Day 15: Puerto Rican growing out of Puerto Rico

My grandparents from both sides were Puerto Rican and out of my grandparents came along my parents who by logic and genetics are Puerto Ricans too, which in return makes me and my siblings Puerto Rican. What everyone has in common except for me? They were born in Puerto Rico and I wasn't. I am a Georgia peach born along the coastline of Savannah and which growing up made me super annoyed because I felt like I was not a true Puerto Rican but that is not how ethnicity works. I may have been born outside of the island and raised out of it but that does not exclude me from my own culture. I did not obtain a Puerto Rican accent nor do I know or speak Puerto Rican slang, but I at least learned how to speak Spanish by the time I was four or five I was speaking on my own without my mom having to translate for me. Before learning Spanish though I had only knew how to speak in English which to some households that should be the goal until you realize that your own mom does not understand a word you are saying. My mom knew very little English at the time so when I got to speaking language phase of my life, my mom and I hit a language barrier. Yet we learned together through our language barrier because through her I obtained my second language and my mom can now understand when I speak English, even though she would still rather speak Spanish. Depending on where you are in Latin America, Spanish is spoken in different dialects and words are described differently as well. So when I was taught Puerto Rican Spanish I thought I was set and ready to go until I met my best friend who is Mexican and her Spanish was slightly different from mine. There was even this time I was sitting in the car with my friend and we started talking about money and without thought I said "cincuenta chavos?" (Puerto Rican Spanish: fifty cents?) and they all looked at me like if I said something absurd. Then I have realized I basically said fifty boys because chavos to them are either boys or kids. Yeah... 

Growing up outside of the island, many people automatically thought I did not know Spanish because when I speak English I do not have an accent. Which makes sense because why would I have an accent in my first language? So because I was assumed I did not know Spanish it is as if I was not Latina. I remember in high school there was this other Puerto Rican girl in my technology class and I could tell because of her accent. Excited that there was another Puerto Rican, I wanted to be friends with her. I grew up most of my life in a border city close to Mexico so not only did people did not think I spoke Spanish but they also assumed that I was Mexican. And I do not know why she felt disgusted or better than me for having a Puerto Rican accent when I did not. That should not make me any less of Puerto Rican than she is. Which that offended me and so any time I would see her around campus I would just brush her off. Probably was not the greatest decision but then again she should of been nicer to me. 

Another thing about growing up outside of the island is having all of my extended family living on the island. So not only are states are in between us but the Atlantic Ocean as well. I have not visited the island in two years which may not seem a lot but there were times where I would not visit in four or more years. I did not get the privilege to grow up with my primos (cousins) or grow close relationships with my tias (aunts) or tios (uncles) or even with my abuelos (grandparents) for that matter. Which I found a little unfair in comparison with my friends who had family close by but it has taught me to be patient and appreciative for what I have. While many people may go to Puerto Rico for vacations, I go to visit family and what better place to visit family on a beautiful island in the Caribbeans? Every time I go to Puerto Rico is like I am welcomed back home from an extremely long trip and a bit of reality is put on hold and a bit of it placed back because you realize that everyone has grown older and some of the situations have changed. I still feel wonderful though to be connected back with my family where I can talk to them in person instead of through my phone screen. 

Puerto Ricans are everywhere. We can have somehow sense when there is one nearby. You do not have to be on the island to realize who is Puerto Rican because you will know through our personalities. We have been known to be loud, open, easy-going and at times judgmental people. We normally want to have a time well spent. Crack open the dominoes, play some salsa on the old stereo, bring out the cola champagne, and the empanadillas and you have get together set in the backyard. Not the same as having a throwback at the beach but we do what we can. I think that is what is so wonderful about my culture that even from far you will always have a piece of the island with you. In fact I was making these well known pastries from Puerto Rico called pastelillos which they are essentially turnovers with guava paste in side and if done well it's sprinkled with powder sugar on top. Every time I go to Puerto Rico it's just one of those must haves so stopping at a bakery is a must! 

I am proud that I was born to be Puerto Rican. I love my culture, I love my island, I love our Spanish language and even though I fear that I may be underrepresented because I am a Latina woman, there is nothing I would change. And like we Puerto Ricans say, WEEEEEEEEEEPA!

Where is your culture from?

xx Chavelita

Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

College Update

Alright so maybe I fell off of the face of the Earth for the entire month of August, but no one told me how emotional this college transition was going to turn out. So here I will take the time to catch you up all as to what I have been up to this past month until now.

• Cultural shock. Just the atmosphere itself is different. Now I am lucky, no, EXCITED that I get to hear someone speak Spanish. When people would say that my hometown was like this safety bubble different from the rest of Texas, I did not obtain that full understanding until I actually left that bubble. That is the first of many things that I miss about home. I really hope to get over this cultural shock and learn to be able to connect with people here. 
• Food is a responsibility not a privilege. If I want to eat I have to either be able to make it in the comfort of my dorm room (which I don't mind much because that is what I would do at home) or put my shoes on to head out to go grab something to eat. No more laying in bed and get the occasional texts from my mom of whether I want a fried egg or pancakes while I was still in bed. Also remembering to eat is important because as busy as that college life could get time managing is important to schedule when you are going to eat because you do not want to be that kid in the middle of a quiet room with a monster roaring for attention. 
• Grocery shopping is also something that I haven't yet done but I will soon. Now I am going to be that lady who inspects all of her groceries to see if she is getting her money's worth of food. Adulthood is just one curious thing after the other. 
• HOMESICKNESS. Not that I get homesick that often because I force myself to stay busy but when I have those times to reflect over my day, you can't help but miss your parents and your friends. On my first time going to church alone, I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and all the lovely people who I would see every Sunday. That was probably my biggest bump in the road but at least I went to church and continued moving forward. It's still a part of who I am even though I am starting a new chapter in my life and I think it's fine to be homesick so long as it doesn't get in the way of the actual studying and learning part which is the reason why I left in the first place. 
• So many acquaintances, but still no friends. I have met so many people and seen so many people in these two weeks of school and it's so refreshing to be seeing people from all parts of the world speaking in their native tongue. So far I have not made any friends that I spend time on a regular basis outside of classroom hours (excluding my dorm roommate) but I am still trying to remain optimistic that I will soon find my people and be more comfortable at my campus.
• I am now a Research Assistant in the Psychology department. Before I had left for college I received an email from my psychology major adviser stating that there was research assistant opportunities open since those who were research assistant are or already have graduated and needed new people to come fill in the spaces. At first I thought it was a long shot to apply for one of the positions because I honestly had no clue what I was getting myself into but my mentality of college being the time of experimentation I submitted my application. A few days after I had started my classes, I received an email from the person in charge of the study asking when was a good time that I could meet for an interview. Here I am thinking that, alright everyone gets interviewed it's reasonable because they don't want to blindly accept someone without knowing a few things about them. On that Friday (which was last week if we want to be more specific) of my interview I actually tried on my appearance, straightened my hair, applied makeup, ironed out my shirt, I wanted to make a good impression. Arriving there 15 minutes before my interview I was mustering the courage I had to actually knock on the door because I was already waiting outside the door. Turns out that the interview went a lot smoother than I expected, all the nervous feelings I had kind of just remained outside of the door and the interview felt more like a casual conversation between the graduate student who was interviewing me and myself. What stood out from the whole interview that he normally does not get undergraduate freshmen applying for research assistants this soon into their college career but that my application stood out. I STOOD OUT. And well he also told me that normally he does not pick freshmen for the position but he chose me. ME. I couldn't have felt any more prouder in myself that day. I am starting this Tuesday and I am pretty excited as to what I get to do.
• Am I scared? A constant question I ask myself, but I can't quite decide if I am really scared to just be in a new environment handling different situations or I feel more independent but just wishing to have someone that tags along with me so I don't feel as lonely. For the most part, I don't think much about the thought of being alone and doing things for myself. Perhaps this is the major turning point to teenager into the starting of adulthood. I know that if my mom was still around I would stay near here but it's kind of hard when we're 335 miles apart from one another. You come to that point that you just stop thinking about the things that are not important and actual pinpoint want needs to get done and you do it. No one is going to be telling me,  "Isabel, did you do your laundry?" "Did you eat?" "Have you showered?" "How about that homework?" It's all on me (not that my parents had to constantly ask me these questions) but it feels great, I feel like I am more in control of my life. 
• Limits are well tested. Now that I don't really have a comfort zone anymore because even in my dorm room I am not completely by myself with my roommate, your limits are tested constantly. As frustrating as there is no comfort zone to run to and take cover, I am now obligated to speak and share my ideas. I have spoken up when I need to and I have been speaking with people that I barely know which is a big step for me since I like to keep to myself. So I have this logic that if I keep talking, I will soon find that one friend. 
• Speaking about roommates... We actually get along pretty well! I only have one roommate, and I am really blessed that she is my roommate because even though she may not know it, she is the only person who listens to me here at school in person. To have that opportunity to speak to someone personally about one's problems or just something on my mind, I think that is how I am keeping myself emotionally stable here to be honest. 
• Dorm room is a bit snug but it's comfortable and for that I can't complain. I have mixed feelings about having a dorm room that is almost at the end of the hall away from the elevators but at least I am closer to the stairs so in case of any emergency that results in evacuating the building I have that leverage. I am still getting used to having to walk around everywhere with my keys, I am surprised that I haven't locked myself out of my dorm room yet. *knock on wood*
• Communal showers are not bad at all! Even though I shower in my cheap flip flops everyday, I can't complain about the communal showers. There is nothing embarrassing about them either because just as a bathroom is made for everyone (in this case the ladies bathroom) has their business and does their business and then they leave. All the girls who I have been in the bathroom with have been respectful which is a plus side. There is enough space to not feel so cramped in one shower stall and there is also enough space to change clothes. THE SHOWER STALLS CAN CLOSE WHICH MAKES ME FEEL A WHOLE LOT SECURE. So yeah and the toilets are clean, thankful for the cleaning ladies they do such an amazing job keeping those bathrooms clean.
• Football games? Even though I may go by myself, I am planning to go to my first football game next Saturday (we had our first football game today) but I want to go the one next week because I play against my brother's college and I want to be there when I kick his butt! aha

For those of you who are college freshmen just as myself we are in this together! I wouldn't be surprised if you can entirely relate to what I have been feeling in just these last few weeks. For those who are planning on going to college soon, just know that college isn't as bad as you think it will be. I still have those fears but I am sure you will be fine. Things just take time to settle in so take your time and take advantage of all those opportunities that you see and hear about! You will soon find your people!

How was your first weeks as a college freshman?

xx Chavelita

Day 29: Goals for the next month

Most of my goals for August is pretty much college related because that is the month I start my first year of college! Pretty pumped, pretty frightened, but I am still looking forward to what the month of August has to offer for me. Turn a new page, start fresh, meet new people, cultures, finding out more about myself without the influence of people I have grown close to.

1. Settle in college smoothly - I can already feel move in weekend for me to be a whole load of stress on me so hopefully that everything moves rather easily without little to no complications. At least if things do go rather sleek, I will probably spend less time freaking out that I cannot turn back now or not have my parents around me when I feel uncomfortable.
2. Be able to see my friends one last time before we all split into different paths - This is a must because I know that if I go to college without seeing my close friends for the last time, I would simply be sad and have a lack of closure that will be bugging me. 
3. Get back into study mode - The time to put away the Netflix, and settle down to focus on my studies. Only this time I'll try to not let my studies completely consume me and try to get involved within my campus.
4. Try to post on my blog at least once a week - I am not sure I can promise this because I am not sure myself how much free time I will end up having. At least I know on Tuesday's I only have one class so maybe Tuesday's? Maybe it can work out, I can do my laundry and write to you guys. No promises though, I'll try to post whenever I can!
5. Make new friends in college and find an eating buddy - The sooner I make friends the easier the transition into college will be so if I at least make one new friend I will feel fine. Of course, I hope to find someone I can spend eating my meals with and get to know more in depth. I already had enough of eating alone in high school.
6. Celebrating my mom's 50th birthday - Not everyday someone turns half a century, and I want my mom's birthday to be special so crossing my fingers that I am able to make this happen. 
7. Take my dad to eat I-HOP - A promise is a promise, so I cannot wait until we have our own little pancake date before I head to college. 

What are your goals for next month?

xx Chavelita

Day 3: The pet peeves

I can be such an implosive person, in other words I will get upset but I will act like everything is fine and when I cannot handle anymore I get set off. At least this does not happen often, well now that I am older I do have more of a control of my anger. So here is some of the things that make me question humanity sometimes.

1. When people come to me for advice, ignore my advice, but then comes back with the same situation expecting another set of the SAME advice - I love to give people advice, hence that the center idea of this blog is to give advice. Though what annoys me is when people continuously ask for the same advice after I had given them the previous time we have spoken about the situation. My ideas do not change as quickly in a time span of a week or so if that gives anyone the clarity that they need, maybe in a year my ideas could have altered but I would still be giving you more or less the same advice with a bit more experience. 
2. When people act like they're Puerto Rican - My culture is not a trend for pleasure, I find it incredibly disrespectful that just because people use our expressions that it automatically makes them Puerto Rican. This really goes to some of the individuals from my high school that think only because you know some of our swear words does not make you a Puerto Rican just like I enjoy eating Mexican platters does not make me a Mexican. So please show some respect and stop degrading my culture. 
3. When people see me for my small figure and assume that I cannot do much - This is really degrading to have this immediate assumption without allowing me to present my talents. I agree that I have a small figure and perhaps I can barely pull my dresser out to pick up some lost candy that has fallen in between the space of my wall and the dresser but I do find ways to manage. The physical strength is not what I am really annoyed about because I know there is not much muscle in my arms, but like information wise. When people assume that because I am small and I look young for my age that they have to withdraw certain information from me. Which could also be funny because I probably know some background information on topics people would least expect me to know. Just because I am small, that does not mean I cannot handle it so please save yourself the trouble of playing the big person. 

What is your greatest pet peeve?

xx Chavelita

But they're only words...

At constant measures I am telling myself, "but they're only words..." and that these words should not get to me. Now who ever said that, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" did not think about how much the value of words has evolved as time progressed. 

*SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVENT READ DOS PALABRAS BY ISABEL ALLENDE, SKIP AHEAD*

The other day I was reading Dos Palabras by Isabel Allende, where this lady named Belisa Crepsculario sold words a piece with a variety of prices depending on what the vendee wanted. A love note was worth a different price than what a hate note, and I thought this idea was so clever of Allende to write about because she actually places a price on words. Although this is magical realism, words do have a price entitled to them but the worth depends on how the person takes them. This caused me to think, if the words have a price then that means that they are worth something. In this case, the quote above is false, words do hurt and at time hurt more than being pelted with sticks and stones. Words have the power to presuade, to make someone cry from tears of joy to sadness, and for many of us causes us to overthink. Which happened to the colonel when he asks Crepsculario for help to tell him a speech that will boost the horrible reputation he had with the people to win him presidency. There was a catch, a condition, that still leaves me at the edge of the seat. Crepsculario tells the colonel two word that leaves the man mentally paralyzed in other words everything he would do, all the speeches he has recited to gain electoral votes, those two words were at the back of his mind. BUT ALLENDE DOES NOT STATE WHAT ARE THOSE TWO WORDS! Such a bittersweet cliffhanger...

*IM DONE SPOILING*

Besides the point, words are constantly changing. New words are being added to the dictionary and older words are being forgotten or getting harder to find. Some words I do not understand the meaning of because they are being created by us teenagers, oh the irony. Unless reading is your passion, the words are still alive. A lesson coming from Allende's story is that word choice is important. Everyone's interpretation is based on words, whether figuratively or straightforward, that may be the problem that many of us today have. Words could be tricky and confusing elements of communication and in honest opinion I do not believe that we will have the chance to deeply understand the words that are being stated in writing or orally. Leaving us with the imagination we have now. 

A tip for all of you is that control your imagination but do not be afraid to think out of your borders. Be smart in what to believe in but do not be stubborn to hear the imagination of others. Read a lot of books from different authors and cultures. Speak to people from different locations, age groups, and gender. Allow yourself to dip in your toes into someone else's world. Give others the chance to express themselves and do not judge what they have to say. 

Why do you think words are created for?

xx Chavelita