Day 6: Adulting

Adulting. Something you will not understand until you actually have to be an adult and do things on your own. When you have to take the reigns on your own life even if you do not know where or how to lead. Going in with an optimistic approach of independence, adulting is not at all what I imagined. I am not sure there is even a comparable situation that will assist you into the adult world unless you have absolutely had to rely on yourself to get things done. I know as a military child you tend to see life in a different manner and for the most part your childhood goes rather quickly as we lean more on ourselves to get the job done. Though even being a military child I had my moments of struggle, no one is prepared for what life is thrown at you. It is true that you live one day at a time. I find that it is just best to remind yourself that each day will have their struggles and rewards but no yesterdays are the same as our tomorrows.

There has been many times where I had wish my mom was around to help me make decisions when I am at the grocery store. Or be given some thought out advice on how to overcome moments of confusion with my dad. But through it all, you tend to learn a lot about yourself when you do not have any influence coming from someone else. I found my love for drinking hot tea in particular peach hot tea. I have learned that I cannot buy milk for one because I will let it spoil. I am embarrassed to say this but I had half a gallon of milk sitting in the inside of our fridge for a whole semester without opening. I was afraid to open it and throw out the contents out so I threw out the whole thing in the trash bin. Out of sight, out of mind, right? In the basement was the laundry room and in there there was the old washing machines that I had forgotten how to use so I had to relearn the technique to use those machines. I found out that I am not strong enough physically to bring all of my dirty laundry at once so I had to separate my loads in a bag and take it down to the basement in rotations. Also learned that doing laundry on a weekday was not going to cut it for me and if I were to do my laundry at an earlier time on the weekend I was able to get all my loads done by the afternoon. Some of the things I have learned while adulting, it is all about the little things my friends. 

I normally do not get sick but when I do get sick then its like a piece of hell breaks open. Towards the end of my second semester of college I was hit hard with the allergies. First came the headaches which I thought could be treated with a pain killer pill only the headache persisted into the next day. This is how migraine and I first met, it was not a welcoming experience to say the least. The following day I was okay but the day after that I woke up with a sore throat and my body had given up on me. If my body could speak it would of probably told me, "Girl you are on your own for this one!". I had asked my mentor if she had any cough syrup or if she could take me to the pharmacy to get me some but I did not receive a reply back until I had woken up that morning of the sore throat. Everyone was apparently busy so there was only one thing I could do and that was to walk to the nearest pharmacy myself. Using every remaining amount of energy left I began my walk to the pharmacy. Perhaps this was the moment that I had hit adulthood. When you are left to take care of yourself and be responsible for taking your medicine and taking yourself to the doctors when needed. What a fun week that was for me!

Overall, adulting is going to push your buttons. With time though, you learn to adapt yourself to adulthood... at least that is what I am hoping adulting leads to. I am still adjusting even some of my adult friends are still adulting. So do not feel bad if you are getting to the age that you have to be an adult and all you experience is a lot of confusion and loss of control. That means you are doing it right! Keep up the good work! You will soon find your momentum! Things will soon start making sense, it is the getting started part that brings in the toughest challenges.

How is adulting coming along for you?

xx Chavelita

Life is precious

As something that is expected, could easily be taken advantage of such as life. Not everyone is guaranteed a life, but those who were blessed enough to be given one chance at this confusing but amazing living time on Earth are not appreciating this wonderful gift. I have found myself many times of not being grateful for this life I have and as awful as that sounds it's like I am living in a mode where I live to just see the next day. Everyday living to reach the next day and some part of me feels like life is much more than that and that there is so much more to offer that I am clearly not seeing.

I was about the age of thirteen when my life was shaken for a moment. On the bus heading home from middle school, I typically spent the bus ride goofing around with my two closest friends and singing along to the latest tunes of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga that the bus rider was kind enough to play loudly on the speakers. When I reached home I called out, "MOM I'M HOME!" as I normally do to announce that I made it home safely. Only this time I was not getting any response. Strange enough if my mom were to go somewhere or leave she would of told me something, right? Trying my best to stay calm I go check to see if my mom was sleeping in her bed, my dad at the time he was out of town in a training to prepare for another deployment he was going later in the year. I should explain that without warning, because that is just how life likes to take action, my mom was feeling ill a few days before and as to this day I have no idea to explain the pain she must of been to not be able to button her own pants or change her clothes.

Back to story, at this point I was beyond terrified because now the only thought that was on loop was that she was in the hospital and that somehow her condition worsen. My mom wouldn't pick up the phone and I had no way to contact my dad to ask what was going on. He was not even on the island at the time, and both of my brothers have not made it back to the house. I turned on the television in my mom's room to calm myself down but I wasn't even paying attention to what was airing, I felt frozen with fear and I began to cry. Not one of those pretty cries, not that any cry is pretty, but it was one of those uncontrollable cries where you shook so much and that at that moment is where I felt like my brain wasn't working. Several minutes have passed and my phone began to ring, it was one of my mom's friends who lived just a few blocks from us. In Spanish, she asked, "You know that your mom is in the hospital?" and there was this silence and this awful pang of disbelief and anger that my conclusions were correct. Drawing conclusions should be the total opposite of what is happening and for once I did not want my conclusions to be right. Took so much to hold myself together on that phone call, where I mainly listened but when I had to answer back I would swallow profusely to hide the fact that of all things, of course I wasn't fine. All I wanted was someone to be there with me to just hold me and remind me of how life could play some cruel tricks but that things would or could get better. I remember my mom's friend telling me that she was coming to pick me up so she can take me to the hospital to see her and I said okay, hung up, and cried.

I picked myself up, wiped away the tears, popped a piece of gum in my mouth because I have learned that keeping my mouth closed to fight back the tears will not work but if I had something occupying my mouth that I would fight through it, and waited for her to come get me. On the way there I did not talk much, not that I speak much as it is, but my mind was roaring with questions. What happened to my mom? Was she okay? Did they find out what was wrong with her? Is she coming home tonight? Was anyone able to contact my dad? This was the first time I was allowed to go to the side of hospital where they kept the patients overnight. The sensation was foreign, I felt that I was not supposed to be there and that someone was going to tell me that I couldn't enter and redirect me to the same entrance. Only I wasn't and now being lead to the end of the hall, my mom was in the second to last room to the left side of me. Memories like these do not just disappear with time but are just faded scars. They're enough to be seen but not a deep wound that everyone questions. She laid there in the hospital bed wearing the typical hospital gown and socks that had grips at the bottom of the feet to prevent her from slipping if she were to get out of bed. This was definitely the moment where I realized how much of my life is revolved around my mom and it upsets me how terrible things have to turn out in order to take full appreciation of what we may have. No one wants to see their parents in a hospital bed with an IV running through their veins.

I thank God so much that now that I am about to turn eighteen that I still have this chance to spend my moments with my mom and with my loved ones. She is indeed my everything and without her, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I also cannot thank enough for my mom's friends for taking care of me and my brothers. For letting me have a place to stay so I wouldn't be left alone in the house, feeding me when I did not have the motivation to eat and for giving me a ride to school (and for also teaching me about my worth and value on that car trip to school but that is another story). Your support and love will forever be remembered and if you are reading this I am certain you know who you are and how much I love you all.

Life comes unannounced and most certainly life comes quick. Your life is valuable, you have the power to do anything that you want, and most important that life is precious. A gift that not everyone receives. If you are going through some tough times remember that you have the ability to make the tough times your steps in success or the anchor to your ship. Depends on how you want to take life by the reins and there is definitely support out there, ask for it and the help is all yours. Lastly just like the sermon I heard at church yesterday, your life is right in front of you if only you are willing to look up from the distractions.

What are you most grateful for?

xx Chavelita