Day 20: Talking

For as long as I can remember, I have been a quiet and private person. I can probably hold a secret for so long that I eventually forget unless someone brings up something similar to what I know. Not sure if that is a talent or not but it does show that I hold a lot of information within me and if I am not asked about what I know then that information just begins to be stored deeper and deeper into my memory. I have always been the listener among my friends. If I talk it is usually when I have something to say, which is what I am doing right now. And you know what, talking it is not all so bad especially when you have a great listener and responder to hear you out. Sometimes I am like a tea kettle, you can pour water in me and I would remain quiet but once when you add heat that is when you are going to start hearing me. Not that I have to feel heated or upset over something to get me to start talking but if you bring up interesting topics or ask me questions, controversial the better, I can speak for hours. In high school I had history for my last period of the school day and while mostly everyone were just dying to get out and go home I would typically stay behind to have intriguing conversations with my history teachers. Since my history teachers' classrooms were relatively close they would just visit each other in their classrooms for group discussions. The topics could range to the most nonsensical topics like having a salad for breakfast to how can recycling have an effect on the environment. The topics were little to no where close to the history that was being taught during regular class hours.

Where am I really going with this? Well talking is beneficial for mental health. When you feel stressed or when you have no clue what to do with the thoughts in your head, it's pretty nice to have that go-to person to spill all the details to. That go-to person could be as simple as your sibling, parents, friends, and or your therapist. There may be a couple of people who take advantage of talking and that I have found annoying that they would talk too much during school but like Shrek said, "It is better out than in." Use your words, speak out your mind, structure your words to portray your ideas, however you prefer to share your thoughts, go for it! You may have the most brilliant ideas or thoughts screaming to be recognized but if you do not share them then how will that benefit anyone? For those who are not as much as the talkers like myself and who does not like to share a lot of the personal details with others, I just think it takes the right person to open you up. Do not feel like you need to change in order to find someone to talk with. Continue being yourself and whenever you are given opportunities to share what you are passionate about you should. You will also find that friend that you can trust with your thoughts, they may be a little hidden (or maybe in front of you the whole time) at first but usually the hidden ones tend to be the ones with one of the biggest hearts. Or be like me and start your own blog!

Have you spoken to anyone today?

xx Chavelita

Day 23: Weird thoughts...

For the most part if you have had the chance to get to know me personally, you may all have realized that I do not talk much. Sometimes people have to ask me my opinion on a certain matter or ask me questions to get me to share my thoughts which does not annoy me at all. Then for the most part I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words that I either forget to talk about it or I purposefully don't say them. Here I'll try to give you some insider as to what my thoughts consist of. Hopefully you all don't think I have lost my marbles or anything, I just find these thoughts to make absolute sense to me.

I have this logic that I have always been in this deep slumber apart from where I am now. While I am sleeping, that is when I am living this life right now. I am in the woods, in this red cabin, lying on a stiff bed while people are waiting for me to wake up to hear what I have experienced in my sleep. So I guess you can say that I do not believe in death? Just story teller after story teller.  (No I do not believe in reincarnation) 

I've been mesmerized a lot when I was younger that I had my own control. How I can move my hands, my fingers, my legs, toes, think without having no one tell me what I should think about, and just be sincerely happy that I was able to live this life. 

I swear like a sailor in my head and I am not sorry. 

When doomsday was supposed to have a couple of years ago I actually calculated how old I would be and wonder if I would have lived a fulfilled life by then. I also thought that Jesus was actually going to come down from the heavens during this horrible storm I had imagined while I was on the school bus, grab me by the arm, and run to safety with me. 

I was never curious where babies come from when I was younger, I had a lot more things to think about apparently. Eventually I was told casually where they came from and I do not remember being mentally scarred because I found the information to make sense. 

I have always been a shy, quiet girl that growing up I just began to talk to myself. Connecting with myself on a whole different level. Not out loud, of course not! (Only when I scold myself...) For the most part I have been the perfect friend for myself who understands me for who I am without having to explain myself why I behave and react the way I do now. 

Sitting down at the commissary (the supermarket on base) I was probably around the age of eight or nine and I thought, man God has made into this human where I get to accomplish whatever it is that I set my mind to... Then I thought of how I had this power, going back again with being given this life to help people because if they are struggling, then I should at least give it a shot just like Jesus did. (Promise me, I am not trying to convert anybody. You be you, and I will appreciate for the person you sincerely are.)

What weird thoughts do you have?

xx Chavelita

But they're only words...

At constant measures I am telling myself, "but they're only words..." and that these words should not get to me. Now who ever said that, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" did not think about how much the value of words has evolved as time progressed. 

*SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVENT READ DOS PALABRAS BY ISABEL ALLENDE, SKIP AHEAD*

The other day I was reading Dos Palabras by Isabel Allende, where this lady named Belisa Crepsculario sold words a piece with a variety of prices depending on what the vendee wanted. A love note was worth a different price than what a hate note, and I thought this idea was so clever of Allende to write about because she actually places a price on words. Although this is magical realism, words do have a price entitled to them but the worth depends on how the person takes them. This caused me to think, if the words have a price then that means that they are worth something. In this case, the quote above is false, words do hurt and at time hurt more than being pelted with sticks and stones. Words have the power to presuade, to make someone cry from tears of joy to sadness, and for many of us causes us to overthink. Which happened to the colonel when he asks Crepsculario for help to tell him a speech that will boost the horrible reputation he had with the people to win him presidency. There was a catch, a condition, that still leaves me at the edge of the seat. Crepsculario tells the colonel two word that leaves the man mentally paralyzed in other words everything he would do, all the speeches he has recited to gain electoral votes, those two words were at the back of his mind. BUT ALLENDE DOES NOT STATE WHAT ARE THOSE TWO WORDS! Such a bittersweet cliffhanger...

*IM DONE SPOILING*

Besides the point, words are constantly changing. New words are being added to the dictionary and older words are being forgotten or getting harder to find. Some words I do not understand the meaning of because they are being created by us teenagers, oh the irony. Unless reading is your passion, the words are still alive. A lesson coming from Allende's story is that word choice is important. Everyone's interpretation is based on words, whether figuratively or straightforward, that may be the problem that many of us today have. Words could be tricky and confusing elements of communication and in honest opinion I do not believe that we will have the chance to deeply understand the words that are being stated in writing or orally. Leaving us with the imagination we have now. 

A tip for all of you is that control your imagination but do not be afraid to think out of your borders. Be smart in what to believe in but do not be stubborn to hear the imagination of others. Read a lot of books from different authors and cultures. Speak to people from different locations, age groups, and gender. Allow yourself to dip in your toes into someone else's world. Give others the chance to express themselves and do not judge what they have to say. 

Why do you think words are created for?

xx Chavelita