Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

Day 24: Working out at the gym

Before I had started going to the gym with my mom, I didn't think I would fit in at the gym because I of my size and my lack of not knowing how to work the machines. I was still keeping this mentality that I was too young to go to the gym and that the gym was just not one of those places for me. Until one day my mom knocks on my door and invites to go to the gym with her, already dressed to head out the door which is probably what motivated to go. The motivation that my mom had in me as she was pushing me softly to go to the gym, and her being dressed and was totally motivated herself to go, made me want to go. I gave the gym a chance and now I find the days I do not go to the gym to be weird. I know that another reason of mine to go to the gym was so my dad would stop using the guilt trick of being a lazy bum and leaving my mom alone to go to the gym especially now that I have time. I ran out of excuses and so I went completely head first to the gym. Thanks dad for caring about my health. (a bit of sarcasm intended but more of a genuine thanks for pushing me to do more) Now having to go the gym for multiple times this month I have learned a lot about working out around other people...

1. No one cares what you're doing or why you're doing there because for the most part they are focused on their own goals. At the beginning of the month, I felt pretty insecure that I didn't qualify to go to the gym. I kept close to my mom and she was the one who taught me how to work these new spinning bicycles that they had and the elliptical there. I would actually only do spinning because I was in front of mom in my own little comfort zone. Yeah guys, you don't need any qualifications to attend the gym. You also do not need to know how the machines work, unless you're going to use them but there are also plenty of other things you can do to obtain a great workout without them like using dumbbells or walking. Go to the gym if you want to and push yourself to go when you don't want to because after that kicking workout you will be thanking yourself. At least I know I do and always look forward to my Nature Valley bar that I reward myself after every workout. 
2. No one cares what you are wearing. I know for the fact even to save my life that I always have this little-girl-who-looks-lost-looking-for-her-mother look wearing some bright pink pants with either a proper exercising shirt or an oversize t-shirt and my bulky Nike white and pink tennis shoes. So instead of feeling like an embarrassment walking around the gym doing my own thing I might as well rock it and show the other patrons that even the little girl can do the same workouts you are doing. 
3. When working out, it is true that you do find your true zen. I am here running on the elliptical next to my mom for the first twenty or so minutes of my workout. The meter that measures my heart beat picks up pace as I progress into my first mile. 130. 145. 160. 180. The trickle of sweat sliding off the bridge of nose underneath my glasses because I do not like to wear my contacts as I workout, my breath in rhythm with my heart and it's just me running. Running off the calories. The stress. My anxiety. Leaving me literally breathless in the end with my muscles having seizures of their own. Afterward I walk on the indoor track to catch my breath and cool down. After I walk a couple of laps around, I prepare myself for my second part of the workout, which are the actual exercises. 
4. The day after soreness. Will be the enemy of your next workout because you will not want to move just to avoid the pain. At times I do let the soreness get the best of me where I retreat to watch Netflix or YouTube videos in bed. Well use that pain as your pillars to keep wanting to workout, when you feel soreness, you are feeling progress, and with progress then you get results. Not all who workout shoot for losing weight, a grand majority but not all. I have come across a lot of well fit individuals at the gym which I have had a pleasure to see because it does give me hope that someday I can have a body like there's if I strive for it. I want to be strong and not look like I am frail. I feel like many forget and the way society perceives this is that skinny people are not all fit and healthy, we also could have the potential of being out of shape. I want to gain a bit of backbone and get respect is what I am shooting for. 
5. When you take a friend to workout with you, chances are you more likely to compete. Even without a friend though you find yourself competing to do better than the day before. Pushing yourself is great because you do need it to encourage yourself to continue your set workout and or exercises. Only thing I am asking is that you are aware of your limits and that you do not cross them because you do also want to have a safe workout without any injured muscles or bones. Whenever I workout with my friend, I feel like she pushes herself more because she knows that I am watching and I do the same so I feel like it's nice to have that mutual support especially when you are starting to workout. We both try to be better with one another that we end up beating our own set goals. I know having my mom around whenever I go to the gym with her has brought lots of courage and perseverance in me. 
6. Plan out ahead what you want to accomplish and do in the gym. Think of a routine, and stick to it. Even if it's the littlest thing like go on the spinning bicycle for thirty minutes or dance Zumba for an hour. Have that game plan to refer back to so you have something to keep your progress in check. I have this bad habit of not counting how many sets of pushups I do or how many lunges I do, but if you keep count of what you do, the easier the workouts will be. Not only do you have something to do and look forward to, but you know what changes are needed to make when you start to feel like you are not getting the same results like before. 

Which workouts do you enjoy doing?

xx Chavelita

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 4: The Hall of Women

No one has an idea about how many times I have thought about the women that has transformed my life in some shape or form. I in all honesty was in the car on my way to the dentist and I couldn't stop smiling at how wonderful life was to me for learning so much from such powerful women figures. The media does portray strong women figures and I am moved by those ladies as well but not as much as those who I actually grew up with and gotten to know over the years.  I feel this immense luck that I was able to meet these women that I am going to introduce in this blogpost. Not only are these women strong, inspirational, and loving but these women also remind me that just being yourself is enough and that if you set your mind to something, it is possible to achieve. You have to believe in the odds, struggle with the obstacles, and have faith in oneself that the outcome will work out. Perhaps not exactly as planned but maybe even better!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kara Baker - I have met Ms. Kara unofficially in my brother's parent night (she teaches English, Theory of Knowledge, and is a CAS Coordinator), I was a sophomore at the time and one of the first conversations I had with her we were already talking about books and Theory of Knowledge or at least she was attempting to explain what the class was. Eventually I have come to an understanding what that centered its idea on but that is not even the beginning of the story. Throughout my whole time in the International Baccalaureate program I could say she was my mentor. Senior year was beginning to look like a messy obstacle course but I felt like her classroom was one of my nests. I was able to be myself, no censorship, no faking my happiness when I wasn't feeling my normal bubbly self, having my extended family living in a another location, it was nice to have someone I can talk to about anything and about everything. People like her are rare and I am glad to be able to keep this gem.

Elizabeth Wells - The first time I have met Liz, I was probably in seventh grade and I have never seen such long curls before. I remember when my brother presented you at the house and normally I feel uncomfortable to meet new people less talk to new people. Yet I had this feeling that Liz was special because my brother doesn't fall in love or have crushes. My brother is the type of person that will study until night falls and sleeps if he was lucky enough because he was in the International Baccalaureate program too. (Now I see where my behavior comes from) One of the sweetest, most intelligent and dedicated women that I have come across. She was also in the International Baccalaureate and so she understood my struggles. Liz, makes college life seem like an easy transition and honestly I want to to say is because of how open-minded, nonjudgmental, and risk-taker she is. Constantly trying new things and making the best out of the situation, inspires me to do the same. Gives me hope to know that college is possible and that no matter how big dreams can be that they can become a reality. I am so glad I am able to call you my future Sister In-Law! I have always wanted a sister and now I do.

Mory Santiago Hermina - Oh Mory, this woman I have met in Hawaii when I was probably in seventh grade as well and she has three beautiful girls who share her same charisma. Any conversation I have I am either speechless like speechless without words or laughing my head off. I am inspired in a way that her confidence radiates any room she is in. Nothing can embarrass her because instead of being shameful about her flaws she is well acquainted with her flaws that has molded her into the person she is. Charismatic, hilarious, understanding, I know if I had any worries or urges to speak, Mory is the person to speak to because each story told is as brilliant as the first one told. I feel like you take beauty into a new level and I am glad that through laughter any obstacles encountered become more manageable. Great support from a great woman, what more can I ask for!

Alejandra Santillanes - Ale, I have met her my last year of high school near September or October as she was the college adviser for my school and we bonded faster than a blink of an eye. At first there was some warming up to where we are but as the year progressed, I enjoyed going to my courtesy period just to talk to her. A graduate from UT Austin and still going to school to learn more about Special Education, I am already blown away from her dedication. To live the student life and still go to work, now that must be hard but I also wish for the same when I graduate. You prove others that people can have the best of both worlds as a student and as a worker. In a way I also look up to you because you make me appreciate my petite figure because of course being petite is not going to stop us from shooting the stars even if that means we need to get a extra long ladder to get there!

Jennifer Majchrzak Giza - Ms. Jenn was actually the first teacher (who was my English teacher and CAS coordinator if anyone wonders) I saw my junior year which is the first year as the International Baccalaureate begins. My thoughts were a tie between as to what I have I gotten myself into and how far will I go into this program before I lose my mind. Thankfully I do not share those thoughts anymore because throughout the years I was given a chance to meet her more thoroughly. The one thing that has always stuck out to me about her is how she is able to be completely herself and not have to sugarcoat anything. She will say things as it is and from there it all depends on how the person who is receiving the information decides to react. So much strength, character, and love I will be honest, at some points I found myself uncomfortable because I had never met a person like her. Sometimes I thought she could see through my skin and I was emotionally in the nude but those are the people who makes the differences in people's lives. I am still inspired by her behavior of continuing to do my own thing even if no one follows or in case people do decide to follow that they see me for who I am.

Marisol Nieves (Mom) - Mother, mother, mother, we first met on my birthday which is actually coming up really soon. Whether I am just saying this because she is my mom or because I do mean the things I say to her, she's been my number one. Always inspiring me to take risks even if this meant prying my arms from her thighs so I can mingle to the other pre-kindergartners, or continuing in the International Baccalaureate program when I wanted to call it quits. She always has faith in me when I don't see it in myself and that is honestly one of the greatest features of being a strong woman figure by helping other women figure out their self-worth and being to lift up one another from any insecurities. Not that many women will be willing to lend out a helping hand and regardless of the history of the relationship my mom has with another individual, she will still remain herself and even help. Sometimes I think some of the individuals my mom speak to do not deserve such kindness when little to no kindness was given to her but either way she has the strength to push pass that and not let the problems define her. I wish to be as strong as you are mom, one of these days. There are some cases where I question where you get this power to continue living this managed life but honestly it is your relationship with God that transformed you into the person you are.

Elisanet Perez-Velazquez - I have known Elisanet since I was probably in sixth or seventh grade in Hawaii. I remember meeting her at a gathering and immediately something clicked because I was really intrigued to talk to her. Even at that age, my eyes did not look at age, appearance, but more on behavior, the way someone speaks and express their ideas made me want to know what would strike those motifs in the first place. There was a time where she was having heart problems and seeing her in pain but still pushing onward and continuing to live her life that baggage she carries like a sack of potatoes. Now that we live apart from one another, I still enjoy speaking to her because our conversations are nothing about boys, makeup, or what the latest celebrity did but more like an exchange of ideas and exchange of advice which I prefer that over anything.

Laura Prieto - Not many know that Laura is my godmother less that she used to be a cross guard at my elementary school when I was in the fourth grade. Laura has always been a special person to me, who constantly looked after me during high school as she was the Counselor Clerk at my high school, was my ears when I needed someone to talk to, the one I shared many laughs with among with the staff in the office. The first thing that you would notice off the bat is her warm, charismatic attitude even though some individuals were not as warm or charismatic in return. Despite how horrible the day could of gone for me she always brings a smile to one's face and with that was enough for me to know how strong her character is. A petite lady is not even a description to describe how much this woman means to me, she knows how to stand her ground, knows how to deal well in sticky situations, knows how to tolerate people and manage the different behaviors or attitudes that comes across and find ways to make the day end on a good note. I couldn't have picked a more amazing person to be my godmother and be able to rely on her for anything especially when she is just around the corner. You have definitely taught me to continue smiling on and pushing forward even when I want to throw in the towel. Things do get better, we have proven that throughout high school!

Alice King - Oh my, I met Alice kind of unofficially in my first Mothers Against Drunk Driving meeting in September of my junior year of high school. Though, officially I didn't get to know Alice the way I know her now until around November 2013 when I decided that status should not get in the way of making friendships. I remember having this mentality that students are not supposed to be friends with mentors because I have heard that in a class my sophomore year but I am so thankful that I broke that rule! Or else I wouldn't have met such an incredible, loving, strong, hilarious, charismatic woman. To be a single mother and just see from the outside of how life could be a unexpected waves of emotions and obstacles, Alice still remains open-minded and helpful to those around her. I am not embarrassed at all for our friendship, our age, positions, none of that matters except for the person you are within. That is what I have learned, that nothing is better than being yourself and not caring about what others may think. Alice within the two years (and the much more that will continue) our lives are way different but we still manage to make time for each other and I do live for those moments when I get to catch up with you in person and not simply through messages.

Yoly M Cortez - Best friend since fourth grade or more I should say my sister from another mister, you have proven me so many things! You have proven me that friendships are not perfect but because they're not perfect it does not mean that they will not work because look at us now, eight years into and makes me forever grateful for you being in my life. We have defeated the odds when I moved to Hawaii and then I came back freshman year and failed at surprising you at the door... You know almost about everything about me that you can pretty much see right through me even when I am acting out of character. Your character, strength, words of advice, I have been using continuously I believe that is why I have grown to have thick skin even though sometimes I can be a complete softy. Taught me to not care about what people say about me because only I know what kind of person I am. In addition, that I should not give out so much credit to people in my life and be grateful for what I have this very moment. (Is it weird that I still remember the first time our moms met, it was after school and I remember the smell of pickles because the PTA would sell them after school. I was eating popcorn and our moms were just talking. The start of a wonderful friendship I want to say!)

Yolanda Marquez - My second mother who treats me like her own, no moments together are ever awkward or uncomfortable. Knowing you since I was in fourth grade, I feel like we got along rather quickly or it could also be because I was always at the house on Friday afternoons. Your motherly support and warm attitude, taught me that you do not have to be related to love someone. Hard worker as secretary for your husband's business and still have room to take care of a family full heartedly without complaining, strength like that has inspired me to believe that there is no excuses. When you enjoy doing something you love and when it comes from the heart doing work is not seen as a hassle but a highlight of your character.

(Mi segunda madre que me amas como si su fuera de ella, ningun momento juntas no ha pasado raro o incomodo. Conociendo te desde el cuarto grado, el relacion entre nosotras se formo rapidamente o tambien podia ser que siempre estaba en la casa despues de escuela los viernes. Tu apoyo y calentita actitud, me ensenado que no necisitas ser relacionados por sangre para amar algun persona. Trabajadora como secretaria en el negocio de tu esposo y todavia tener el tiempo para cuidar tu familia totalmente de tu corazon sin quejas, tu fuerza me ha inspirado que las excusas no existen cuando esta pasando haciendo las cosas que te hace feliz.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Who inspires you?

xx Chavelita

PS. Forever in my thoughts! <3

Day 2: The car trip

In my previous blogpost, Life is precious, I had told you all that one of my mom's friends would take me to school during the time that my mom got ill and as to this day I can still recite the things she had told me even if it was just a minute worth of advice.

I was staying at another one of my mom's friends house that day and as I got ready for school, the lady who picked me arrive at the house who was also taking another one of my mom's friends son to school since we both went to the same school at the time. Normally I am not given rides to school because I would take the bus that was in the middle of the neighborhood. near my house with my friends. Yet there is little quiet me, riding in the back seat still feeling exhausted the night before still thinking about my mom and trying to fall asleep in a bed that wasn't mine. During my middle school years I felt those are the ones I will remember the most, I felt like most of my transformation happened during those two years of middle school which is probably why I consider my middle school years the best years. As we arrived to the school, the school was on the right side of me, which was also the door opposite from where I was sitting. Patiently waiting to slide over to exit through his door, he closes the door in my face which triggered this powerful emotion in my mom's friend. I remember her yelling in the car to him but I am not sure if he heard or just ignored her. Then out of instinct I told her that I was used to it. Now this is the part that stuck through me until today,

"You shouldn't have to be used to that behavior. People should treat you with respect."

Somewhere along those lines, I have learned that I should not settle for less. Just because some people were not taught to treat others with the same respect that one gives them, I shouldn't be accepting behavior that I did not deserve in the first place. If you are reading this, you have taught me about my self-value, which was something I was struggling to define in myself at the time. That day I felt like something just clicked into place, hearing those words were something that I needed. Being tough and strong but handling disrespectful behavior are totally different things and I thank you for teaching me the difference. Being the independent person and the hard headed person of not wanting anyone's help because I thought I could handle anything that was tossed at me, you have taught me that everyone needs help once in a while and that it's not a sign of weakness whatsoever. Instead, asking for help measures my ambition of completing certain tasks and how willing I am to get things done by using the resources around me.

So I thank you.

My ambitious readers, do not forget about your self-value. That is something that you should be proud to have and no one should water down the amazing people you are with negative attitudes or unacceptable behavior. Which I also do not want you to lower your standards or to anyone's level, if they want to be with you or want to be friends they should be the one's raising up to your expectations. Behavior and manners is key, if you do not like something then speak up as we cannot change a person for who they are, we do have the choice as to what to tolerate.

What is something that has stuck through you in a conversation?

xx Chavelita

Life is precious

As something that is expected, could easily be taken advantage of such as life. Not everyone is guaranteed a life, but those who were blessed enough to be given one chance at this confusing but amazing living time on Earth are not appreciating this wonderful gift. I have found myself many times of not being grateful for this life I have and as awful as that sounds it's like I am living in a mode where I live to just see the next day. Everyday living to reach the next day and some part of me feels like life is much more than that and that there is so much more to offer that I am clearly not seeing.

I was about the age of thirteen when my life was shaken for a moment. On the bus heading home from middle school, I typically spent the bus ride goofing around with my two closest friends and singing along to the latest tunes of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga that the bus rider was kind enough to play loudly on the speakers. When I reached home I called out, "MOM I'M HOME!" as I normally do to announce that I made it home safely. Only this time I was not getting any response. Strange enough if my mom were to go somewhere or leave she would of told me something, right? Trying my best to stay calm I go check to see if my mom was sleeping in her bed, my dad at the time he was out of town in a training to prepare for another deployment he was going later in the year. I should explain that without warning, because that is just how life likes to take action, my mom was feeling ill a few days before and as to this day I have no idea to explain the pain she must of been to not be able to button her own pants or change her clothes.

Back to story, at this point I was beyond terrified because now the only thought that was on loop was that she was in the hospital and that somehow her condition worsen. My mom wouldn't pick up the phone and I had no way to contact my dad to ask what was going on. He was not even on the island at the time, and both of my brothers have not made it back to the house. I turned on the television in my mom's room to calm myself down but I wasn't even paying attention to what was airing, I felt frozen with fear and I began to cry. Not one of those pretty cries, not that any cry is pretty, but it was one of those uncontrollable cries where you shook so much and that at that moment is where I felt like my brain wasn't working. Several minutes have passed and my phone began to ring, it was one of my mom's friends who lived just a few blocks from us. In Spanish, she asked, "You know that your mom is in the hospital?" and there was this silence and this awful pang of disbelief and anger that my conclusions were correct. Drawing conclusions should be the total opposite of what is happening and for once I did not want my conclusions to be right. Took so much to hold myself together on that phone call, where I mainly listened but when I had to answer back I would swallow profusely to hide the fact that of all things, of course I wasn't fine. All I wanted was someone to be there with me to just hold me and remind me of how life could play some cruel tricks but that things would or could get better. I remember my mom's friend telling me that she was coming to pick me up so she can take me to the hospital to see her and I said okay, hung up, and cried.

I picked myself up, wiped away the tears, popped a piece of gum in my mouth because I have learned that keeping my mouth closed to fight back the tears will not work but if I had something occupying my mouth that I would fight through it, and waited for her to come get me. On the way there I did not talk much, not that I speak much as it is, but my mind was roaring with questions. What happened to my mom? Was she okay? Did they find out what was wrong with her? Is she coming home tonight? Was anyone able to contact my dad? This was the first time I was allowed to go to the side of hospital where they kept the patients overnight. The sensation was foreign, I felt that I was not supposed to be there and that someone was going to tell me that I couldn't enter and redirect me to the same entrance. Only I wasn't and now being lead to the end of the hall, my mom was in the second to last room to the left side of me. Memories like these do not just disappear with time but are just faded scars. They're enough to be seen but not a deep wound that everyone questions. She laid there in the hospital bed wearing the typical hospital gown and socks that had grips at the bottom of the feet to prevent her from slipping if she were to get out of bed. This was definitely the moment where I realized how much of my life is revolved around my mom and it upsets me how terrible things have to turn out in order to take full appreciation of what we may have. No one wants to see their parents in a hospital bed with an IV running through their veins.

I thank God so much that now that I am about to turn eighteen that I still have this chance to spend my moments with my mom and with my loved ones. She is indeed my everything and without her, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I also cannot thank enough for my mom's friends for taking care of me and my brothers. For letting me have a place to stay so I wouldn't be left alone in the house, feeding me when I did not have the motivation to eat and for giving me a ride to school (and for also teaching me about my worth and value on that car trip to school but that is another story). Your support and love will forever be remembered and if you are reading this I am certain you know who you are and how much I love you all.

Life comes unannounced and most certainly life comes quick. Your life is valuable, you have the power to do anything that you want, and most important that life is precious. A gift that not everyone receives. If you are going through some tough times remember that you have the ability to make the tough times your steps in success or the anchor to your ship. Depends on how you want to take life by the reins and there is definitely support out there, ask for it and the help is all yours. Lastly just like the sermon I heard at church yesterday, your life is right in front of you if only you are willing to look up from the distractions.

What are you most grateful for?

xx Chavelita

Being Small

 

There isn't a time I remember when I was average size
Where my mother did not have to explain her friends that I was actually seventeen
And to this day I hear my father's voice that we measure our foreheads to the skies
But that did not stop everyone else from questioning that I was a teen

Days went by where I tell myself being small is perfectly fine
Until I go to school and I hear people whispering about me like I don't hear them
Sometimes I wish I turned around and told them to back off before I get them in line
But what difference will that make?

Shopping has a whole new story of its own
To pick out shoes is such a chore
Nothing would fit, I felt so prone
Little girl shoes are all that fit me, at this point I just wanted to leave the store

My doctor informs me that growing is no longer a choice
That what I got, is what I got
And when I saw him again I would stand tall even though I was losing my voice
Was God putting me on the spot?

My self-confidence plummeted and I could not make ends meet
What if my mom said yes to inject me with hormones?
Would I have grown to reach five feet?
Will that make me feel normal?

Looking through pictures, I stand out
As time went on I started getting comfortable in my skin
To find some sense of doubt
Should not cause my head to spin

I will wear my size two converse with pride
Show the world that I am not weak
And all the criticism from people to slide 
Because being small is quite unique

This morning I came across this video on Facebook about a group of poetry teenagers called Get Lit where they speak about current events. I thought this was very jaw dropping and inspiring that even I wrote my own poem to talk about the situation that small people come across on a daily basis. Although these events I speak about may seem minimal, you will not understand the struggle unless actually have small feet or people speaking behind your back like you're at some freak show on display. Just know for these insecurities, it is what makes you stand out and shine especially for being able to accept them or overcome these insecurities.

(Bare with me that I do not normally record myself aha) 

What is a insecurity that inspires you to prove others wrong?

xx Chavelita

Bonus: Resilience

Yesterday in class, every Tuesday we have an organization called Olweus (pronounced as oh-vay-es) where they have little inspirational video clips or messages that the whole school during a certain period have to stop their course to teach the students this special lesson. Which I think it superb way to snap students back in reality and give them a dose of sanity. The assignment she had given us was to write an essay on resilience and how you see yourself, if you're resilience and to what. This blogpost I wanted to share with you what I had written:

The difficulty in today's society is the ability to distinguish between the truth and the made up. The key factor in be resilient is based on one's self esteem and just with it, it is constantly being challenged. Whether it is being attacked through interpersonal or intrapersonal relationships, many people around my age (sometimes myself even) doesn't see the other choices rather than to simply accept what is being said.

Though I am not the strongest person out of the bunch and have a bad habit of taking any commentary, good or bad, to heart, at the end of the day the only person you have to prove is yourself. Physically we have to learn to live with ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and evaluate the flaws. Turn them into weapons of success and do not forget the emotionally/mentally person you are because it is just as important to be psychologically healthy.

Pretty cliche but sometimes people have to be reminded of the obvious to take into consideration that maybe that the "obvious" is something important to be reminded of. Changes may not be the easiest or the smoothest of transitions to overcome but once they're made I am certain the view will be better than before. When the sensation that nothing is turning out as planned, that should be an immediate flag that you are going the wrong direction. Which in this case, something needs to change if you want to view different outcomes.

How does this connect to the trait of resilience? I find that what I've mentioned before such as self esteem, physically and mental preparedness, and choices are all the ingredients that are used to make resilience. For myself, I consider myself to be a resilient person who finds herself formulating choices that will be productive in any shape or form. Though resilience is a skill that needs constant checking so it would not crumble all at once, is fine by me. Everything can use a bit of fiddling to find out where you may stand and as my teacher said, "it all gets better with age". (not sure she wants to be mentioned but if you're reading this, I hope it is okay to quote you!)

Through what experiences have you been resilient to?

xx Chavelita 

Expectations

Well my first day of school was yesterday and by the look of the lack of the blogpost yesterday it was one hell of a day. First days of school are the worst for me everything was turned upside down or inside out (whichever you prefer) and I did not enjoy it. Bright side was to be able to see my friends but even then that is limited. The classes that I have are not quite what I thought it would be, some of my favorite classes are no longer my favorite because of the switching of teachers or the switch of the students. Changes are hard, I understand that they are supposed to be because it measures your ability to spring back into the right direction or a new direction but I am honestly worried about this year. This is not very positive blogpost but I am not going to apologize for how I feel because I am too human, we are all a little broken. Sometimes we feel weak and we have reached those moments where you are just trying to place all the positives together to out balance the negatives.

The reason why transitions are hard for me because I am so accustomed to how my life was last school year and growing close to my classmates that now being placed in a group of people I barely speak to, its like all the odds are against me. To be a child of a military father, it was something you were either ready or not there was no choices if you wanted to leave. And here I am, still not used to it. Total survival of the fittest and as much as I prefer to be on my own, I know I cannot always be and being with a group of unfamiliar people makes the situation seem sketchy for me. When students who do not take their work as serious are placed in the same group as me, it makes me upset because I know where they all lead to: me doing all the work. I am no one's guinea pig, I am a leader and if people are not going to follow or at least cooperate than why should I cooperate with them? I'm just already stressed and I know I shouldn't be because it's barely the second day of school. I am trying to pull through, make the best out of my senior year, and complete all the work that comes at me.

The title of this blogpost is expectations. At any given moment there will be times where we are tossed the unexpected and have to learn to deal with them. Just because something was decent or great the year before, it does not always determine where you will be the next year. What you may have experienced the first time will not have the same effect as it does the second time. People change, situations change, and to cope with them has its own story. Though it is possible to overcome these obstacles, when you feel your weakest is when your window of opportunity comes to become a stronger person than you already are. I just have to reshape my comfort zone again and take my best friend's advice and open up more to people. Not on a personal level but as an acquaintance or at least to the point where I do not feel as lonely or a stranger when I do not have my support system with me.

As I mentioned before school has started for me which means that I will be posting less. I have decided that I should post at least three times in a week maybe the weekend with the addition of Wednesday? Depends on how much will be on my plate according to my schedule.



How do you recall your first day of school?

xx Chavelita

Strong or stronger?

Hi everyone one, I apologize for not posting yesterday but today I was speaking to a great friend of mine and the topic of being a strong person came up. 

First of all, everyone may have problems whether they're the size of the Himalayas or as a tiny as a grain of sand, since when was asking for help a sign of weakness? Which in fact I think of as the first step of recovery, the realization that you cannot manage and need someone else because you recognize your problem whether than pushing it aside until another problem comes along and stacks on top. There is only so many problems we can stack up until the volcano erupts hurting everyone in sight. Though the beauty of an eruption is that you create new beautiful things. The truth comes up burns the surface and your new beginning gives fruit. Solving your problems opens a new window of opportunity and uplifts your mind from the fog. 

Secondly, strength is measured through the experiences you have gone through, which all of you have gone through a few. Congratulations, you're strong so stop underestimating yourself and grab the help you need or find the conclusion to your issue yourself and prove that you can overcome that obstacle. Please stop hiding the fact that you may be tearing apart inside, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and although they made not give you the proper advice just know that you're not alone. Think of that support system I've mentioned a few days ago and build yourself up from there. 

Lastly, starting something new is always the greatest struggle but as the days go by what may seem so difficult a few days ago, is now somewhat bearable. Be patient, like I told my friend everything happens for a reason and instead of searching for that answer that you stubbornly try to solve, try to find a way to the answer. Answers come through experience, so eventually that experience will come along and you'll find the answer you've been looking for. It is okay to not know something, that's the lovely thing about learning. (Honestly the more you know, the more you question...) Do not just sit there and think of the millions of possibilities, you will only overwhelm yourself and not get anywhere. Turn the page of your story, accept the things you can't change and continue moving forward with the things you can change. 

I don't want to see anyone struggling alone, I hope this helps. 

Reminder, take care of yourself before you can take care of others. 

What is a obstacle in your life that you overcame and how did you feel afterwards?

xx Chavelita