Day 10: Online Dating

Not that many people know about this but when I was younger I used to go online chat rooms and meet people. Now it was not like Tindr or Skype where you get to see the person you were talking to but it was on this social media where you were able to be any character that you wanted and you would meet people there. One of my friends at the time had suggested to make myself an account so we can play together and also meet new people who shared similar interests as me. I was at that stage where I was experimenting. Not that I am proud of but I would talk to this one guy without ever acknowledging to someone until there was one day that my parents were looking through my i-Pod and found a picture of him. Half jokingly and half serious they were, I was totally embarrassed not only that they had made fun of me for having a potential boyfriend but because I knew they were not going to understand. They were not going to understand that maybe we were dating or maybe we weren't but I had enjoyed talking to him for the fact that he treated me with such respect without even having to see my face. At that moment of my life I had really low self-esteem because of my small figure and having such a young looking face, growing up not that many people took me seriously. I was not given a proper chance that I have longed to receive so I resorted to the internet. At least on the internet I was perceived as someone with confidence and I suppose I was also a catch. There was even a time where I spent so much time on the computer that I got it confiscated from me until the habit was forced out of me.

In a more recent moment, about a year ago, I had received an anonymous message from this person from this social media site that allows you to ask or say anything anonymously. Well I slightly remember him asking about some of my hobbies and what were my opinion on certain topics. I had thought this guy was pretty interesting so I wanted to know who he was. Over the months we were hitting it off really well, we started to use instant messaging and almost every other day we would message each other about our days and whatnot. The few descriptive information that I had gotten from him was that he lived in England, was a teacher assistant to grade school children, a single child with a single mother, and that he was six months younger than I am. Instead of hiding this I had told my mom directly that I was talking to someone I had met from the internet and I already knew she was going to put the red flag up and advise me to never speak to him again. But here I am thinking like I was acting like the bigger person I continued to speak with him. Not that I wanted to seek a relationship with him because that was not my intention at first especially with the distance I was not going to put myself through that. Well then comes in this long message during the night where he professed my feelings to me (I have no idea why guys continue to profess his feelings to me in long messages while I am sleeping...) and I was left awkwardly looking at the screen of my phone. I had told my mom again what he had told me and the simple advice she had given me was to ask if we could video chat so I can confirm that the picture on his profile was him. Like all of you have guessed it, it wasn't. And to be fair I did not like him for the fake picture he had, is not the attractive physical features that lure me in it's the words and the actions. So after that incident of him lying to me, I deleted the app and I have promised myself that I will no longer be making friends over the internet. If I have to continuously go through bad experiences to learn that most online dating/relationships are not for me then now that is a shame on me for not learning from my mistakes.

What I wanted for you all to get from my experience is that you may think you know the person you are speaking to online, backwards and forwards, but I do not think you will ever know a person until the day you actually meet them in person. There is so much you miss when you are busy online fishing. You miss the first impression, that awkward 'should I go for the hug or that handshake', the actual connection or disconnection with the person, basically the little things that make up a true date. I would have to agree with my mom that a relationship made online is not real. You start falling in love with the idea of that person rather than the actual person. Realizing this now I know why it was hard for me to let these guys go because I was afraid that I was not going to find someone or someone who made me feel like the best slice of cake there is. But you are just going to have to trust in yourself that you will and that it will work out. This also explains why when my friends are playing around on Tindr, I decide not to participate. I know I may be one of the pickiest people you have met when it comes to making friendships with others but that is because I have been there. Not just online but in real life too. When you think you have met the perfect person and you are proven wrong in the most unpredictable ways. I have not been great in the dating department but at least I can say that I know what I want and I am not settling down for just anyone because I know I deserve better. If you are going or went through a similar situation, remind yourself that you deserve better too because you do. And always remember to be careful when you are online never share your personal whereabouts or information even if you feel that you can trust them completely...

How has your experience in dating been lately?

xx Chavelita

Day 4: L.O.V.E.?

The idea of falling in love with someone has indeed been on my mind, but do I really do anything to pursue it? Not really. Also for the fact that I do not think love can be pursued at least in people they can't. I remember in high school telling myself, "That is okay I am sure I will find someone who will surpass my small figure and will love me for who I am in college. Love is certainly will be different in college, more mature and worthwhile!" I was right about one thing, love is certainly different in college, but there are not all mature as I thought they would be. In fact, falling in love in college has been a challenge and I am not only speaking on my behalf. Take me for an example. When you are barely getting into college there is this application that could be downloaded on your phone called School App and the essential purpose for that app is to meet people who have been admitted to the college of your choice and have decided to also attend that fall semester with you. You have limited access time on the app because then the following individuals that are accepted next year take over the app. Well one day feeling homesick because I had no one to speak Spanish to, I posted on the app "Where was my hispanic people at?", like I own all hispanic people, and surely I had gotten like at least 10 comments from that post. Half joking and half serious, I was not expecting to get so much activity on that post. There was this guy who decided to private message me on the app and we started talking in Spanish. We decided to meet each other for lunch one day so we can properly meet each other and share more of our stories with one another. I arrived a little early so I sat on a bench to wait for him, then there comes this rather dark skin guy in one of the t-shirts that were given in freshman orientation and I asked if he was the one had been messaging me on the app in which he replied with yes. It would of been a nice day that day... If only he were to stay. When we got into the dining hall in one of the dormitories, I decided to go my own separate way to get my food and I assumed we would meet later. So waiting there like a hopeful freshman straight out of high school waiting for better things to happen, where I actually thought I had a chance with this guy, he leaves. I have no clue where he had gone to that day, but I did eat by myself that day.

So maybe he was a dill hole that day for automatically judging me and not giving me a chance but I simply brushed it off. I applauded myself for actually trying and seeing where this experience would have taken me. So for those who are hopeful to find their love in college, I do not want to rain on your parade and say that they are not there because who knows what will happen. None of the days I have had in college were the same. Something new was always happening but I just want to say that love will not be knocking on your door and say, "Hey hey hey friend! Think fast here comes your soulmate!" I still believe that when you stop looking for love, that love will find you but if you are looking for something to happen overnight then good luck! I was talking about this with a friend from high school actually who similarly been in the position I have been in for quite sometime. Both have not dated, no first kiss, etc. etc. but sometimes it is not entirely the case that we have yet to find the right guy that swoons us but there are still things to do before we get someone else involved with our lives. I know not every person is that way but there are people who think that way and I feel it is important to acknowledge that. We have society constantly pressuring us in finding someone to settle down with but when you are barely reaching your twenties or are in your twenties you are still figuring yourself out. I feel like society's definition of love comes from two pieces of hard material with paper in between, written in black and white. Only they forget that love could be seen in so many different ways.

If you want to have some alone time then you should and society should not have to be breathing down your neck for the decisions you make. It is your life, you are in control of what happens to it. The thought of settling down with someone at such an early time still blows my mind but I am not here to tell you what to do. If you find that someone you do what you feel it is best for you and them. If you want to stay independent then that should also be accepted. No one was given a manual as to how to love one another or ourselves, so who has the right to tell you are doing it wrong?

I had another conversation related to love with a really good religious friend of mine from high school. He is that type of friend where you can go for weeks without talking to but if you need a shoulder to lean on, he is your guy. Regardless of the day or time, he tries his best to help out in any way that he can. Which I deeply appreciate our special friendship because he sure brings a lot of clarity when I am overthinking about the simple. One night we were talking about our motivation to continue worshiping our heavenly Father and how compassion has a major role to our direction of learning about ourselves and what really makes us feel human. So here is a snippet of our conversation, hopefully it brings some wisdom like it did to me.

Me: So do you think through the same compassion is how one learns the meaning of loving and how to love one another just as God loves each and every one of us?
Him: Loving is in you. It's perception and perspective. You can see it in other people but I think only you can convince yourself of or from it.
Me: So why do you think some people make love complicated?
Him: I think all people make it complicated. It's just wiring when it comes to trusting someone and making yourself vulnerable.

So why am I bringing up the topic of love again? For a few weeks I had lost my faith in love and it is not something I am ready to talk about in full detail yet but to have nice reminders of what the capacity of love can do to someone is remarkable. Love can come in all different ways, shapes, and forms whether it is a lovely message from a friend, donating to charity, or rescuing an animal from the shelter, sometimes we do need that reminder that love is not entirely lost but our definition is simply changing and adapting to the person we are becoming. Not everyone is going to agree with your definition but you will know when the right person also agrees with your definition and adds more examples to strengthen your meaning. Give it time. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your needs. Nothing wrong in treating yo self!

What is that one thing, someone, place, or animal that has changed your definition of love?

xx Chavelita

Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 11: What happened?

I have the words, but how am I supposed to say them?
Collection of letters only to have it all lost
With only a few days left by the hem
How silly must it feel to be waiting to defrost

From a person who forgot how to smile
I wonder what happened
Was simplicity fading away with each mile?
Or did they trade in their smile hoping for something less dampened?

With these days slowly ticking
From what I used to be and transforming into what I am now
My waiting is flickering
And with time I will disallow

No more what if
No more useless I love yous
From a person who leaves me naked
To defrost in the middle of June

For whatever value brings
Do not take defeat
Shield away from the swings
That love could appear to be bittersweet

Only when I see
That me can be I
Give myself away
To the one who deserves

Me.

xx Chavelita

Day 9: Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

A little bit about Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, she was born on October 11 of 1884 who yup you guessed it was married to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Inspired by this woman, she remained on her feet and was on top of anything she could get her hands on to change the United States. When she had discovered that FDR was having an affair with her social secretary but since Eleanor was married she remained loyal to him. Although Eleanor was the one who offered the divorce and that her mother-in-law wanted them to remain together, Eleanor told FDR to end his affair or she would divorce him. (Literally no garbage was given to Eleanor) In addition to her mother-in-law not wanting Eleanor to get into politics with FDR, she still did and was she amazing... She became the vice-president and finance chairman for the Democratic Women's Committee in 1925 and was a part owner for a college preparatory for upper-class girls. She used her time by providing exercises that helped girls think for themselves and open their minds to problems that were happening in the nation.
In 1933 she was the First Lady to hold all-female press conferences and in 1935 she provides a meeting to discuss the role of women in politics. Then in 1939 Eleanor was defying segregation laws by sitting in between the whites and blacks at the Southern Conference of Human Welfare. She saw no difference in what made individuals the way they are on their skin color and gave everyone opportunities to express themselves. Eleanor would also travel for her husband during his presidency when he was too ill. This not only gives women recognition in politics but also states that women could do the same things that men can if only they were given the chance to do so.  Her list of accomplishments stretches out and overall she is an amazing women figure for providing a voice to those who didn't have one.

One of the quotes that stuck to me is her well known quote, "No once can make you feel inferior without your consent". Which means that you have the choice to either respond to the negativity or to let the negativity slip right off. When you give consent that means that you are allowing the other person to hurt you. With this quote it entails that you have the choice to react to what is being said to us and let the information effect us or we have the choice to listen but use it as oil to spark the fire within us to create changes in our lives. Just like any news that is told, there are multiple aspects to interpret a set of news but it is up to you how you want to view the news. So just remember everyone has their own opinions and some of them you will agree with and others not so much, but remain respectful. Do not be the person who makes others feel inferior and do not let anyone make you feel inferior. As soon as you let someone make you feel inferior then you already loss. Most of the time those who want to make you feel inferior is because they are already inferior themselves and you do not have to lower yourself to make your statement.

What quote speaks to you?

Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

xx Chavelita

The bullying needs to stop

"Since when was being different a bad thing?"

This idea has been stuck in my head for the past few days and what most saddens me to hear is that there is not much happening to tackle the issue of bullying. Yes there is bullying programs to support those facing troubling times of being misunderstood but where is the reinforcement? There is a difference between stating individuals that bullying should not be practiced and to actually enforce the rules and punishments of bullying related situations. I find some bullying programs to be hypocritical because they do not solve anything. To those who are reinforced I have no problem, continue the reinforcement but for those who sends out messages without a foundation? What about bullying that should be done? How are we going to tackle this issue that not only attacks the person who is being bullied emotionally but also changing their ideas about themselves? Fantastic, the students are watching people's stories of how they overcome bullying and are being shown endless amounts of PowerPoints about the dangers of bullying and ways to prevent or assist the situation, but how many of the audience who are participating in this program are being affected? What ever happened to the guest speakers who would tell their story at the local cafeteria or gym? If it is because of budget cuts, then how is it that we can fund for a bullying program who is doing a minimal effect to support the victims of bullying or even those who are bullying the victims? Obviously there is something that is just not clicking. Bullying is a taught action, no one is born with the ability to bully and if I am wrong about this then I am frighten to know how genetics has changed over the years.

I believe that not only does the victims of bullying need help but those who are bullying too because as mentioned this action has to come from some source of influence whether it is by caretaker, media, or unresolved issues that are affecting the individuals in their mindset. What is the core of bullying? This is the question that I mainly want an answer. What does the person who bully get in return? Temporary satisfaction? Then after that temporary satisfaction, do you bully other people to get that surge of pride? I am pretty sure that there is a sensation of remorse happening within any bullying situation. I cannot empathize but only sympathize bullies because I believe that everyone is bright in their own way but belittling people will not make anyone glow brighter or dimmer. If jealousy is the drive to the bullying, why not be friends with the person instead of having to bully them to feel awful about themselves? Saves people's lives, heartaches and drama. If happiness is the issue, what is causing this unhappiness? Perhaps bullying happens is because there is no support or anyone to hear out what the bullies have to say which builds up the frustration and a way to get the attention of others is to gain an audience through bullying. Instead of telling people that bullying is wrong, how about allowing the individuals to state what is on their minds and a method that works best to solve the issue? A slap on the wrist will be insufficient or any type of discipline that consists of violence could be counterproductive and may even encourage the bully to mirror this behavior.

Parents, please speak to your kids. The earlier you get to your kids, the better it will be for the both of you. Let them know that they are loved regardless if you have told them already, shower them more in that undivided love. Allow your children to speak freely and be comfortable knowing that if they are the bullies or the victims in bullying that there is definitely an opportunity to change. As we are people, mistakes are made and if something was learned from that mistake I believe that the individual should have a chance to fix their error. However, also take the cautionary and appropriate actions to settle the situation. Violence will not be solved with violence. Choose words carefully, be assertive with your actions when dealing with bullying. Parents I also want to let you know that you have every right to feel angry, doubtful, concerned about your child who are victims in bullying. This shows that you care for your child and are taking into consideration of the dangers. Breaks my heart that there are so many cases of bullying and very little action is taken by the school that you parents have to go to the school to fight for the safety of your children. Just know that any attempt to fix the problem, is worth it. Do not stop until you get the conditions that you want it will not be easy, but the impact will be an eyeopener for sure.

Why am I speaking about bullying? Well I am fed up with what I am seeing and hearing. To have children with a mental disorder be bullied or taken advantage of, people posting awful commentaries anonymously towards other individuals, to see someone get bullied to the point where they see no point in living, I want this to stop. I want bullying to stop right now, before anyone else gets hurt or spends a restless night contemplating of why they do not fit in based on the opinions of others. If you are waiting for a sign to make a change, make this your sign. I cannot stress this enough just think what would you want to do to keep the ones you love, safe?

Listed below will be hotlines that will help victims out of bullying and bullies to find a place to be heard (remember these hotlines are open 24/7 so please do not wait there is help out there I am most certain of it!):

Crisis Call Center800-273-8255 

CyberTipline
800-843-5678

National Suicide Hotline800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
800-442-HOPE (4673)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline800-273-TALK (8255)

Please take care of yourselves, just know that I am also here for you!



P.S. If you do not fit in, there is nothing wrong with that, that means you are interesting! This means that there are no boundaries that limit you to who you want to be or who you are!

xx Chavelita 

Wings should be spread, not tucked

"Where will you be going to college?"
"What will you be majoring in?"
"Are you going to miss anyone when you leave for college?"
"How do you feel?"

In a nutshell, college has been the corn of the crop in many of my conversations I have encountered with other people which to me I do not mind since I already have a set plan but it does give me a reality check of what I will be leaving behind and what there is to expect as I spread these wings of mine. I have come to notice that the comfortable life at home will no longer be filled with my mother's cooking after a long day of school or of my father's jokes when he gets home from work or not being able to see my brothers or to split paths with my best friend, this is going to be difficult for me.  I know, I know that this transition will be hard but there is one thing that I am absolutely certain of is that if I do not leave for college now in this following autumn, and actually leave my house, pack up my things and leave this comfortable bubble town I will not have the urge to leave after. I am afraid of leaving do not get me wrong, but as scared as I am, I want to be able to experience this life everyone complains about. To have the chance to inhale this new breath of life first handed without having someone telling me where to go or what to do. To commit my own mistakes and find solutions for them. The sensation to feel human and carry out my own name instead being known as the little sister.

Another thing I want to touch upon is relationships not that I am in any at the moment, but I want to let you know that going to college is your moment and no one else's. As much as I wanted to bluntly tell people you should not go to the same college as your boyfriend/girlfriend unless that is truly the first choice of your college. Do not call me a pessimist but relationships change from high school going into college. Emotions will happen that you had no idea that could be felt, the change in environment could also be a factor, and as philosophical as this is going to sound when you are in college you have a tendency to find yourself. College is probably one of the most important locations that people find out more about themselves than anywhere else because you finally have to do things that are in your benefit not in other peoples benefits. So what worked in high school may not always transfer over into your college life and before anyone begins to freak out, this is totally fine. If something does not fit in your life you are allowed to make the necessary changes to create a balance within your life.

Though on the other hand if you do maintain your long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart the one thing I would not do is suffocate them. Even being far away, entrapment can happen. Instead give them their space, message them frequently and pick a day or two out of the week to actually call or video chat with them. When I say talk to them I actually mean putting everything down, sitting down and giving your undivided attention. If you want to you can call them more to ask how they are doing but actually take a day out of your week to catch up with your partner, no one likes to be out of the loop! To listen to a familiar voice could ease the stress and could even encourage the relationship to continue. Remind each other that despite the miles of distance, the situations that will happen in life because life just loves to make any moment spontaneous when it can, that you are there for them to listen and regardless of what happens that you love them. (In my personal opinion even sending written letters are a lovely reminder. There is just something in seeing someone's handwriting in a letter that gives the effect that they are with you.) Conclusions could be drawn, but if you remind them of how much they mean to you the less they will worry you and the less you will worry. Physical touch is limited in a long distance relationship which may be the leading cause of why these relationships complicate themselves but it truly takes some strong partners who are loyal, honest, patient, and hopeful to make the relationship work. For any reason that you feel like you are doubting this relationship or your partner is drifting then that means there is some sort of lack of communication which should be fixed immediately. If you are upset just know that solving problems miles away will get difficult as each day passes so please take care of any issues, and if you have to swallow your pride, and apologize in the appropriate time frames.

College gives me mixed emotions and hopefully I am not the only one aha but just know that do not force anything if there are things that are supposed to happen they will or they may have already happened. Please do not doubt yourself this should be the time where we plunge into the deep end and experience many of the things we imagine to do when we were in high school or even when we were little kids. Stay hopeful, keep those minds open, and remember that there will always be someone out there to help you wherever you go! (Who may also be your next best friend!)

What is something that you look forward to in college?

xx Chaveltia

Pardon

Manners are something that may seem like the tiniest problem in today's world but when it begins to feel like it is slowly disappearing among the mindset of others that is when I think it is becoming a bigger issue. As simple as showing a sign of gratitude like thanking someone for opening the door for you or saying please before asking your command can all be little things that can improve your relationship with others. To show that small piece of affection with others is a step closer to trusting that individual. There are times when I say excuse me after I burped and people will ask me, "why are you saying excuse me for?" and it makes me wonder if I did something wrong or their caregiver said something wrong for failing to enforce manners. In honest opinion, manners is not a difficult task to accomplish, it consists of a few words to create a phrase that soon leaves a big impact. Perhaps having manners is also a contagious behavior, but in order to be contagious someone has to start it. At times even that is a bit troubling to find in people which is kind of sad. Do not be ashamed if you are the only one displaying your manners to the public, whoever is judging does not know how to deal with their own emotions towards your sharing. It all begins with you, soon this trait begins to multiply within the crowd soon instead of people competing to be the best they will be competing to see who is the nicest. Man would that be something I would love to see.

Ladies, do not expect every man to be opening the door for you. Do not expect a prince charming that will lift you off your feet in the sweetest manner. The world's job is to rotate around the sun, it does not perform any sorts of miracles but it shouldn't mean that you should treat all guys the same. Keep your minds open, eliminate all schematic ideas of every person you meet and develop new perspectives of them. Be the one to start showing your manners to them if you have to, show them what they are missing out. I think it is best to set your expectations to a realistic scale, do not expect too much from people but also do not settle for less. Find your happy medium, and stick with it.

Gentlemen, although social norms has been structured to the point where the guys have to put their partner in front of them such as opening the doors for them or opening the car door for them know that it is your decision. Do not force yourself to do anything that you do not want to do. Treat people with respect, you do not have to shower people with manners though a manner here and there can take you places. Prove people that you can still be kind by following your own rules than following someone else's rules. Be confident in yourself, do not let anyone make you feel less worthy. If you're trying that should at least count for something. Choose your fights wisely.

In the end everyone should be considerate of each other no one is higher than anyone.

Do you think manners are slowing disappearing and why?



xx Chavelita

Last time I checked...

Today I thought I would talk about relationships since I haven't brought this topic enough. Relationships come in all forms such as sexual orientation, age difference, skin tone, etc. all beautiful in their own way but why is that people expect more when sometimes they're not giving their all? I have encountered some people who may be taken and they're not even grateful for the person who took the time and the courage to speak to given person. Or when the same person ask the who they like but then the spark fades and they go find another source to rekindle what they had. Whatever happened to loving someone for who they are and not switching partners the moment something dulls out? 

I worry about dating nowadays because few people have proven that it is possible to stick with the same person and although they may have conflicts they find a way to solve it. I understand that not all relationships do work out but before you break it off ask yourself why is that you don't want to be part of that person's life because once when you break it off it will never be the same as before. My knowledge of dating is very limited because I have not started dating but from the perspective I'm watching, the numerous tweets I read per day, and the Facebook statuses I just want people to be smart about their relationships. Consider your choices and choose wisely, don't give up so easily if that is the person you love/like. Do not let other people destroy your potential of being with that person or your relationship because of their jealousy, they're just going to have to live with the fact that you two are together. Keep it classy and don't gloat about your relationship with others that does not look very professional either. There are limits too. I find all relationships start off as special because you get the butterfly effect in your stomach just thinking about the person and being with them that everything around you does not matter. It should be kept that way in my opinion, each day you learn something new with the person you are with and you learn things about yourself too. Explore with them, take them on journeys, and enjoy your time together. Do not take advantage of what you have. 

What is something you would like to do when you're with your partner or something you would like to do when you meet them? 

xx Chavelita