Day 25: Research Interviews

To be a research assistant was never on my to-do list nor did I know that being a research assistant was a thing until I had received an email from my psychology adviser that there was positions open. My initial reason to become a research assistant was to step out of my comfort zone. I knew I wanted college to be different than how I spent my years in high school and I wanted to make sure that in college I was getting the best experience possible as an undergraduate. So when I sat down with the application open to apply for my first research assistant position, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and yeah I was stressing out as I would normally but from the back of my mind I knew if I did not follow through this opportunity I was going to be regretting and wondering what would of happened if I only submitted my application. I also never thought about how I would feel if my application got rejected so I came in with such high hopes for a new beginning. A few days passed since I had submitted my application and one of the graduate students emails me back an email introducing himself to me and how my application stood out especially for that fact that I was a freshman without even stepping into college yet. A part of myself was making sure that this was actually happening and the other half was kind of anxious and curious about what would happen next. Within the first few weeks that classes has started I scheduled my interview appointment to go meet up with the person who had given me feedback on my application. Which to this day I still find weird that I had the ability to schedule when I wanted my interview and at what time...

The psychology research labs at my university are located in the basement of the psychology building and walking downstairs for the first time to the basement was pretty creepy and unexpected. You have to open a door to get access to the stairs and even then the stairs were dimly lit, one wrong step and who knows where would I end up. There are still times where I will miss a step and nearly fall down those stairs, so knock on wood that my day does not come. In the basement of the psychology building though the lights were bright and if anything all you can hear is the hum of the furnace. The rooms down in the basement for the majority time are closed and are only open if someone were running labs or waiting for their participant to come participate in their study. Well I sat down outside of the room where my interview was going to be held at and I kind of just stalled. I knew that I was early and I felt like my anxiety was kicking in because my thoughts would be on loop. "Ok... in ten minutes I will get up and knock on the door" "Alright in five minutes..." "In a minute..." until I had to actually knock on the door, I would just think about at what time I would knock on the door. With enough time to be considered early and on time, I gave a loud knock. 

The interview process was oddly really casual. There was even laughing and side stories included like how statistics just gets more and more alphabet as the content advances. I sat down in the adjacent seat by him and we just spoke. The only technical thing that I was asked to do is to get certified as a research assistant by doing the online trainings that were found on the university's website and on the National Institute of Health website. I was expecting like a proper eye to eye, seat table seat, interview. I remember what I had worn that day, I had ironed my sleeveless white shirt with crosses and had on tight khaki jeans. And as usual with my potato sack Toms to complete the outfit. I do not remember if I had a resume on me at the time because I had just gotten out of high school so I did not know how to make a college resume if I did not have any experience to write about. Even with that, I was given the position. Except what I have come to realize that so far all of the research assistant positions that I have applied and been interviewed for, I was never told a direct answer that I was accepted as their research assistant. I had to assume that I was accepted when my interviewers started talking about how they should contact me and when they would ask about my schedule details. 

On my second interview, the interview went even more casually because I had already known my interviewer since she was the teacher (or is it teaching?) assistant to my former Statistics class and she would teach our class on Fridays in the afternoon. In the first weeks that I have started college, I was concerned about my future and I already know what you are going to tell me that I am still too young to be concern about my future but that is what anxiety does to you. Makes you worry more than you should and the only way I was going to stop worrying is if I handled my concern. I did not know my Statistics TA that well but my first impression of her was that she was funny, awkward, and friendly. I knew that that was enough for me to put my trust in her that she would help me out with my situation. I wrote a thorough email explaining about graduate school and research. Soon throughout the week that I had emailed her, she replied back with such warm words. For someone who did not know me she sure accepted me pretty quick and offered her assistance to me. Half through my first semester of college, she emails our class about how she was looking for research assistants to come help her out in her research lab. I remember her mentioning in an email or in person that she was waiting for a response for me since I have been interested in doing research. Well on the day of my interview I sit down and we talk like it was just another day. And again she starts asking for my schedule without even telling me directly that I was accepted as her new research assistant. I am starting to wonder if this is a trend that happens to interviewers and their interviewees. 

My most recent interview was before I left home for the summer, I had decided to do apply for another position only this time I was not alone. During my tutoring session for Research Methods my Supplemental Instructor mentioned to my lab mate and I that there was an opportunity for us. The opportunity he has been talking with us for a while and it was that we had the chance to create our own study. Maybe we won't run the study but we would be able to learn the process in making a study and what it takes to get one starting. Since both my lab mate and I were first year college students he saw a lot of potential which was really sweet of him to mention when he had given us both good words of acknowledgement to the professor that he was doing research under. On the last week of school I meet up with another graduate student and although I did not know my interviewer personally, I did hear about her and from what I have heard she seems like a good person to get along with. In which she was because the interview went so smoothly, it did not like feel like an interview like my previous interviews. 

Reflecting over my research interviews and how much I have gone through as the lost college student to the less lost college student, I feel super grateful for taking the chances when I could. I had stepped out of my comfort zone and I carried my anxiety on my shoulder to all of my interviews. Even though I was nervous, I put on a smile and went in with a positive outlook. If you get the interviewer to laugh with you, then you should be golden which has been my goal in all of the interviews that I have had this year. Sometimes we forget that our interviewers are just like us, with experience and a upper hand, but they are people too. I know that I have so much to learn but at least I feel comfortable knowing that I have wonderful mentors to guide and support me along the way. I am so excited about what happens next in my research labs!

Update: I am no longer a research assistant for my first interviewer but I am still continuing with my second and third research positions. I have also found a passion for research so in the end I feel like I came out like a winner and soon a paid winner. 

In what field would you like to do research in?

xx Chavelita

Day 28: Things that make me LOL

This topic is quite difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes me laugh because I am constantly laughing at everyday things. You don't even have to try to make me laugh because in all natural cases I would probably be laughing by the third sentence or so into the conversation that is if the person happens to be friendly and kind to me. Alright well here are a few things I find myself laughing at.

1. My dad's jokes - My dad could whip up a joke from thin air and have me holding my stomach from laughter. I want to say that I laugh a whole lot than I should is because I have such a visual imagination that allows to surpass the intentions of the joke. Yet, I still enjoy his jokes even if some people may not understand his humor the way I do, I don't mind being the one laughing the hardest among the crowd even if my dad needs to explain himself sometimes. 
2. My best friend's stories - Hands down my best friend is one of the best storytellers, her choice of words and actions that she takes to explain her experiences actually makes you feel like you're there with her cringing alongside, laughing, or being embarrassed all depending on the central emotion these stories are based on. Also the most sarcastic and punniest person, the fact that I can distinguish when she is being sincere or serious I could tell which expressions she used. I feel like I know her so well to that I can guess what happens in her stories before she tells me which again activates that vivid imagination of mine.
3. Watching Wipe Out with commentary - I already know what you are going to say, that laughing at people's pain is not a laughing matter but this rule does not apply when you are watching Wipe Out. Just the fact that people sign themselves up to do these stupendous obstacle courses, you pretty much gave the viewers the right to laugh. Many nights on the i-Pad I would just watch it with my dad and laugh to the point where my mom on the other side of the room have told us to be quiet. No apologies there. 
4. My twin a month apart - Alright so I have this close friend who's birthday is June 5th and mine is July 5th so I consider us to be a month apart twins. Well I have met her my freshman year of high school through my best friend, and I felt like something clicked between us. Just one of those friendships that you can instantly trust and share personal information with because you already know they can handle it. My friend has been one of the most hilarious people I have met, her stories, her reactions, her phrases, just as a whole person she is brilliant and I am really glad to have been introduced to her. Now as high school graduates we are still friends sharing laughter and stories when we can. 

Honestly I am constantly laughing, whether my laughing is legitimate or I am nervous and decide to laugh away the distress, I am simply a giggly person. I laugh at the smallest things that people may overlook at and perhaps give me odd looks for laughing at air. Sometimes I laugh at my mom when she misinterprets my question and says something completely off topic. Or when people swear in front of me and think that I haven't heard such colorful words before. I laugh when people mistaken me for a little girl and hand me goodie bags because the joke is on them! Maybe I take some things lightly but I prefer to laugh than to hold back things that are bothering me. Laughing is the cheapest medicine, the best therapy to sadness, and a great exercise for those lungs and abdominal. 

What makes you laugh?

xx Chavelita

Day 7: Songs that bring back memories

Music is like this cycle of stories. First the songwriter plans out this idea of what they want to publish out to the world whether is an idea or an emotion that wants to get recognition from others who feel similar to that sensation or can give feedback to their idea. Then the person listening to the song stems out their ideas or emotions during the time they're listening and produces their own story based on the song whether it's through the lyrics, or the way the song was constructed and those stories remain to be vivid. Here are some of the songs that gives me a full slap of nostalgia.

1. Ring My Bell by Anita Ward - When I was around the age of four or five, my mom had this old black boombox in the kitchen (yes the ones where people would put them on their should and walk around the streets with). Well my dad had made me a CD, my first CD ever, with about twelve tracks with songs that he had grown to listen to and in the evenings I would pop in the CD in the CD player and spend the whole evening singing and dancing to it. One time in particular I had brought a paper cut out of a skeleton from school that was traced with my measurements and since the paper was the same size as me, I would dance along with it as a dance partner. I am not sure my mom has pictures, but I am pretty sure she remembers too. I also had been misinterpreting the lyrics so whenever Anita Ward would sing, "You can ring my bell" I would think she was saying my name and although I have learned the lyrics I still think Anita Ward is saying "Isabel". 
2. Suavemente by Elvis Crespo - This song gives me flashbacks to my Quinceanera that happened in October of 2013 that I had in Puerto Rico and most of my family was there to celebrate my birthday even though my birthday is in July. Well apparently this day was an emotional day not just for myself, but for some of my uncles, cousins, and my dad. As soon as you pull out the Sangria you already know where the night is leaning into. Lets just say my uncle had too much to drink and wanted to dance with me. This song was playing and if you do not know how to dance Merengue, you mainly use your hips to sway along to the beat of the song and you step backwards and forwards mirroring your dance partner. The funny moment was that my uncle told me that I need to put more hip into the song but I had thought I was doing a swell job especially for not hurting anyone and I felt that at what point of the song he was ready to just let me go and dance alone. I guess there is no holding back when you're in the zone. 
3. Better Man by Pearl Jam - The other day I charged my old I-Pod touch that I had used during my middle school times and in my I-Pod my songs fall under the miscellaneous category because my songs differed from oldies to rap to alternative to the random assortment of The Beatles. Before I had left to Hawaii my best friend gave me a going away CD that held most of the songs that we would listen together during elementary school and to keep a back up of the CD I decided to sync the entire CD onto my I-Pod. One of the songs that I remember listening to is Better Man by Pearl Jam and this brings me back to the time when we would sing to anything that caught our attention. Still shy to sing out loud, I remember I had to sing this song on my own in front of the computer where the microphone was located 
4. Fuckin' Perfect by P!nk - I think it's safe to say that during the early teenager years we have gone through the phase of insecurities and lack of confidence and the only way we felt better about ourselves was to listen to music that boasts up the confidence. Lost count as to how many times I would listen to this song but I would say that P!nk has helped me out to get over my flaws and to embrace them for what they are. "Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect". Always keeping that in mind. 
5. The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup - Oh, I don't remember exactly when was the first time I heard this song but I kind of want to say that this song was probably my first Spanish song that I heard. This song is special because my mom would get excited to see me excited when I heard this song and since the song had dance moves I would try to dance along to their music video. One of the few songs that could bring an immediate smile to my face and remind me of how simplistic life used to be. 
6. Any Salsa song whether it's from El Gran Combo to Celia Cruz - If you have ever been over at my house while my dad is around, then you most likely heard him sing. That man has always been singing to Salsa songs and I am still amazed of how much Salsa he knows. Like every song I've heard with him, he either knows the whole song or pieces of the lyrics and then asks me who is singing which the majority of the time I got wrong... So any song that has the slightest touch of Salsa rhythm, it reminds me of my dad which brings me so much nostalgia and happiness at the same time. At least when I miss him, I can play Salsa music and picture him singing and grabbing my hands to dance with him even though I was not the best Salsa dancer. 
7. Any bachata song whether it's from Monchy y Alexandra to Romeo Santos - Bachata songs always reminds me of home (Puerto Rico), when I was around the age of four my cousin taught me how to dance Bachata in her living room. I can still remember having the music playing and my mom and my other cousin cheering me on. Yeah Bachata comes from the Dominican Republic but since the island is right next to Puerto Rico, I still feel a strong influence in Puerto Rico. At least when I am missing my family I can play Bachata music I can imagine myself being there on the island with them.  

Which songs brings you back into memory lane?

xx Chavelita

Over the years...

Alright so you know that I am small right? Well over the years a creative assortment of comments have accumulated. Step into my world for a moment. Though I would say walk in my shoes, but they would probably be too small for you anyway. Feel free to laugh at any of these comments they get pretty ridiculous the older I get.

1. Cafeteria lady A: "Aww mija how old are you?" "Oh you look like you are thirteen." *as I hold my school ID*
2. Cafeteria lady B & School Officer: "You go to this school? I have not seen you around school before..." *looks at me from head to toe* (oh and lady we have seen each other before, but it's okay short memory is unavoidable for arrogant people)
3. Teacher: "You are so small, I just want to put you in my pocket!" (I rather we don't share the same pants...)
4. Mom's friend: My mom tells my age to her friend. "Oh I thought she was in elementary school!" (Just because I have small boobs? Miss boobs do not measure maturity..)
5. Same School officer mentioned before: "Hey, hey HEY LITTLE GIRL! *keeps walking knowing that he's talking to me* Hey are you lost, you go to this school? What classes are you taking?" (You would think adults would be any better...)
6. Stranger: "Oh wow, you get your periods too?" (Womanhood hits every woman like a bus it's pretty inevitable, I do not get a special free get out of jail card from puberty just because I'm small) 
7. Junior: "No offense, but like do you need like a special bathroom. Like seeing that you are short, can you reach the counter of the bathroom?" (My goodness even the dwarfs from Snow White would be offended aha, by far the funniest comment I have heard so far!) 
8. Stranger: "Will you even be able to reach the steering wheel or the pedals?" (Sadly stranger that is one of my fears...)
9. Everyone who tries to make me feel better about my height: "At least when you get older, you won't look as old!" (Please just stop there...)
10. Stranger: "Oh sorry I did not see you there" *as they skip me in line*

These are just some of the comments that has stuck with me over the years. There was just one morning where I told myself I am tired of all this nonsense coming from ignorant people putting people with physical or emotional qualities that are not even in their control on a pedistool to be watched by the public. Why can't people just keep their comments to themselves? I bet I can find all the flaws from the following people but that's not what is going to take to change the mindset from these people. Some error has occurred in these following people and I guess I feel sorry for them that my size is intimidating or weird to have to be the discussion at the dinner table. So look, unless you do not have any flaws within yourself think twice before commenting on others. Maybe just maybe you'll notice that you have a heart. Alright I am done being sarcastic but yes my lovely readers you are above any ignorant person you come across and do not ask yourself what is wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you. People just don't understand, or have a filtered mind or even a mind to connect their thoughts together. Do not sweat it, you're perfectly fine the way you are. 

What goes through your mind when someone comments on you? 

xx Chavelita 

The lonely monster

Is there some sort of correlation that the more alone you are the more weirder you are? So not too long ago the Lent season approached me like a slap in the face. Here I am focused on what needs to get done in school so I would remain in the IB program and still be eligible for the IB diploma, then Lent comes. For a while before Lent though, I always think about something to sacrifice for the 40 days of Lent and the most challenging one yet is the one I am doing now which is not using social media. Do you understand what that means for a teenager like me to not be online? Might as well just walk in the dark and hope that I do not mistaken one of my steps for a ditch. I do not know if I have mentioned this before but my Dad is in the military and we are stationed in the United States but most of my family lives in Puerto Rico so how do I communicate with them? That's right through Facebook. Though I thought it would be nice to have some time for myself to gather my thoughts, reflect what I have done and what I want to do in the future, and this is where I test which people in my life are the ones that make it worth living. And you want to know what I have noticed so far?

1. I do not talk to a lot of people
2. Why do I have a phone? I barely talk to people. 
3. Most of my free time is invested in bed...sleeping. 
4.  I really need to work on my social skills
5. That buildings have ceilings 
6. I daydream way too much about people and hypothetical arguments
7. Time moves slowly when you are constantly checking for messages and there aren't any messages
8. Avoiding situations is hard when there is no distractions 
9. I am my own best friend since I spend most of my time alone that I find myself laughing at my own jokes...
10. Complaining is useless when you have no one to tell it to 

I could continue going, but I think you all have the gist of how my way of self-discovery is coming along. Though as of now I am slowly getting adjusted to not having my face in my phone screen and actually looking around my surroundings and actually talking to people face to face. By far face to face communication is my favorite way of socializing even though I may choke on my own saliva while laughing, have brain farts in between my sentences and mumble, my facial expressions makes up for all those embarrassing moments. Even messaging people has reduced immensely, now I just say what I need to say and I end the conversation. Drama is not my forte nor do I want to be sucked into that vortex. I do not need anymore stress as it is. To think about it, I bet my mom is going to be happy when she sees the phone bill... Besides the point, sometimes you need to eliminate the distractions in order to get to the core of your problems or to be able to get to know yourself without the influence of others. I am surprising myself everyday of how much my behavior has changed and how I am handling with things like school, advice, people, and so forth. 

A selfie for my readers since I have no where else to put it... even in this picture looks like I am crying for help... This is only the beginning... Must stay strong!)

What are one of the tough sacrifices you have made?

xx Chavelita

How much are you covering?

"Who are you impressing today?"

Is like every time I do my hair I am asked that. Wearing good looking clothes? You're asked the same question. Wearing clothes out of your normal style? The question pops up once again. Wearing makeup or putting a little bit of extra accessories on? Exactly.

My answer? I do not dress to impress.

Now that answer may have different definitions.

1. I can careless as to what I wear.
2. I can careless about what people think of what I wear, it is for my self benefit and comfort.
3. Since when did I start to impress others?
4. At least I am dressed and not getting tickets for public disturbance. 

I dress the way I am to represent the person I am and sometimes the person I am likes to change things up a bit. Just as repeating that question over and over again can get tiring, repeating the same look can get tiring. A bit of change is healthy. Being in the comfort zone can get a bit stuffy and we need to get out for some fresh air filled with new ideas. To remove yourself out of the comfort zone is already difficult as it is, so why must someone make it more difficult to question our actions? Do not assume that the changes made is not the main purpose of impressing others or for a particular someone, but more to prove that you are much more than the person people may think you are. And if you are impressing someone, I am sure they will be stunned either way. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy whether it is the new suede pumps you bought, lipstick in the shade of purple, or a tight attire to emphasis your figure. Instead of people implying that you look beautiful/handsome, they should just straightly tell you (come on, why else would they ask?). I think people may ask this overused question is because they wish they could do the same thing you are doing, and that is to not be afraid of wanting to wear what they liked and bought. Just as negativity could be infectious, positive outputs could also strike chords. It all depends on how the person decides to view it though so be patient. They will soon realize that they could also dress to not impress. For now just ignore the question and do not let it stop you, each fashion trend has to start out someway, right?




What is your favorite piece of clothing/makeup/accessory that makes you stand out from others and make you happy?

xx Chavelita

Bumblebee

I thought you should meet another person I am grateful to have in my life. For privacy, the person I am going to speak about we will call her Bee.

It is almost a year since I met Bee and she has created such a large impact in my life she is probably the one who helped boost my self esteem and molded me into the confident being that I am. Turning my flaws into beautiful imperfections, that makes me stand out from the rest of the world. Normally when I meet people who I am on a professional platform, I do not like to go personal. I was told by a teacher in my sophomore year of high school that, "we are not friends" to our class and that because she had given us her number to call if we had any questions on the homework it does not mean we could text her. That mentality stuck with me, oddly it did make sense at the moment because students and teachers were separate things at the time but it all changed my junior year. I will not lie I was confused, we could not text teachers but joining the IB program they give you their numbers to text them if anything (unless otherwise told that you can't) and I was I actually afraid to text my teachers since I thought it was pretty unorthodox to do. It was not until my friend persuaded me to text her and by the things she told me, perhaps it was okay to do so. It all started with a simple text message and from there our friendship flourished. She started to lean on me and I did the same in return. Her background stories are moving you would not expect stories like that coming from a bubbly person like herself. Though she does apologize a lot for little things which I think may not deserve an apology. I could say she is part of my family she is tied between the big sister or an aunt to me including her beautiful children. I can tell her anything and it would be casual which is one of the things I love about her. The little moments when I do have her for myself I find myself laughing and listening to her stories since I do not talk much, I believe there is hardly ever an awkward moment with her. Anytime spent with her makes me happy.

One of my favorite memories I had with her is when she took me to one of her presentations and when she took me back home. We spoke at my drive way for an hour or so in her car. I was surprise to say that my parents did not realize that I was out til 9 on a school night even less in the drive way so technically I was at home just not in it. It is probably one of the simplistic memories I share with her but I just love how quiet the night was. No distractions and it was just us two spending time together sharing our own memories. It was also the day I gave her a rosary in her favorite color and the moment she opened her gift, it was like Christmas morning. Her face was glowing and astonished that she even gave me a hug (we had never hugged until that day, I'm usually the hugging type of person but I somehow grew uncomfortable to hugs).

Bee is one of my inspirational role models, against the odds she still finds a way to tackle on the day with her work, caring for her children, all on her own. With her charismatic attitude, beautiful smile, and her perky lipstick this lady is going places! I'm honestly having a difficult time writing this blogpost since I cannot fathom the words to describe how wonderful she is. You have to meet her for yourself to understand the emotions I am going through. I love you, Bee! Continue being the person you are, accomplish your set dreams and I am sure the right one will come along and sweep you off your feet!

This is why I am telling you that you should give everyone a chance, you will never know who you will meet and have your life changed.



xx Chavelita

Nosy McGees

Looking through my Ask.Fm account, I've been finding a lot of rather nosy people maybe that is an understatement more like persistent pressuring people who can get a bit ugly sometimes if the person does not answer the question.

First of all if you're in anonymous mode you already do know that the chances of getting a genuine answer to your question is limited especially if it is something personal because of the fact that they do not know who you are. (Besides if you cannot even show your true identity you probably do not even deserve a genuine answer to that question.)
Second, STOP MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE (...and maybe go look for your life that you left somewhere in your room, I'm pretty sure they are feeling lost). I cannot stress this enough. The whole purpose of having a social media account is that you are able to express yourself and not be constantly pressed on for information that one may not want to share to the public. I understand that everyone gets curious as to who so and so may like, or if your potential crush may feel the same way about you or whatever the case may be but if they tell you that they do not want to talk about then let it go. If one begins to make someone uncomfortable I believe they have every right to defend themselves rather it is to throw sarcastic, swearing comments back or simply ignore that person in total. Just because you may be anonymous, does not give the person the right to be a jackass and disrespect people. No one should EVER disrespect you.
Third, if you want to know something that is sensitive get off of anonymous or find another form of social media to speak to them where it is only between the two of you. This is not a talk show where you need an audience to get your point across or even less to entertain an audience. Do not for what the reason may be, force out information that you do not want to share if they really cared they would respect your decision.
Fourth, and foremost be careful with online predators (well anyone who may be a threat to you). Sometimes blocking the person is the only effective way to deal with someone quickly before questions start to become insults. Like I tell myself, "I do not need anyone else's crap, I already have my own to deal with it".

I really hope no one is being cyerbullied and if you are I hope you find the strength to seek help. You are the controller to your own life. Do not let anyone else play with your feelings and have them be tossed around because you are worth more than you think. :)

Be safe! Don't be afraid to fight for yourself, throw some sarcastic comments around if you need to! Slap their face with those ravishing words of yours! :D

How do you deal with disrespectful people?



xx Chavelita