Day 16: Ukulele & Me

About seven or eight years ago I moved to Hawaii from what used to be a small city in Texas and I stayed in Hawaii for three years. I remember walking down this long street from the apartment I used to live to the bus stop and back after school with my mom and I just recall being in such disbelief that I am able to say that I live in Hawaii. My mind could not wrap around that idea just yet. In middle school we had to take a music class and in music class we learned how to play the ukulele. Although they were just brief lessons of learning few chords and strumming, I had really enjoyed the experience. The teacher was incredible and supportive, his passion for music clearly was presented in his teaching which probably made me like that class a lot more than the rest of the students who took this lesson a bit more lighthearted. In that same year for Christmas I had asked my parents for an ukulele of my own with the idea that I was going to continue playing and building up with what I have learned from class. That Christmas morning I did get my ukulele and I was in awe that my ukulele was sitting there under the tree waiting to play. I picked up the ukulele and I started strumming and just like that I got discouraged. I did not sound good at all! Annoyed I kind of just put my ukulele away in my closet and it kind of just ended there.

Fast forward those seven or eights year, before I left for college I saw my ukulele sitting in my closet (I have moved back from Hawaii to Texas) and I knew I could just not leave it there to gather dust. Although frankly that was all it was doing even when I lived in that house and I took my ukulele with me to college. For some reason I knew that I was going to be stress, my anxiety was not going to cooperate with me on some days, and feeling homesick were all emotions I was going to feel while I am living on my own (which at first they were) and if I started playing my ukulele again I would get to hear the beautiful singsong voice and find a way to escape the anxiety. Through out my first year of college, whenever my roommate would go to work or when I had my room to myself I would get my ukulele and just strum. It did not matter if I was just strumming or plucking random chords, all I wanted was to listen to my ukulele. I fiddle around with my ukulele more than I actually do play songs because I get annoyed easily still when I cannot get the strumming pattern, chords, and vocals down for a song. And from there on, I felt more at ease and I gained a little more confidence in myself too. I never really understood what was the big hoopla in playing an instrument but now I do. You create this bond with your instrument and when you do not feel like talking to anyone you seem to escape into making music. So maybe if I continued to play my ukulele when I was in middle school I would of been a better player today but at least I did not entirely give up. I can go for hours playing my ukulele and I am totally okay with that.

Do you have an instrument? What do you play?



xx Chavelita

Day 27: Near death experience

Not too long ago in my 'Thirty facts about me' blogpost I had mentioned that I was allergic to walnuts and pecans, two nuts at the time that I didn't know that were related and would give me the same allergic reaction.

One day one of my closest friends had invited me over to make a cake, I do not recall at the moment what was the cake for but as we were baking this cake everything was going well. Mixing in the contents according to the instructions on the box and preheating the oven to avoid having to wait another ten minutes to heat up. Well my friend she has the characteristics of a wonderful hostess who likes to over her guests food and beverages. On the kitchen counter laid a bag of whole nuts that I was not completely familiar with and she offered some to try.  My friend told me that they were "Mexican nuts" so I thought, why not give these "Mexican nuts" a try. That should have been a red flag to begin with but nope that didn't stop me from risking my life. So I didn't just have one whole nut but I had two and to this day I keep asking myself why did I eat two when eating the first one I was already feeling uneasy? I am not sure if many of you have experienced an allergic reaction but before any physical changes begin to happen a strong pang of fear overcomes your body at the fact that you did eat something you were allergic too and you're not sure what will outcome be. Normally when I eat walnuts, I would only get puffy, itchy lips and a really irritated tongue no irritated skin or break into hives none of that happened. I thought, wow how lucky was I to not go into a severe shock after eating something that can potentially take my life away. Until I realized that those "Mexican nuts" were in fact pecans, my body was already breaking into sweats and the coughing had commenced. Now not only do I have to try to keep calm so that my friend does not freak out that she had fed me something I was allergic to but she had confirmation class that day in which she asked me to watch the cake as her mom took her to church. So imagine me, house sitting as I watched a cake rise from its liquid substance to a rather puffy texture, a mobile device that was nearly out of charge, and my allergic reaction getting worse by the minute. I remember telling myself deep breaths... You live just down the street, when you get home just take a Benadryl like you normally do and everything will be dandy.

Only not everything was dandy.

So many questions I had that day. Like how did my mom not realize I was having an allergic reaction? She notices EVERYTHING! Have a small cut on your finger? She will alarmingly start interrogating you as to how and when you got that cut. Why didn't I tell my mom? Okay at least I know the answer to this one, I was afraid of what she was going to say and do to me for not using my head this one time. Also just having the idea of being rushed into the emergency room terrifies me... Could I have died during the night? Yes I could of. My skin was red, swollen and itchy something that I have never seen before in my life. Breathing was becoming a struggle but I kept reminding myself that everything will be okay and if I were to freak out, that I was going to lose. Perhaps God pitied me that night, saw how much I regretted, how much I metaphorically soiled my pants from fear, yet still had hope that the allergic reaction will pass just like the other ones did, to have given me another chance to live. The next day I got chewed out by my mom when she found out about my miraculous night, also the fact that my eyes were swollen was no help. So no matter how much I tried to keep this night a secret, everything just ended up spilling out. Lesson learned, never keep an allergic reaction to yourself. Never eat foods that are mysterious unless you have the hospital on speed dial or an EpiPen in case something happens. I have learned to have my parents or a friend try out pastries for pecans or walnuts before I try myself. Overall, if you feel suspicious to eat something, then don't eat it, it's not worth the risk. If you can prevent an allergic reaction, then avoid them! Do not follow my foot steps on this one. Learn from my mistake.

Are there any foods you are allergic to?

xx Chavelita

PS. I did eventually tell my friend about what happened that night and she did freak out. I wouldn't blame her I would of done the same thing. She apologized immensely and even scolded myself for not telling her anything. Hopefully she is not holding herself against it still. Sometimes even the man of steel needs to ask for help, so when you do not feel well please tell someone.

Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Anxiety

Anxiety is a weird feeling to experience and mostly comes in the most inconvenient moments. For an example, I went downtown with my parents for the second time. Walking down the sidewalk though I kept seeing people that looked similar to the person I had to confront. Something like this has never happened to me before. Perhaps the only thing that has happened when I reached in this level of anxiety is that I avoid the public so I would not have to confront that person. It was different this time because everyone around me reminded me of that person. Then the lightheaded feeling was returning and the rush of butterflies in my stomach could not stop. My thoughts were scattered, is it possible that as someone gets older anxiety takes a different toll? I am not sure if I should see a doctor for this since I would not be able to explain in exact terms of what is going on with my body.

From these episodes of anxiety I have learned though that the sooner you deal with them, the easier it is to get over them. The damage would not be severe because for one thing I would not want to have foggy thoughts because then I am disoriented with the world outside of me. My tips in lowering anxiety is taking a calm steam-less shower or bath whichever you prefer. Steam actually triggers this sensation of suffocation that makes me more anxious so I am not sure if it gives other people the same reaction. Take a walk. Even  if it is just for a block, it will help clear out your mind and your lungs will be grateful for the fresh air. If you want, take your music along and imagine yourself in your happy place. Control your breathing, normally when anxiety decides to kick in you begin to breathe quicker and you may not be realizing it. Steady your breath intake, don't worry there is enough oxygen for you to take in. The same concept of being sick and losing your appetite happens in anxiety and what I recommend is that to at least eat half of the portion you would normally eat. Your body is your temple, and you need to nourish it in order for it flourish it (no rhyme intended aha). Drink lots of water or maybe drink a cup of warm tea to relax yourself. Lastly take a nap or rest your body, clear your mind for a while or give your thoughts the time to catch up.

I understand that anxiety comes in many forms and severity but it is important to take care of yourself. Take a day off once in a while and avoid having all your stress pile up. Exercise all that anxiety away if you need, have a mini party session for yourself and dance until you can't anymore. Whatever it takes to reduce that anxiety do it just make sure it is legal please. Talk to someone if that may be the case. Anxiety can be a pain in the butt, but you have the power to kick its butt.

What are some ways you do to get rid of anxiety?

xx Chavelita