Day 31: Questioning

For a while now I have been wanting to write this not just for myself but for my readers out there that are also questioning and figuring out who they are when it comes to sexuality. Now this isn't a coming out post because I feel strongly that I do like men, but I had come to a point in my life where I felt unsure. Like yeah I found some girls to be attractive but I couldn't see myself spending my life with a woman or to a raise a family with her if that is the case. On the other hand though I wasn't finding guys to be attractive either so I was kind of just stuck in between as to who or what did I actually like. I went through this stage that maybe I was just asexual and just wasn't fit for a relationship since I have never had that feeling of what it was like to be in one. I had started watching strong celebrity figures who had stated confidently about their sexuality such as Ellen Degeneres, Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, Ellen Page, Jane Lynch, and a few more on YouTube celebrities and I couldn't stop feeling so happy for them for figuring out that missing part of their lives. One of the videos that immediately struck a chord in my heart was from a YouTuber, Ingrid Nilsen. She is a beauty/lifestyle YouTuber that gives her viewers tips and inspiration on how to do certain makeup looks, putting your hair up a certain way, or sometimes just even talks casually all with a smile and making jokes on camera. The first time I started watching her videos I was upset about my petite size, but she is also petite and she was rocking with what she got. Having been subscribed to her channel for a few years, she posts her coming out video this year which definitely took me by surprise. I am not even sure that no one at first believed what was happening because Ingrid was always this chirpy, bubbly person that I wouldn't even guessed how much she was struggling to just come out to the public. When she started crying from happiness to be able say that she was gay, I kind of wanted to cry myself there was just so much emotion in that video that left me speechless at the end.

To stand true for themselves in all the hardships they had to overcome to realize that deep within themselves they knew who they were they were just unsure how to explain themselves to other people without having the fear of rejection. I already feel like it's tough enough as it is to be a sexuality that isn't heterosexuality because as a society we are still trying to get the full concept that the attraction, the desire, the love should only be solely based on female and male. Though what some are forgetting is that those are medical terms to distinguish whether you were born with a vagina or a penis but not all the time will these medical terms fit into the definition that you have set for yourself. No one is going to know you more, than you yourself. So if you have a vagina and feel attracted to ladies, then that's great or to a guy that is also great. Have a penis but like guys? Perfectly fine to me. Or attracted to ladies, that is also great. Transgender? I am still fine. Asexual? Totally respect your decision. Queer and more? Have my 100 percent approval. If you feel incredibly proud and happy for who you are then that is enough, you don't have to prove to other people unless you want to but that shouldn't be necessary. I am still going to love you.

Looking at coming out videos, this has taught me a very important lesson that society has already placed these stereotypes on the LGBTQ+ community that are already being implemented that people under this community behave a certain way but that is not how the way the community works. I think that is why when Ingrid came out I couldn't believe it because she didn't follow any of these set stereotypes which is a perfect example that everyone is a person living on this Earth. I feel horrible for this realization, for having a fraction of myself corrupted by society, but that is why I am constantly educating myself to learn more about the things that I am not being told. Coming back to the LGBTQ+ community, the people came first than the community, society just places another label on something they don't necessarily understand at the moment. From birth everyone is considered to be a human baby and depending how they grew up is how they behaved. What I am trying to say is that everyone is a human with a mind of their ideas and a body to carry themselves around. When I was younger and I know many of you can relate, we didn't see the person for their sexuality because that was not the first thing that come up in our minds. Perhaps for the majority, it's because we didn't know the difference between sexuality and gender. We saw people for the first time based on gender and not on sexuality, and for the most part if the person didn't say they were anything but heterosexuality, then we just assumed that they were heterosexual because for the longest time we are already placed with the idea that this ideal family consists of a mother and father then the children. I can't recall when was the first time I experienced same sex love but I didn't find it to be weird. Of course I was surprised but only because no one told me that was a possibility and I feel that is what we are doing wrong. People like to build bubbles around themselves away from things that they don't approve but forget that not everyone believes in the same things. So when parents block homosexuality from their homes, I feel that the child is not living a very truthful life. There is this giant elephant in the room and people do not want to talk about this matter. I know I can't force people to talk about things they don't want to discuss but at least tell your children that this does exist, that this is not some sort of monstrosity, life happens to everyone in different ways. As we live under the same sky, I feel that is enough to give people equal amount of chances.

I know I will never be able to empathize but I do support same sex marriage and the fact that everyone has the right to love who they want to love and live a fulfilled life.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

xx Chavelita

Day 21: Advice to my future children

Although I am only eighteen and have many many more years to learn about myself and the world around me, I feel like I have some leverage from all the learning I had done through the challenges that were tossed in my direction. Not all opportunities or situations come as easy as a slow pitch to hit out of the park even though some of us do wish that we had our questions answered in an instant. And those who do opportunities and situations that are easy to handle, we feel like those aren't worth much of a value but here I am to tell you is that every lesson that was learned through our experiences are worth value. When we sit there, sometimes in the midst of the night alone or we stand there idle in our morning showers, our minds are working up a storm to figure out a solution to a problem that is either there or not. Bubbles and lines crossing, with an infinite number of solutions, when we want one answer we come up with multiple possibilities that just drives us up the wall. I know we have a solution but then we start to wonder if its appropriate enough to fit the current situation and we begin to overthink which does not lead us anywhere. I think people should just trust in what they got and see where that may lead them. Which starts to my first lesson for my future child...

Do not follow the crowd. At first people may think that because they are following the crowd that they are doing something right, which may not always be the case. I have given the crowd a chance and all the times that I did, I was farther and farther away from the person I wanted to be known as. I nearly forgot myself while transforming into someone I wasn't. I would think that there was something wrong with me because I found such difficulty to connect with other individuals among my age group. Yet I continued walking by myself, allowing enough contact to keep myself in check but for the majority of the time I spent my time figuring things out without any outside influences. So kids, when you feel like you do not fit in with rest of the group and you find yourself spending alone time apart from everyone else or observing your surroundings, remember that usually the amazing people among the crowd do not call attention towards to themselves by showing off but because you have a natural glow, those who have their eyes open will definitely see you and change your life. Follow your own path for now, find out more about yourself and with time people will cross paths with you. Just a heads up though, some will walk alongside of you and others will simply cross without acknowledging you.

Be careful who you trust. I have found myself in many predicaments especially when I tell friends personal information that end up not being my friend for long. Then I think, well great there goes all my deep information along with the many insecurities and thoughts that I should of just kept to myself in the first place. Even though at times I forget what personal information I have shared with some people, having that information wondering around on someone else's lips makes me want to curl into a makeshift shell. I don't want to say that I was careless but more so that I outweigh a lot of people's good qualities over their bad qualities, so lets hypothetically say that everyone knows that one person who is known to be worst person to man and I would still find something good about them. I would still give them a chance despite all the commentary I have been told in private. I just want my kids to be able to open their minds to see the rounded values that make up any person that they decide to meet, not be timid, afraid or embarrassed to be themselves and share their stories. To be able to interact with their peers and know the difference between an average friend and the values that make up a better friend. So that they can limit the chances of disappointment they are going to encounter in life. Just know that mommy will always have ears to listen, arms to give out those needed hugs, eyes to give my undivided attention, a voice to comfort when my kids feel overwhelmed, and a sense of humor to make you laugh even if they may end up laughing at me for something silly. I will be here every step of the way.

Sweet words are easier to swallow, if needed to. There was always this saying that my dad would tell me, "diga dulce palabras por se caso si los tienes que tragarlas", which in English it means to "say sweet words in case you have to swallow them". We have all come to a close point in our lives or even crossed that point in ours lives when we're absolutely furious with someone and say rather harsh things in spite of the moment. Yeah for those few minutes we spill emotions out like if someone were to open the faucet at full blast. Until we calm down and realize that the situation could of been handled in a different manner. Regret begins to develop and we feel this embarrassment rising in our faces and soon the tiny sweat droplets form that is why it's better to say sweet words. I agree that people should know what position they are in whether it is in a relationship, friendship, or among family and have the chance to speak about what is on their minds but at times we may forget that words are a powerful tool and should be used carefully. This advice also goes when speaking to or about other people. Spreading rumors and then having the victim find out where the source of that gossip is coming from already does not paint a pretty picture. In a situation like the words become difficult to swallow or take back so that is why is just best to not spread false information about others. When spreading compliments, the sweet words, the person could either thank you or not acknowledge your words the same if you are complimenting yourself you could either accept the sweet words or trash them. At least swallowing sweet words are a bit easier than swallowing the bitter ones. I want my kids to be able to choose their words wisely and watch what they say to others, because even words could have the effect to change a person.

What advice would you tell your children or what advice do you already tell your children?

xx Chavelita

P.S. I am not pregnant. The kids mentioned are hypothetical.

Nothing but clever thoughts

I have constantly been asking myself for the reasons behind the behaviors of others, most importantly my peers (alright, my acquaintances) and is like the pile of disappointments are outweighing the positives.

It is sad that some students do no understand that our teachers are as human as we are, or in fact more human than we are for actually being able to make a living through their own teachings. People forget that teachers go through regular stress and drama of their own and because they are not asked it does not mean that it is not occurring. Not many give their teachers a chance and instead they come up with assumptions for one independent event. Such as when I work in my school's office, it is about a regular that a student will complain that their counselor is never there when they come to see them. Excuse me, but a counselor has emergencies too, a counselor needs to nourish themselves during lunch time, a counselor gets sick too because THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO! Amazing, right? They have blood and flesh just like us, it's remarkable. Honestly, if something is going to be said it should have evidence to actually back up what is going to be said. Some people complain about their counselor not being there and they only went twice. Besides instead of complaining (which could of been time used to do something productive) come during another time or email them. Whatever it is but people have to stop expecting that the world does not revolve around them.

Something happened today in my short day of class today, and it was that my classmates was laughing at their teacher who were stating her opinions and the fact the plagiarism is indeed something that should be avoided especially in IB where if a sentence is copied, that document will be immediately be voided ruining the chance of receiving the IB diploma. I do not understand what is so hilarious about a teacher looking out for her students, in fact she has every right to be scolding the students for previous copying that has been occurring. It is understandable that she is speaking to her whole IB class of this situation occurring and that to some students it should not be a problem but it is as if people are taking IB seriously. I cannot say that last year IB class were more structured and motivated to reach the highest potential they could possibly reach but from the look of my class it is the opposite. Students believe that they can get away with anything such as copying and not have the teachers notice, but when something stinks it is quite hard to not notice the smell. I am truly appreciated through the amount of time, work, and patience these teachers has given us because it is for them that I feel confident to continue this program knowing that if I do what they tell me to do, it is for my future benefit. Teachers are people too, with emotions and sometimes they do feel insecure but the magic of actually socializing with them and getting to know them you will soon realize how hilarious they are and what similar interests that are shared.

It is quite annoying that I come up with the cleverest things to say after my opportunity to actually say it. This is something I want to work on, I am tired of being the bystander who hears everything and does not do anything about it. I have a voice, I should use it even if it means getting judgments from certain people or group of people.

(Just because you casually speak to your teachers/counselors, it does not make you their pet. It means you're mature enough to see that the differences are actually similarities.)

Has there been a time when you just want to slap some sense into people?

xx Chavelita

Speaking without words

Please tell me that I am not the only one who does this, but do you get this urge that you want to talk to someone but it is like you have no words or do not know what to tell them? No matter how much you stare at the conversation dead in the eye to your device's screen or stare blankly with this weird smirk on your face like you are keeping a secret, when in reality you are mentally telling yourself to say something? Well let me tell you, does that happen to me a lot on a daily basis and forces me to question my level of sociability... As I had mentioned that speaking is not one of my forte and when I do speak it is like a spill you see of pencil shavings, it is messy and sometimes not cleanable. The sad part is that you simply want to talk to them but your mind goes blank so they may get the idea that you do not want to speak. *sigh* Well this is what I learned to overcome those stumps.

Anything you say is okay, do not overthink it. Alright so maybe all you did over the summer was watch Netflix (yeah... no shame on that one) or stay at home but that means you have had a lot of time to think about things. Come up with ideas that you wonder how other people opinionated the given topic. I have a confession to tell you, I ask questions that I already know the answer to. Though it is only because I want to see how other people would think or react. Perhaps that is a little tip of being open-minded, to include others answers with yours. It can be confusing at times but if you are as curious as I am, that would not matter.

State your question anyway! I am proud to say that I was able to carry a conversation for about a whole class period (roughly around 45 minutes)! You want to know how? I asked questions! I been the person to begin a conversation with "how are you"and that is how I fail to keep the conversation running (though saying how are you is not bad!). When you ask a open ended question though you are allowed to hear the input of your peer and then include your own as well. The beauty of that is that once when the conversation starts rolling on its own the questions become easier to create and it formulates an interesting topic to speak upon. I know mind-blowing, but I think people like it when you ask questions. Perhaps I find it as a efficient way to engage someone and not have to whip out any of your stories from the deep past. At least have your question ready that way when you find the right time to ask the right person you will not be typing and erasing your messages the whole night or not be fiddling with your pencil at your desktop.

Keep it simple. Do not force a conversation that is not going anywhere if it is dead, I think it is best to leave it alone... No one enjoys having to be poke at a dead topic with a stick so keep searching. Simplicity goes a long way, you do not have to learn anything you do not want to in order to keep a conversation with your peer. That is the wonders of people, we all have different interests and because of those is where we gain our own individual spotlight. Maybe take turns speaking about what you love or your dislikes but be considerate of your peers interests, do not forget to let them speak. I know a handful of people that has left doing all the speaking or be the one listening to everything with barely a word escaping my lips.

Just know that it is okay that you may not know what to say. If you are great friends with the person you are having a trouble communicating with, they would know that it is nothing personal. There are a range of friendships that do not speak everyday but they do care about you. Occasionally they may ask you how you are or just leave them a unadvised questions they will come back to you. Do not start jumping into conclusions, any word that is said by you is something pleasant to hear even it is the tiniest of hellos. When words do not speak, pictures can. A recording of you singing. Sending your favorite song or sharing music with your peers. Communication come in different shapes and forms.  Keep it at it and hopefully that sensation will soon blow over!

Do you know why that stubborn sensation happens?

xx Chavelita

Nosy McGees

Looking through my Ask.Fm account, I've been finding a lot of rather nosy people maybe that is an understatement more like persistent pressuring people who can get a bit ugly sometimes if the person does not answer the question.

First of all if you're in anonymous mode you already do know that the chances of getting a genuine answer to your question is limited especially if it is something personal because of the fact that they do not know who you are. (Besides if you cannot even show your true identity you probably do not even deserve a genuine answer to that question.)
Second, STOP MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE (...and maybe go look for your life that you left somewhere in your room, I'm pretty sure they are feeling lost). I cannot stress this enough. The whole purpose of having a social media account is that you are able to express yourself and not be constantly pressed on for information that one may not want to share to the public. I understand that everyone gets curious as to who so and so may like, or if your potential crush may feel the same way about you or whatever the case may be but if they tell you that they do not want to talk about then let it go. If one begins to make someone uncomfortable I believe they have every right to defend themselves rather it is to throw sarcastic, swearing comments back or simply ignore that person in total. Just because you may be anonymous, does not give the person the right to be a jackass and disrespect people. No one should EVER disrespect you.
Third, if you want to know something that is sensitive get off of anonymous or find another form of social media to speak to them where it is only between the two of you. This is not a talk show where you need an audience to get your point across or even less to entertain an audience. Do not for what the reason may be, force out information that you do not want to share if they really cared they would respect your decision.
Fourth, and foremost be careful with online predators (well anyone who may be a threat to you). Sometimes blocking the person is the only effective way to deal with someone quickly before questions start to become insults. Like I tell myself, "I do not need anyone else's crap, I already have my own to deal with it".

I really hope no one is being cyerbullied and if you are I hope you find the strength to seek help. You are the controller to your own life. Do not let anyone else play with your feelings and have them be tossed around because you are worth more than you think. :)

Be safe! Don't be afraid to fight for yourself, throw some sarcastic comments around if you need to! Slap their face with those ravishing words of yours! :D

How do you deal with disrespectful people?



xx Chavelita

Introduction Time

At first I was leaning more towards strictly on advice but what I love to read when I meet someone through the internet is their introductions whether they're brief or long because I absolutely love to get to know people and it seems like the easiest format to do so, so here I go. 

1. Name: Isabel Marie Nieves-Perez
2. Nickname: Isa, Bells, Chavelita and Pulgita 
3. Country of living: United States
4. Birthdate: July 5th
5. Height: below 5 feet (yeah.. I'm short that's pretty much all you need to know)
6. Eye color: Dark Brown
7. Shoe size: a 3 in children..
8. School/work: A senior in high school :)
9. You smoke? I don't, I love white teeth
10. Hobbies: Blogging *gasp*, singing, netflix binging, reading
11. Brothers/Sisters: Two older brothers
12. Relationship: Single
13. Piercing(s): Just my ear lobes :)
14. Tattoo(s): Completely naked of them
15. Are your paren​ts divorced? No and I thank God for that
16. Are there people you wont reply to? Mainly if they just want something from me, I feel like a lot of people come to me when they need something from me not just for a simple sit down chat
17. Nicest person you met this year: I would say my friend Ricky, he's a very sweet corny guy who has a wide range of topics to speak about ahaha
18. Person you rather not have met this year? No one although I sometimes wish it, they're the ones who got me to where I am now
19. Who would you like to meet: Hmm this a hard one
20. Who is it that you admire: they're probably read this or won't but my friends Sam for her straightforward, strong loving character, Alice my hardworking bee that brings me a bundle of happiness, Chachi for reminding me of the different ways of love and life, Anita my religious friend with a good ear to rant to, and my parents for sticking together through the hard times (well this became rather mushy ahahaha)
21. Most sexy person(s): Hands down, Prince Royce 
22. Favorite pajamas: a tshirt with fleece shorts
23. Favorite car: Fiats 
24. Favorite movie(s): I will list a few: Easy A, Princess Diaries, The Breakfast Club, The Heat, Flashdance
25. Favorite music: Spanish Pop, 
26. Favorite city(s): Guayanilla, San Antonio
27. Favorite plush: Crystal my teddy bear (should make a blogpost about her but she has quite a story)
28. Favorite perfume: pretty much anything with Elizabeth Arden especially her Green Tea collection
29. Favorite magazine: I don't read magazines.. :o 
30. Favorite sound: It's a tie between crashing waves and rain droplets
31. Favorite TV-series: Full House
32. Favorite writer: this answer would be biased because I don't read books for their authors but for their content.. 
33. Favorite nickname: Chavelita because it's different 
34. Would you ever get a tattoo: I doubt it ahaha
35. What all is under your bed: Shoes.. Too many shoes aha
36. Favorite color(s):  Blue
37. Favorite Song ever: La Vida Es Así by Ivy Queen (Bachata version)
38. Favorite song at the moment: La conocí bailando - feat. K-Narias
39. Favorite food: BBQ chicken ahaha
40. Favorite class at school: Psychology and Theory of Knowledge
41. Favorite drink: Lemonade or Iced Tea
42. Are you listening to music​ right​ now? Yes, when aren't I?
43. What do you think is greatest thing about yourself? My persistent attitude 
44. Are you a forgi​ving perso​n? Yes sometimes a bit too much of a forgiving person
45. Favorite shoes: Toms or shoes similar to those because they require little effort to put and they're super comfy
46. What time do you go to bed on workdays? school days? On a good day 10:30 when there's a butt load of homework to do at midnight 
47. What word do you use most? Um I don't know I always try to use new words aha 
48. Most romantic moment in your life: Probably not romantic to him but when the cute chauffeur at my quinceañera picked me up in his convertible (yes I was indeed alone with him!)
49. Most ashamed moment of your life: One of my ashamed moments was when I got in a argument (or at least I thought) with a really good friend of mine because I felt like I was being pushed aside and with her being busy with work that I blew up on her. (Never blow up on someone it will not make you feel better) and for two days I was wallowing and cringing at what behavior I had committed that I literally recorded a video stating my apology to her that even mid way through the video I started crying. Only to find out that she was not upset at me ._. But now I know how much I care about her and how life without her was and it stunk aha 
50. You spend your time mostly inside or outside: inside
51. What do you do in the weekends? Not much honestly mostly homework during the school year but life isn't as fluorescent as it seems
52. What class in school do you dislike most? Physics I did not understand anything and I'm surprised to say I got in an A in that class with the help of my peers..
53. What is something you dislike as a child but like now? For me it was green beans and strawberries
54. What do you really really dislike to eat? Anything with garlic except garlic bread, chickpeas/lentils, cold deli sandwiches
55. Pets: Please don't hurt me but I've never had the opportunity to have pets
56. Laugh or dream: Both but I would laugh more than dream
57. Serious or funny: I can be a mixture of both I'm mostly funny though
58. Fast or slow (relationship): Slow
59. You prefer being alone or have a relationship? I've only been alone ahaha so this answer would be biased too
60. Simple or Complicated: Simplicity with a kick of spontaneous (did that even make sense?)
61. Kissed in rain: I haven't.. Yet have to stay hopeful aha
62. Sex or alcohol: Alcohol
63. Stay up late or go to bed early: Stay up late there's something about late nights that I love
64. Light or dark: Dark
65. Speak or Silence: Silence unless we're in an argument I prefer that we speak
66. Tall or short man: I'm pretty short so I wouldn't want someone insanely taller than I am
67. Kissed someone you didn't like: No
68. You like someone: I don't, it's a bit bittersweet ahaha
69. Happy or Sad: Happy
70. Life or Death: Life
71. Broken a bone: No and let's keep it that way!
72. Left or Right: Right
73. Hug or kiss: hugs though a kiss would be nice too just tossing it out there aha
74. Where​ was your defau​lt taken​? I do not understand this question.. *awkwardly skips it*
75. Been suspended from school? No I'm hardly ever there when arguments break out, I swear it's like if I don't go to school
76. Whats a fact about the last person you liked? He was extremely cheesy that I find myself gasping for air from all the laughter 
77. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Use curse words, oops
78. When you die, what will be your last word? Probably "take care"
79. What is one thing you will do if you were not afraid of anything? Sing in public 
80. How many kids would you like to have? I'll tell you after I have my first one, deal?
81. What is the thing one you can't stand? Ignorant people
82. Best feeling: spontaneous messages from people you love that reminds you of how they impacted and feeling needed really
83. Worst feeling in the world: Feeling like you don't belong or when you lose a very close friend
84. What are you afraid of? Losing someone I love
85. Are you an emotional person? I am, my blog screams emotional ahaha
86. You cry while watching a movie? Yes...
87. Your goal in life: To become a psychologist and help people cope with their mental illness, I also wanted to make my own neighborhood clinic but if I become a psychologist it would suffice.
88. What was the promise you made to yourself on new years eve? To be more open to people and stop being timid
89. Who is your favorite artist? Stromae, Betty Who, Sam Smith, Ivy Queen, Jessie J
90. Last perso​n you told a secre​t to: I believe it was Chachi
91. What is the most beautiful part on the male body? Smile and hair
92. If you could​ pack up and move would​ you? Yes.
93. Who was the last perso​n you gave up on?  My ex-crush.
94. Do your paren​ts REALL​Y know you? I'm going to say yes
95. Has anyone told you latel​y that they would​ alway​s be there​ for you? Yes mainly my close friends on my birthday
96. Last time you recei​ved flowe​rs?​ On my birthday they're slowly wilting though :(
97. Do you like the perso​n you are becoming? Yes even though I feel like I'm losing a lot of people along the way
98. Do you miss anyone from your past?​ Of course but I force myself to keep moving forward
99. Most original place to be asked by/ask your love to marry you? This question is irrelevant for me because I haven't been asked out
100. Things you hate people doing? When people cut you off communications without explaning, people speaking over a topic they have little knowledge of or make rather stereotypical remarks, last minute group work cooperation, people pointing out each other flaws, when people complain about how rotten their life is but do nothing to fix it, I'll just stop there before it becomes a rant post aha

I would love whoever is reading this to create their own blogpost and type in your own response or in the comments below (and include a picture of yourself though this is optional). I love meeting new people! :)

xx Chavelita