Saturday, October 18, 2014

I don't know what to say

A laughter a day they say 
Could keep the sickness away 
To smile and wonder 
Can create such a blunder 
Avoid the mad, the sad, and the bad
And to just be glad 

My tears lose their meaning 
As more and more are seamlessly leaving 
Choked up in my own words
How wondrous a mind can be without cords 
I close my eyes and I count to three 
Soon I escape to a vast land of trees 
If only there was a possibility 
That one day I could expand this probability 

To be open and accept those 
Who are waiting to be close 
But instead they are placed aside 
Hoping that they would soon glide 
So I wouldn't have to manage 
The fact that one day they don't have to deal with my baggage 
Endless fights that keep me awake 
Of what could of been if I stopped being fake 

Pieces of me scream I can do it 
Though other times I'm left with a pit
How can someone be so happy 
But also feel so crappy 
If life were to give us answers instead of lemons 
Would we be content with the lessons 

So many questions 
Yet I cannot seem to get any explanations
So as of now I remain as myself 
And that someday my life will be found on a shelf 

This poem I wrote last night around 9 PM and at first it all started with the intention of writing a poem. The idea didn't come to me until I started writing, and everything just happened to spill. I called this poem, "I don't know what to say" because lately that is what I have been replying to. I have these moments where you have the words at the tip of your tongue and it's not that you're being inconsiderate but the words aren't there. Well these are the thoughts I have when that happens. I have stories, I just don't know where to begin.

What ways do you use to express yourself?

xx Chavelita 

Saturday, October 11, 2014


Anxiety is a weird feeling to experience and mostly comes in the most inconvenient moments. For an example, I went downtown with my parents for the second time. Walking down the sidewalk though I kept seeing people that looked similar to the person I had to confront. Something like this has never happened to me before. Perhaps the only thing that has happened when I reached in this level of anxiety is that I avoid the public so I would not have to confront that person. It was different this time because everyone around me reminded me of that person. Then the lightheaded feeling was returning and the rush of butterflies in my stomach could not stop. My thoughts were scattered, is it possible that as someone gets older anxiety takes a different toll? I am not sure if I should see a doctor for this since I would not be able to explain in exact terms of what is going on with my body.

From these episodes of anxiety I have learned though that the sooner you deal with them, the easier it is to get over them. The damage would not be severe because for one thing I would not want to have foggy thoughts because then I am disoriented with the world outside of me. My tips in lowering anxiety is taking a calm steam-less shower or bath whichever you prefer. Steam actually triggers this sensation of suffocation that makes me more anxious so I am not sure if it gives other people the same reaction. Take a walk. Even  if it is just for a block, it will help clear out your mind and your lungs will be grateful for the fresh air. If you want, take your music along and imagine yourself in your happy place. Control your breathing, normally when anxiety decides to kick in you begin to breathe quicker and you may not be realizing it. Steady your breath intake, don't worry there is enough oxygen for you to take in. The same concept of being sick and losing your appetite happens in anxiety and what I recommend is that to at least eat half of the portion you would normally eat. Your body is your temple, and you need to nourish it in order for it flourish it (no rhyme intended aha). Drink lots of water or maybe drink a cup of warm tea to relax yourself. Lastly take a nap or rest your body, clear your mind for a while or give your thoughts the time to catch up.

I understand that anxiety comes in many forms and severity but it is important to take care of yourself. Take a day off once in a while and avoid having all your stress pile up. Exercise all that anxiety away if you need, have a mini party session for yourself and dance until you can't anymore. Whatever it takes to reduce that anxiety do it just make sure it is legal please. Talk to someone if that may be the case. Anxiety can be a pain in the butt, but you have the power to kick its butt.

What are some ways you do to get rid of anxiety?

xx Chavelita

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

"I don't know what to do"

Every time I hear someone tell me, "I don't know what to do", I break a little inside. If you do not know what you want, then how exactly am I supposed to know what you want? The only thing I could simply do is be your supporting friend and listen to anything that you have on your mind. This seems like a test and frankly I am not sure I am passing it. When I do not say anything the majority of the time is because I do not know what to say. It's like my mind goes on overdrive running infinite amount of circles as a hamster on a wheel. Though I have been thinking, if you do not know what to do I suggest you step back from the big picture. Perhaps you are over analyzing the choices you have that you are not quite seeing them clearly. Sometimes for a question it would only need a simple answer. Stress could indeed be a major factor and there are times you would want to breakdown. There is nothing wrong with breaking down it relieves some of the stress and it allows you to start over.

Some questions I ask myself when I feel this way is, "Why am I feeling like this?" which helps guide my focal point to the issue. Writing down these feelings in private could also shape the cluttered thoughts like for myself I have a journal where I write anything and everything when I could no longer handle it. It is your journal thus you can write anything in it, exactly the way you want it. What I advise you though is that you go and tell someone too. Talking about it with someone gives you leverage and to further organize those thoughts. Usually when someone does not know what to do, they have an idea what they want. They are not completely in the dark or how else would they know how they are feeling this way? This expression is rather tricky and from experience you just have to give it time. Do not ask me how much time you should give yourself or the person experiencing this because it all depends on the individual. I know it may sound a bit rude, but it's the best that I got. I cannot simply go into someone's mind and make decisions for them. I mean I could barely even make own decisions... Though what you can do is let them know that they are not alone in this. Do not force them into making a decision, this is the time where you have to be understanding and have patience for that person. Trust me, I know it is hard to see someone go through this though you still have your life is still continuing. You cannot just push pause on your own life. Do not drop everything for that person, when they are ready they will come for you. Faith is a key factor of dealing with circumstances like this. It is all about playing your cards right on your faith and facing whatever may come up.

What I also think is that perhaps yourself or that person needs to change something in their life in order to find their place. A routine could be great until there is one piece of it missing that throws you off. Think of what will make you content with your life and play with it. If something does not work, exchange it for something else until you find that happy medium. That is the wonderful thing about being your own person, that you are able to change what you do not like for something that you do. Just be careful for what you are changing because sometimes there is no way of going back to the life you previously had.

When was the last time you took a risk?

xx Chavelita

PS I apologize for not writing, I was indeed sorting out my own thoughts ahahaha but they will be more I actually have a list of topics on my phone so keep your eyes peeled for them! :)