Day 23: What I have learned from having a bisexual best friend

Have you ever had those friendships where you think it is just a simple meet and greet but turns out to be much more than that? Well that is how my friendship started with one of my best friends. I was around the age of 15, maybe I was younger, and I went over to my uncle's house where the family business used to be and I greeted my cousin with a side kiss on the cheek. And just like I have been raised to do with family I also greeted my cousin's girlfriend with a side kiss on the cheek. My first impression of her was that she was kind and quiet, very reserved but of course my older brother knows how to get along with everyone so he is already talking to her. Me, I usually wait for the right moment to come so I can test the waters with new people. My mentality with making friends is that if I see no potential then I will not talk to that person or I will not make the effort to do so. But this friendship was weird. Nothing like the other friendships I have made because we did not talk to each that much the first time we met. Aren't friendships supposed to be based on communication and little bit of trust in the beginning? Yet we ended up exchanging phone numbers at the end of the visit and we would text back and forth to each other. Having a long distance friendship for me is like having the other person at the other end of the friendship send messages in glass bottles hoping to get a reply back from me. I do not just not answer messages on purpose, I just gradually fade away if there is not someone else tugging me back into the picture. Which I am not offended if I do fade away because I do pick up the phone if someone from 2 years ago messages me today asking for advice on something or for a conversation.

Well from the numerous messages we have sent through out the years, I have grown to know my best friend. For what she is, how she became the way she is, and how she identifies herself. When my parents had told me before I arrived at my uncle's house that my cousin's girlfriend's sexuality was different from mine, I accepted it. There was no further explanations needed for me because I saw no purpose in needing any more information. If people treated me nicely and respectfully, I can care less about what sexuality they decide to identify themselves. Well there was one day I had messaged my friend that I have known about her sexuality in case she did not already know but that I totally supported. If you have yet know, I like to lay things on the table. I do not like cutting corners or sugarcoating what could and can be said truthfully to others. Since I have mentioned that I knew her sexuality it was like sealing the deal with our friendship because after that day we got closer. I would go to her for my problems, advice, for a good laugh, every conversation with her leaves me with a smile on my face and I find that rare to find nowadays.

What I have learned about having a long distance bisexual best friend? You learn to appreciate how powerful love can be regardless of sexuality. The other day I remember her telling me that she has been with my cousin for six years and in pure awe I congratulated her. You begin to associate sexuality like age or gender, it's there and you acknowledge it but there is also so much more than that. There was definitely so much to my best friend and it was not because of her sexuality that wanted me to be her friend. I wanted to be her friend because she was genuine, unique, caring, open-minded, strong-minded and intuitive. The distance gets to us sometimes but we have learned to make ends meet whether I message her first or she messages me first we make time for each other even if it's just for a twenty minute conversation. The strength she has developed from her childhood has also partially been passed on to me, and I know that when I feel small and weak I could count on her to push me to get off my butt and continue fighting. I have learned that friendships come in multiple forms and feel I have been blessed to be part of this special friendship. I do not need anyone's blessing or permission to be friends with people who treat me respectfully and correctly. Because they may have a different sexuality as me which has nothing to do with our friendship, I can care less about the assumptions that are made about me. I know who I am. My best friend knows who she and I find that to be enough.

I do not have that many friends that I am able to be completely myself, but I am glad that I can with her. And I cannot thank her enough for taking care of me from a distance as one of her little sisters. That right there is some one of a kind love.

Fun fact: She was the one who gave me the nickname Chavelita.

What have you learned from your friendships?

xx Chavelita

Day 10: Online Dating

Not that many people know about this but when I was younger I used to go online chat rooms and meet people. Now it was not like Tindr or Skype where you get to see the person you were talking to but it was on this social media where you were able to be any character that you wanted and you would meet people there. One of my friends at the time had suggested to make myself an account so we can play together and also meet new people who shared similar interests as me. I was at that stage where I was experimenting. Not that I am proud of but I would talk to this one guy without ever acknowledging to someone until there was one day that my parents were looking through my i-Pod and found a picture of him. Half jokingly and half serious they were, I was totally embarrassed not only that they had made fun of me for having a potential boyfriend but because I knew they were not going to understand. They were not going to understand that maybe we were dating or maybe we weren't but I had enjoyed talking to him for the fact that he treated me with such respect without even having to see my face. At that moment of my life I had really low self-esteem because of my small figure and having such a young looking face, growing up not that many people took me seriously. I was not given a proper chance that I have longed to receive so I resorted to the internet. At least on the internet I was perceived as someone with confidence and I suppose I was also a catch. There was even a time where I spent so much time on the computer that I got it confiscated from me until the habit was forced out of me.

In a more recent moment, about a year ago, I had received an anonymous message from this person from this social media site that allows you to ask or say anything anonymously. Well I slightly remember him asking about some of my hobbies and what were my opinion on certain topics. I had thought this guy was pretty interesting so I wanted to know who he was. Over the months we were hitting it off really well, we started to use instant messaging and almost every other day we would message each other about our days and whatnot. The few descriptive information that I had gotten from him was that he lived in England, was a teacher assistant to grade school children, a single child with a single mother, and that he was six months younger than I am. Instead of hiding this I had told my mom directly that I was talking to someone I had met from the internet and I already knew she was going to put the red flag up and advise me to never speak to him again. But here I am thinking like I was acting like the bigger person I continued to speak with him. Not that I wanted to seek a relationship with him because that was not my intention at first especially with the distance I was not going to put myself through that. Well then comes in this long message during the night where he professed my feelings to me (I have no idea why guys continue to profess his feelings to me in long messages while I am sleeping...) and I was left awkwardly looking at the screen of my phone. I had told my mom again what he had told me and the simple advice she had given me was to ask if we could video chat so I can confirm that the picture on his profile was him. Like all of you have guessed it, it wasn't. And to be fair I did not like him for the fake picture he had, is not the attractive physical features that lure me in it's the words and the actions. So after that incident of him lying to me, I deleted the app and I have promised myself that I will no longer be making friends over the internet. If I have to continuously go through bad experiences to learn that most online dating/relationships are not for me then now that is a shame on me for not learning from my mistakes.

What I wanted for you all to get from my experience is that you may think you know the person you are speaking to online, backwards and forwards, but I do not think you will ever know a person until the day you actually meet them in person. There is so much you miss when you are busy online fishing. You miss the first impression, that awkward 'should I go for the hug or that handshake', the actual connection or disconnection with the person, basically the little things that make up a true date. I would have to agree with my mom that a relationship made online is not real. You start falling in love with the idea of that person rather than the actual person. Realizing this now I know why it was hard for me to let these guys go because I was afraid that I was not going to find someone or someone who made me feel like the best slice of cake there is. But you are just going to have to trust in yourself that you will and that it will work out. This also explains why when my friends are playing around on Tindr, I decide not to participate. I know I may be one of the pickiest people you have met when it comes to making friendships with others but that is because I have been there. Not just online but in real life too. When you think you have met the perfect person and you are proven wrong in the most unpredictable ways. I have not been great in the dating department but at least I can say that I know what I want and I am not settling down for just anyone because I know I deserve better. If you are going or went through a similar situation, remind yourself that you deserve better too because you do. And always remember to be careful when you are online never share your personal whereabouts or information even if you feel that you can trust them completely...

How has your experience in dating been lately?

xx Chavelita

Day 9: Friendships over the years

When the word friendships come into mind it is as if I get a flashback to all the friendships that went wrong and all those who are still with me today. Friendships are somewhat weird to explain because none of my friendships are the same thus I cannot really categorize them. When I was younger and I still do this now, I would not tell my parents about the friends I have made unless I knew for sure that they were going to stick with me for a while. I took my friendships really close to heart and I would take the longest time to make sure that my friendships were worth my time. I know this seems a judgmental but it was just how I would make friends. But let me tell you now that when I make a friend they are usually there to stay and it's really amazing to have friendships that you can look back on. In order for someone to understand the world more clearly, I think we all need to have at least one of these friends to show you a different perspective in which you interpret the world.

• A friend from the opposite sex - 
• A friend from a different sexuality - 
• A friend who's first language is not your own - 
• A friend who is not the same age as you - 
• A friend who is from a different race - 
• A friend you have known for over five years - 
• A friend who is special - 

Here are just a few but the more diverse the better. If you have at least one of these friends I can guarantee that your perspective will become more third dimensional. Sometimes we get stuck seeing the world through our lens and from the situations we have had overcome over the years. But once when you start walking in the shoes of your friends you start to understand that not everything is as one sided as we think. Their stories do not become your own, but you can learn from their stories. So I find it to be important to give everyone a chance even the people you would not think of being friends with are the ones who bring in the most perspective in your life. Just give them a chance, if you like to speak and be around with them then continue being their friend. If you find that you feel upset or annoyed to be with that person you always have the right to walk away or stop speaking to them just make sure you let them know why you do not want to be friends with them. I think they deserve the explanation at least.

I have met my very first best friend when I was around nine or ten. We were in fourth grade and she was the new girl who came from Detroit, Michigan and you know how everyone gets excited to see new students come in the middle of the school year. I felt like everyone wanted to be her friend but I was not the one to casually come up and introduce myself. I waited for my cue, if it ever came, to make myself known to her so I was left waiting. Then there was this one day where she invited some of the girls from our class to come over and I was invited. We were barely talking at that time. I remember she would mix up my name with this other short girl from class but fair enough I mispronounced her name for about a year or so, so I guess I cannot complain. Asking my mom to go over to a friend's house for the first time, I can already tell she was concerned. She is the type of mom who likes to meet the parents of the friend to make sure. Throughout my fourth and fifth grade year on Friday afternoons after school I would go over to her house. It first started with a group of girls coming over her house and then it ended up just me coming over which I did not mind. We would call our moms on the landline at school and cross our fingers that we were able to spend time together. And so we fast forward 11 years and I can still say she is my best friend. We went through the awkward teens together even though I had left for a while to go to Hawaii for my dad's work I came back. I feel we have defeated the odds honestly and I want to say this is the friendship I treasure the most because my best friend saw me when I was I just the little girl who wanted someone to laugh with to the woman I had grown and wanted to be. And I could say the same to for her. I am curious to see where the next decade will take us! 

Who do you consider your best friend?

xx Chavelita

Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

Day 21: Advice to my future children

Although I am only eighteen and have many many more years to learn about myself and the world around me, I feel like I have some leverage from all the learning I had done through the challenges that were tossed in my direction. Not all opportunities or situations come as easy as a slow pitch to hit out of the park even though some of us do wish that we had our questions answered in an instant. And those who do opportunities and situations that are easy to handle, we feel like those aren't worth much of a value but here I am to tell you is that every lesson that was learned through our experiences are worth value. When we sit there, sometimes in the midst of the night alone or we stand there idle in our morning showers, our minds are working up a storm to figure out a solution to a problem that is either there or not. Bubbles and lines crossing, with an infinite number of solutions, when we want one answer we come up with multiple possibilities that just drives us up the wall. I know we have a solution but then we start to wonder if its appropriate enough to fit the current situation and we begin to overthink which does not lead us anywhere. I think people should just trust in what they got and see where that may lead them. Which starts to my first lesson for my future child...

Do not follow the crowd. At first people may think that because they are following the crowd that they are doing something right, which may not always be the case. I have given the crowd a chance and all the times that I did, I was farther and farther away from the person I wanted to be known as. I nearly forgot myself while transforming into someone I wasn't. I would think that there was something wrong with me because I found such difficulty to connect with other individuals among my age group. Yet I continued walking by myself, allowing enough contact to keep myself in check but for the majority of the time I spent my time figuring things out without any outside influences. So kids, when you feel like you do not fit in with rest of the group and you find yourself spending alone time apart from everyone else or observing your surroundings, remember that usually the amazing people among the crowd do not call attention towards to themselves by showing off but because you have a natural glow, those who have their eyes open will definitely see you and change your life. Follow your own path for now, find out more about yourself and with time people will cross paths with you. Just a heads up though, some will walk alongside of you and others will simply cross without acknowledging you.

Be careful who you trust. I have found myself in many predicaments especially when I tell friends personal information that end up not being my friend for long. Then I think, well great there goes all my deep information along with the many insecurities and thoughts that I should of just kept to myself in the first place. Even though at times I forget what personal information I have shared with some people, having that information wondering around on someone else's lips makes me want to curl into a makeshift shell. I don't want to say that I was careless but more so that I outweigh a lot of people's good qualities over their bad qualities, so lets hypothetically say that everyone knows that one person who is known to be worst person to man and I would still find something good about them. I would still give them a chance despite all the commentary I have been told in private. I just want my kids to be able to open their minds to see the rounded values that make up any person that they decide to meet, not be timid, afraid or embarrassed to be themselves and share their stories. To be able to interact with their peers and know the difference between an average friend and the values that make up a better friend. So that they can limit the chances of disappointment they are going to encounter in life. Just know that mommy will always have ears to listen, arms to give out those needed hugs, eyes to give my undivided attention, a voice to comfort when my kids feel overwhelmed, and a sense of humor to make you laugh even if they may end up laughing at me for something silly. I will be here every step of the way.

Sweet words are easier to swallow, if needed to. There was always this saying that my dad would tell me, "diga dulce palabras por se caso si los tienes que tragarlas", which in English it means to "say sweet words in case you have to swallow them". We have all come to a close point in our lives or even crossed that point in ours lives when we're absolutely furious with someone and say rather harsh things in spite of the moment. Yeah for those few minutes we spill emotions out like if someone were to open the faucet at full blast. Until we calm down and realize that the situation could of been handled in a different manner. Regret begins to develop and we feel this embarrassment rising in our faces and soon the tiny sweat droplets form that is why it's better to say sweet words. I agree that people should know what position they are in whether it is in a relationship, friendship, or among family and have the chance to speak about what is on their minds but at times we may forget that words are a powerful tool and should be used carefully. This advice also goes when speaking to or about other people. Spreading rumors and then having the victim find out where the source of that gossip is coming from already does not paint a pretty picture. In a situation like the words become difficult to swallow or take back so that is why is just best to not spread false information about others. When spreading compliments, the sweet words, the person could either thank you or not acknowledge your words the same if you are complimenting yourself you could either accept the sweet words or trash them. At least swallowing sweet words are a bit easier than swallowing the bitter ones. I want my kids to be able to choose their words wisely and watch what they say to others, because even words could have the effect to change a person.

What advice would you tell your children or what advice do you already tell your children?

xx Chavelita

P.S. I am not pregnant. The kids mentioned are hypothetical.

Day 17: So what about the stars?

As all of you may know about zodiac signs and how if you're in the right position of the stars and the planets and almost about every little thing that moves outside of our planet that we are meant to be have a really good day... For starters lets see what my zodiac sign, Cancer, says about me and the rest of those who fall into the same birthday range based on a few websites... To keep things brief I am only taking a few sentences from the description but I will leave the website for those who want to read in further detail.

1. "Cancerians love home-life, family and domestic settings...The moon is their ruler, so they can be a bit of a contradiction and sometimes moody. However, they are conservative, so they'll be apt to hide their moods from others altogether...Cancerians make loyal, sympathetic friends. "  Website No.1
2. "Cancer have an offbeat sense of humor, often finding something humorous that others don’t. They are extremely good listeners and have a heart for the problems of others...When a Cancer becomes your friend you can be sure that they are truly your friend and will not consider using someone to their own benefit. Cancer tend to be dependable and reliable...This sign can be moody, clingy, and often become incredibly insecure if they feel that they are about to lose the friendship or love of someone close to them." Website No.2
3. "Strengths: Compassionate, thoughtful, defensive, steadfast Weaknesses: Controlling, unable to let go of the past, lack confidence, have a bad magpie habit"Charismatic marks: Average build, round face, busty (women)" Website No.3
4. "Nurturing and protective, Cancer loves to take care of people and make everyone feel at home...Sensitive Cancer can take things personally, overreact and get upset at the drop of a hat. Mood swings are no fun to be around!" Website No.4
5. "Cancer Strength Keywords: - Loyalty - Dependable - Caring - Adaptable - ResponsiveCancer Weakness Keywords:- Moody - Clingy - Self-pitying - Oversensitive - Self-absorbed" Website No.5

Now I am not sure how accurate these websites are at evaluating people depending on the day they were born but I just cannot fathom an explanation of believing in something that I cannot comprehend. I do believe that in order to get to know someone is to actually physically give them a chance to prove themselves who they are to you. Now if you believe in your zodiac sign and the horoscopes that come along with the sign, then that is great. I believe that everyone has the free will and the right to believe in something and to have something to look up or to look forward to. Though I am certain that horoscopes are not meant for me and for me it does not define me for the person I am. Only I can define myself along with what I have learned from my experiences and from the people who have grown to know me. 

Do not get me wrong I know that my flaws could include being shy and reserved to new people and experiences, being hard on myself for not being able to explain my emotions or express my emotions to others, and jumping into conclusions but I knew these qualities before I was explained what were zodiac signs. I believe the one who noticed the most about my flaws was my mom because before I was able to gain a sense of memory she told me that I would cry if I wasn't near her. That if new people wanted to hold me she either had to be near me or I would just cry. I didn't handle new situations well and a part of me couldn't decided what I wanted. That was all before I could speak, now imagine me speaking and that just stirs up a whole another chaos within. So why would I let zodiac signs depict who I am and who I should be, when I know who I am and still figuring out what I should be? I'm pretty sure I could figure out myself more for observing my actions rather than looking up in the sky waiting for the stars to wink at me. 

What is your zodiac sign, and do you believe in it?

xx Chavelita 

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 11: What happened?

I have the words, but how am I supposed to say them?
Collection of letters only to have it all lost
With only a few days left by the hem
How silly must it feel to be waiting to defrost

From a person who forgot how to smile
I wonder what happened
Was simplicity fading away with each mile?
Or did they trade in their smile hoping for something less dampened?

With these days slowly ticking
From what I used to be and transforming into what I am now
My waiting is flickering
And with time I will disallow

No more what if
No more useless I love yous
From a person who leaves me naked
To defrost in the middle of June

For whatever value brings
Do not take defeat
Shield away from the swings
That love could appear to be bittersweet

Only when I see
That me can be I
Give myself away
To the one who deserves

Me.

xx Chavelita

Day 1: Happiness starts with you

Here are the ten things that make me happy, though I am limited to only ten there is plenty of other things that in which I am happy for. 

1. Meeting new friends/seeing old friends - As I am not much of a social butterfly but I can be outgoing when I am comfortable among people I know, not enough socializing happens to meet new friends on a daily basis. Yet meeting new friends is such a rewarding experience because I was able to come out of my comfort zone and find someone that I am compatible with, so pretty much defeating the odds. Then when I see old friends after years of being apart, its such a warming experience to encounter and be able to notice the changes the person has gone through. Leaves me dumbfounded sometimes at how much puberty, knowledge, and life can do to form a set individual. 
2. Online shopping for new clothes - Yes the indecisive shopper prefers to go online shopping than actually visiting the store because it eliminates the endless amounts of "should I go with this one but that one was also cute..." and the stress and guilt I have placed my mother in whenever she takes me to the stores. At least I have learned what my sizes are for the stores I do shop in so I wouldn't have to worry about returning some of the purchased merchandise. 
3. Having a clean room - No matter how many times I have been told that I should clean my room, I was even banned from my own room with a sticky note on the door that read "Close for lack of maintenance", the motivation to clean my room comes in splurges. Never consistent but when I am in the mood of cleaning and tired of the mood, I actually get it done and its the outcome that brings much happiness. I find it true that having a clean room is like having a clean mind because boy does my stress meter lowers!
4. Receiving messages from people I enjoy talking to - When I was younger I used to be a massive messenger, I remember I was banned from a website I was constantly on because I would online message people so many times. I think on messenger for the first time I confessed my love in the sixth grade ahahaha but now that I am older I don't really message people. I message people when I have something regarding them but normally my phone is a quiet as the night with the occasional crickets. 
5. Any time I spend with my best friend - I have met my best friend in the fourth grade and we are still best friends today which I am really grateful for, so of course any time I spend with her I am having a great moment. 
6. Videochatting with my dad - Since I can't really see my dad in person at the moment, videochatting is the next best thing. I really enjoy talking to my dad, its like we have this telepathic power where we can tell when something is bothering us. I can pretty much tell him anything and hopefully he knows that he can do the same with me. 
7. Visiting Puerto Rico where most of my family live - Visiting Puerto Rico is like a magical place not because the location is beautiful and the weather is nice but because I get to see my family after years of not seeing them. These are the moments that are worth waiting for because when they do happen, it definitely fills me up with such warmth and happiness. Cherish your family you only get one. 
8. Being Latina and knowing Spanish and well basically for who I am - I will forever be proud and happy to be a Spanish speaking Latina. As much as people tell me that I look like my mom that also makes me happy. 
9. Watching movies late at night by myself - This is where my total introvert behavior kicks in, watching movies in the dark is one of my favorite pastimes. You get snuggled in your blanket, maybe have some snacks, and its time you get to spend with yourself. As silly as it may seem, when you spend time with yourself you tend to get to know yourself a bit better. 
10. When people remember the little details about me - I blush and smile immensely when someone remembers something I had said or the things I do not like to do or enjoy doing. Taking consideration of the small details sure lets me know that you are listening, paying attention, and that you do care. 

What are some of the things you are happy for?

xx Chavelita

Live in the moment

This has been the first summer in such a long time where I am not held responsible to complete homework for the following school year and where I can pretty much do anything I can set my mind on. Of course within the limits of the law but there are times where I come across this wall and I feel like I cannot do anything or at least I do not have the motivation to do anything. Or in other words, just pure laziness comes out of me. So I am literally in my bed bundled up in my blankets with my laptop sitting on my bed just burning holes into my retinas as I watch endless amounts of movies. But then I realized again that I was able to do anything that I set my mind to and that got me thinking, what should I do that could make this summer memorable and prepare myself for the transition into college? The answer became clear: you go where the wind takes you.

Normally I am the type of person who likes to plan their day out or at least search for things to do that will take the whole day. Yet lately, with the friendship I have with my best friend we have just been living in the moment. Such as the day of her graduation party that was held at this lovely cafe downtown in the city I live, we were sharing laughs, stories, among her group of friends and without hesitation we were on our way to Walmart around midnight buying last minute shoes and a basketball to play at the local park. Keep in mind that most of us were still in our dresses, dolled up, I wonder if people at Walmart think we actually dressed up glamorous to just go to the store... Anyway, this feeling of dropping everything and going with what life throws at you has been one of the greatest sensations to experience. Then with the same group of friends we went to a carnival an hour before it closes and we rode as many rides that we could. Two of the ones that nearly made me scream my lungs out, one that made me grasp tightly to a friend for my dear life, and the rest spent laughing uncontrollably as the speed of the contractions pushed back our hair. I feel extremely grateful for meeting such wonderful people where I can completely feel like myself to spend the whole day and to be able to share these moments with.

The other night I was given another opportunity to attend a bonfire in which I actually I went. This time I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and decided again, why not live in the moment? At the start of the event I was feeling a little bit off because I was the first one to arrive but then more people were showing up and the atmosphere took a new life. As the sun and the moon were alternating their turns, the bonfire started and we all roasted our marshmallows to be put into our s'mores. In a change of a moment music was played by one of my good friend's phone and we started dancing in middle of the front yard in the pure dirt. Whether we had an audience or not, we did not care, we just continued dancing the night away.

This post is not necessarily about how I am spending my summer though, but more pushing the idea of living in the moment. Remove yourself from your comfort zone and see where the day will take you but also be careful. I don't want to see you in the newspaper for public disturbance or anything similar along those lines. Just know that whether the day is planned or you are winging it as the day continues just spend the day without having anything on your mind. At least for that day, release yourself from your stress and intake the full life experience because you never know when you will get an opportunity as close to the ones you take. Take pictures when you can, but do not have that distract you from enjoying your day.

What is one of your favorite memories?

xx Chavelita

What I learned in high school is...

As some of my readers are in high school already or about to go to high school, one thing that I wished that was given to me was tips or at least pointers that could benefit me in school. Being the youngest out of my two brothers and I did spend a couple of years on my own as I transitioned from elementary school onto middle school and from middle school to high school. What I have come to notice that the majority of the struggles and lessons happened when I spent those transition years alone since I did not have my brother to look after me and to constantly have me in check. And what I have learned is...

1. Take risks, join as many extracurricular activities that you possibly can because those are the moments where you learn more about your social abilities and techniques to work with others. Involve yourself in the school and do not be afraid to challenge yourself to take higher courses. 
2. Apply to colleges and scholarships as soon as you can! I started applying for college around September which allowed me plenty of times to gather all the required documents the institution needed to complete the application process. And with scholarships as well, familiarize the criteria needed because you will most likely have to write a personal essay and you would want time to write it without having a deadline haunting you.
3. If you know the answer to a question, do not be afraid to speak up. Intimidate others with your knowledge!
4. Be open to make friends, now I am not saying that you should hang out with everybody but at least get to know your peers in that way you know more or less what kind of groups you find yourself comfortable to be in
5. There will be crushes and IT IS PERFECTLY FINE! Enjoy them while they last. I will tell you all in that in all my four years of high school I had only fallen for this one guy my sophomore year and I thought we were going to become something but we never did. I feel like crushes make you alert about qualities that you would not have guessed were there about you. 
6. Makeup can you give amazing effects, but just know your skin is as young as it is going to be now so I would only use makeup on special events (besides it blows people away when you spontaneously use makeup! Also saves the hassle of removing makeup before bed and waking up early to apply)
7. People change just as much as ideas could change so allow yourself enough time to recollect yourself to move on from those individuals or ideas. Remember that change is good so long it is to beneficial for yourself
8. Gain the courage to say no without having to explain yourself. You do not have to stay in the circumstances that you are in, if you do not like what is going on and you feel uncomfortable you do have a voice, use it. It is not obligatory to stay in a situation that is only damaging you
9. Please do not hold grudges, I have hold many in the past and they will never leave unless you face them. Be able to speak to people you disagree with especially when you have to work together.
10. Do not be afraid to express your emotions. Cry if you need to. Laugh because you want to. Having total control and confidence in yourself will surely get you places anywhere
11. Talk to your teachers some of the best stories I have heard had all come from a teacher. Their stories have taught me valuable lessons in shaping the person I am today such as whenever I felt like I was doubting myself, simply listening to their own high school stories gives me an insight that it is normal and typical to feel the emotions that are occurring throughout high school
12. You do need sleep to function or else you are going to be walking with your eyes closed wishing you did not stay up so late the night before. If it is for studying reasons usually when I feel sleepy I go to sleep and wake up early before school to finish my homework so that is something to consider
13. Always carry paper and pencils, please do not be the person who is unprepared... It's just something that teachers keep in the back of their minds and I would not think you want your teacher to remember you in that way
14. Driving is a treasuring ability and will make life easier in some cases but yes it is still possible to live without knowing how to drive in high school or having a car
15. Splitting from the crowd will happen and it will be worth it, trust me you will learn so much about yourself when you spend time alone and allows you to reevaluate the goals you want to accomplish and allows you to get closer to the ideal person you want to be

If I continue on, this list of tips will turn into a massive list of instructions which is something I do not want to happen but high school is indeed different. Even graduating in a few days I still feel like there is so much to learn so do not stress yourself out if you do not know the answers to your rumbling thoughts. Usually I like to think that because we do not know the answer to our questions it is because we do not have enough knowledge or have experienced something as powerful as our questions to come up with a solution. Just have fun in high school, try to keep judgments to yourself, and keep your head looking forward. Gotta keep your eye on the prize! Fewer problems, fewer worries. When you graduate it is all going to be on you and what you think it is best for yourself as you face the real world. Remember that.

What are your thoughts on high school?

xx Chavelita

The bullying needs to stop

"Since when was being different a bad thing?"

This idea has been stuck in my head for the past few days and what most saddens me to hear is that there is not much happening to tackle the issue of bullying. Yes there is bullying programs to support those facing troubling times of being misunderstood but where is the reinforcement? There is a difference between stating individuals that bullying should not be practiced and to actually enforce the rules and punishments of bullying related situations. I find some bullying programs to be hypocritical because they do not solve anything. To those who are reinforced I have no problem, continue the reinforcement but for those who sends out messages without a foundation? What about bullying that should be done? How are we going to tackle this issue that not only attacks the person who is being bullied emotionally but also changing their ideas about themselves? Fantastic, the students are watching people's stories of how they overcome bullying and are being shown endless amounts of PowerPoints about the dangers of bullying and ways to prevent or assist the situation, but how many of the audience who are participating in this program are being affected? What ever happened to the guest speakers who would tell their story at the local cafeteria or gym? If it is because of budget cuts, then how is it that we can fund for a bullying program who is doing a minimal effect to support the victims of bullying or even those who are bullying the victims? Obviously there is something that is just not clicking. Bullying is a taught action, no one is born with the ability to bully and if I am wrong about this then I am frighten to know how genetics has changed over the years.

I believe that not only does the victims of bullying need help but those who are bullying too because as mentioned this action has to come from some source of influence whether it is by caretaker, media, or unresolved issues that are affecting the individuals in their mindset. What is the core of bullying? This is the question that I mainly want an answer. What does the person who bully get in return? Temporary satisfaction? Then after that temporary satisfaction, do you bully other people to get that surge of pride? I am pretty sure that there is a sensation of remorse happening within any bullying situation. I cannot empathize but only sympathize bullies because I believe that everyone is bright in their own way but belittling people will not make anyone glow brighter or dimmer. If jealousy is the drive to the bullying, why not be friends with the person instead of having to bully them to feel awful about themselves? Saves people's lives, heartaches and drama. If happiness is the issue, what is causing this unhappiness? Perhaps bullying happens is because there is no support or anyone to hear out what the bullies have to say which builds up the frustration and a way to get the attention of others is to gain an audience through bullying. Instead of telling people that bullying is wrong, how about allowing the individuals to state what is on their minds and a method that works best to solve the issue? A slap on the wrist will be insufficient or any type of discipline that consists of violence could be counterproductive and may even encourage the bully to mirror this behavior.

Parents, please speak to your kids. The earlier you get to your kids, the better it will be for the both of you. Let them know that they are loved regardless if you have told them already, shower them more in that undivided love. Allow your children to speak freely and be comfortable knowing that if they are the bullies or the victims in bullying that there is definitely an opportunity to change. As we are people, mistakes are made and if something was learned from that mistake I believe that the individual should have a chance to fix their error. However, also take the cautionary and appropriate actions to settle the situation. Violence will not be solved with violence. Choose words carefully, be assertive with your actions when dealing with bullying. Parents I also want to let you know that you have every right to feel angry, doubtful, concerned about your child who are victims in bullying. This shows that you care for your child and are taking into consideration of the dangers. Breaks my heart that there are so many cases of bullying and very little action is taken by the school that you parents have to go to the school to fight for the safety of your children. Just know that any attempt to fix the problem, is worth it. Do not stop until you get the conditions that you want it will not be easy, but the impact will be an eyeopener for sure.

Why am I speaking about bullying? Well I am fed up with what I am seeing and hearing. To have children with a mental disorder be bullied or taken advantage of, people posting awful commentaries anonymously towards other individuals, to see someone get bullied to the point where they see no point in living, I want this to stop. I want bullying to stop right now, before anyone else gets hurt or spends a restless night contemplating of why they do not fit in based on the opinions of others. If you are waiting for a sign to make a change, make this your sign. I cannot stress this enough just think what would you want to do to keep the ones you love, safe?

Listed below will be hotlines that will help victims out of bullying and bullies to find a place to be heard (remember these hotlines are open 24/7 so please do not wait there is help out there I am most certain of it!):

Crisis Call Center800-273-8255 

CyberTipline
800-843-5678

National Suicide Hotline800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
800-442-HOPE (4673)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline800-273-TALK (8255)

Please take care of yourselves, just know that I am also here for you!



P.S. If you do not fit in, there is nothing wrong with that, that means you are interesting! This means that there are no boundaries that limit you to who you want to be or who you are!

xx Chavelita 

Generation

First of all I want to apologize for my disappearance, I understand as a blogger I should remain consistent among my work and to be able to provide support for everyone of my reader even if most of you read my blog silently. What ever the cause may be though, please know that my contact information is still there in case any of you need a friend to speak to or advice because of you guys is why I write. Alright aha enough with the mushy talk.

Well the other day I was messaging a really close teacher of mine and somehow the topic of the human race came into discussion from me mentioning that I was going to have my wisdom teeth extracted. Going back through the messages I had told my teacher that there was times that I did not enjoy being part of the American teens statistics. Lately I have been obtaining this sensation that instead of progressing with time that the youth is declining with everything moving at such a rapid pace. To be honest with all of you, I do not have the slightest clue of fixing this situation I and the rest of the teenagers been placed in. Then I thought maybe we are just in a phase. We are in the phase that I would like to use exercising as an analogy. When you exercise you have crossed emotions of feeling sore, you have a sense of pride in the progress you are making, a bit of frustration that the results are not coming fast enough and simply lethargic from all the work you put into your body. Though there will come a time where the exercises that you were once performing are no longer giving you the results and instead they are being counterproductive. The body has basically adjusted to these exercises that the muscles neglect the work which is why your physical education teacher tells us to switch up our exercises in order to produce strength within our bodies.

We are in that transition phase of deciding whether to add more weight or to completely change the exercise so coming back to the human race we are stuck trying to decide what path to take. The reason why we are stuck is that we rather stick to the familiarity than to attempt something out of the ordinary. It is a frightening step to take, believe me because we all crossed this path at least once in our lives. As soon as someone does decide to walk along the "unorthodox" path they are soon put on this spotlight. We try so hard to find new improved methods to move this country forward but we are soon discriminating or creating prejudice thoughts that ruin the image we create for ourselves resulting us in abandoning that route and detouring into our comfort zone. I really wish I had to solution to this situation you have no idea how many times I question the thought process of others and the outcomes of some of the friendships throughout the years.

I just want all of you to know that if you do not like something you are not obligated to follow that trend. In fact remain true to your beliefs and liking because oddly when you think you are alone, there are a vast amount of others who are waiting to find someone they could be compatible with. Whenever we will be ready, a significant breakthrough will shape our generation and soon prove the potential we have. We all share something in common, we all have a brain and with the power of knowledge I believe it is our ticket to success we just need to find a way to connect all these thoughts and intentions together.

What are your thoughts on your generation?

xx Chavelita

Speaking without words

Please tell me that I am not the only one who does this, but do you get this urge that you want to talk to someone but it is like you have no words or do not know what to tell them? No matter how much you stare at the conversation dead in the eye to your device's screen or stare blankly with this weird smirk on your face like you are keeping a secret, when in reality you are mentally telling yourself to say something? Well let me tell you, does that happen to me a lot on a daily basis and forces me to question my level of sociability... As I had mentioned that speaking is not one of my forte and when I do speak it is like a spill you see of pencil shavings, it is messy and sometimes not cleanable. The sad part is that you simply want to talk to them but your mind goes blank so they may get the idea that you do not want to speak. *sigh* Well this is what I learned to overcome those stumps.

Anything you say is okay, do not overthink it. Alright so maybe all you did over the summer was watch Netflix (yeah... no shame on that one) or stay at home but that means you have had a lot of time to think about things. Come up with ideas that you wonder how other people opinionated the given topic. I have a confession to tell you, I ask questions that I already know the answer to. Though it is only because I want to see how other people would think or react. Perhaps that is a little tip of being open-minded, to include others answers with yours. It can be confusing at times but if you are as curious as I am, that would not matter.

State your question anyway! I am proud to say that I was able to carry a conversation for about a whole class period (roughly around 45 minutes)! You want to know how? I asked questions! I been the person to begin a conversation with "how are you"and that is how I fail to keep the conversation running (though saying how are you is not bad!). When you ask a open ended question though you are allowed to hear the input of your peer and then include your own as well. The beauty of that is that once when the conversation starts rolling on its own the questions become easier to create and it formulates an interesting topic to speak upon. I know mind-blowing, but I think people like it when you ask questions. Perhaps I find it as a efficient way to engage someone and not have to whip out any of your stories from the deep past. At least have your question ready that way when you find the right time to ask the right person you will not be typing and erasing your messages the whole night or not be fiddling with your pencil at your desktop.

Keep it simple. Do not force a conversation that is not going anywhere if it is dead, I think it is best to leave it alone... No one enjoys having to be poke at a dead topic with a stick so keep searching. Simplicity goes a long way, you do not have to learn anything you do not want to in order to keep a conversation with your peer. That is the wonders of people, we all have different interests and because of those is where we gain our own individual spotlight. Maybe take turns speaking about what you love or your dislikes but be considerate of your peers interests, do not forget to let them speak. I know a handful of people that has left doing all the speaking or be the one listening to everything with barely a word escaping my lips.

Just know that it is okay that you may not know what to say. If you are great friends with the person you are having a trouble communicating with, they would know that it is nothing personal. There are a range of friendships that do not speak everyday but they do care about you. Occasionally they may ask you how you are or just leave them a unadvised questions they will come back to you. Do not start jumping into conclusions, any word that is said by you is something pleasant to hear even it is the tiniest of hellos. When words do not speak, pictures can. A recording of you singing. Sending your favorite song or sharing music with your peers. Communication come in different shapes and forms.  Keep it at it and hopefully that sensation will soon blow over!

Do you know why that stubborn sensation happens?

xx Chavelita

How much are you covering?

"Who are you impressing today?"

Is like every time I do my hair I am asked that. Wearing good looking clothes? You're asked the same question. Wearing clothes out of your normal style? The question pops up once again. Wearing makeup or putting a little bit of extra accessories on? Exactly.

My answer? I do not dress to impress.

Now that answer may have different definitions.

1. I can careless as to what I wear.
2. I can careless about what people think of what I wear, it is for my self benefit and comfort.
3. Since when did I start to impress others?
4. At least I am dressed and not getting tickets for public disturbance. 

I dress the way I am to represent the person I am and sometimes the person I am likes to change things up a bit. Just as repeating that question over and over again can get tiring, repeating the same look can get tiring. A bit of change is healthy. Being in the comfort zone can get a bit stuffy and we need to get out for some fresh air filled with new ideas. To remove yourself out of the comfort zone is already difficult as it is, so why must someone make it more difficult to question our actions? Do not assume that the changes made is not the main purpose of impressing others or for a particular someone, but more to prove that you are much more than the person people may think you are. And if you are impressing someone, I am sure they will be stunned either way. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy whether it is the new suede pumps you bought, lipstick in the shade of purple, or a tight attire to emphasis your figure. Instead of people implying that you look beautiful/handsome, they should just straightly tell you (come on, why else would they ask?). I think people may ask this overused question is because they wish they could do the same thing you are doing, and that is to not be afraid of wanting to wear what they liked and bought. Just as negativity could be infectious, positive outputs could also strike chords. It all depends on how the person decides to view it though so be patient. They will soon realize that they could also dress to not impress. For now just ignore the question and do not let it stop you, each fashion trend has to start out someway, right?




What is your favorite piece of clothing/makeup/accessory that makes you stand out from others and make you happy?

xx Chavelita