Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Expectations

Well my first day of school was yesterday and by the look of the lack of the blogpost yesterday it was one hell of a day. First days of school are the worst for me everything was turned upside down or inside out (whichever you prefer) and I did not enjoy it. Bright side was to be able to see my friends but even then that is limited. The classes that I have are not quite what I thought it would be, some of my favorite classes are no longer my favorite because of the switching of teachers or the switch of the students. Changes are hard, I understand that they are supposed to be because it measures your ability to spring back into the right direction or a new direction but I am honestly worried about this year. This is not very positive blogpost but I am not going to apologize for how I feel because I am too human, we are all a little broken. Sometimes we feel weak and we have reached those moments where you are just trying to place all the positives together to out balance the negatives.

The reason why transitions are hard for me because I am so accustomed to how my life was last school year and growing close to my classmates that now being placed in a group of people I barely speak to, its like all the odds are against me. To be a child of a military father, it was something you were either ready or not there was no choices if you wanted to leave. And here I am, still not used to it. Total survival of the fittest and as much as I prefer to be on my own, I know I cannot always be and being with a group of unfamiliar people makes the situation seem sketchy for me. When students who do not take their work as serious are placed in the same group as me, it makes me upset because I know where they all lead to: me doing all the work. I am no one's guinea pig, I am a leader and if people are not going to follow or at least cooperate than why should I cooperate with them? I'm just already stressed and I know I shouldn't be because it's barely the second day of school. I am trying to pull through, make the best out of my senior year, and complete all the work that comes at me.

The title of this blogpost is expectations. At any given moment there will be times where we are tossed the unexpected and have to learn to deal with them. Just because something was decent or great the year before, it does not always determine where you will be the next year. What you may have experienced the first time will not have the same effect as it does the second time. People change, situations change, and to cope with them has its own story. Though it is possible to overcome these obstacles, when you feel your weakest is when your window of opportunity comes to become a stronger person than you already are. I just have to reshape my comfort zone again and take my best friend's advice and open up more to people. Not on a personal level but as an acquaintance or at least to the point where I do not feel as lonely or a stranger when I do not have my support system with me.

As I mentioned before school has started for me which means that I will be posting less. I have decided that I should post at least three times in a week maybe the weekend with the addition of Wednesday? Depends on how much will be on my plate according to my schedule.



How do you recall your first day of school?

xx Chavelita

Recalculating

There are just moments in life where you seem that you have everything together, you find yourself content with the life you've decided to take, and you sense that nothing can go wrong. As swift and easy, negativity comes rushing through you like the plague and steals away all the confidence that took you so long to build up. Now let me tell you that is probably one of the worst feelings to experience because it's not a outside source that is causing the problem (though it could be a factor) but you also play the role as the predator of your own thoughts with what you see. Interpretation and perspective can be deadly when they're put together. There is no avoiding it, there will be people, posts, books, music, pretty much anything that can inspire and or dissuade you from the person you want to become. Sometimes it is not even your fault because I believe that people change for their own benefit and depending on what it is (though that may not always be the case), that is up to you to decide to keep that person in your life or continue without them. Let me ask you, do you love yourself? Do you love the life you molded yourself into? If you answered yes for both questions then there is nothing wrong with you and if you want to enrich your life I think you should do it. Do not forget about the people who helped you get to where you are and the experiences you have gone through because they are the reason for the path you've chosen. If you answered no for one or both questions, what is it that you want in life? What are some things you can fix that can get you back onto the right path? Do not be afraid to ask for help, but also be careful who you ask for help. The changes you make does not always have to be anything major because even the little changes make a large impact. I will not lie, it's confusing because I do not have an exact answer to give you to overcome this because everyone has different methods of coping but if you're starting to become unhappy then maybe you're going the wrong way. Retract your steps if you have to and hopefully it will newly enlighten the light inside of you. Remember just like Jessie J said, "It's okay not to be okay" but it's not okay to sit there and do nothing about it either.

xx Chavelita 

Rare friends

Have you ever met someone that immediately changed your life the moment you both came into contact? I am not the one to expect a close friendship from the first few days I meet someone but in this case it was different and we still talk as of today too. It was October of my sophomore year in high school and that year of 2012 I had my 15th birthday in July. Normally you would have your quinceanera around the time of your birthday but I am guessing there was not enough time for the preparations for my "surprise" quinceanera. Why is surprise in quotation marks you may ask? That is because my Dad decided to ask me to help on my own invitations for my own party that I found out that I was having one in Puerto Rico. Perhaps it was a bit predictable too since I did tell my uncle who is a party planner of my dream quinceanera... At least the thought of creating a surprise quinceanera counts. We arrived on the island and the first thing my Dad does is that he visits his oldest brother. He runs the family business mostly on his own during the night and not once do I recall to have found him sleeping. It is like he never sleeps! Anyway, my uncle has two children but his son has his own family in which he no longer lives in Puerto Rico but he has a daughter who does. When I was such a little pea, she would call me "pulguita" which means small flea in Spanish and since then that is how she would addresses me by. She does not call me that to annoy me but to show her affection towards me. Through her is how I met my friend. I will not say her name for privacy issues but my first impression of her was how sweet she was towards me, though she was a bit reserved to herself too. Me not knowing anything about her and she immediately gives me a hug with a kiss on the cheek as if we were family like some lost cousin that my parents forgot to introduce me to. (To this day I still have a feeling that I have family that I do not know about or have not met yet...) I find it hard to believe that she is shy when she had told me because towards me she is like this radiant butterfly who affects everyone she touches. It is quite marvelous, people like that are very rare to find. I remember she came to my quinceanera with my cousin, everyone was dressed so elegantly which is something you barely see in Puerto Rico because we are usually in t-shirts and shorts all year round. Then I went to Puerto Rico again in the late springtime of March in 2013 and I was able to see her again. Honestly it felt really nice to encounter her again and still see her friends with my cousin. She is such lovely company to be around with and she rarely asks for anything. Sadly, I was not able to spend a lot of time with her personally between her work schedule and my parents plans. Though she did surprise me on my last full day of my trip when she texted me what I was doing and she came out of my Tia's car as if nothing. I was not expecting her to be honest aha. Nice to treasure my last memory of that trip with her by seeing luminescent fishes in a pond of water (I am not kidding theoe fishes were like dragonflies, when you touched the surface of the water in which they are inhabitants of they glow because it is how they defend themselves from predators) That is probably something I regret from that trip, that I was not able to spend the right amount of time with everyone. Two weeks is just not enough for me because it takes time for me to get acquainted and comfortable so by the time I am it is already time to pack my bags again. Oh well, it gives me another reason to go back to Puerto Rico. It won't be any time soon but maybe during a summer so I have more time to explore and create new memories.

Family business

My cousin's dog, Poofi <3

Bahia Bioluminiscente (Bio-Luminescent Lake)

My ticket :)

Who is someone that has impacted your life, and in what way?

xx Chavelita

Jar of Hearts

(If you get the title of this blog post then you get a gold star!!)

Alright in my previous post I stated that I wanted to fill a jar with advice or wishes. Well starting on my birthday, I have started to accumulate these advice onto tiny sticky notes. I have decided that everyday until I am 18 I will write a piece of advice to myself and depending on how well this mini project goes I will continue after I am 18. Tiny pieces of advice is always needed especially on those sucky days which is the major reason why I wanted to start. This year I feel like I am going to find myself stressed, lost, and questioning myself like I usually do, so when I do feel like this I can simply grab a piece of advice. Nothing like getting advice from the person who knows you the best: YOU. Maybe with this mini project it will boost my self esteem and create positive outlooks in life. I recommend you to try it, it is never to late!

What are some of the ways you do to calm down your nerves?

xx Chavelita

Begin with yourself

It has been quite sometime that someone has spoken to me about happiness or mentioned the word to me. A simple adjective that can describe an emotion yet not that many people use it to describe themselves. I understand that as we get older, the view of life seems a bit obscure than what we would picture as children but just because some people put aside the things that made them happy, it should not mean you should do the same. We get this idea that we have to switch all our habits to new ones, and sometimes we end up switching our happiness and settling down for something that we do not want. Everyone tells us to grow up and to learn to be independent for when the time comes that we are not deliberately leaning our entire weight on our caregivers, but we get so accustomed of taking care of ourselves that we do not allow people to impact our lives (at least not so easily). It is seen as a sign of weakness or stubbornness for not letting someone into our lives because we were told that we have to support ourselves or else no one else will. It is depressing to see that the lack of connection within one another is slowly increasing, we avoid our issues and do not consult others for advice or a helping hand, we portray false smiles to "protect" ourselves and to draw away the attention from everyone else. People get the idea that having a problem makes them weak, that they are pestering if they tell someone, a loser for not being able to come up with the solution, and above all worthless because I will not lie I have done all these things some point in my life too. Yet I have realized that it is not the problem causing you to feel that way but it is the self perspective that you mentally molded into yourself. Before people have the time to judge one another, you tend to beat everyone to it by judging yourself and most of the time it is not even pretty thing and when people do compliment one another we have a difficult time believing it. I live in a world that everything said and done has to come with a reason or explanation because when you make a kind gesture people may think you want something out of it and when you speak wrongly of others people want to hear more because they are more likely to believe negativity over the positivity. This world is far from sun shines and butterflies as we gain more knowledge from the experiences made but we also have the choice as to how we want to see this world. You do not have to prove to anyone of your abilities or reinforce the person you are, if you have an idea of who you are and what it is that you want to achieve then that is fantastic. An idea is a great way to start the search in who you are. As simple as this sounds, there are still people discovering themselves. In my opinion, I am not certain that anyone knows about themselves inside and out. Every experience shapes that us and who we were yesterday can be a different person tomorrow. Just remember, do not be hard on yourself. Praise yourself when you can, ask when you are not certain, give out genuine smiles, and do not be mean to yourself or others.

What is something that you have discovered about yourself?

xx Chavelita