Day 25: Research Interviews

To be a research assistant was never on my to-do list nor did I know that being a research assistant was a thing until I had received an email from my psychology adviser that there was positions open. My initial reason to become a research assistant was to step out of my comfort zone. I knew I wanted college to be different than how I spent my years in high school and I wanted to make sure that in college I was getting the best experience possible as an undergraduate. So when I sat down with the application open to apply for my first research assistant position, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and yeah I was stressing out as I would normally but from the back of my mind I knew if I did not follow through this opportunity I was going to be regretting and wondering what would of happened if I only submitted my application. I also never thought about how I would feel if my application got rejected so I came in with such high hopes for a new beginning. A few days passed since I had submitted my application and one of the graduate students emails me back an email introducing himself to me and how my application stood out especially for that fact that I was a freshman without even stepping into college yet. A part of myself was making sure that this was actually happening and the other half was kind of anxious and curious about what would happen next. Within the first few weeks that classes has started I scheduled my interview appointment to go meet up with the person who had given me feedback on my application. Which to this day I still find weird that I had the ability to schedule when I wanted my interview and at what time...

The psychology research labs at my university are located in the basement of the psychology building and walking downstairs for the first time to the basement was pretty creepy and unexpected. You have to open a door to get access to the stairs and even then the stairs were dimly lit, one wrong step and who knows where would I end up. There are still times where I will miss a step and nearly fall down those stairs, so knock on wood that my day does not come. In the basement of the psychology building though the lights were bright and if anything all you can hear is the hum of the furnace. The rooms down in the basement for the majority time are closed and are only open if someone were running labs or waiting for their participant to come participate in their study. Well I sat down outside of the room where my interview was going to be held at and I kind of just stalled. I knew that I was early and I felt like my anxiety was kicking in because my thoughts would be on loop. "Ok... in ten minutes I will get up and knock on the door" "Alright in five minutes..." "In a minute..." until I had to actually knock on the door, I would just think about at what time I would knock on the door. With enough time to be considered early and on time, I gave a loud knock. 

The interview process was oddly really casual. There was even laughing and side stories included like how statistics just gets more and more alphabet as the content advances. I sat down in the adjacent seat by him and we just spoke. The only technical thing that I was asked to do is to get certified as a research assistant by doing the online trainings that were found on the university's website and on the National Institute of Health website. I was expecting like a proper eye to eye, seat table seat, interview. I remember what I had worn that day, I had ironed my sleeveless white shirt with crosses and had on tight khaki jeans. And as usual with my potato sack Toms to complete the outfit. I do not remember if I had a resume on me at the time because I had just gotten out of high school so I did not know how to make a college resume if I did not have any experience to write about. Even with that, I was given the position. Except what I have come to realize that so far all of the research assistant positions that I have applied and been interviewed for, I was never told a direct answer that I was accepted as their research assistant. I had to assume that I was accepted when my interviewers started talking about how they should contact me and when they would ask about my schedule details. 

On my second interview, the interview went even more casually because I had already known my interviewer since she was the teacher (or is it teaching?) assistant to my former Statistics class and she would teach our class on Fridays in the afternoon. In the first weeks that I have started college, I was concerned about my future and I already know what you are going to tell me that I am still too young to be concern about my future but that is what anxiety does to you. Makes you worry more than you should and the only way I was going to stop worrying is if I handled my concern. I did not know my Statistics TA that well but my first impression of her was that she was funny, awkward, and friendly. I knew that that was enough for me to put my trust in her that she would help me out with my situation. I wrote a thorough email explaining about graduate school and research. Soon throughout the week that I had emailed her, she replied back with such warm words. For someone who did not know me she sure accepted me pretty quick and offered her assistance to me. Half through my first semester of college, she emails our class about how she was looking for research assistants to come help her out in her research lab. I remember her mentioning in an email or in person that she was waiting for a response for me since I have been interested in doing research. Well on the day of my interview I sit down and we talk like it was just another day. And again she starts asking for my schedule without even telling me directly that I was accepted as her new research assistant. I am starting to wonder if this is a trend that happens to interviewers and their interviewees. 

My most recent interview was before I left home for the summer, I had decided to do apply for another position only this time I was not alone. During my tutoring session for Research Methods my Supplemental Instructor mentioned to my lab mate and I that there was an opportunity for us. The opportunity he has been talking with us for a while and it was that we had the chance to create our own study. Maybe we won't run the study but we would be able to learn the process in making a study and what it takes to get one starting. Since both my lab mate and I were first year college students he saw a lot of potential which was really sweet of him to mention when he had given us both good words of acknowledgement to the professor that he was doing research under. On the last week of school I meet up with another graduate student and although I did not know my interviewer personally, I did hear about her and from what I have heard she seems like a good person to get along with. In which she was because the interview went so smoothly, it did not like feel like an interview like my previous interviews. 

Reflecting over my research interviews and how much I have gone through as the lost college student to the less lost college student, I feel super grateful for taking the chances when I could. I had stepped out of my comfort zone and I carried my anxiety on my shoulder to all of my interviews. Even though I was nervous, I put on a smile and went in with a positive outlook. If you get the interviewer to laugh with you, then you should be golden which has been my goal in all of the interviews that I have had this year. Sometimes we forget that our interviewers are just like us, with experience and a upper hand, but they are people too. I know that I have so much to learn but at least I feel comfortable knowing that I have wonderful mentors to guide and support me along the way. I am so excited about what happens next in my research labs!

Update: I am no longer a research assistant for my first interviewer but I am still continuing with my second and third research positions. I have also found a passion for research so in the end I feel like I came out like a winner and soon a paid winner. 

In what field would you like to do research in?

xx Chavelita

Day 30: Remember to open your eyes

There is always the time between eleven p.m. and one a.m. that my creative juices tend to flow out or more like my brain is just too tired to keep itself within its boundaries that my mind wanders off. Not all nights this happens but yesterday was one of those nights where I felt tired but I was not quite ready to fall asleep yet. Scrolling through social media I find a picture of my friend's drawing that instantly sparked ideas of things that I wanted to draw but I was not quite sure what yet but somehow I came up with the quote, "Remember to keep your eyes open" and started to draw the first thing that came into mind. One of the most valued features while I draw are eyes, which is why for the most part when you see any of my drawings their eyes are bigger or more centered attention than the rest of the drawing. Not because I enjoy drawing the eyes more than anything else, but eyes can be drawn in so many different ways and can shape the expression of the drawing. Big opened eyes can preview vulnerability and innocence while small eyes could express confusion or anger. Eyes allow to speak for itself and it's brilliant to say that eyes could tell so much more with just a glance.

When I was thinking about "Remember to keep your eyes open", I found it to be a reminder for myself to seek the possibilities out there and stop being afraid to take risks that may have a chance to change my life for the better. I also need to start giving other people chances who actually want to get to know me instead of being dryly sarcastic and disconnected. When I was younger, hugging and showing affection to people was like a piece of cake. I didn't think about how the other person will react, I simply went for that touch that everyone seeks and held it for as long as I could. Now that I am older, I find this action to be difficult and frustrating. I do want to hug people and show that I sincerely care, to kiss their cheek without feeling incredibly out of bounds. I do not want to miss anymore moments and instead I want to record all of these moments. Be more open to people and tone down a bit of the sarcasm, kind of settle my feet on the ground, and take in whatever it is that is going on at the moment.

You have the ability to change at any given day, at any given time. Do not feel like you have to stay the same person because people are used to the way you are. As many as people get accustomed to who you are, then it is possible for them to get used to the new you as well. So long as you changed to better yourself, then I don't find anything wrong in that. Throughout your early teenager years you're going to find yourself in loads of scenarios that test to see who you are and it's okay if you are not sure. All of these years you have to experiment as to what person you want to be, exactly. Depending on who you are brings in people that share similar qualities, so I don't find it surprising anymore when you find yourself speaking to new people and at other times speaking to a handful of people who remained by your side. Remember to open your eyes and try not to miss out on the good stuff in life. Seek out what you want to accomplish, follow your own path if you have to, look around you are not the only one trying to figure out what on Earth is going to happen next.

What was the last thing you saw that left you breathless?

xx Chavelita

Day 26: Battling with shyness

Probably one of the things that I find myself struggling with the most is to be the first one to make the move. To make friends. To say hello. To sit among a group of people that I have never seen before. To just make the first contact with other people instead of waiting for the other person to do so and missing out on so many opportunities for waiting too long when I could of been making memories... If only I opened my mouth to say something. When you are younger yeah so being shy was cute but when you get older being shy becomes such a hassle to deal with. Then the thing that frustrates me the most is that people have told me to stop being shy and some may relate but being shy is just not something you can overnight grow out of. Shyness becomes a part of your personality, a part of you that no matter how much you try to wash it off, it still remains there laughing at how much effort you put to change your shyness to be left on the same page. I feel so trapped in my own shyness that in my head I am battling to say something so simple like, "do you need help?" or "what did you think about that movie?". Sometimes I win and I get warm cheeks for calling such attention to myself but I pat myself on the back later that day. Then when I don't, well then I have lost and I can't help but be hard on myself about my shyness.

I'll be starting college in the fall, and that is one of the things that I want to improve in myself. To take on more opportunities and layer by layer start to remove the shyness that consumes me. This is the time where I should not be afraid to speak or share my thoughts with other people. I would be sabotaging myself out of this college experience. I want to be that person who sees someone eating by themselves and casually sits down and introduces myself. I want to be that person who can shout, "HI MY NAME IS ISABEL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS!" in the middle of my dorm hall. I want to be known as Isabel, and not just the shy girl who keeps to herself because that is not what I want. I want to be able to meet a guy as well and not be shy to make eye contact, I do not want them to get the idea that I am not interested. I think that is what most guys I tend to fall for think and I want and need to change that because I no longer want to have to deal with the what ifs.

So yeah, I want to improve my shyness and give people that same effect I give to you guys, my readers. Where I am completely honest and upfront with you without hiding who I am. To be comfortable to speak, crack some jokes, mix some sarcasm where it's appropriate, and still feel like a person you want to go to if anything out of the blue comes up. What I am thinking right at this moment is what I actually write on here, a more censored self, but it's still me in all glory and whatnot. I leave my book open on here so I can maximize my chances of connecting with you guys. I've always wanted to be that person who can walk around and have friends all over the place but still have my knitted group to fall back on. For those of you who are also shy and battling the same battle that I am, I really hope you start removing that layer of shyness because I know there is so much more to you that the shyness is not allowing you to demonstrate. I really cannot give you advice on how to not be shy because I believe that is not possible but you can always start by saying hello and to give one of those grand smiles. Lets not allow shyness to get in the way, okay?

Part of me is quite scared of removing the layers to new people around me but if I can do that online, then that should be more of a reason for me to do the same thing outside of cyberspace.

What is something you want to improve in yourself?

xx Chavelita