device that was nearly out of charge, and my allergic reaction getting worse by the minute. I remember telling myself deep breaths... You live just down the street, when you get home just take a Benadryl like you normally do and everything will be dandy.

Only not everything was dandy.

So many questions I had that day. Like how did my mom not realize I was having an allergic reaction? She notices EVERYTHING! Have a small cut on your finger? She will alarmingly start interrogating you as to how and when you got that cut. Why didn't I tell my mom? Okay at least I know the answer to this one, I was afraid of what she was going to say and do to me for not using my head this one time. Also just having the idea of being rushed into the emergency room terrifies me... Could I have died during the night? Yes I could of. My skin was red, swollen and itchy something that I have never seen before in my life. Breathing was becoming a struggle but I kept reminding myself that everything will be okay and if I were to freak out, that I was going to lose. Perhaps God pitied me that night, saw how much I regretted, how much I metaphorically soiled my pants from fear, yet still had hope that the allergic reaction will pass just like the other ones did, to have given me another chance to live. The next day I got chewed out by my mom when she found out about my miraculous night, also the fact that my eyes were swollen was no help. So no matter how much I tried to keep this night a secret, everything just ended up spilling out. Lesson learned, never keep an allergic reaction to yourself. Never eat foods that are mysterious unless you have the hospital on speed dial or an EpiPen in case something happens. I have learned to have my parents or a friend try out pastries for pecans or walnuts before I try myself. Overall, if you feel suspicious to eat something, then don't eat it, it's not worth the risk. If you can prevent an allergic reaction, then avoid them! Do not follow my foot steps on this one. Learn from my mistake.

Are there any foods you are allergic to?

xx Chavelita

PS. I did eventually tell my friend about what happened that night and she did freak out. I wouldn't blame her I would of done the same thing. She apologized immensely and even scolded myself for not telling her anything. Hopefully she is not holding herself against it still. Sometimes even the man of steel needs to ask for help, so when you do not feel well please tell someone.

Day 26: Battling with shyness

Probably one of the things that I find myself struggling with the most is to be the first one to make the move. To make friends. To say hello. To sit among a group of people that I have never seen before. To just make the first contact with other people instead of waiting for the other person to do so and missing out on so many opportunities for waiting too long when I could of been making memories... If only I opened my mouth to say something. When you are younger yeah so being shy was cute but when you get older being shy becomes such a hassle to deal with. Then the thing that frustrates me the most is that people have told me to stop being shy and some may relate but being shy is just not something you can overnight grow out of. Shyness becomes a part of your personality, a part of you that no matter how much you try to wash it off, it still remains there laughing at how much effort you put to change your shyness to be left on the same page. I feel so trapped in my own shyness that in my head I am battling to say something so simple like, "do you need help?" or "what did you think about that movie?". Sometimes I win and I get warm cheeks for calling such attention to myself but I pat myself on the back later that day. Then when I don't, well then I have lost and I can't help but be hard on myself about my shyness.

I'll be starting college in the fall, and that is one of the things that I want to improve in myself. To take on more opportunities and layer by layer start to remove the shyness that consumes me. This is the time where I should not be afraid to speak or share my thoughts with other people. I would be sabotaging myself out of this college experience. I want to be that person who sees someone eating by themselves and casually sits down and introduces myself. I want to be that person who can shout, "HI MY NAME IS ISABEL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS!" in the middle of my dorm hall. I want to be known as Isabel, and not just the shy girl who keeps to herself because that is not what I want. I want to be able to meet a guy as well and not be shy to make eye contact, I do not want them to get the idea that I am not interested. I think that is what most guys I tend to fall for think and I want and need to change that because I no longer want to have to deal with the what ifs.

So yeah, I want to improve my shyness and give people that same effect I give to you guys, my readers. Where I am completely honest and upfront with you without hiding who I am. To be comfortable to speak, crack some jokes, mix some sarcasm where it's appropriate, and still feel like a person you want to go to if anything out of the blue comes up. What I am thinking right at this moment is what I actually write on here, a more censored self, but it's still me in all glory and whatnot. I leave my book open on here so I can maximize my chances of connecting with you guys. I've always wanted to be that person who can walk around and have friends all over the place but still have my knitted group to fall back on. For those of you who are also shy and battling the same battle that I am, I really hope you start removing that layer of shyness because I know there is so much more to you that the shyness is not allowing you to demonstrate. I really cannot give you advice on how to not be shy because I believe that is not possible but you can always start by saying hello and to give one of those grand smiles. Lets not allow shyness to get in the way, okay?

Part of me is quite scared of removing the layers to new people around me but if I can do that online, then that should be more of a reason for me to do the same thing outside of cyberspace.

What is something you want to improve in yourself?

xx Chavelita

Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Day 24: Working out at the gym

Before I had started going to the gym with my mom, I didn't think I would fit in at the gym because I of my size and my lack of not knowing how to work the machines. I was still keeping this mentality that I was too young to go to the gym and that the gym was just not one of those places for me. Until one day my mom knocks on my door and invites to go to the gym with her, already dressed to head out the door which is probably what motivated to go. The motivation that my mom had in me as she was pushing me softly to go to the gym, and her being dressed and was totally motivated herself to go, made me want to go. I gave the gym a chance and now I find the days I do not go to the gym to be weird. I know that another reason of mine to go to the gym was so my dad would stop using the guilt trick of being a lazy bum and leaving my mom alone to go to the gym especially now that I have time. I ran out of excuses and so I went completely head first to the gym. Thanks dad for caring about my health. (a bit of sarcasm intended but more of a genuine thanks for pushing me to do more) Now having to go the gym for multiple times this month I have learned a lot about working out around other people...

1. No one cares what you're doing or why you're doing there because for the most part they are focused on their own goals. At the beginning of the month, I felt pretty insecure that I didn't qualify to go to the gym. I kept close to my mom and she was the one who taught me how to work these new spinning bicycles that they had and the elliptical there. I would actually only do spinning because I was in front of mom in my own little comfort zone. Yeah guys, you don't need any qualifications to attend the gym. You also do not need to know how the machines work, unless you're going to use them but there are also plenty of other things you can do to obtain a great workout without them like using dumbbells or walking. Go to the gym if you want to and push yourself to go when you don't want to because after that kicking workout you will be thanking yourself. At least I know I do and always look forward to my Nature Valley bar that I reward myself after every workout. 
2. No one cares what you are wearing. I know for the fact even to save my life that I always have this little-girl-who-looks-lost-looking-for-her-mother look wearing some bright pink pants with either a proper exercising shirt or an oversize t-shirt and my bulky Nike white and pink tennis shoes. So instead of feeling like an embarrassment walking around the gym doing my own thing I might as well rock it and show the other patrons that even the little girl can do the same workouts you are doing. 
3. When working out, it is true that you do find your true zen. I am here running on the elliptical next to my mom for the first twenty or so minutes of my workout. The meter that measures my heart beat picks up pace as I progress into my first mile. 130. 145. 160. 180. The trickle of sweat sliding off the bridge of nose underneath my glasses because I do not like to wear my contacts as I workout, my breath in rhythm with my heart and it's just me running. Running off the calories. The stress. My anxiety. Leaving me literally breathless in the end with my muscles having seizures of their own. Afterward I walk on the indoor track to catch my breath and cool down. After I walk a couple of laps around, I prepare myself for my second part of the workout, which are the actual exercises. 
4. The day after soreness. Will be the enemy of your next workout because you will not want to move just to avoid the pain. At times I do let the soreness get the best of me where I retreat to watch Netflix or YouTube videos in bed. Well use that pain as your pillars to keep wanting to workout, when you feel soreness, you are feeling progress, and with progress then you get results. Not all who workout shoot for losing weight, a grand majority but not all. I have come across a lot of well fit individuals at the gym which I have had a pleasure to see because it does give me hope that someday I can have a body like there's if I strive for it. I want to be strong and not look like I am frail. I feel like many forget and the way society perceives this is that skinny people are not all fit and healthy, we also could have the potential of being out of shape. I want to gain a bit of backbone and get respect is what I am shooting for. 
5. When you take a friend to workout with you, chances are you more likely to compete. Even without a friend though you find yourself competing to do better than the day before. Pushing yourself is great because you do need it to encourage yourself to continue your set workout and or exercises. Only thing I am asking is that you are aware of your limits and that you do not cross them because you do also want to have a safe workout without any injured muscles or bones. Whenever I workout with my friend, I feel like she pushes herself more because she knows that I am watching and I do the same so I feel like it's nice to have that mutual support especially when you are starting to workout. We both try to be better with one another that we end up beating our own set goals. I know having my mom around whenever I go to the gym with her has brought lots of courage and perseverance in me. 
6. Plan out ahead what you want to accomplish and do in the gym. Think of a routine, and stick to it. Even if it's the littlest thing like go on the spinning bicycle for thirty minutes or dance Zumba for an hour. Have that game plan to refer back to so you have something to keep your progress in check. I have this bad habit of not counting how many sets of pushups I do or how many lunges I do, but if you keep count of what you do, the easier the workouts will be. Not only do you have something to do and look forward to, but you know what changes are needed to make when you start to feel like you are not getting the same results like before. 

Which workouts do you enjoy doing?

xx Chavelita

Day 23: Weird thoughts...

For the most part if you have had the chance to get to know me personally, you may all have realized that I do not talk much. Sometimes people have to ask me my opinion on a certain matter or ask me questions to get me to share my thoughts which does not annoy me at all. Then for the most part I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words that I either forget to talk about it or I purposefully don't say them. Here I'll try to give you some insider as to what my thoughts consist of. Hopefully you all don't think I have lost my marbles or anything, I just find these thoughts to make absolute sense to me.

I have this logic that I have always been in this deep slumber apart from where I am now. While I am sleeping, that is when I am living this life right now. I am in the woods, in this red cabin, lying on a stiff bed while people are waiting for me to wake up to hear what I have experienced in my sleep. So I guess you can say that I do not believe in death? Just story teller after story teller.  (No I do not believe in reincarnation) 

I've been mesmerized a lot when I was younger that I had my own control. How I can move my hands, my fingers, my legs, toes, think without having no one tell me what I should think about, and just be sincerely happy that I was able to live this life. 

I swear like a sailor in my head and I am not sorry. 

When doomsday was supposed to have a couple of years ago I actually calculated how old I would be and wonder if I would have lived a fulfilled life by then. I also thought that Jesus was actually going to come down from the heavens during this horrible storm I had imagined while I was on the school bus, grab me by the arm, and run to safety with me. 

I was never curious where babies come from when I was younger, I had a lot more things to think about apparently. Eventually I was told casually where they came from and I do not remember being mentally scarred because I found the information to make sense. 

I have always been a shy, quiet girl that growing up I just began to talk to myself. Connecting with myself on a whole different level. Not out loud, of course not! (Only when I scold myself...) For the most part I have been the perfect friend for myself who understands me for who I am without having to explain myself why I behave and react the way I do now. 

Sitting down at the commissary (the supermarket on base) I was probably around the age of eight or nine and I thought, man God has made into this human where I get to accomplish whatever it is that I set my mind to... Then I thought of how I had this power, going back again with being given this life to help people because if they are struggling, then I should at least give it a shot just like Jesus did. (Promise me, I am not trying to convert anybody. You be you, and I will appreciate for the person you sincerely are.)

What weird thoughts do you have?

xx Chavelita

Day 22: Daydream

Daydreaming is what she did best

She sits on her throne with her dainty hand on her cheek wondering “when I will be the queen of my mind?”

She glances at her hands like if she were to hold the power that distinguished her from the rest

To see how much longer she has to handle until the day that everything gets aligned 

Day by day she walks with her eyes looking straight ahead to avoid the trouble around her

Snickers, laughters, whispers crashed against the halls like waves on the bay

Sometimes wishing that someone were to tap her shoulder and give her a stir

To tell her something cliché 

Such as she should look up more and show off her beautiful eyes 

That holds the secrets that words cannot describe 

Or to move aside 

At least a touch is what the doctor prescribed

No one said that this life would be what we think 

One day we find ourselves with the confidence to strive for more

Other days we feel like a ship about to sink

Not a single moment is silent air; even creaks come from the floor 

The spring time came 

With a swift of warm blossom breeze to remind those to be at ease

Because nature, as always, is open to advice for those who aim

For a new a chance to start over to all its attendees 

A step is all that takes to create a rumble

For even a queen needs time to spend 

To learn from all her stumbles 

In order to rule her kingdom that she has befriend 

A daydream or two should not hurt

The imagination as real as it may seem it is still there

To remind her that even through the driest desert

An oasis could be found in the hot air

xx Chavelita

Day 21: Advice to my future children

Although I am only eighteen and have many many more years to learn about myself and the world around me, I feel like I have some leverage from all the learning I had done through the challenges that were tossed in my direction. Not all opportunities or situations come as easy as a slow pitch to hit out of the park even though some of us do wish that we had our questions answered in an instant. And those who do opportunities and situations that are easy to handle, we feel like those aren't worth much of a value but here I am to tell you is that every lesson that was learned through our experiences are worth value. When we sit there, sometimes in the midst of the night alone or we stand there idle in our morning showers, our minds are working up a storm to figure out a solution to a problem that is either there or not. Bubbles and lines crossing, with an infinite number of solutions, when we want one answer we come up with multiple possibilities that just drives us up the wall. I know we have a solution but then we start to wonder if its appropriate enough to fit the current situation and we begin to overthink which does not lead us anywhere. I think people should just trust in what they got and see where that may lead them. Which starts to my first lesson for my future child...

Do not follow the crowd. At first people may think that because they are following the crowd that they are doing something right, which may not always be the case. I have given the crowd a chance and all the times that I did, I was farther and farther away from the person I wanted to be known as. I nearly forgot myself while transforming into someone I wasn't. I would think that there was something wrong with me because I found such difficulty to connect with other individuals among my age group. Yet I continued walking by myself, allowing enough contact to keep myself in check but for the majority of the time I spent my time figuring things out without any outside influences. So kids, when you feel like you do not fit in with rest of the group and you find yourself spending alone time apart from everyone else or observing your surroundings, remember that usually the amazing people among the crowd do not call attention towards to themselves by showing off but because you have a natural glow, those who have their eyes open will definitely see you and change your life. Follow your own path for now, find out more about yourself and with time people will cross paths with you. Just a heads up though, some will walk alongside of you and others will simply cross without acknowledging you.

Be careful who you trust. I have found myself in many predicaments especially when I tell friends personal information that end up not being my friend for long. Then I think, well great there goes all my deep information along with the many insecurities and thoughts that I should of just kept to myself in the first place. Even though at times I forget what personal information I have shared with some people, having that information wondering around on someone else's lips makes me want to curl into a makeshift shell. I don't want to say that I was careless but more so that I outweigh a lot of people's good qualities over their bad qualities, so lets hypothetically say that everyone knows that one person who is known to be worst person to man and I would still find something good about them. I would still give them a chance despite all the commentary I have been told in private. I just want my kids to be able to open their minds to see the rounded values that make up any person that they decide to meet, not be timid, afraid or embarrassed to be themselves and share their stories. To be able to interact with their peers and know the difference between an average friend and the values that make up a better friend. So that they can limit the chances of disappointment they are going to encounter in life. Just know that mommy will always have ears to listen, arms to give out those needed hugs, eyes to give my undivided attention, a voice to comfort when my kids feel overwhelmed, and a sense of humor to make you laugh even if they may end up laughing at me for something silly. I will be here every step of the way.

Sweet words are easier to swallow, if needed to. There was always this saying that my dad would tell me, "diga dulce palabras por se caso si los tienes que tragarlas", which in English it means to "say sweet words in case you have to swallow them". We have all come to a close point in our lives or even crossed that point in ours lives when we're absolutely furious with someone and say rather harsh things in spite of the moment. Yeah for those few minutes we spill emotions out like if someone were to open the faucet at full blast. Until we calm down and realize that the situation could of been handled in a different manner. Regret begins to develop and we feel this embarrassment rising in our faces and soon the tiny sweat droplets form that is why it's better to say sweet words. I agree that people should know what position they are in whether it is in a relationship, friendship, or among family and have the chance to speak about what is on their minds but at times we may forget that words are a powerful tool and should be used carefully. This advice also goes when speaking to or about other people. Spreading rumors and then having the victim find out where the source of that gossip is coming from already does not paint a pretty picture. In a situation like the words become difficult to swallow or take back so that is why is just best to not spread false information about others. When spreading compliments, the sweet words, the person could either thank you or not acknowledge your words the same if you are complimenting yourself you could either accept the sweet words or trash them. At least swallowing sweet words are a bit easier than swallowing the bitter ones. I want my kids to be able to choose their words wisely and watch what they say to others, because even words could have the effect to change a person.

What advice would you tell your children or what advice do you already tell your children?

xx Chavelita

P.S. I am not pregnant. The kids mentioned are hypothetical.

Day 20: Celebrity crushes

I probably didn't start having celebrity crushes until I was like fifteen or sixteen, and even then I would just admire how successful some of those celebrities turned out to be. Sometimes I thought that I was not a normal teenager for not having strong a liking to people who I did not know personally so whenever my friends would talk about their celebrity crushes I was kind of like the late bloomer who sat in the sidelines that just gave the thumbs up of approval. Until I got a bit older and started to realize that I wasn't developing celebrity crushes because I just haven't met the right celebrities to simply jaw drop in their direction. So here are some celebrity crushes that I have developed throughout my time of discover.

Anne Hathaway - She has pretty much been my role model growing up, appearing in movies that I have seen at a young age. Not much gossip I have heard about her and every time I see her on the Ellen Degeneres Show makes me really proud to see her in total confidence and wrapped in success but still be a genuine person inside. I don't find many celebrities that are free willingly to thank everyone for being in the position she is and not be power hungry.

Prince Royce - My first ever man crush! This is a moment where I don't know if I loved his music first before him or vice versa. When I saw him on the Voice Kids, I would go so jealous that the kids who auditioned and were selected was able to have some one on one time with Prince Royce... I wish I had some one on one time with him... And I will keep waiting for that one on one time!

Taylor Kitsch - I like to think a very lovely teacher of mine for introducing me to Friday Night Lights and for allowing me to get to know the fine cast of this show. Kitsch plays the role of Tim Riggins who was a popular jock in the show. He was the running back in the Dillon Panthers football team. Even with a short close haircut Kitsch looks mighty fine... But of course, I prefer his long hair, makes him look like a more charming gentleman.

Zach Gilford - Another actor from Friday Night Lights, he plays the role of Matt Saracen the quarterback of the Dillon Panthers football team. With each episode that I watched I grew more in love with his character which made me adore him as a person. Even though he may be seen as just a replacement in the show, I would say that he was the main reason why I was watching Friday Night Lights.

Emmy Rossum - Lastly, Emmy Rossum in which I met her in the movie You're Not You which just had me in a ball of emotions. Such a lovely movie and I want to say it was because of the amazing cast that was chosen to fit the roles of the characters. Playing the role of Bec, I thought her acting was spot on. Vulgar tougher shell with a soft center, her character Bec went through a massive transformation in the movie and all in a well transition. Nothing was cheesy between her relationship with Kate (Hilary Swank) and at that last scene I just lost myself. Brilliant movie, and actress. I also couldn't stop thinking about how pretty she was even though most of her outfits were laidback, she did rock them.







What are your celebrity crushes?

xx Chavelita

Day 19: My first love... so far.

Where exactly do I begin? Falling in love just happens without you or the other person realizing, at least I remember I got to the point where I looked forward to the end of the day just to see him because we had our last class period together. When I wouldn't see him I would get a bit sad and I think that is when I realized that this wasn't just some regular friendship that I have had with other people I met. Anytime when we were together I was gasping for air from the many hilarious stories and puns that he would share with me, I had never met someone like him to be honest. We shared so many insiders, we shared personal never to be told stories, I even recall when we were doing an assignment outside of class. He decided, why not pull out my I-Pod touch and take multiple pictures of Isabel like some crazy paparazzi and chase her around the lobby? (I actually wonder if he still has those pictures...) I have met him when I was around fifteen and he was eighteen, and yeah I did feel weird that he is just a few days younger than my second oldest brother but when you're seeing life through rose glass lenses that doesn't really come into the picture. When you're up in the clouds, who would want to come down to face a harsh reality?

On the first day of school, I remember our teacher told us to walk around the classroom and whenever she told us to stop we had to high five someone that was nearby or speak to the closest person. It wasn't until the second or third round that I got to him. He always wore polo shirts for the most part, with long pants, and his white sneakers. That day he was wearing a orange polo with stripes, some good worn jeans, and his white sneakers. Now what he told me on that first day I do not remember only that I was laughing and replying back with something sarcastic. Total respect came from when he followed my sarcastic comment with another sarcastic comment and we both ended up just laughing. I also can't forget that handshake and that same old smile. The handshake so proper because he didn't enjoy slapping hands like some cool kid from down the block.

He was the sweetest guy that I have ever met... One night when I was sleeping he had left me a seven text messaged long message confessing this love he had for me and I freaked out. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, no one has ever taken the time to actually confess their feelings about me and for once I was also feeling the same way but there was just a part of me that was just not ready yet for a relationship. Perhaps I replied incorrectly to his message but sometimes I wonder where we could of been if I were to say yes,,, He was also the first one to ask me to homecoming because I had told him that no one has ever proposed to take me as a date to any dance, though something came up and we both didn't go to homecoming but I will forever treasure the fact that he asked me and my stomach was so knotted up in emotions. In fact he was also my first valentine... I remember on that Valentine's Day I was not expecting anything just like any other Valentine's Day but when I was in Spanish class there was a knock on the door and my classmate got the door. Then the delivery guy who was passing out Crush can sodas with chocolate kisses on top said my name and the whole class did the embarrassing ooo's and aaah's as the delivery guy gave me my Crush soda, I couldn't help but blush. But that was just the beginning as he said in the message I had sent him to thank him for the soda, when I was on my way to history class he purposely stepped on my shoe and I was ready to tell someone off until I realized that it was him carrying a stuffed tiger. Then told me Happy Valentine's Day again in person. I still have the tiger sitting among my army of Hello Kitty's on my bench.

My God was I so lucky to experience what it felt like to feel wanted and be needed in someone else's life in a romantic manner. Is it silly to say that after a year of knowing him I was thinking what were the odds if we had a future together?  For more than half of the year I met him, he was facing some complications at home that he wasn't going to school anymore but by then we had already exchanged numbers and we were messaging nonstop like chattery chimps. He went through some tough times and in a way I felt like I was sharing his hardships too. I want to think that he told me the major parts that was going on but I do not blame him if he decided to keep some of the information to himself. Near the end of the year he came back only he no longer had the same schedule so we no longer had a class together. Which brought me back to the same position I was in during the school year. I have a sad feeling that was when we were drifting apart and as much as I didn't want that to happen there was nothing that I could do to stop life from happening.

At the start of my junior year I actually bought him a whole pack of Sharpies for his birthday because he had told me that since his father had thrown away his Sharpies, he could no longer do his art in his notebook especially the many koi fishes that he enjoyed drawing. A little later in fall break I was already feeling like something was wrong between us because he started to keep certain things away from me. Which is something that was far off his character, it was not until I found out through Facebook that he was dating someone... When did he meet her? I don't know. How did this happen? I don't know, I thought I was the only girl he was talking to because he was the only guy I was talking to. What did he tell me after I found out? That he was too scared to find out how I would react and did not want to see me get hurt. What a knee slapper, huh?

And that is how my first love came to an end. Not even dating and I was as heartbroken as if we were dating. But either way I have learned a lot about myself during this experience, and a lot about how guys are. Things could be perfect. Life could be spent pinching away your skin to make sure you are awake rather than dreaming for certain things to happen. And as easy as that things could turn out to be they take unexpected turns. Yet what is meant to be will be meant to be and what isn't, will not. Pick yourself up, shrug off the dirt, and try again.Take your time to mend your broken heart but do not forget that there is still a lot more to experience and a lot more people out there to be given a chance.

How was your first love?

xx Chavelita

Day 18: Thirty facts about me

Since my introduction, I haven't posted another random facts about me kind of blogpost. Now that I may have more readers, I find it a great idea to retouch and add some new facts about me that just been sitting in the back of my mind. Usually when people do not ask me specific questions about my past, then I will not think or talk about it. Not that I do not want people to know but they are just stored so tightly in my mind that the information does not release as easily as other moments or memories... So here are thirty facts about me!

1. I was born on midnight of July fourth, which on my birth certificate it says 00:01 of July fifth, but secretly I like to think I was born on both days
2. One of my doctors had told me I had an extra rib, so whether that is still a mystery or a fact I still like to think I have an extra rib to explain the cause of my scoliosis other than my turtle slow growing rate
3. I learned Spanish when I was four years old in Puerto Rico with my extended family (I am Puerto Rican fyi), so even though I may or may not have an accent speaking Spanish or English, just know I am bilingual and yes I understand both languages fluently
4. When I was in eighth grade I used to be a reporter for the school's media program and I actually met veterans who fought during Pearl Harbor, I still remember them saying to put our phones on 'shake' instead of saying vibrate aha
5. Maybe I should explain that I have lived in Hawaii for three years (6th to 8th grade) so that is how I met veterans from Pearl Harbor (before anyone else asks I lived in a legitimate house, not some hut come on now this is twenty first century...)
6. I used to be a alter server, a dedicated one too because there was one point where I thought I was too young to be one that I actually started crying when they wouldn't let me one week until the following week I was given the chance to serve. Ever since I lived in Hawaii I would serve at church whenever my name was on the schedule
7. I am allergic to pecans and walnuts (all other nuts I am fine with) I also had a near death experience when I blindly had pecans at a friend's house and started to have a serious allergic reaction which consisted of irritated skin that was swollen, big lips, itchy throat, and in the morning I woke up with swollen eyes. Lesson learned guys, do not think you can fight an allergic reaction alone in the middle of the night, please go to the hospital... 
8. Following the allergic reactions trend, I am also allergic to ant bites so wherever I am bit by an ant, whether it is on my foot or my arm, I will swell up.
9. I haven't reached five feet in height so I am constantly being mistaken for a fifteen year old or younger so I have a memory slot just dedicated to the many reactions of people when I tell them my real age
10. I still do not know how to drive
11. I went to nine different public schools until the time I graduated from high school
12. I visited Mauna Kea on the Big Island (yes there is a cluster of islands that consider to be Hawaii is not just Oahu) which is a dormant volcano in Hawaii, we were so high that instead of looking up to see the clouds, we had to look down and boy was I freezing! 
13. In sixth grade I was given the opportunity to give the class speech but since I couldn't say the word 'cherish' at the time my speech was given to another girl... 
14. In Hawaii my designated hospital was Tripler which is known to be a big pink hospital because I heard that apparently the person who was in charge of ordering paint or the person who delivered the paint was given the wrong color and well one day I had asked my dad which was probably days after I saw the reenactment of Pearl Harbor on DVD that if the halls were in fact filled with patients in beds. Well there was a man who was walking on the opposite side of the hall walking in our direction crossing and I am not sure if my dad asked him my question or if he overheard but he did confirm that actually happened. So I felt like I was walking through a piece of history every time I had my appointments in Tripler. 
15. Last year I saw bio-luminescent fish with my extended family for the first time in Puerto Rico. There was a boat ride to get to their habitat but whenever you would touch the water the fish would lit up in a way that they were like water dragonflies, I thought I was living in a fairy tale for a moment. 
16. I learned how to ride a bicycle in little as five minutes with my dad because I was tired of being the only sixth grader who for the most part was the only one who didn't know how. I tried teaching myself at first in the grass, but my dad saw me struggling and decided to help me out by teaching me on the pavement in front of the house.
17.  I only have fallen in love once but never had a relationship with anybody 
18. When I was about eight or nine I used to sing in the church choir along with my brothers and a few other people (I need to find out where the rest of that confidence went to continue singing in public)
19. For as long as I can remember, I am afraid of needles. No matter how much I try to prepare myself or calm myself before any vaccinations or blood work, my heart is still racing and my blood pressure would be at its peak. The tears never fail either. 
20. I'm good at math, but when I'm adding simple numbers I still use my fingers to count just to make sure I counted correctly in my head the first time
21. When I was little I would cut the hair of my Barbies thinking that their hair will grow back just like mine
22. Growing up I wasn't really into the Disney princesses but I know for a fact that I was obsessed with Tinkerbell and I still think that she's pretty cool. 
23. I always found myself being around people older than me unless I was in school then yeah I befriended people around my age, but outside of school I found friendships with older people to be easier and more interesting. People would tell me that I was mature and wise for my age but I didn't believe them because I thought my thoughts were as normal as everybody else's. 
24. I still avoid people I am familiar with in public areas
25. If you do not know by now, I am a big reggaeton (Spanish rap) kind of gal. I listen to it so often that I get upset at myself for knowing most of the songs I hear on the radio or anywhere that is playing and get really excited and obsessive when I hear new reggaeton music. 
26. In kindergarten, I would actually give my teacher roses because in front of the house I used to live, we had rosebushes that would naturally grow. 
27. I still laugh the same today as I used to when was ten or maybe even younger.
28. I am not afraid of bugs (I once crushed a cockroach with my hand because I couldn't find anything else to kill it with), but I cannot stand seeing dead animals...
29. I had a grandfather from my dad's side who owned a tiny neighborhood convenience shop and it is still running by my uncle, I actually saw it the last time I went to Puerto Rico and has the same original sign
30. I actually didn't mind whenever I matched outfits with my mom when I was little, also I didn't understand what was so embarrassing about looking similar. My mom seemed to love doing it, so why not let her? For the most part I am not embarrassed to have my parents around I actually find myself laughing more with them around. At a young age I was taught to just be myself and so I did. I really didn't understand why some things were the way they were supposed to so I didn't pay attention to them growing up maybe that's why I am not afraid to embarrass myself in front of people because either way I would be laughing along. 

What are some interesting facts about yourself?

xx Chavelita

Day 17: So what about the stars?

As all of you may know about zodiac signs and how if you're in the right position of the stars and the planets and almost about every little thing that moves outside of our planet that we are meant to be have a really good day... For starters lets see what my zodiac sign, Cancer, says about me and the rest of those who fall into the same birthday range based on a few websites... To keep things brief I am only taking a few sentences from the description but I will leave the website for those who want to read in further detail.

1. "Cancerians love home-life, family and domestic settings...The moon is their ruler, so they can be a bit of a contradiction and sometimes moody. However, they are conservative, so they'll be apt to hide their moods from others altogether...Cancerians make loyal, sympathetic friends. "  Website No.1
2. "Cancer have an offbeat sense of humor, often finding something humorous that others don’t. They are extremely good listeners and have a heart for the problems of others...When a Cancer becomes your friend you can be sure that they are truly your friend and will not consider using someone to their own benefit. Cancer tend to be dependable and reliable...This sign can be moody, clingy, and often become incredibly insecure if they feel that they are about to lose the friendship or love of someone close to them." Website No.2
3. "Strengths: Compassionate, thoughtful, defensive, steadfast Weaknesses: Controlling, unable to let go of the past, lack confidence, have a bad magpie habit"Charismatic marks: Average build, round face, busty (women)" Website No.3
4. "Nurturing and protective, Cancer loves to take care of people and make everyone feel at home...Sensitive Cancer can take things personally, overreact and get upset at the drop of a hat. Mood swings are no fun to be around!" Website No.4
5. "Cancer Strength Keywords: - Loyalty - Dependable - Caring - Adaptable - ResponsiveCancer Weakness Keywords:- Moody - Clingy - Self-pitying - Oversensitive - Self-absorbed" Website No.5

Now I am not sure how accurate these websites are at evaluating people depending on the day they were born but I just cannot fathom an explanation of believing in something that I cannot comprehend. I do believe that in order to get to know someone is to actually physically give them a chance to prove themselves who they are to you. Now if you believe in your zodiac sign and the horoscopes that come along with the sign, then that is great. I believe that everyone has the free will and the right to believe in something and to have something to look up or to look forward to. Though I am certain that horoscopes are not meant for me and for me it does not define me for the person I am. Only I can define myself along with what I have learned from my experiences and from the people who have grown to know me. 

Do not get me wrong I know that my flaws could include being shy and reserved to new people and experiences, being hard on myself for not being able to explain my emotions or express my emotions to others, and jumping into conclusions but I knew these qualities before I was explained what were zodiac signs. I believe the one who noticed the most about my flaws was my mom because before I was able to gain a sense of memory she told me that I would cry if I wasn't near her. That if new people wanted to hold me she either had to be near me or I would just cry. I didn't handle new situations well and a part of me couldn't decided what I wanted. That was all before I could speak, now imagine me speaking and that just stirs up a whole another chaos within. So why would I let zodiac signs depict who I am and who I should be, when I know who I am and still figuring out what I should be? I'm pretty sure I could figure out myself more for observing my actions rather than looking up in the sky waiting for the stars to wink at me. 

What is your zodiac sign, and do you believe in it?

xx Chavelita 

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 15: The wildest day

Well the challenge today was to bullet point my day from start to finish, but between you and me I did nothing but lay in bed and wishing for my headache or migraine of whatever it was that was bothering inside my head to go away. Yet I will still bullet point my day and we will both see how much of a productive person I can be.

• I woke up around 9:45 in the morning to the sound of my mom knocking on my door to announce that she had made oatmeal to accomdate the four week diet she has been partaking in
• I got up, took out my retainer (gotta keep those teeth in place don't want those four years of braces to just go down the pipes) and I brushed my teeth. Not sure if I'm the only one who does this about after I brush my teeth I like to give myself a big open smile half reason to see if I brushed properly and other half to make me laugh because let's face it (pun intended) making faces in the mirror is pretty hilarious 
• I had my oatmeal with my mom that I'm surprised to say that I finished the whole serving because normally half way through I'm tapping out 
• My mom left to go to the gym, I stayed at home this time because I wasn't feeling my charming best to be running on the elliptical so I decided to stay and watch a few subscribed YouTube videos specifically The Saccone-Jolys that post their daily vlogs at six GMT which is around eleven over here 
• I had a lie down day in bed and watched Goodbye Life, Hello Sister and was able to guess the typical plot of the movie without watching it so I found to he unimpressed. Which is quite upsetting because I'm finding it harder to watch original plotted movies that have unexpected twists and drops maybe I'm just not looking in the right place... 
• I had flatbread for the first time during lunch time with my mom and I was not disappointed! 
• Then of course I watched One Day again and got easily excited to find out that July 15th was the day that both characters would meet each other to catch up on their lives and well you look at that today it's also July 15th! (That was probably the highlight of my day to be honest...)
• Near 3:30 I gave my mom company as she drove to the local university to go pick up my brother and take him to his referee job 
• For dinner I had teriyaki chicken with asparagus and carrots. I had asparagus for the second time only this time I was actually able to taste the flavor of asparagus and well it kind of tasted like lettuce to me which I'm not complaining. Asparagus tastes good and it also looks like such a fancy veggie. 
• I went for another lie down in bed to finish One Day and still felt the same emotions like the first time I watched it even though I already knew what to expect and I even prepared myself but we all know that doesn't work. 
• Now after eating some creamy peach yogurt, helping my mom put the cover on top of our new swimming pool, I am now watching HGTV shows on Netflix with my mom. 

Yeah my day is as typical as it gets when I don't have any plans and I fall off the radar for a bit. Though I don't mind relaxing days but yeah it does get tiring to lounge around the house throughout the week so hopefully I feel better tomorrow and that I have some sort of plans to take my mind off my random panics of starting college. 

What was the highlight of your day?

xx Chavelita 

Day 14: Movies

Now coming into realization most of the films that I have picked are musicals... Ever since I was little I was always inspired by these musicals in some way. it was just something that brought comfort, inspiration, and happiness that a lot of things could be made possible if we were to strive for them. At least that was the concept that I received when watching these films. Of course the movies may have fictional plots that may not be likely to happen, but my young mind did not take that in consideration which is why if I were to ever have a bad day or want some alone time from everyone else I know that I can watch back these movies and for a moment relive my childhood.

Annie (1982) - I remember the first time I watched this movie I was probably in third grade and my teacher would not see the ending because well she thought it was not really kid friendly. Yet that only brought more curiosity into my system which made me want to watch the movie even more. Overall, out of all the times I have watched this movie it never gets old to sing along with Annie, to root her on when she beats up the boys in the beginning of the movie, and to still get anxiety when her horrible caregiver plans to be her parents to win the cash price. I am not apologizing for the spoilers, you guys should have already seen this classic!

 Fame (2009) - Before I get any lip, yes I have seen the first Fame that came out in the year 1980, but this remake had stuck with me more. I felt more movement with this movie and the soundtrack I want to say is blimming amazing... I have always envied Naturi Naughton (the girl who plays Denise in the movie) she has such a strong pair of lungs, I wish I had a voice like hers. Also Kay Panabaker (she plays Jenny in the movie) who also started off a shy girl in the movie with Denise, they both ended up pretty successful and well Jenny ended up with the gorgeous guy Marco (Asher Monroe) who also has a beautiful voice. You know what, this movie just gives me hope in general, lets leave it at that!

 Flashdance (1983) - "She's a maniac, maniac on the floor! And she's dancin' like she's never danced before!" Jennifer Beals is one gorgeous woman who plays the character Alex a day time construction worker and at night she dances at a bar. The qualities of Alex in this movie is what I look up to. A confident woman who is very passionate in dancing and will actually go out there to make her dream come true to become a professional dancer. The fact that she pulls out her bra from under her sweatshirt in front of Nick (Michael Nouri) in one of their first conversations, talk about no hoots being given in that scene! And of course her friendship with her dog.

 Hairspray (2007) - Can we all just take a moment to say how John Travolta (Edna in the movie) was able to stay in character throughout the whole movie without feeling weird during the rather intimate scenes with Wilbur (Christopher Walken) and still be one of the coolest moms? I still remember when I saw the trailer of the movie, I was instantly convinced that I had to go see this. To the point that even when I went to go see it I had this massive headache but I still kept my eyes planted on the screen. I actually have this movie on my i-Pod that shows how much love I have for this movie. This is a movie I can see multiple times and still fan-girl with Tracy (Nikki Blonsky) over Link (Zac Efron) and feel all mighty whenever Queen Latifah sang and gathered people to stop segregation or whenever she was on the screen.

 One Day (2011) - Regardless of what I have been told, this has been the top of my favorite romantic comedies. So yeah maybe Dexter (Jim Sturgess) was... rude (trying to keep it PG here) to Emma (Anne Hathaway), but there was already a part of me that knew they were meant to be together even if it took many years of reuniting on the same day to realize that. The relationship between them was very flawed which is what I loved and no where did I have the urge to cringe of how cheesy the lovey dovey parts were. This movie had kept me at the edge of my seat and I was mesmerized and a bit jealous of how Anne was able to pull off the many wigs she wore in this movie. She even had a wonderful accent... And Steve Sturgess just mmmm... Okay, I am done.

Princess Diaries (2001) - It's not because my dad calls this movie Princess Diarrea (diarrhea in Spanish) which just thinking about it made me just giggle but I actually find this movie to be witty, the right amount of girly attitude that shows that even the awkward girls can kick butt, and even though I grew up with this movie, I can still relate to this movie. When I was younger I was actually embarrassed for liking this movie because it was just one of those Disney movies made for little girls which okay I was a little girl the first time I saw it. Can we just say I had too much pride at the time? Now I don't really care what people think about me liking this movie. Well anyway, Mia (Anne Hathaway) tries to find where she fits in on top of finding out that her grandmother Clarisse (Julie Andrews) is the queen of Genovia which makes her the princess of Genovia. Just give me some popcorn and I will be content to rewatch this movie.

The Heat (2013) - Not sure which character I loved more, Detective Shannon (Melissa McCarthy) or Special Agent Sarah (Sandra Bullock) because both characters shared the spotlight. None of them shadowed one another and who ever had the idea of putting these two actresses together I just want to give you a high five. This movie forever had me laughing and yeah there was deep moments but they were good deep moments. I really enjoyed the balance of this movie and how much the characters of this movie developed with one another. I wouldn't mind watching this movie again, I probably end up laughing hysterically like the first time because there is never too much of Melissa McCarthy.

Identity Thief (2013) - Yeah you guessed it, I just can't have enough of my all time favorite actress Melissa McCarthy, I believe this was the first movie that introduced me into Melissa McCarthy which I will forever thank the movie producers for giving me the opportunity to meet this hilarious, weird, charismatic lady. I still remember the part where Diana (Melissa McCarthy) was riding in the car with Sandy (Jason Bateman) on the way to turn Diana in for stealing his identity and while she attempts to make a run from it, Diana within the first five seconds is already out of breath. Only thing Sandy had to do was walk a few steps and he had caught up with Diana. There is plenty of other hilarious moments but I'll save the blabber for another day.



What are some of your favorite movies?

xx Chavelita