Day 11: Beautifully Misunderstood

Love was in the air

But it felt stiff in my bones

My body torn limb to limb

Such knowledge only to be used against me

Praying in a solution to fix this mess

Eyes lost their focus

And still holding onto this

Tiny spec of hope

Though it was not enough

At least it did not feel like it was

To keep this flame alive

It takes more of my energy that my desire

Must continue

I repeat myself

The uncontrollable giggles

Holding onto empty messages

Constantly checking on everyone else

Too many trips down memory lane

This has to stop

Must place myself first

I have to polish up

Reset my mind

Put away all this discontent and insecurities

Soon those who want to join will join

Then the world will no longer be a lonely, sad place after all

-April 12th, 2014

xx Chavelita

Day 3: The Magic Dust (Short Story)

Every day in the spring there was this little girl in the field sprinkling glitter over the same patches of dirt and for days on, nothing would grow. The old man, who was a farmer that lived next door, would watch her sprinkle glitter every day at the same hour but would act as if he did not see her. Until one rainy day, the little girl did not show up. Concerned that something had happened, the old man went next door to where she lived and found her sitting on her front porch with her head between her knees. The older man, with one foot on the step and his cane holding the remainder of his weight, sat down next to her. In silence, the trickling of the rain filled the void. Instantaneously, the little girl lifted her head to find that the older man was watching the rain droplets hit the ground one after the other.

“Can I ask you a question?” asked the little girl as she swatted a mosquito away.

The old man simply nodded.

“Why don’t you plant corn anymore? Momma would always talk about the days she would play in your corn when she was little and you would yell at her to get out. You even told her that you were going to cut her ear off if you found her!”

The old man let out a chuckle which soon faded into the same straight face he arrived with. Turning towards the little girl, he replied with a question of his own.

“Why is it that every day for the past two months you have been in my garden sprinkling glitter on the same patches of dirt? That dirt has not been able to support life for the last fifteen years. And do not go on and tell me that you have not been in my garden because I can see you from my front porch.”

The little girl as bashful as she can be, cleared her throat and answered straight away.

“For two months, Papa has not been home. Momma told me he left for an important job. I thought Momma would be very happy for Papa but she has been very sad and has been sleeping almost all day since he went. Nana just tells me that she is really tired but that Nana and Momma loves me very much. So I thought sprinkling magic dust in your garden would bring back the corn and it would make Momma happy again.”

The old man was speechless. Magic dust? Perhaps no one has bothered to tell the little girl that glitter and magic dust were not the same, that there was no such thing as magic dust. But the old man kept quiet and allowed the little girl to keep her belief in the magic dust. He had no idea that his corn had brought out more abundance than what he intended to. For the past thirty years, the old man has been living on his own and it was not until fifteen years ago that he fell ill and was not able to take care of the farm on his own. During his recovery, no one attended the farm and the crops one by one withered away. With that being said, the old man no longer had the motivation to continue growing crops even with the help of his sons and grandsons. What remained of his farm were patches of uneven dirt.

“Hey mister! Now it is your turn to answer my question!”

The old man nods and began to speak.

“I guess I just ran out of magic dust. Do you think you can share with me some of your magic dust?”

Just like that the little girl excitedly ran inside her house and pulled out a red wagon filled with assorted containers of glitter labeled in magic marker as “magic dust” and before she headed down the stairs of her front porch, she grabbed a small vile of magic dust and handed it to the old man.

“Sometimes I like to carry a little bit of magic dust around with me just in case.” smiled the little girl. 

...

Everybody needs a little bit of magic dust in their life to keep their sparkle.

xx Chavelita

Expectations

Well my first day of school was yesterday and by the look of the lack of the blogpost yesterday it was one hell of a day. First days of school are the worst for me everything was turned upside down or inside out (whichever you prefer) and I did not enjoy it. Bright side was to be able to see my friends but even then that is limited. The classes that I have are not quite what I thought it would be, some of my favorite classes are no longer my favorite because of the switching of teachers or the switch of the students. Changes are hard, I understand that they are supposed to be because it measures your ability to spring back into the right direction or a new direction but I am honestly worried about this year. This is not very positive blogpost but I am not going to apologize for how I feel because I am too human, we are all a little broken. Sometimes we feel weak and we have reached those moments where you are just trying to place all the positives together to out balance the negatives.

The reason why transitions are hard for me because I am so accustomed to how my life was last school year and growing close to my classmates that now being placed in a group of people I barely speak to, its like all the odds are against me. To be a child of a military father, it was something you were either ready or not there was no choices if you wanted to leave. And here I am, still not used to it. Total survival of the fittest and as much as I prefer to be on my own, I know I cannot always be and being with a group of unfamiliar people makes the situation seem sketchy for me. When students who do not take their work as serious are placed in the same group as me, it makes me upset because I know where they all lead to: me doing all the work. I am no one's guinea pig, I am a leader and if people are not going to follow or at least cooperate than why should I cooperate with them? I'm just already stressed and I know I shouldn't be because it's barely the second day of school. I am trying to pull through, make the best out of my senior year, and complete all the work that comes at me.

The title of this blogpost is expectations. At any given moment there will be times where we are tossed the unexpected and have to learn to deal with them. Just because something was decent or great the year before, it does not always determine where you will be the next year. What you may have experienced the first time will not have the same effect as it does the second time. People change, situations change, and to cope with them has its own story. Though it is possible to overcome these obstacles, when you feel your weakest is when your window of opportunity comes to become a stronger person than you already are. I just have to reshape my comfort zone again and take my best friend's advice and open up more to people. Not on a personal level but as an acquaintance or at least to the point where I do not feel as lonely or a stranger when I do not have my support system with me.

As I mentioned before school has started for me which means that I will be posting less. I have decided that I should post at least three times in a week maybe the weekend with the addition of Wednesday? Depends on how much will be on my plate according to my schedule.



How do you recall your first day of school?

xx Chavelita

Strong or stronger?

Hi everyone one, I apologize for not posting yesterday but today I was speaking to a great friend of mine and the topic of being a strong person came up. 

First of all, everyone may have problems whether they're the size of the Himalayas or as a tiny as a grain of sand, since when was asking for help a sign of weakness? Which in fact I think of as the first step of recovery, the realization that you cannot manage and need someone else because you recognize your problem whether than pushing it aside until another problem comes along and stacks on top. There is only so many problems we can stack up until the volcano erupts hurting everyone in sight. Though the beauty of an eruption is that you create new beautiful things. The truth comes up burns the surface and your new beginning gives fruit. Solving your problems opens a new window of opportunity and uplifts your mind from the fog. 

Secondly, strength is measured through the experiences you have gone through, which all of you have gone through a few. Congratulations, you're strong so stop underestimating yourself and grab the help you need or find the conclusion to your issue yourself and prove that you can overcome that obstacle. Please stop hiding the fact that you may be tearing apart inside, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and although they made not give you the proper advice just know that you're not alone. Think of that support system I've mentioned a few days ago and build yourself up from there. 

Lastly, starting something new is always the greatest struggle but as the days go by what may seem so difficult a few days ago, is now somewhat bearable. Be patient, like I told my friend everything happens for a reason and instead of searching for that answer that you stubbornly try to solve, try to find a way to the answer. Answers come through experience, so eventually that experience will come along and you'll find the answer you've been looking for. It is okay to not know something, that's the lovely thing about learning. (Honestly the more you know, the more you question...) Do not just sit there and think of the millions of possibilities, you will only overwhelm yourself and not get anywhere. Turn the page of your story, accept the things you can't change and continue moving forward with the things you can change. 

I don't want to see anyone struggling alone, I hope this helps. 

Reminder, take care of yourself before you can take care of others. 

What is a obstacle in your life that you overcame and how did you feel afterwards?

xx Chavelita