Day 17: Learning how to drive

This summer I have made a promise with myself that I was going to learn how to drive. Not saying that I want to be the best driver there is but decent enough to know that if I were to have to hop into a car and drive at any moment then I can. I do not think I would mind to be the designated driver especially since I may be the last one among my friends to reach twenty-one, the legal age to drink here in the United States, and I would be the sober one to remember everything they may have done. Have you ever seen that picture where they have the description of the mom friend, the sister/brother friend, and the dad friend? Well I would consider myself that mom friend. I always want to make sure that my friends are doing okay and I am constantly concern about them even if there is nothing to be concerned about. I find that it is to my motherly (without kids) instinct of mine to bring up potential risks and measures that could be taken to insure the safety of others. Which is quite ironic saying that I am typically the youngest among my friends.

Well today as promised by my dad, he allowed me to drive in the empty parking lot of my old high school. Out of context I may have appeared to be a careless driver doing donuts, because my old high school is found on a busy street with the majority of shopping centers held local restaurants, but I was actually just trying to learn how to get behind the wheel. And a little bit over the wheel... In fact this has been my first official time driving because the first time I was allowed behind the wheel I went down my own street. What a joy ride that was! In this practice trip I was actually able to do turns, practice u-turns, practice my parking skills, and how to keep the van straight without it favoring one side over the next. I find the fact that the van I grew up in was the van I was actually learning to drive in. All the memories of being the backseat driver or the passenger co-pilot and now I was the one making the actual calls. First time parking regularly I was able to get in between the lines of the parking space which I was proud of myself to do until I was instructed to reverse park the van. If there was cars nearby I would of probably of crashed into them. Reverse parking is a whole other story of its own and it did not help that I am short and I was not able to entirely see the back of the van. If I knew how to use my mirrors more efficiently then I would have probably done better but I simply bombed those reverse parking.

Overall driving today was really fun. I was not at all scared mainly for the fact that I was the only one in the parking lot but I felt more in control. I have always wanted to learn how to drive even in high school because of the independence. To depend on someone has brought in so much anxiety and stress so if I am able to drive then I would take away some of that stress. I can rely on others to a certain extent, but if I can find a way to learn to do it myself then I would and I will. At times it may seem selfish but I just see is as a form of surviving. My parents have supported me from ends meet but I feel like this is the time where I want to support  myself more. College will be there and my parents won't so it's a nice skill to learn how to drive. I am excited to continue learning! Then the next goal is to be the one driving my parents around whenever I can for all the times they have.

If you have started, how has your driving experience been?

xx Chavelita

Day 13: The Promise Ring

In the Hispanic/Latino culture, whenever a girl turns fifteen it is known to be a big deal. The quinceanero marks the transition of a girl becoming a woman. Yeah I know fifteen is quite young for a big step but it makes sense because naturally girls are becoming women so it is like sealing the deal and your loved ones are there on your fifteenth birthday to celebrate your big transition. Well in cases like mine where I did turn fifteen I was not given a big celebration until October where I went to Puerto Rico during my fall break to have my quinceanera, I was instead given the biggest most treasuring gift in my life. It was not a car or anything materialistic that could be cashed in, but it was my parents promise ring. As of today I have yet to take off my parents promise ring from my finger. I was told by them that when they have a daughter when she turned fifteen the ring will be hers. I asked, what if they did not have a daughter or what if they had two daughters? And they simply told me that they just knew they were going to have one. My parents in my opinion were very old school. Living in Puerto Rico, my dad would ride his bicycle over to my mom's house so often that my mom's parents at first did not like having his presence. My mom's house was up on a hill so my dad would have to walk his bicycle or pedal hard to make it up but that did not stop him from coming over. Yeah my grandparents did not approve of him which I have always thought to be pretty hilarious because my dad is the type of man to spread his love around even to those who did not want it. "Ya viene ese otra vez" (There he comes again...) is something I imagine my abuela saying. My dad's persistence was probably how my grandparents finally allowed him in the family or at least make him feel welcomed to be in it. Well one day my dad gave my mom the promise ring and with that being said that he promised that they will get married one day.

It has been difficult these past few days but I always like to remember this story because it reminds me that not everything is lost. This story is being told the way I remember it being told to me by my parents so there may be a few flaws but I am really fond of the idea of going through the process of promising someone to marry them with the promise ring, the engagement ring leading into marriage, and lastly the wedding ring that seals the whole sacrament. I know I am being vague but I promise that someday I will explain myself. For now I am just going to hold onto this precious ring and remember that love is powerful, love can fix the wounded, love is contagious, and that love comes natural. I hope that one day I get to go through the whole process with someone.

What has been the biggest promise you have made?

xx Chavelita

Day 8: Growing up with brothers

As told by my parents, I was the last chance in them having a daughter. Before me, my two brothers were born. My oldest brother, Juan Carlos and my the runner up my brother Luis. I can relate to both of my brothers on different levels. With Juan Carlos I can relate to him with my passion to learn, getting a closer relationship with my religion, our quiet but understanding behavior, and always pushing to do the right thing. On the other hand, with Luis I can relate to the way that when he settles on something he has a hard time dropping it. This could be speaking over a certain topic or the future purchases he wants to make for himself, this guy should be on a debate team because he will continue to state his opinion until he is the only one left speaking. Sometimes he can be difficult but he also is really loving and will show you when you have gained enough of his trust. There has not been a day this summer that I have not been given a hug from him. Luis is taller than Juan Carlos, so when he hugs my head is at his chest and I can feel one of these days he is going to break my glasses because of hard he squeezes me! To grow up with brothers has had their good and bad days. Good because they tried to get me involve in most of their activities. There was one time in particular we had new neighbors move in and Juan Carlos was like, we should go say hi! But me being timid I knew I could not do it on my own so he helped me make friends with the girls who have moved in. Then the bad because my brothers would bump heads often. Their personalities are very similar and I want to say that is why they would fight. Verbally fight, but even then I would not want to be in the same room where the steam was being let out. For a certain time I had thought I was a tomboy because up until I was about the age of 7 all I did was play with my brothers. The Beyblades, the Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Pokemon, video games, watching Dragon Ball, Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, Digimon... The list can continue my friends. I did have my fair share of Barbies that are still sitting somewhere in my room because my mom did not have the heart to let my Barbies go to charity, so perhaps when I have my own daughter we will play Barbies, but sometimes I had to convince my brother to play Barbies with me. I thought it was only just since I would play with his toys.

Whenever my mom was away and I was left with the boys of the house, those were the days where I also felt like one of the boys. Not that I was forced to not be the girl that I was, but it just felt nice to not think that my gender had an influence of how my brothers would treat me. I was still bullied with their love which is something that has not changed when I am found in a room with my brothers together. It was nice to be the youngest and the only sister, I did not have to grow up as fast as my brothers did and I did not have to share as much when it came to materialistic things. Whenever my brothers and I were left alone in the house, I would always let my brothers open the door if we had a visitor. I did not have to start taking the trash out until my senior year of high school because my brother would do it. Since Luis was a grade level below me when I went to grade school, he would always have an eye out for me. He did not let anyone hurt me and if he saw that someone was bothering me he would sort it out. He was like my big shadow always ready to come out when needed. I know now that growing up and not living in the same location all the time, over the phone I still tell him things that are bothering me and he still responds with "who do I need the beat up this time?". Although he is joking (at least I hope he is only joking now), he still knows how to make me feel safe. While Juan Carlos always kept me on my toes. He would recommend me books to read and help explain the homework I did not understand. Talking to him, I felt I would leave a little bit smarter at the end of our conversations. I never had the opportunity to go to grade school with Juan Carlos because we were four grade levels apart. Lets put it this way, when my brother graduated from high school, I had just graduated from middle school. When I graduated from high school, my brother had graduated from college. Which is why I believe that my relationship with my brothers are not the same but I still appreciate all the moments we shared.

Our childhood was pretty amazing. We have our insiders, we traveled to different parts of the world together and learned different cultures, we have our fights but later we forget that we were upset at each other, and that is something that I feel to lucky to be part of. Even though I struggled to make friends because I was so timid and most of the kids my age were boys, I learned to grow a tough layer from the beginning. I know that nothing is going to change how sensitive of a person I am but I learned to appreciate what I did have which were my brothers. I will never know what it feels to grow up with a sister but at the same time I am glad I did not grow up with sisters. To have sisters I would have to probably to share all my belongings and I am not sure how I would feel about that. To be the only girl, I get to have my mom all to myself to do all the feminine things and I would always be Daddy's girl. So maybe I am not missing out as much as I thought I did when I was younger.

How many siblings do you have?

From left to right: Liz, my sister-in-law, Juan Carlos, me and Luis

xx Chavelita

Day 6: Adulting

Adulting. Something you will not understand until you actually have to be an adult and do things on your own. When you have to take the reigns on your own life even if you do not know where or how to lead. Going in with an optimistic approach of independence, adulting is not at all what I imagined. I am not sure there is even a comparable situation that will assist you into the adult world unless you have absolutely had to rely on yourself to get things done. I know as a military child you tend to see life in a different manner and for the most part your childhood goes rather quickly as we lean more on ourselves to get the job done. Though even being a military child I had my moments of struggle, no one is prepared for what life is thrown at you. It is true that you live one day at a time. I find that it is just best to remind yourself that each day will have their struggles and rewards but no yesterdays are the same as our tomorrows.

There has been many times where I had wish my mom was around to help me make decisions when I am at the grocery store. Or be given some thought out advice on how to overcome moments of confusion with my dad. But through it all, you tend to learn a lot about yourself when you do not have any influence coming from someone else. I found my love for drinking hot tea in particular peach hot tea. I have learned that I cannot buy milk for one because I will let it spoil. I am embarrassed to say this but I had half a gallon of milk sitting in the inside of our fridge for a whole semester without opening. I was afraid to open it and throw out the contents out so I threw out the whole thing in the trash bin. Out of sight, out of mind, right? In the basement was the laundry room and in there there was the old washing machines that I had forgotten how to use so I had to relearn the technique to use those machines. I found out that I am not strong enough physically to bring all of my dirty laundry at once so I had to separate my loads in a bag and take it down to the basement in rotations. Also learned that doing laundry on a weekday was not going to cut it for me and if I were to do my laundry at an earlier time on the weekend I was able to get all my loads done by the afternoon. Some of the things I have learned while adulting, it is all about the little things my friends. 

I normally do not get sick but when I do get sick then its like a piece of hell breaks open. Towards the end of my second semester of college I was hit hard with the allergies. First came the headaches which I thought could be treated with a pain killer pill only the headache persisted into the next day. This is how migraine and I first met, it was not a welcoming experience to say the least. The following day I was okay but the day after that I woke up with a sore throat and my body had given up on me. If my body could speak it would of probably told me, "Girl you are on your own for this one!". I had asked my mentor if she had any cough syrup or if she could take me to the pharmacy to get me some but I did not receive a reply back until I had woken up that morning of the sore throat. Everyone was apparently busy so there was only one thing I could do and that was to walk to the nearest pharmacy myself. Using every remaining amount of energy left I began my walk to the pharmacy. Perhaps this was the moment that I had hit adulthood. When you are left to take care of yourself and be responsible for taking your medicine and taking yourself to the doctors when needed. What a fun week that was for me!

Overall, adulting is going to push your buttons. With time though, you learn to adapt yourself to adulthood... at least that is what I am hoping adulting leads to. I am still adjusting even some of my adult friends are still adulting. So do not feel bad if you are getting to the age that you have to be an adult and all you experience is a lot of confusion and loss of control. That means you are doing it right! Keep up the good work! You will soon find your momentum! Things will soon start making sense, it is the getting started part that brings in the toughest challenges.

How is adulting coming along for you?

xx Chavelita

Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

College Update

Alright so maybe I fell off of the face of the Earth for the entire month of August, but no one told me how emotional this college transition was going to turn out. So here I will take the time to catch you up all as to what I have been up to this past month until now.

• Cultural shock. Just the atmosphere itself is different. Now I am lucky, no, EXCITED that I get to hear someone speak Spanish. When people would say that my hometown was like this safety bubble different from the rest of Texas, I did not obtain that full understanding until I actually left that bubble. That is the first of many things that I miss about home. I really hope to get over this cultural shock and learn to be able to connect with people here. 
• Food is a responsibility not a privilege. If I want to eat I have to either be able to make it in the comfort of my dorm room (which I don't mind much because that is what I would do at home) or put my shoes on to head out to go grab something to eat. No more laying in bed and get the occasional texts from my mom of whether I want a fried egg or pancakes while I was still in bed. Also remembering to eat is important because as busy as that college life could get time managing is important to schedule when you are going to eat because you do not want to be that kid in the middle of a quiet room with a monster roaring for attention. 
• Grocery shopping is also something that I haven't yet done but I will soon. Now I am going to be that lady who inspects all of her groceries to see if she is getting her money's worth of food. Adulthood is just one curious thing after the other. 
• HOMESICKNESS. Not that I get homesick that often because I force myself to stay busy but when I have those times to reflect over my day, you can't help but miss your parents and your friends. On my first time going to church alone, I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and all the lovely people who I would see every Sunday. That was probably my biggest bump in the road but at least I went to church and continued moving forward. It's still a part of who I am even though I am starting a new chapter in my life and I think it's fine to be homesick so long as it doesn't get in the way of the actual studying and learning part which is the reason why I left in the first place. 
• So many acquaintances, but still no friends. I have met so many people and seen so many people in these two weeks of school and it's so refreshing to be seeing people from all parts of the world speaking in their native tongue. So far I have not made any friends that I spend time on a regular basis outside of classroom hours (excluding my dorm roommate) but I am still trying to remain optimistic that I will soon find my people and be more comfortable at my campus.
• I am now a Research Assistant in the Psychology department. Before I had left for college I received an email from my psychology major adviser stating that there was research assistant opportunities open since those who were research assistant are or already have graduated and needed new people to come fill in the spaces. At first I thought it was a long shot to apply for one of the positions because I honestly had no clue what I was getting myself into but my mentality of college being the time of experimentation I submitted my application. A few days after I had started my classes, I received an email from the person in charge of the study asking when was a good time that I could meet for an interview. Here I am thinking that, alright everyone gets interviewed it's reasonable because they don't want to blindly accept someone without knowing a few things about them. On that Friday (which was last week if we want to be more specific) of my interview I actually tried on my appearance, straightened my hair, applied makeup, ironed out my shirt, I wanted to make a good impression. Arriving there 15 minutes before my interview I was mustering the courage I had to actually knock on the door because I was already waiting outside the door. Turns out that the interview went a lot smoother than I expected, all the nervous feelings I had kind of just remained outside of the door and the interview felt more like a casual conversation between the graduate student who was interviewing me and myself. What stood out from the whole interview that he normally does not get undergraduate freshmen applying for research assistants this soon into their college career but that my application stood out. I STOOD OUT. And well he also told me that normally he does not pick freshmen for the position but he chose me. ME. I couldn't have felt any more prouder in myself that day. I am starting this Tuesday and I am pretty excited as to what I get to do.
• Am I scared? A constant question I ask myself, but I can't quite decide if I am really scared to just be in a new environment handling different situations or I feel more independent but just wishing to have someone that tags along with me so I don't feel as lonely. For the most part, I don't think much about the thought of being alone and doing things for myself. Perhaps this is the major turning point to teenager into the starting of adulthood. I know that if my mom was still around I would stay near here but it's kind of hard when we're 335 miles apart from one another. You come to that point that you just stop thinking about the things that are not important and actual pinpoint want needs to get done and you do it. No one is going to be telling me,  "Isabel, did you do your laundry?" "Did you eat?" "Have you showered?" "How about that homework?" It's all on me (not that my parents had to constantly ask me these questions) but it feels great, I feel like I am more in control of my life. 
• Limits are well tested. Now that I don't really have a comfort zone anymore because even in my dorm room I am not completely by myself with my roommate, your limits are tested constantly. As frustrating as there is no comfort zone to run to and take cover, I am now obligated to speak and share my ideas. I have spoken up when I need to and I have been speaking with people that I barely know which is a big step for me since I like to keep to myself. So I have this logic that if I keep talking, I will soon find that one friend. 
• Speaking about roommates... We actually get along pretty well! I only have one roommate, and I am really blessed that she is my roommate because even though she may not know it, she is the only person who listens to me here at school in person. To have that opportunity to speak to someone personally about one's problems or just something on my mind, I think that is how I am keeping myself emotionally stable here to be honest. 
• Dorm room is a bit snug but it's comfortable and for that I can't complain. I have mixed feelings about having a dorm room that is almost at the end of the hall away from the elevators but at least I am closer to the stairs so in case of any emergency that results in evacuating the building I have that leverage. I am still getting used to having to walk around everywhere with my keys, I am surprised that I haven't locked myself out of my dorm room yet. *knock on wood*
• Communal showers are not bad at all! Even though I shower in my cheap flip flops everyday, I can't complain about the communal showers. There is nothing embarrassing about them either because just as a bathroom is made for everyone (in this case the ladies bathroom) has their business and does their business and then they leave. All the girls who I have been in the bathroom with have been respectful which is a plus side. There is enough space to not feel so cramped in one shower stall and there is also enough space to change clothes. THE SHOWER STALLS CAN CLOSE WHICH MAKES ME FEEL A WHOLE LOT SECURE. So yeah and the toilets are clean, thankful for the cleaning ladies they do such an amazing job keeping those bathrooms clean.
• Football games? Even though I may go by myself, I am planning to go to my first football game next Saturday (we had our first football game today) but I want to go the one next week because I play against my brother's college and I want to be there when I kick his butt! aha

For those of you who are college freshmen just as myself we are in this together! I wouldn't be surprised if you can entirely relate to what I have been feeling in just these last few weeks. For those who are planning on going to college soon, just know that college isn't as bad as you think it will be. I still have those fears but I am sure you will be fine. Things just take time to settle in so take your time and take advantage of all those opportunities that you see and hear about! You will soon find your people!

How was your first weeks as a college freshman?

xx Chavelita

Day 29: Goals for the next month

Most of my goals for August is pretty much college related because that is the month I start my first year of college! Pretty pumped, pretty frightened, but I am still looking forward to what the month of August has to offer for me. Turn a new page, start fresh, meet new people, cultures, finding out more about myself without the influence of people I have grown close to.

1. Settle in college smoothly - I can already feel move in weekend for me to be a whole load of stress on me so hopefully that everything moves rather easily without little to no complications. At least if things do go rather sleek, I will probably spend less time freaking out that I cannot turn back now or not have my parents around me when I feel uncomfortable.
2. Be able to see my friends one last time before we all split into different paths - This is a must because I know that if I go to college without seeing my close friends for the last time, I would simply be sad and have a lack of closure that will be bugging me. 
3. Get back into study mode - The time to put away the Netflix, and settle down to focus on my studies. Only this time I'll try to not let my studies completely consume me and try to get involved within my campus.
4. Try to post on my blog at least once a week - I am not sure I can promise this because I am not sure myself how much free time I will end up having. At least I know on Tuesday's I only have one class so maybe Tuesday's? Maybe it can work out, I can do my laundry and write to you guys. No promises though, I'll try to post whenever I can!
5. Make new friends in college and find an eating buddy - The sooner I make friends the easier the transition into college will be so if I at least make one new friend I will feel fine. Of course, I hope to find someone I can spend eating my meals with and get to know more in depth. I already had enough of eating alone in high school.
6. Celebrating my mom's 50th birthday - Not everyday someone turns half a century, and I want my mom's birthday to be special so crossing my fingers that I am able to make this happen. 
7. Take my dad to eat I-HOP - A promise is a promise, so I cannot wait until we have our own little pancake date before I head to college. 

What are your goals for next month?

xx Chavelita

Day 28: Things that make me LOL

This topic is quite difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes me laugh because I am constantly laughing at everyday things. You don't even have to try to make me laugh because in all natural cases I would probably be laughing by the third sentence or so into the conversation that is if the person happens to be friendly and kind to me. Alright well here are a few things I find myself laughing at.

1. My dad's jokes - My dad could whip up a joke from thin air and have me holding my stomach from laughter. I want to say that I laugh a whole lot than I should is because I have such a visual imagination that allows to surpass the intentions of the joke. Yet, I still enjoy his jokes even if some people may not understand his humor the way I do, I don't mind being the one laughing the hardest among the crowd even if my dad needs to explain himself sometimes. 
2. My best friend's stories - Hands down my best friend is one of the best storytellers, her choice of words and actions that she takes to explain her experiences actually makes you feel like you're there with her cringing alongside, laughing, or being embarrassed all depending on the central emotion these stories are based on. Also the most sarcastic and punniest person, the fact that I can distinguish when she is being sincere or serious I could tell which expressions she used. I feel like I know her so well to that I can guess what happens in her stories before she tells me which again activates that vivid imagination of mine.
3. Watching Wipe Out with commentary - I already know what you are going to say, that laughing at people's pain is not a laughing matter but this rule does not apply when you are watching Wipe Out. Just the fact that people sign themselves up to do these stupendous obstacle courses, you pretty much gave the viewers the right to laugh. Many nights on the i-Pad I would just watch it with my dad and laugh to the point where my mom on the other side of the room have told us to be quiet. No apologies there. 
4. My twin a month apart - Alright so I have this close friend who's birthday is June 5th and mine is July 5th so I consider us to be a month apart twins. Well I have met her my freshman year of high school through my best friend, and I felt like something clicked between us. Just one of those friendships that you can instantly trust and share personal information with because you already know they can handle it. My friend has been one of the most hilarious people I have met, her stories, her reactions, her phrases, just as a whole person she is brilliant and I am really glad to have been introduced to her. Now as high school graduates we are still friends sharing laughter and stories when we can. 

Honestly I am constantly laughing, whether my laughing is legitimate or I am nervous and decide to laugh away the distress, I am simply a giggly person. I laugh at the smallest things that people may overlook at and perhaps give me odd looks for laughing at air. Sometimes I laugh at my mom when she misinterprets my question and says something completely off topic. Or when people swear in front of me and think that I haven't heard such colorful words before. I laugh when people mistaken me for a little girl and hand me goodie bags because the joke is on them! Maybe I take some things lightly but I prefer to laugh than to hold back things that are bothering me. Laughing is the cheapest medicine, the best therapy to sadness, and a great exercise for those lungs and abdominal. 

What makes you laugh?

xx Chavelita

Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 12: Blessed and grateful

At random moments over the months, I look back to all the wonderful and not so glamorous portions of my life. Then after coming up from the thoughts, I come into realization that not everybody goes through the same path to get to where they are today. Some of us went through a long bumpy road, others went down a rocky slide, and others went through a maze to get to where they are now. The reason why I did not put that some glided through success is because success does not come from being lucky but more with the work that has be put to achieve their position. If life went smoothly all the time, then what would be the definition of living? Anyway here are five things as to why I feel blessed as I walk through my own road.

1. For my parents who are still happily married - After nine years of dating and twenty three years of being married, ever since I was little my parents relationship was always something I looked up to. Even though I was younger and did not understand what the struggles they went through to provide for my brothers and I, they never blamed us and they definitely never lost their temper with us. Most of my memories were silly, funny, and full of love and cuddles. For that I will never trade my parents or those memories for anything. 
2. For being healthy - Something that I take for granted, is being healthy which is by far a blessing. To be able to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste, now that's a big deal. 
3. To be able to go to college - One of the things that I was most worried about is being able to pay for college which could have also been the greatest obstacle to maintain my position as a college student. At least with the support of my parents and the scholarships that I have earned for the following semester has placed me in a good position to attend college. 
4. For the people who had walked into my life whether they stayed or left - Everyone had a purpose in my life whether the impact was minimal or substantial, I have learned immensely from each person. Those are the people that has transformed me into the person I am today which is why it is a blessing to say, for getting me into the position I am today.  
5. For my best friend - My best friend always makes me feel blessed and I feel like we have defeated many odds as we have remained friends for eight years... Yeah eight years, the same age as a child. Mind blowing but I am glad that we stuck with one another because she is literally my other half. 

What makes you feel blessed?

xx Chavelita

Day 1: Happiness starts with you

Here are the ten things that make me happy, though I am limited to only ten there is plenty of other things that in which I am happy for. 

1. Meeting new friends/seeing old friends - As I am not much of a social butterfly but I can be outgoing when I am comfortable among people I know, not enough socializing happens to meet new friends on a daily basis. Yet meeting new friends is such a rewarding experience because I was able to come out of my comfort zone and find someone that I am compatible with, so pretty much defeating the odds. Then when I see old friends after years of being apart, its such a warming experience to encounter and be able to notice the changes the person has gone through. Leaves me dumbfounded sometimes at how much puberty, knowledge, and life can do to form a set individual. 
2. Online shopping for new clothes - Yes the indecisive shopper prefers to go online shopping than actually visiting the store because it eliminates the endless amounts of "should I go with this one but that one was also cute..." and the stress and guilt I have placed my mother in whenever she takes me to the stores. At least I have learned what my sizes are for the stores I do shop in so I wouldn't have to worry about returning some of the purchased merchandise. 
3. Having a clean room - No matter how many times I have been told that I should clean my room, I was even banned from my own room with a sticky note on the door that read "Close for lack of maintenance", the motivation to clean my room comes in splurges. Never consistent but when I am in the mood of cleaning and tired of the mood, I actually get it done and its the outcome that brings much happiness. I find it true that having a clean room is like having a clean mind because boy does my stress meter lowers!
4. Receiving messages from people I enjoy talking to - When I was younger I used to be a massive messenger, I remember I was banned from a website I was constantly on because I would online message people so many times. I think on messenger for the first time I confessed my love in the sixth grade ahahaha but now that I am older I don't really message people. I message people when I have something regarding them but normally my phone is a quiet as the night with the occasional crickets. 
5. Any time I spend with my best friend - I have met my best friend in the fourth grade and we are still best friends today which I am really grateful for, so of course any time I spend with her I am having a great moment. 
6. Videochatting with my dad - Since I can't really see my dad in person at the moment, videochatting is the next best thing. I really enjoy talking to my dad, its like we have this telepathic power where we can tell when something is bothering us. I can pretty much tell him anything and hopefully he knows that he can do the same with me. 
7. Visiting Puerto Rico where most of my family live - Visiting Puerto Rico is like a magical place not because the location is beautiful and the weather is nice but because I get to see my family after years of not seeing them. These are the moments that are worth waiting for because when they do happen, it definitely fills me up with such warmth and happiness. Cherish your family you only get one. 
8. Being Latina and knowing Spanish and well basically for who I am - I will forever be proud and happy to be a Spanish speaking Latina. As much as people tell me that I look like my mom that also makes me happy. 
9. Watching movies late at night by myself - This is where my total introvert behavior kicks in, watching movies in the dark is one of my favorite pastimes. You get snuggled in your blanket, maybe have some snacks, and its time you get to spend with yourself. As silly as it may seem, when you spend time with yourself you tend to get to know yourself a bit better. 
10. When people remember the little details about me - I blush and smile immensely when someone remembers something I had said or the things I do not like to do or enjoy doing. Taking consideration of the small details sure lets me know that you are listening, paying attention, and that you do care. 

What are some of the things you are happy for?

xx Chavelita

Wings should be spread, not tucked

"Where will you be going to college?"
"What will you be majoring in?"
"Are you going to miss anyone when you leave for college?"
"How do you feel?"

In a nutshell, college has been the corn of the crop in many of my conversations I have encountered with other people which to me I do not mind since I already have a set plan but it does give me a reality check of what I will be leaving behind and what there is to expect as I spread these wings of mine. I have come to notice that the comfortable life at home will no longer be filled with my mother's cooking after a long day of school or of my father's jokes when he gets home from work or not being able to see my brothers or to split paths with my best friend, this is going to be difficult for me.  I know, I know that this transition will be hard but there is one thing that I am absolutely certain of is that if I do not leave for college now in this following autumn, and actually leave my house, pack up my things and leave this comfortable bubble town I will not have the urge to leave after. I am afraid of leaving do not get me wrong, but as scared as I am, I want to be able to experience this life everyone complains about. To have the chance to inhale this new breath of life first handed without having someone telling me where to go or what to do. To commit my own mistakes and find solutions for them. The sensation to feel human and carry out my own name instead being known as the little sister.

Another thing I want to touch upon is relationships not that I am in any at the moment, but I want to let you know that going to college is your moment and no one else's. As much as I wanted to bluntly tell people you should not go to the same college as your boyfriend/girlfriend unless that is truly the first choice of your college. Do not call me a pessimist but relationships change from high school going into college. Emotions will happen that you had no idea that could be felt, the change in environment could also be a factor, and as philosophical as this is going to sound when you are in college you have a tendency to find yourself. College is probably one of the most important locations that people find out more about themselves than anywhere else because you finally have to do things that are in your benefit not in other peoples benefits. So what worked in high school may not always transfer over into your college life and before anyone begins to freak out, this is totally fine. If something does not fit in your life you are allowed to make the necessary changes to create a balance within your life.

Though on the other hand if you do maintain your long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart the one thing I would not do is suffocate them. Even being far away, entrapment can happen. Instead give them their space, message them frequently and pick a day or two out of the week to actually call or video chat with them. When I say talk to them I actually mean putting everything down, sitting down and giving your undivided attention. If you want to you can call them more to ask how they are doing but actually take a day out of your week to catch up with your partner, no one likes to be out of the loop! To listen to a familiar voice could ease the stress and could even encourage the relationship to continue. Remind each other that despite the miles of distance, the situations that will happen in life because life just loves to make any moment spontaneous when it can, that you are there for them to listen and regardless of what happens that you love them. (In my personal opinion even sending written letters are a lovely reminder. There is just something in seeing someone's handwriting in a letter that gives the effect that they are with you.) Conclusions could be drawn, but if you remind them of how much they mean to you the less they will worry you and the less you will worry. Physical touch is limited in a long distance relationship which may be the leading cause of why these relationships complicate themselves but it truly takes some strong partners who are loyal, honest, patient, and hopeful to make the relationship work. For any reason that you feel like you are doubting this relationship or your partner is drifting then that means there is some sort of lack of communication which should be fixed immediately. If you are upset just know that solving problems miles away will get difficult as each day passes so please take care of any issues, and if you have to swallow your pride, and apologize in the appropriate time frames.

College gives me mixed emotions and hopefully I am not the only one aha but just know that do not force anything if there are things that are supposed to happen they will or they may have already happened. Please do not doubt yourself this should be the time where we plunge into the deep end and experience many of the things we imagine to do when we were in high school or even when we were little kids. Stay hopeful, keep those minds open, and remember that there will always be someone out there to help you wherever you go! (Who may also be your next best friend!)

What is something that you look forward to in college?

xx Chaveltia

Side 2

Hmm, I'm not sure I have told you that I am a military kid (probably briefly in a earlier post). Yes, my father has been serving the Army before I was even born and still is serving the country today. Today I thought I would give you a glimpse as what it is to be a military kid.

The detachment. The total amount of times my Dad has been deployed would be 3 times, at least those I remember and has affected me. I remember the first time when I was small maybe 4, and he was leaving to go to South Korea (of course at that time I was not sure where he was going). When we got there he was saying goodbye and I wanted to go with him but since I was still in my car seat I did not know how to take off the seat belt. He closed the car door and left, with my little self trying to open the car door. Next thing I remember I was crying and watching him take closer steps to the building. The other two times where they are the same honestly, when he left to Iraq I cried numerous times before he actually left the same when he left to Kuwait the previous year. I am always telling myself that I have to be strong and that the sooner he leaves the earlier he gets back.

Single parent. Hands down, I would have to say that my Mom is the strongest person I have met. Full of character and not once have I found her crying when my Dad leaves (unless she does and I don't see her). I am not sure how she does it, having to temporarily play two roles of mother and father. She has always put my brothers and I first before herself. I sometimes wonder how my Mom was like as a person before she met my Dad. Was she already independent, and confident? Or was she timid and quiet like I am at the moment? Glad she chose to marry my Dad, they're the perfect partners for each other and are able to communicate without actually communicating. I call it the telepathic minds. I think it comes when you know the person backwards and forwards that you can actually read thoughts or actions before they happen. It is weird, but my parents has known each other roughly around 30 to 35 years. Either way, I try to make the transition easier for the both us by not asking for much and helping out when I can.

Moving. You would think that the few times I have moved throughout my childhood, I would learn to socialize and learn to make friends quickly. That was probably the biggest obstacle I had to go over. Saying goodbyes were the worst and then seeing people who look like the friends you have left was heartbreaking. I do not consider myself to have a hometown since the place I was born in I only stayed them until I was one year old and we moved again. Though I am thankful that I had the opportunity to travel, learn new cultures, meet people I would have not thought of knowing. It has taught me not to be ignorant and create assumptions based on the media instead to actually know them for who they are. Such as when I lived in Hawaii, I was introduced to the ukulele. It's like a tiny guitar with only four strings but it creates such a beautiful relaxing tune that for Christmas I had gotten one and over this summer I have been playing. When I used to go to middle school over there, during transition periods some of my classmates would spontaneously just play the ukulele and walk to class. Since it was an outdoor school, the sound would travel around the campus. Spam musibi was another thing I miss, you could go to almost any gas station and buy one. It is basically a piece of cooked spam on rice wrapped in seaweed. It was also made with teriyaki chicken. Such lovely people I met when I lived there, nice to have felt included.

Friends. So far the nationalities I have met include Polynesian, Samoan, Venezuelan, Spanish, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese and German. I had a best friend who was Korean and she drew so amazingly that it caused me to pick up drawing myself. I had met her in the 6th grade and we were both wallflowers only I was the first to interact. I began to include her more when others would not give her a chance. I do not regret meeting her, she was the first to take me to eat Pho with her family (I believe it is Vietnamese soup and they give you the meat is a bit raw but you're supposed to dip the meat into the broth to finish its cooking, so good...), first to introduce me into Nutella, and expanded my music vocabulary for introducing to Vocaloid which is Japanese computerized singing robots that sound like humans and through that I picked up some Japanese phrases and we would talk to each other in small verses in Japanese. At church in Hawaii is where I felt included since everyone spoke Spanish there and I honestly felt like I was Puerto Rico. In fact I met a Puerto Rican mother that I grew close to that I still talk to, her stories were profound. Give people chances is something important I have learned, you have to open up if you want to actually settle into the location you were stationed in. And who knows, you may see them again.

Being a military kid has their pros and cons, but I have learned to make the best out of each situation. Like go to the top of Moana Loa the tallest mountain in the Big Island where you have to look down to see the clouds or run a 5K for a fundraiser in Texas. I have heard a lot of times that military kids grow up faster than normal kids but I do not think it's necessarily true. Everyone grows up by the amount of experiences and stories they have encountered throughout their childhood that develop them to become the person they are today. But I do believe it makes us grow up differently among the rest. Obviously there is more, but this the glimpse of the military kid life. In person I do not mention that I am a military kid because it either not brought up or I do not bring it up. It's not something I like to talk about but it is a part of who I am and I cannot ignore it.

How has the military impacted your life?

xx Chavelita