Hello!

Is this Isabel? No she disappeared for almost two months... Yeah so turns out that writing every week was a lot harder to do especially when you are a college student who wants to get the right amount of sleep, get good grades, and still be socially involved on campus but obviously I was not thinking clearly. So as a way to forgive for my absence I will let you in all the deets that have been happening in the past two months.

I joined a student organization that I actually take a part of so for those who say that I stay in my room too often well guess what, I'm barely in my room anymore. Joining Mentor Tech Student Organization has probably been the greatest mistakes I have made. Wait mistake? Yes a mistake... You will probably shake your heads at me. Well first of all I was already part of the Mentor Tech program at my university which what they do before anything is that you have to apply but after that you set up your own profile that includes your name all the way to the interests you enjoy to do on your free time. Then after setting up your profile the people in charge of the program will match you with a mentor who shares the same qualities as you. After all the waiting and matching, you are then assigned your mentor and they basically help you out during college which for me I thought was such a wonderful idea especially since I am known to grow really anxious in new settings and where I am not familiar with about 99% of the people here. Coming back to why joining was a mistake is that I was invited to a meeting which I thought it was for the Mentor Tech program but it turns out that what I signed up and paid membership for was for the MENTOR TECH STUDENT ORGANIZATION, now don't ask me why that did not click to me at the time that the names were different but to me I thought I had already joined this organization and that the meetings were mandatory. But nope... Yet this was the greatest mistake I have made because now I do community service just like I would do in high school yet they're better community service projects. For this semester on Fridays I have actually been mentoring high school students at a local high school here and my goodness guys I really love my Fridays because of this. Adopt-A-Class (that's what the program is called) has taught me so much, opened my mind to so many new things, and I am starting to understand more. I will take you on a little history trip because I think it will help you understand why I love teaching my students. Okay so right now, here in Lubbock, Texas, the school district first of all is different from my hometown. In 1979, the Lubbock Independent School District was desegregated. Let that sink in, because even though 1979 was 36 years ago that is still recent for history. And so when you cross I-37 here you can actually see the separation distinctively and I remember for the first time going to the high school, I couldn't stop feeling so ignorant for not realizing that just because a piece of paper was signed to eliminate segregation that doesn't mean that segregation no longer exists. Although the issues may not be seen explicitly, they are there. On that first Friday I can also recall telling my roommate about the segregation and she had no clue what I was talking about or that there was like this invisible line of separation still visible. Just seeing this though kind of made me love Lubbock a little bit more because this is different from anything I have seen and you're probably looking at me like I have lost my marbles, but now I get to see how two cultures can live true to themselves in the same city and that I get to be part of that culture mixture.

Did someone ask about boys? I have no idea how to begin this story. Alright so on Tuesdays I finish class at 12:20 for the day, which is why I love Tuesdays, and so usually I study whenever I can because exams here pop up like weasels and I like to be prepared. So normally the dorm is quiet because most of the people on my floor or either in class or still sleeping but then the CA that lives on the hall adjacent to mine starts knocking on our doors. As I peek my head to see who it was, the CA gives her long schpeel that my Texas Tech was holding A Tunnel of Oppression. In other words, what they did was that they decorated the ballroom like a tunnel where it was dark but enough light to give focal light to the skits that were hold in different sections of the room. I do not know if I told you already but I am really oblivious when someone likes me or find interest in me, you can probably give out big hints to me and I will still not catch on. Anyway after the skits we had to debrief and discuss what we just saw. As I was leaving, barely reaching to the door this tall guy turns around and said his name, complimented me by saying I was pretty, and asked me for my number (in which I gave to him). Then he said he was going to text me later. I kid you not, I couldn't stop laughing that day because I was having one of those moments like in the movie, Beyond the Lights, where Kaz tells Noni that he sees her, like this guy saw me. Not because of my height, but because I was pretty and that boosted my self-esteem and confidence immensely for the whole entire week. I am normally the girl that guys get to know me but only want to remain friends with. Even though our friendship remained short, I will still remember that moment. If the guy finds my blog and reads this, I want to tell you thank you, you definitely know how to make a girl's week.

In the month of October, I want to say that my roommate and I have gotten a lot closer than we were in the beginning of the semester. A part of me thinks it was because this is her birthday month and we have been relying more on each other. Okay, October 21st it was my roommate's birthday and since she was not able to drive back to her hometown I thought why not spend it together, doing the things that she enjoys doing which is doing crafts? After my Statistics class we left to go to different stores, first we went to Plato's Closest. Keep in mind that this is my first time so I was pretty curious to see what I could find. Just as I was getting in line to purchase the two shirts and necklace, a little boy around the age of five asks me, "Are you a kid or a grown up?". In which I thought, where in the fly did this kid get this question and right after that I wonder, well what exactly am I? I am too old to be doing childish things but I also don't feel like a grown up because I do not even know how to file my taxes or understand the whole concept of the stock market. Then he asks me again probably knowing that I was secretly trying to pretend to not hear him, "Are you a kid or a grown up?" Then I finally answered, "Well I am not a kid but I am not an adult either..." and I am just really grateful that his mom was next to me because she intervened and I was able to escape the kid before he started to interrogate me. I thought that was a great way to start the birthday adventure. Afterwards we went to Goodwill to see if we can score a few gems that people no longer wanted. Punching in the direction of the nearest Goodwill we had no idea what we were awaiting for. As we arrive the parking was gated and when I mean parking I want to say it was more like a almost solid with a bit of pot holes of compressed dirt. I looked at my roommate and we kind of just sat there hesitantly in the car debating whether we should leave or overcome our fears and go in. Swallowing that fear, we got out of the car and started heading into the entrance. I will not lie, I thought I was going to get mugged but I was also excited to be stepping out of my comfort zone which motivated me to move quickly to the door. Staying close to my roommate, we searched for room decorations. I left with nothing but my roommate picked out a few frames and a mason jar so as my roommate was paying the lady in front of us was carrying a rug the size of her. Watching her struggle, I decided the least I could do was open the door for her. While she was thanking me for helping her, she comes closer to me and says, "I asked the guy to help me but he said no. What a bitch." with a puzzled look on my face wondering if I heard correctly I nervously started laughing and in which I reply, "WOMAN POWER!" out of all the things I could of said I had to say woman power... This is why guys I shouldn't be placed in these kinds of situations. Though this day ended up being amazing because not only was I introduced to my roommate's other friends but for that day I actually felt a bit more grown up than other days. I was able to make my own decisions, say my own thoughts, and experienced a bit more grown up related topics all without wearing any makeup. College is most likely maturing me both mentally and physically which I am feeling quite bittersweet about.

College gets me so pumped, honestly. Even though I struggle getting out of bed, I do end up having a fulfilling day filled with new experiences and yeah I do get homesick but I seriously feel like college is my path to success. Just to be able to have that reassurance and goal, motivates me to complete more with my life. Making new friends, strengthening my bonds with already made friends, seriously makes a difference in college. Feeling alone is something I experience a lot but my friends whether they know it or not fill up that empty gap and I am forever grateful to meet such lovely, hilarious, caring people. College for sure makes you or breaks you, but if you put your all I am still rooting for you. That college life is not easy, but it's possible even if it takes one sleepless night out of the week to catch up with homework, friends from your hometown, or your blog.

What have you all been up to? I missed you all!

(Me visiting Buddy Holly's with my friends, but that will be another story!)

xx Chavelita

Day 23: Weird thoughts...

For the most part if you have had the chance to get to know me personally, you may all have realized that I do not talk much. Sometimes people have to ask me my opinion on a certain matter or ask me questions to get me to share my thoughts which does not annoy me at all. Then for the most part I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words that I either forget to talk about it or I purposefully don't say them. Here I'll try to give you some insider as to what my thoughts consist of. Hopefully you all don't think I have lost my marbles or anything, I just find these thoughts to make absolute sense to me.

I have this logic that I have always been in this deep slumber apart from where I am now. While I am sleeping, that is when I am living this life right now. I am in the woods, in this red cabin, lying on a stiff bed while people are waiting for me to wake up to hear what I have experienced in my sleep. So I guess you can say that I do not believe in death? Just story teller after story teller.  (No I do not believe in reincarnation) 

I've been mesmerized a lot when I was younger that I had my own control. How I can move my hands, my fingers, my legs, toes, think without having no one tell me what I should think about, and just be sincerely happy that I was able to live this life. 

I swear like a sailor in my head and I am not sorry. 

When doomsday was supposed to have a couple of years ago I actually calculated how old I would be and wonder if I would have lived a fulfilled life by then. I also thought that Jesus was actually going to come down from the heavens during this horrible storm I had imagined while I was on the school bus, grab me by the arm, and run to safety with me. 

I was never curious where babies come from when I was younger, I had a lot more things to think about apparently. Eventually I was told casually where they came from and I do not remember being mentally scarred because I found the information to make sense. 

I have always been a shy, quiet girl that growing up I just began to talk to myself. Connecting with myself on a whole different level. Not out loud, of course not! (Only when I scold myself...) For the most part I have been the perfect friend for myself who understands me for who I am without having to explain myself why I behave and react the way I do now. 

Sitting down at the commissary (the supermarket on base) I was probably around the age of eight or nine and I thought, man God has made into this human where I get to accomplish whatever it is that I set my mind to... Then I thought of how I had this power, going back again with being given this life to help people because if they are struggling, then I should at least give it a shot just like Jesus did. (Promise me, I am not trying to convert anybody. You be you, and I will appreciate for the person you sincerely are.)

What weird thoughts do you have?

xx Chavelita

Day 15: The wildest day

Well the challenge today was to bullet point my day from start to finish, but between you and me I did nothing but lay in bed and wishing for my headache or migraine of whatever it was that was bothering inside my head to go away. Yet I will still bullet point my day and we will both see how much of a productive person I can be.

• I woke up around 9:45 in the morning to the sound of my mom knocking on my door to announce that she had made oatmeal to accomdate the four week diet she has been partaking in
• I got up, took out my retainer (gotta keep those teeth in place don't want those four years of braces to just go down the pipes) and I brushed my teeth. Not sure if I'm the only one who does this about after I brush my teeth I like to give myself a big open smile half reason to see if I brushed properly and other half to make me laugh because let's face it (pun intended) making faces in the mirror is pretty hilarious 
• I had my oatmeal with my mom that I'm surprised to say that I finished the whole serving because normally half way through I'm tapping out 
• My mom left to go to the gym, I stayed at home this time because I wasn't feeling my charming best to be running on the elliptical so I decided to stay and watch a few subscribed YouTube videos specifically The Saccone-Jolys that post their daily vlogs at six GMT which is around eleven over here 
• I had a lie down day in bed and watched Goodbye Life, Hello Sister and was able to guess the typical plot of the movie without watching it so I found to he unimpressed. Which is quite upsetting because I'm finding it harder to watch original plotted movies that have unexpected twists and drops maybe I'm just not looking in the right place... 
• I had flatbread for the first time during lunch time with my mom and I was not disappointed! 
• Then of course I watched One Day again and got easily excited to find out that July 15th was the day that both characters would meet each other to catch up on their lives and well you look at that today it's also July 15th! (That was probably the highlight of my day to be honest...)
• Near 3:30 I gave my mom company as she drove to the local university to go pick up my brother and take him to his referee job 
• For dinner I had teriyaki chicken with asparagus and carrots. I had asparagus for the second time only this time I was actually able to taste the flavor of asparagus and well it kind of tasted like lettuce to me which I'm not complaining. Asparagus tastes good and it also looks like such a fancy veggie. 
• I went for another lie down in bed to finish One Day and still felt the same emotions like the first time I watched it even though I already knew what to expect and I even prepared myself but we all know that doesn't work. 
• Now after eating some creamy peach yogurt, helping my mom put the cover on top of our new swimming pool, I am now watching HGTV shows on Netflix with my mom. 

Yeah my day is as typical as it gets when I don't have any plans and I fall off the radar for a bit. Though I don't mind relaxing days but yeah it does get tiring to lounge around the house throughout the week so hopefully I feel better tomorrow and that I have some sort of plans to take my mind off my random panics of starting college. 

What was the highlight of your day?

xx Chavelita 

What I learned in high school is...

As some of my readers are in high school already or about to go to high school, one thing that I wished that was given to me was tips or at least pointers that could benefit me in school. Being the youngest out of my two brothers and I did spend a couple of years on my own as I transitioned from elementary school onto middle school and from middle school to high school. What I have come to notice that the majority of the struggles and lessons happened when I spent those transition years alone since I did not have my brother to look after me and to constantly have me in check. And what I have learned is...

1. Take risks, join as many extracurricular activities that you possibly can because those are the moments where you learn more about your social abilities and techniques to work with others. Involve yourself in the school and do not be afraid to challenge yourself to take higher courses. 
2. Apply to colleges and scholarships as soon as you can! I started applying for college around September which allowed me plenty of times to gather all the required documents the institution needed to complete the application process. And with scholarships as well, familiarize the criteria needed because you will most likely have to write a personal essay and you would want time to write it without having a deadline haunting you.
3. If you know the answer to a question, do not be afraid to speak up. Intimidate others with your knowledge!
4. Be open to make friends, now I am not saying that you should hang out with everybody but at least get to know your peers in that way you know more or less what kind of groups you find yourself comfortable to be in
5. There will be crushes and IT IS PERFECTLY FINE! Enjoy them while they last. I will tell you all in that in all my four years of high school I had only fallen for this one guy my sophomore year and I thought we were going to become something but we never did. I feel like crushes make you alert about qualities that you would not have guessed were there about you. 
6. Makeup can you give amazing effects, but just know your skin is as young as it is going to be now so I would only use makeup on special events (besides it blows people away when you spontaneously use makeup! Also saves the hassle of removing makeup before bed and waking up early to apply)
7. People change just as much as ideas could change so allow yourself enough time to recollect yourself to move on from those individuals or ideas. Remember that change is good so long it is to beneficial for yourself
8. Gain the courage to say no without having to explain yourself. You do not have to stay in the circumstances that you are in, if you do not like what is going on and you feel uncomfortable you do have a voice, use it. It is not obligatory to stay in a situation that is only damaging you
9. Please do not hold grudges, I have hold many in the past and they will never leave unless you face them. Be able to speak to people you disagree with especially when you have to work together.
10. Do not be afraid to express your emotions. Cry if you need to. Laugh because you want to. Having total control and confidence in yourself will surely get you places anywhere
11. Talk to your teachers some of the best stories I have heard had all come from a teacher. Their stories have taught me valuable lessons in shaping the person I am today such as whenever I felt like I was doubting myself, simply listening to their own high school stories gives me an insight that it is normal and typical to feel the emotions that are occurring throughout high school
12. You do need sleep to function or else you are going to be walking with your eyes closed wishing you did not stay up so late the night before. If it is for studying reasons usually when I feel sleepy I go to sleep and wake up early before school to finish my homework so that is something to consider
13. Always carry paper and pencils, please do not be the person who is unprepared... It's just something that teachers keep in the back of their minds and I would not think you want your teacher to remember you in that way
14. Driving is a treasuring ability and will make life easier in some cases but yes it is still possible to live without knowing how to drive in high school or having a car
15. Splitting from the crowd will happen and it will be worth it, trust me you will learn so much about yourself when you spend time alone and allows you to reevaluate the goals you want to accomplish and allows you to get closer to the ideal person you want to be

If I continue on, this list of tips will turn into a massive list of instructions which is something I do not want to happen but high school is indeed different. Even graduating in a few days I still feel like there is so much to learn so do not stress yourself out if you do not know the answers to your rumbling thoughts. Usually I like to think that because we do not know the answer to our questions it is because we do not have enough knowledge or have experienced something as powerful as our questions to come up with a solution. Just have fun in high school, try to keep judgments to yourself, and keep your head looking forward. Gotta keep your eye on the prize! Fewer problems, fewer worries. When you graduate it is all going to be on you and what you think it is best for yourself as you face the real world. Remember that.

What are your thoughts on high school?

xx Chavelita

The lonely monster

Is there some sort of correlation that the more alone you are the more weirder you are? So not too long ago the Lent season approached me like a slap in the face. Here I am focused on what needs to get done in school so I would remain in the IB program and still be eligible for the IB diploma, then Lent comes. For a while before Lent though, I always think about something to sacrifice for the 40 days of Lent and the most challenging one yet is the one I am doing now which is not using social media. Do you understand what that means for a teenager like me to not be online? Might as well just walk in the dark and hope that I do not mistaken one of my steps for a ditch. I do not know if I have mentioned this before but my Dad is in the military and we are stationed in the United States but most of my family lives in Puerto Rico so how do I communicate with them? That's right through Facebook. Though I thought it would be nice to have some time for myself to gather my thoughts, reflect what I have done and what I want to do in the future, and this is where I test which people in my life are the ones that make it worth living. And you want to know what I have noticed so far?

1. I do not talk to a lot of people
2. Why do I have a phone? I barely talk to people. 
3. Most of my free time is invested in bed...sleeping. 
4.  I really need to work on my social skills
5. That buildings have ceilings 
6. I daydream way too much about people and hypothetical arguments
7. Time moves slowly when you are constantly checking for messages and there aren't any messages
8. Avoiding situations is hard when there is no distractions 
9. I am my own best friend since I spend most of my time alone that I find myself laughing at my own jokes...
10. Complaining is useless when you have no one to tell it to 

I could continue going, but I think you all have the gist of how my way of self-discovery is coming along. Though as of now I am slowly getting adjusted to not having my face in my phone screen and actually looking around my surroundings and actually talking to people face to face. By far face to face communication is my favorite way of socializing even though I may choke on my own saliva while laughing, have brain farts in between my sentences and mumble, my facial expressions makes up for all those embarrassing moments. Even messaging people has reduced immensely, now I just say what I need to say and I end the conversation. Drama is not my forte nor do I want to be sucked into that vortex. I do not need anymore stress as it is. To think about it, I bet my mom is going to be happy when she sees the phone bill... Besides the point, sometimes you need to eliminate the distractions in order to get to the core of your problems or to be able to get to know yourself without the influence of others. I am surprising myself everyday of how much my behavior has changed and how I am handling with things like school, advice, people, and so forth. 

A selfie for my readers since I have no where else to put it... even in this picture looks like I am crying for help... This is only the beginning... Must stay strong!)

What are one of the tough sacrifices you have made?

xx Chavelita