The bullying needs to stop

"Since when was being different a bad thing?"

This idea has been stuck in my head for the past few days and what most saddens me to hear is that there is not much happening to tackle the issue of bullying. Yes there is bullying programs to support those facing troubling times of being misunderstood but where is the reinforcement? There is a difference between stating individuals that bullying should not be practiced and to actually enforce the rules and punishments of bullying related situations. I find some bullying programs to be hypocritical because they do not solve anything. To those who are reinforced I have no problem, continue the reinforcement but for those who sends out messages without a foundation? What about bullying that should be done? How are we going to tackle this issue that not only attacks the person who is being bullied emotionally but also changing their ideas about themselves? Fantastic, the students are watching people's stories of how they overcome bullying and are being shown endless amounts of PowerPoints about the dangers of bullying and ways to prevent or assist the situation, but how many of the audience who are participating in this program are being affected? What ever happened to the guest speakers who would tell their story at the local cafeteria or gym? If it is because of budget cuts, then how is it that we can fund for a bullying program who is doing a minimal effect to support the victims of bullying or even those who are bullying the victims? Obviously there is something that is just not clicking. Bullying is a taught action, no one is born with the ability to bully and if I am wrong about this then I am frighten to know how genetics has changed over the years.

I believe that not only does the victims of bullying need help but those who are bullying too because as mentioned this action has to come from some source of influence whether it is by caretaker, media, or unresolved issues that are affecting the individuals in their mindset. What is the core of bullying? This is the question that I mainly want an answer. What does the person who bully get in return? Temporary satisfaction? Then after that temporary satisfaction, do you bully other people to get that surge of pride? I am pretty sure that there is a sensation of remorse happening within any bullying situation. I cannot empathize but only sympathize bullies because I believe that everyone is bright in their own way but belittling people will not make anyone glow brighter or dimmer. If jealousy is the drive to the bullying, why not be friends with the person instead of having to bully them to feel awful about themselves? Saves people's lives, heartaches and drama. If happiness is the issue, what is causing this unhappiness? Perhaps bullying happens is because there is no support or anyone to hear out what the bullies have to say which builds up the frustration and a way to get the attention of others is to gain an audience through bullying. Instead of telling people that bullying is wrong, how about allowing the individuals to state what is on their minds and a method that works best to solve the issue? A slap on the wrist will be insufficient or any type of discipline that consists of violence could be counterproductive and may even encourage the bully to mirror this behavior.

Parents, please speak to your kids. The earlier you get to your kids, the better it will be for the both of you. Let them know that they are loved regardless if you have told them already, shower them more in that undivided love. Allow your children to speak freely and be comfortable knowing that if they are the bullies or the victims in bullying that there is definitely an opportunity to change. As we are people, mistakes are made and if something was learned from that mistake I believe that the individual should have a chance to fix their error. However, also take the cautionary and appropriate actions to settle the situation. Violence will not be solved with violence. Choose words carefully, be assertive with your actions when dealing with bullying. Parents I also want to let you know that you have every right to feel angry, doubtful, concerned about your child who are victims in bullying. This shows that you care for your child and are taking into consideration of the dangers. Breaks my heart that there are so many cases of bullying and very little action is taken by the school that you parents have to go to the school to fight for the safety of your children. Just know that any attempt to fix the problem, is worth it. Do not stop until you get the conditions that you want it will not be easy, but the impact will be an eyeopener for sure.

Why am I speaking about bullying? Well I am fed up with what I am seeing and hearing. To have children with a mental disorder be bullied or taken advantage of, people posting awful commentaries anonymously towards other individuals, to see someone get bullied to the point where they see no point in living, I want this to stop. I want bullying to stop right now, before anyone else gets hurt or spends a restless night contemplating of why they do not fit in based on the opinions of others. If you are waiting for a sign to make a change, make this your sign. I cannot stress this enough just think what would you want to do to keep the ones you love, safe?

Listed below will be hotlines that will help victims out of bullying and bullies to find a place to be heard (remember these hotlines are open 24/7 so please do not wait there is help out there I am most certain of it!):

Crisis Call Center800-273-8255 

CyberTipline
800-843-5678

National Suicide Hotline800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
800-442-HOPE (4673)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline800-273-TALK (8255)

Please take care of yourselves, just know that I am also here for you!



P.S. If you do not fit in, there is nothing wrong with that, that means you are interesting! This means that there are no boundaries that limit you to who you want to be or who you are!

xx Chavelita 

Woman of the Century

Eyes of chocolate that sparkle in the sun

Lipstick the shade of royal highness fun

My oh my what a delight to see

The woman of the century walking by me

Strands of golden locks framing her face

What was best of all is the smile that fills the space

Every step she takes

A flower grows in place

Dripping in black
But beautiful in the way that night does to attack

Not that she wanted to intimidate

Only few could your attitude be translate

Even in the way she speaks
That leaves dumbstruck to the peak

Each word finds a new meaning

Not even the fairest of them all has a chance in competing

To listen, is to learn as it is to build
The ability to fix the unskilled

Women of the century what is your secret

I am still wondering, will I ever understand

Of how to become the next woman of the century

Wings should be spread, not tucked

"Where will you be going to college?"
"What will you be majoring in?"
"Are you going to miss anyone when you leave for college?"
"How do you feel?"

In a nutshell, college has been the corn of the crop in many of my conversations I have encountered with other people which to me I do not mind since I already have a set plan but it does give me a reality check of what I will be leaving behind and what there is to expect as I spread these wings of mine. I have come to notice that the comfortable life at home will no longer be filled with my mother's cooking after a long day of school or of my father's jokes when he gets home from work or not being able to see my brothers or to split paths with my best friend, this is going to be difficult for me.  I know, I know that this transition will be hard but there is one thing that I am absolutely certain of is that if I do not leave for college now in this following autumn, and actually leave my house, pack up my things and leave this comfortable bubble town I will not have the urge to leave after. I am afraid of leaving do not get me wrong, but as scared as I am, I want to be able to experience this life everyone complains about. To have the chance to inhale this new breath of life first handed without having someone telling me where to go or what to do. To commit my own mistakes and find solutions for them. The sensation to feel human and carry out my own name instead being known as the little sister.

Another thing I want to touch upon is relationships not that I am in any at the moment, but I want to let you know that going to college is your moment and no one else's. As much as I wanted to bluntly tell people you should not go to the same college as your boyfriend/girlfriend unless that is truly the first choice of your college. Do not call me a pessimist but relationships change from high school going into college. Emotions will happen that you had no idea that could be felt, the change in environment could also be a factor, and as philosophical as this is going to sound when you are in college you have a tendency to find yourself. College is probably one of the most important locations that people find out more about themselves than anywhere else because you finally have to do things that are in your benefit not in other peoples benefits. So what worked in high school may not always transfer over into your college life and before anyone begins to freak out, this is totally fine. If something does not fit in your life you are allowed to make the necessary changes to create a balance within your life.

Though on the other hand if you do maintain your long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart the one thing I would not do is suffocate them. Even being far away, entrapment can happen. Instead give them their space, message them frequently and pick a day or two out of the week to actually call or video chat with them. When I say talk to them I actually mean putting everything down, sitting down and giving your undivided attention. If you want to you can call them more to ask how they are doing but actually take a day out of your week to catch up with your partner, no one likes to be out of the loop! To listen to a familiar voice could ease the stress and could even encourage the relationship to continue. Remind each other that despite the miles of distance, the situations that will happen in life because life just loves to make any moment spontaneous when it can, that you are there for them to listen and regardless of what happens that you love them. (In my personal opinion even sending written letters are a lovely reminder. There is just something in seeing someone's handwriting in a letter that gives the effect that they are with you.) Conclusions could be drawn, but if you remind them of how much they mean to you the less they will worry you and the less you will worry. Physical touch is limited in a long distance relationship which may be the leading cause of why these relationships complicate themselves but it truly takes some strong partners who are loyal, honest, patient, and hopeful to make the relationship work. For any reason that you feel like you are doubting this relationship or your partner is drifting then that means there is some sort of lack of communication which should be fixed immediately. If you are upset just know that solving problems miles away will get difficult as each day passes so please take care of any issues, and if you have to swallow your pride, and apologize in the appropriate time frames.

College gives me mixed emotions and hopefully I am not the only one aha but just know that do not force anything if there are things that are supposed to happen they will or they may have already happened. Please do not doubt yourself this should be the time where we plunge into the deep end and experience many of the things we imagine to do when we were in high school or even when we were little kids. Stay hopeful, keep those minds open, and remember that there will always be someone out there to help you wherever you go! (Who may also be your next best friend!)

What is something that you look forward to in college?

xx Chaveltia