Day 26: Battling with shyness

Probably one of the things that I find myself struggling with the most is to be the first one to make the move. To make friends. To say hello. To sit among a group of people that I have never seen before. To just make the first contact with other people instead of waiting for the other person to do so and missing out on so many opportunities for waiting too long when I could of been making memories... If only I opened my mouth to say something. When you are younger yeah so being shy was cute but when you get older being shy becomes such a hassle to deal with. Then the thing that frustrates me the most is that people have told me to stop being shy and some may relate but being shy is just not something you can overnight grow out of. Shyness becomes a part of your personality, a part of you that no matter how much you try to wash it off, it still remains there laughing at how much effort you put to change your shyness to be left on the same page. I feel so trapped in my own shyness that in my head I am battling to say something so simple like, "do you need help?" or "what did you think about that movie?". Sometimes I win and I get warm cheeks for calling such attention to myself but I pat myself on the back later that day. Then when I don't, well then I have lost and I can't help but be hard on myself about my shyness.

I'll be starting college in the fall, and that is one of the things that I want to improve in myself. To take on more opportunities and layer by layer start to remove the shyness that consumes me. This is the time where I should not be afraid to speak or share my thoughts with other people. I would be sabotaging myself out of this college experience. I want to be that person who sees someone eating by themselves and casually sits down and introduces myself. I want to be that person who can shout, "HI MY NAME IS ISABEL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS!" in the middle of my dorm hall. I want to be known as Isabel, and not just the shy girl who keeps to herself because that is not what I want. I want to be able to meet a guy as well and not be shy to make eye contact, I do not want them to get the idea that I am not interested. I think that is what most guys I tend to fall for think and I want and need to change that because I no longer want to have to deal with the what ifs.

So yeah, I want to improve my shyness and give people that same effect I give to you guys, my readers. Where I am completely honest and upfront with you without hiding who I am. To be comfortable to speak, crack some jokes, mix some sarcasm where it's appropriate, and still feel like a person you want to go to if anything out of the blue comes up. What I am thinking right at this moment is what I actually write on here, a more censored self, but it's still me in all glory and whatnot. I leave my book open on here so I can maximize my chances of connecting with you guys. I've always wanted to be that person who can walk around and have friends all over the place but still have my knitted group to fall back on. For those of you who are also shy and battling the same battle that I am, I really hope you start removing that layer of shyness because I know there is so much more to you that the shyness is not allowing you to demonstrate. I really cannot give you advice on how to not be shy because I believe that is not possible but you can always start by saying hello and to give one of those grand smiles. Lets not allow shyness to get in the way, okay?

Part of me is quite scared of removing the layers to new people around me but if I can do that online, then that should be more of a reason for me to do the same thing outside of cyberspace.

What is something you want to improve in yourself?

xx Chavelita

Speaking without words

Please tell me that I am not the only one who does this, but do you get this urge that you want to talk to someone but it is like you have no words or do not know what to tell them? No matter how much you stare at the conversation dead in the eye to your device's screen or stare blankly with this weird smirk on your face like you are keeping a secret, when in reality you are mentally telling yourself to say something? Well let me tell you, does that happen to me a lot on a daily basis and forces me to question my level of sociability... As I had mentioned that speaking is not one of my forte and when I do speak it is like a spill you see of pencil shavings, it is messy and sometimes not cleanable. The sad part is that you simply want to talk to them but your mind goes blank so they may get the idea that you do not want to speak. *sigh* Well this is what I learned to overcome those stumps.

Anything you say is okay, do not overthink it. Alright so maybe all you did over the summer was watch Netflix (yeah... no shame on that one) or stay at home but that means you have had a lot of time to think about things. Come up with ideas that you wonder how other people opinionated the given topic. I have a confession to tell you, I ask questions that I already know the answer to. Though it is only because I want to see how other people would think or react. Perhaps that is a little tip of being open-minded, to include others answers with yours. It can be confusing at times but if you are as curious as I am, that would not matter.

State your question anyway! I am proud to say that I was able to carry a conversation for about a whole class period (roughly around 45 minutes)! You want to know how? I asked questions! I been the person to begin a conversation with "how are you"and that is how I fail to keep the conversation running (though saying how are you is not bad!). When you ask a open ended question though you are allowed to hear the input of your peer and then include your own as well. The beauty of that is that once when the conversation starts rolling on its own the questions become easier to create and it formulates an interesting topic to speak upon. I know mind-blowing, but I think people like it when you ask questions. Perhaps I find it as a efficient way to engage someone and not have to whip out any of your stories from the deep past. At least have your question ready that way when you find the right time to ask the right person you will not be typing and erasing your messages the whole night or not be fiddling with your pencil at your desktop.

Keep it simple. Do not force a conversation that is not going anywhere if it is dead, I think it is best to leave it alone... No one enjoys having to be poke at a dead topic with a stick so keep searching. Simplicity goes a long way, you do not have to learn anything you do not want to in order to keep a conversation with your peer. That is the wonders of people, we all have different interests and because of those is where we gain our own individual spotlight. Maybe take turns speaking about what you love or your dislikes but be considerate of your peers interests, do not forget to let them speak. I know a handful of people that has left doing all the speaking or be the one listening to everything with barely a word escaping my lips.

Just know that it is okay that you may not know what to say. If you are great friends with the person you are having a trouble communicating with, they would know that it is nothing personal. There are a range of friendships that do not speak everyday but they do care about you. Occasionally they may ask you how you are or just leave them a unadvised questions they will come back to you. Do not start jumping into conclusions, any word that is said by you is something pleasant to hear even it is the tiniest of hellos. When words do not speak, pictures can. A recording of you singing. Sending your favorite song or sharing music with your peers. Communication come in different shapes and forms.  Keep it at it and hopefully that sensation will soon blow over!

Do you know why that stubborn sensation happens?

xx Chavelita

How much are you covering?

"Who are you impressing today?"

Is like every time I do my hair I am asked that. Wearing good looking clothes? You're asked the same question. Wearing clothes out of your normal style? The question pops up once again. Wearing makeup or putting a little bit of extra accessories on? Exactly.

My answer? I do not dress to impress.

Now that answer may have different definitions.

1. I can careless as to what I wear.
2. I can careless about what people think of what I wear, it is for my self benefit and comfort.
3. Since when did I start to impress others?
4. At least I am dressed and not getting tickets for public disturbance. 

I dress the way I am to represent the person I am and sometimes the person I am likes to change things up a bit. Just as repeating that question over and over again can get tiring, repeating the same look can get tiring. A bit of change is healthy. Being in the comfort zone can get a bit stuffy and we need to get out for some fresh air filled with new ideas. To remove yourself out of the comfort zone is already difficult as it is, so why must someone make it more difficult to question our actions? Do not assume that the changes made is not the main purpose of impressing others or for a particular someone, but more to prove that you are much more than the person people may think you are. And if you are impressing someone, I am sure they will be stunned either way. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy whether it is the new suede pumps you bought, lipstick in the shade of purple, or a tight attire to emphasis your figure. Instead of people implying that you look beautiful/handsome, they should just straightly tell you (come on, why else would they ask?). I think people may ask this overused question is because they wish they could do the same thing you are doing, and that is to not be afraid of wanting to wear what they liked and bought. Just as negativity could be infectious, positive outputs could also strike chords. It all depends on how the person decides to view it though so be patient. They will soon realize that they could also dress to not impress. For now just ignore the question and do not let it stop you, each fashion trend has to start out someway, right?




What is your favorite piece of clothing/makeup/accessory that makes you stand out from others and make you happy?

xx Chavelita

The fear of communicating

By far this would probably be my greatest obstacle course I have come along to. Simply speaking was a challenge for me since I was small that I would actually cry almost everyday at pre kindergarten because my Mom couldn't stay with me. To be around unfamiliar faces makes me feel uncomfortable even more when I don't have a friend along with me. Though as I've grown older, I have learned a bit tricks to break the awkward ice.

1. Say hello! 

I know this may sound a bit redundant but if you greet someone you are already engaging into conversation. Perhaps ask them how have they've been because for starters everyone secretly loves to speak about themselves and loves someone who will listen to what they have to say. 

2. Ask common questions

You would probably want to start asking questions to that person when the right time comes (normally after greeting them is the right time) but you do not want to scare them off by asking too personal questions. Your first objective is to get to know the basics of the person: birthday, their favorites and dislikes such as food, seasons, treats and maybe their nationality if you're curious I know I would. 

3. Should I stay or move on?

I believe that everyone should deserve at least one chance to begin with. Though if the answer to the previous questions did not quite suit you then maybe you should move on. You're not obligated to be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or causes you to change to suit their habits. A friendship should make you feel happy and have the ability to trust the other person. If you're already doubting yourself with that person then you probably already the answer to that (move on). Not everyone you will meet, you will like but do not give up keep meeting new people and expand your horizons with them.

4. Trust fall

This step is rather tricky and risky because it could either go two ways either they support you and keep information that you tell them to themselves. Or they would go behind your back and tell everyone they know. For me I take an extremely long time to get to this platform but I have also learned that you should be able to take as much time as you need to get there. Begin with the little things such as the last person you kissed or dated, a person you may like or dislike, a fact about yourself that no one knows. I recommend you begin with the little things as a sort of test to see where this friendship is standing at. If they pass then congratulations you have made a good friend! Though if they did leak some of your information I would be careful with that person and even though they may say it was an accident, I would not be surprised that they would to do it again. 

5. Personal questions 

After passing the trust fall I think it would be safe to say to ask personal questions. Get to know your friend a bit deeper. Do not overload on these questions though because you can make your new friend to be uncomfortable. Only ask these questions when the right opportunity may come and be aware that at any time they may ask for your opinion based on the question you asked so be honest, tactful, and understanding. 

When I make friends I'm like the little turtle in the story with the rabbit and the turtle, who takes his sweet but persistent time to get to his goal while the rabbits here are making friends like a snap of a finger. I'm quite slow and steady when it comes to meeting new people, I was never the expert of being able to create a mass load of friends (hell I'm not even a expert in communicating ahaha). I wasn't able to manage but with a handful of friends I was able to get to know them more for who they are and it seemed simpler because you have less people to attend to. Though that is my opinion on friends, I just hope that you make good, healthy, careful friendships and that you do not take anyone for granted.

Photo credit to Sam, our emergency ice cream runs

Photo credit to Sam, you don't understand how much I leaned on these two girls (Sam and Ana). Las tres chicas! 

Hopefully this was helpful and if so I'll leave you with this question: Have you ever met someone you have least expected to become friends with? And if so, how did you meet them? (I feel the unexpected ones are the best ones yet!)

xx Chavelita