Update: Switched to Wordpress

Hello everyone,

For those of you who are not on my Facebook page, I have recently hit over TEN thousand reads overall in this blog and I feel so proud and lucky for having you participate with my content. With this community growing in capacity I want to make this community be able to connect with each other and with that being said I think by switching to Wordpress I am able to produce stronger connections with you, my fellow readers. I will try Wordpress for a month and if I do not like Wordpress then I will continue to use Blogger. Please let me know what you all think, I do value everything you do and say to me. Also I want to thank you all for being such a lovely audience for the past two years! Chavelita Stories did turn two a few days ago and it is quite the honor that I am still able to write to you all! I really enjoy writing and I look forward to what comes next!

Wordpress Chavelita Stories

Heard any good things about Wordpress?

xx Chavelita

Day 24: Petite & Proud

Ever since I was in school, from my first day of pre-kindergarten to my last day of my senior year of high school I have been known as the short girl. I bet people who I went to school with mainly associated me as the short girl which at the time was quite annoying and I perceived as disrespectful. Out of all of what my personality and my qualities offer and the one thing that people would leave with is is the fact that I was short. Great, even I could of looked in the mirror and realize that about myself. I have lost count to the many times I came complaining to my parents about my size and how because of my size people did not take me seriously. I even thought that because I was short that the guys I was interested in would overlook me. You see, when you are short for the most part people will think that you are weak or that you may need extra help when you are out in public. People automatically assume that being short, that taller people may have the upper hand. Which is how I thought about my size and I kind of just accepted my defeat there. My genes have made me this way and there was no way I was able to change my body.

To be fair, I think I was the biggest bully to myself because before anyone had the opportunity to mention anything about my size I was already putting myself down for it. I had this mentality that if I could beat someone to the teasing then I would not have fallen so hard if someone were to come and actually make comments. I had grown such a thick layer which sometimes growing a thick layer is good but mine was so thick to the point that I started to dislike myself. The what if's came in frequent waves. "What if I was taller..." "What if people saw me for who I am, like actually saw me, rather than seeing my size and automatically judging my talents..." "What if..." I had begun to fall in love with an idea of myself and was drifting away from my actual self.

Until I had reached college, things have changed. I started to look at myself from a different angle. I had come to meet with my flaw as being short because I had come to realize that being short is part of my personality. I started to view my shortness as a unique quality of mine because even though most of the people that go to my university are pretty tall, you find yourself standing out without even trying. People usually care less about how you look like, they may still stare, but for the most part at least I did not care at that point. I began to love myself again and for the healthy body that I have been too busy overlooking. In fact that is how I met one of my good friends from college. We used to live on the same floor and she was that type of person to greet everyone in the hall until one day she came over to my room. We got acquainted and we both spoke freely about where we came from. Sometimes my friend had some pretty unfiltered thoughts and she would occasionally mention how my short figure was what made her want to be my friend and first but then when she got to know me she was grateful to have gotten to know me. So I have come to realize that being short has their privileges. You are able to sit in the middle of the suspended chairs with your friends, you are able to sit at the outer seat of rides, since I am short I needed to ride with a companion most times so I did not have to ride on my own, you are able to get child discounts if you play your cards right, you get to still shop in the girls section at department stores for a cheaper price than the actual woman's wear, and so much more which before I had thought was embarrassing.

What I needed was a change of mindset and maturity to settle with the fact that I am going to be short for the rest of my life and that if I am ever going to be happy then I must accept myself for who I am. I cannot change my body but I can change the way I perceive my body. I totally believe that our Creator has made each and everyone of us into the perfect image that they had imagined us to be. At the time I did not understand why I was made this way but now looking at myself in the mirror I see my petite figure and what comes to my mind is strength. I can totally do what tall people can do and there is nothing wrong to ask for help if I cannot reach. To not be able to reach should be the least of my worries, if I am able to climb my way up then I will. Being a short girl is not that easy but as a short girl you learn to work yourself around the unreachable and you find yourself proving not just others wrong with your capabilities but you start to prove yourself wrong too. Being short is no longer my crutch but it is my step. I am petite and I am proud.

How do you perceive your body?

xx Chavelita

Day 23: What I have learned from having a bisexual best friend

Have you ever had those friendships where you think it is just a simple meet and greet but turns out to be much more than that? Well that is how my friendship started with one of my best friends. I was around the age of 15, maybe I was younger, and I went over to my uncle's house where the family business used to be and I greeted my cousin with a side kiss on the cheek. And just like I have been raised to do with family I also greeted my cousin's girlfriend with a side kiss on the cheek. My first impression of her was that she was kind and quiet, very reserved but of course my older brother knows how to get along with everyone so he is already talking to her. Me, I usually wait for the right moment to come so I can test the waters with new people. My mentality with making friends is that if I see no potential then I will not talk to that person or I will not make the effort to do so. But this friendship was weird. Nothing like the other friendships I have made because we did not talk to each that much the first time we met. Aren't friendships supposed to be based on communication and little bit of trust in the beginning? Yet we ended up exchanging phone numbers at the end of the visit and we would text back and forth to each other. Having a long distance friendship for me is like having the other person at the other end of the friendship send messages in glass bottles hoping to get a reply back from me. I do not just not answer messages on purpose, I just gradually fade away if there is not someone else tugging me back into the picture. Which I am not offended if I do fade away because I do pick up the phone if someone from 2 years ago messages me today asking for advice on something or for a conversation.

Well from the numerous messages we have sent through out the years, I have grown to know my best friend. For what she is, how she became the way she is, and how she identifies herself. When my parents had told me before I arrived at my uncle's house that my cousin's girlfriend's sexuality was different from mine, I accepted it. There was no further explanations needed for me because I saw no purpose in needing any more information. If people treated me nicely and respectfully, I can care less about what sexuality they decide to identify themselves. Well there was one day I had messaged my friend that I have known about her sexuality in case she did not already know but that I totally supported. If you have yet know, I like to lay things on the table. I do not like cutting corners or sugarcoating what could and can be said truthfully to others. Since I have mentioned that I knew her sexuality it was like sealing the deal with our friendship because after that day we got closer. I would go to her for my problems, advice, for a good laugh, every conversation with her leaves me with a smile on my face and I find that rare to find nowadays.

What I have learned about having a long distance bisexual best friend? You learn to appreciate how powerful love can be regardless of sexuality. The other day I remember her telling me that she has been with my cousin for six years and in pure awe I congratulated her. You begin to associate sexuality like age or gender, it's there and you acknowledge it but there is also so much more than that. There was definitely so much to my best friend and it was not because of her sexuality that wanted me to be her friend. I wanted to be her friend because she was genuine, unique, caring, open-minded, strong-minded and intuitive. The distance gets to us sometimes but we have learned to make ends meet whether I message her first or she messages me first we make time for each other even if it's just for a twenty minute conversation. The strength she has developed from her childhood has also partially been passed on to me, and I know that when I feel small and weak I could count on her to push me to get off my butt and continue fighting. I have learned that friendships come in multiple forms and feel I have been blessed to be part of this special friendship. I do not need anyone's blessing or permission to be friends with people who treat me respectfully and correctly. Because they may have a different sexuality as me which has nothing to do with our friendship, I can care less about the assumptions that are made about me. I know who I am. My best friend knows who she and I find that to be enough.

I do not have that many friends that I am able to be completely myself, but I am glad that I can with her. And I cannot thank her enough for taking care of me from a distance as one of her little sisters. That right there is some one of a kind love.

Fun fact: She was the one who gave me the nickname Chavelita.

What have you learned from your friendships?

xx Chavelita

Day 19: Father's Day

If you have yet to notice, I enjoy talking about my loved ones whenever I get the opportunity to do so and since today has been Father's Day I will be talking about him. My dad and I have always been the intelligent but sarcastic duo. We can have real deep conversations and hold advice sessions and in the next minute go straight into one of those inappropriate bathroom jokes that my mom always likes to call us out for. There are times where we may read each others minds or we can communicate with each other without even saying a word. Sometimes I fluctuate between if I am a mama's girl or a daddy's girl because being the only daughter they have, technically there is no competition in deciding who gets to be what. Growing up my dad has been in the military and me, I was not so into superheroes or Disney princesses, I was into Disney fairies but that is besides the point, so I did not really have that character to look up to and admire. But then I realize, my dad makes sacrifices and helps the country become a better place to live in so shouldn't that be something to acknowledge for? Which is why I still call him my hero today. And it is true when they say that not all heroes wears capes. I cannot compare my dad to the average dad because I feel like our family is not average to start with. To be the strong Latina woman I am today did not simply get up one morning and became that woman. I had to work hard to be that woman. Through the struggles, the fears, the doubts, and the confusion, my dad was there to lend out his wonderful talents as the listener/philosopher I know. I found he always had the right words to say even when there were moments that I did not ask for them. In other moments, he would simply encourage me just because and remind me that I am beautiful who is deserving in the things that I work hard for. I remember when I found out that my first hardcore crush was dating this other girl and I felt my heart split into two. I never really realized how much feelings I have had for this guy until that day. So I told my dad and he did not simply say, "oh there will be other guys, you wait and see!" he sat me down and reminded me of my principles. Reminded me of my qualities and of my one of a kind personality and in other words to not settle for less. I know at that moment I may have been choked up in tears and out of pure frustration for him to not even bother telling me and me having to find out on the internet about his relationship but hey I am just really glad my dad was there to put me back together. I find that it's the small bits of here and there that my dad has done for me that has shaped me into the person I am today. So whenever my friends compliment my personality or any qualities about me, I mentally point to my parents because they were the ones who raised me. And boy did they raise me well.

Happy Father's Day

xx Chavelita

Day 18: The day of adventures

Today has been very adventurous with my girls that I haven't had time to write! So I will leave you all with an inspiring message. My hardworkers, give yourself a break. You have worked so diligently. In moments where you wish you could of done more remember how far you have gotten. It's not all about how much successes you have but more so how much you have learned through the failures that brought the best out of you. I know the failures are not so much we mention but they should also be acknowledged. Don't be afraid to fail as I was once told by a friend and never feel like you have to make anyone else proud.  You're the one living with the choices you make so the only person you have to make proud is yourself. Don't add that extra unneeded pressure to your beautiful selves. 

I love you all! 

xx Chavelita 

Day 13: The Promise Ring

In the Hispanic/Latino culture, whenever a girl turns fifteen it is known to be a big deal. The quinceanero marks the transition of a girl becoming a woman. Yeah I know fifteen is quite young for a big step but it makes sense because naturally girls are becoming women so it is like sealing the deal and your loved ones are there on your fifteenth birthday to celebrate your big transition. Well in cases like mine where I did turn fifteen I was not given a big celebration until October where I went to Puerto Rico during my fall break to have my quinceanera, I was instead given the biggest most treasuring gift in my life. It was not a car or anything materialistic that could be cashed in, but it was my parents promise ring. As of today I have yet to take off my parents promise ring from my finger. I was told by them that when they have a daughter when she turned fifteen the ring will be hers. I asked, what if they did not have a daughter or what if they had two daughters? And they simply told me that they just knew they were going to have one. My parents in my opinion were very old school. Living in Puerto Rico, my dad would ride his bicycle over to my mom's house so often that my mom's parents at first did not like having his presence. My mom's house was up on a hill so my dad would have to walk his bicycle or pedal hard to make it up but that did not stop him from coming over. Yeah my grandparents did not approve of him which I have always thought to be pretty hilarious because my dad is the type of man to spread his love around even to those who did not want it. "Ya viene ese otra vez" (There he comes again...) is something I imagine my abuela saying. My dad's persistence was probably how my grandparents finally allowed him in the family or at least make him feel welcomed to be in it. Well one day my dad gave my mom the promise ring and with that being said that he promised that they will get married one day.

It has been difficult these past few days but I always like to remember this story because it reminds me that not everything is lost. This story is being told the way I remember it being told to me by my parents so there may be a few flaws but I am really fond of the idea of going through the process of promising someone to marry them with the promise ring, the engagement ring leading into marriage, and lastly the wedding ring that seals the whole sacrament. I know I am being vague but I promise that someday I will explain myself. For now I am just going to hold onto this precious ring and remember that love is powerful, love can fix the wounded, love is contagious, and that love comes natural. I hope that one day I get to go through the whole process with someone.

What has been the biggest promise you have made?

xx Chavelita

Day 12: A tea for my friends

Sunday morning. The sun peaks a little hello through the curtains and the smell of coffee brings the room to a gentle wake. Clock blinks eight thirty two and with one last stretch she gets out of bed. Blotches of mascara residue is left under her eyes making potent of her dark circles but her light hazel eyes tells another story. Loose locks of leftover curls framed her face and with that being said she wanders around her two roomed apartment. Colors of white, green, and gray flourished the apartment from head to toe with a little stain of red found on the washed out wooden floors. Only to remember that the friends she had were just something from her past. Painted white, she takes a seat and ponders. Tea. A cup of pipping hot tea is what she needed. Making tea was a specialty used in circumstances that were inexplicable even to the human mind. Such warm liquid to cure the cold of a broken heart. Accidentally making tea for two, she pours the remainder of the tea into a mug and stores the mug in the back of the cupboard. What cannot be seen should not be spoken about and what cannot be spoken about should not be seen. She keeps her friends to herself and she did not need someone or something to define her qualities. A sip of tea is the only satisfaction she needed and she had all the power within her small fingertips, at least right at that moment she does. Mint, honey, and a splash of happy juice, any tea could be her friend, anyone's friend really. How much more wonderful could life possibly get? To the last drop. Life should be appreciated to the last drop.

Felt like doing a freewrite today. May do more in the future because they're pretty fun to write!

xx Chavelita 

Day 11: Beautifully Misunderstood

Love was in the air

But it felt stiff in my bones

My body torn limb to limb

Such knowledge only to be used against me

Praying in a solution to fix this mess

Eyes lost their focus

And still holding onto this

Tiny spec of hope

Though it was not enough

At least it did not feel like it was

To keep this flame alive

It takes more of my energy that my desire

Must continue

I repeat myself

The uncontrollable giggles

Holding onto empty messages

Constantly checking on everyone else

Too many trips down memory lane

This has to stop

Must place myself first

I have to polish up

Reset my mind

Put away all this discontent and insecurities

Soon those who want to join will join

Then the world will no longer be a lonely, sad place after all

-April 12th, 2014

xx Chavelita

Day 10: Online Dating

Not that many people know about this but when I was younger I used to go online chat rooms and meet people. Now it was not like Tindr or Skype where you get to see the person you were talking to but it was on this social media where you were able to be any character that you wanted and you would meet people there. One of my friends at the time had suggested to make myself an account so we can play together and also meet new people who shared similar interests as me. I was at that stage where I was experimenting. Not that I am proud of but I would talk to this one guy without ever acknowledging to someone until there was one day that my parents were looking through my i-Pod and found a picture of him. Half jokingly and half serious they were, I was totally embarrassed not only that they had made fun of me for having a potential boyfriend but because I knew they were not going to understand. They were not going to understand that maybe we were dating or maybe we weren't but I had enjoyed talking to him for the fact that he treated me with such respect without even having to see my face. At that moment of my life I had really low self-esteem because of my small figure and having such a young looking face, growing up not that many people took me seriously. I was not given a proper chance that I have longed to receive so I resorted to the internet. At least on the internet I was perceived as someone with confidence and I suppose I was also a catch. There was even a time where I spent so much time on the computer that I got it confiscated from me until the habit was forced out of me.

In a more recent moment, about a year ago, I had received an anonymous message from this person from this social media site that allows you to ask or say anything anonymously. Well I slightly remember him asking about some of my hobbies and what were my opinion on certain topics. I had thought this guy was pretty interesting so I wanted to know who he was. Over the months we were hitting it off really well, we started to use instant messaging and almost every other day we would message each other about our days and whatnot. The few descriptive information that I had gotten from him was that he lived in England, was a teacher assistant to grade school children, a single child with a single mother, and that he was six months younger than I am. Instead of hiding this I had told my mom directly that I was talking to someone I had met from the internet and I already knew she was going to put the red flag up and advise me to never speak to him again. But here I am thinking like I was acting like the bigger person I continued to speak with him. Not that I wanted to seek a relationship with him because that was not my intention at first especially with the distance I was not going to put myself through that. Well then comes in this long message during the night where he professed my feelings to me (I have no idea why guys continue to profess his feelings to me in long messages while I am sleeping...) and I was left awkwardly looking at the screen of my phone. I had told my mom again what he had told me and the simple advice she had given me was to ask if we could video chat so I can confirm that the picture on his profile was him. Like all of you have guessed it, it wasn't. And to be fair I did not like him for the fake picture he had, is not the attractive physical features that lure me in it's the words and the actions. So after that incident of him lying to me, I deleted the app and I have promised myself that I will no longer be making friends over the internet. If I have to continuously go through bad experiences to learn that most online dating/relationships are not for me then now that is a shame on me for not learning from my mistakes.

What I wanted for you all to get from my experience is that you may think you know the person you are speaking to online, backwards and forwards, but I do not think you will ever know a person until the day you actually meet them in person. There is so much you miss when you are busy online fishing. You miss the first impression, that awkward 'should I go for the hug or that handshake', the actual connection or disconnection with the person, basically the little things that make up a true date. I would have to agree with my mom that a relationship made online is not real. You start falling in love with the idea of that person rather than the actual person. Realizing this now I know why it was hard for me to let these guys go because I was afraid that I was not going to find someone or someone who made me feel like the best slice of cake there is. But you are just going to have to trust in yourself that you will and that it will work out. This also explains why when my friends are playing around on Tindr, I decide not to participate. I know I may be one of the pickiest people you have met when it comes to making friendships with others but that is because I have been there. Not just online but in real life too. When you think you have met the perfect person and you are proven wrong in the most unpredictable ways. I have not been great in the dating department but at least I can say that I know what I want and I am not settling down for just anyone because I know I deserve better. If you are going or went through a similar situation, remind yourself that you deserve better too because you do. And always remember to be careful when you are online never share your personal whereabouts or information even if you feel that you can trust them completely...

How has your experience in dating been lately?

xx Chavelita

Day 9: Friendships over the years

When the word friendships come into mind it is as if I get a flashback to all the friendships that went wrong and all those who are still with me today. Friendships are somewhat weird to explain because none of my friendships are the same thus I cannot really categorize them. When I was younger and I still do this now, I would not tell my parents about the friends I have made unless I knew for sure that they were going to stick with me for a while. I took my friendships really close to heart and I would take the longest time to make sure that my friendships were worth my time. I know this seems a judgmental but it was just how I would make friends. But let me tell you now that when I make a friend they are usually there to stay and it's really amazing to have friendships that you can look back on. In order for someone to understand the world more clearly, I think we all need to have at least one of these friends to show you a different perspective in which you interpret the world.

• A friend from the opposite sex - 
• A friend from a different sexuality - 
• A friend who's first language is not your own - 
• A friend who is not the same age as you - 
• A friend who is from a different race - 
• A friend you have known for over five years - 
• A friend who is special - 

Here are just a few but the more diverse the better. If you have at least one of these friends I can guarantee that your perspective will become more third dimensional. Sometimes we get stuck seeing the world through our lens and from the situations we have had overcome over the years. But once when you start walking in the shoes of your friends you start to understand that not everything is as one sided as we think. Their stories do not become your own, but you can learn from their stories. So I find it to be important to give everyone a chance even the people you would not think of being friends with are the ones who bring in the most perspective in your life. Just give them a chance, if you like to speak and be around with them then continue being their friend. If you find that you feel upset or annoyed to be with that person you always have the right to walk away or stop speaking to them just make sure you let them know why you do not want to be friends with them. I think they deserve the explanation at least.

I have met my very first best friend when I was around nine or ten. We were in fourth grade and she was the new girl who came from Detroit, Michigan and you know how everyone gets excited to see new students come in the middle of the school year. I felt like everyone wanted to be her friend but I was not the one to casually come up and introduce myself. I waited for my cue, if it ever came, to make myself known to her so I was left waiting. Then there was this one day where she invited some of the girls from our class to come over and I was invited. We were barely talking at that time. I remember she would mix up my name with this other short girl from class but fair enough I mispronounced her name for about a year or so, so I guess I cannot complain. Asking my mom to go over to a friend's house for the first time, I can already tell she was concerned. She is the type of mom who likes to meet the parents of the friend to make sure. Throughout my fourth and fifth grade year on Friday afternoons after school I would go over to her house. It first started with a group of girls coming over her house and then it ended up just me coming over which I did not mind. We would call our moms on the landline at school and cross our fingers that we were able to spend time together. And so we fast forward 11 years and I can still say she is my best friend. We went through the awkward teens together even though I had left for a while to go to Hawaii for my dad's work I came back. I feel we have defeated the odds honestly and I want to say this is the friendship I treasure the most because my best friend saw me when I was I just the little girl who wanted someone to laugh with to the woman I had grown and wanted to be. And I could say the same to for her. I am curious to see where the next decade will take us! 

Who do you consider your best friend?

xx Chavelita

Day 4: L.O.V.E.?

The idea of falling in love with someone has indeed been on my mind, but do I really do anything to pursue it? Not really. Also for the fact that I do not think love can be pursued at least in people they can't. I remember in high school telling myself, "That is okay I am sure I will find someone who will surpass my small figure and will love me for who I am in college. Love is certainly will be different in college, more mature and worthwhile!" I was right about one thing, love is certainly different in college, but there are not all mature as I thought they would be. In fact, falling in love in college has been a challenge and I am not only speaking on my behalf. Take me for an example. When you are barely getting into college there is this application that could be downloaded on your phone called School App and the essential purpose for that app is to meet people who have been admitted to the college of your choice and have decided to also attend that fall semester with you. You have limited access time on the app because then the following individuals that are accepted next year take over the app. Well one day feeling homesick because I had no one to speak Spanish to, I posted on the app "Where was my hispanic people at?", like I own all hispanic people, and surely I had gotten like at least 10 comments from that post. Half joking and half serious, I was not expecting to get so much activity on that post. There was this guy who decided to private message me on the app and we started talking in Spanish. We decided to meet each other for lunch one day so we can properly meet each other and share more of our stories with one another. I arrived a little early so I sat on a bench to wait for him, then there comes this rather dark skin guy in one of the t-shirts that were given in freshman orientation and I asked if he was the one had been messaging me on the app in which he replied with yes. It would of been a nice day that day... If only he were to stay. When we got into the dining hall in one of the dormitories, I decided to go my own separate way to get my food and I assumed we would meet later. So waiting there like a hopeful freshman straight out of high school waiting for better things to happen, where I actually thought I had a chance with this guy, he leaves. I have no clue where he had gone to that day, but I did eat by myself that day.

So maybe he was a dill hole that day for automatically judging me and not giving me a chance but I simply brushed it off. I applauded myself for actually trying and seeing where this experience would have taken me. So for those who are hopeful to find their love in college, I do not want to rain on your parade and say that they are not there because who knows what will happen. None of the days I have had in college were the same. Something new was always happening but I just want to say that love will not be knocking on your door and say, "Hey hey hey friend! Think fast here comes your soulmate!" I still believe that when you stop looking for love, that love will find you but if you are looking for something to happen overnight then good luck! I was talking about this with a friend from high school actually who similarly been in the position I have been in for quite sometime. Both have not dated, no first kiss, etc. etc. but sometimes it is not entirely the case that we have yet to find the right guy that swoons us but there are still things to do before we get someone else involved with our lives. I know not every person is that way but there are people who think that way and I feel it is important to acknowledge that. We have society constantly pressuring us in finding someone to settle down with but when you are barely reaching your twenties or are in your twenties you are still figuring yourself out. I feel like society's definition of love comes from two pieces of hard material with paper in between, written in black and white. Only they forget that love could be seen in so many different ways.

If you want to have some alone time then you should and society should not have to be breathing down your neck for the decisions you make. It is your life, you are in control of what happens to it. The thought of settling down with someone at such an early time still blows my mind but I am not here to tell you what to do. If you find that someone you do what you feel it is best for you and them. If you want to stay independent then that should also be accepted. No one was given a manual as to how to love one another or ourselves, so who has the right to tell you are doing it wrong?

I had another conversation related to love with a really good religious friend of mine from high school. He is that type of friend where you can go for weeks without talking to but if you need a shoulder to lean on, he is your guy. Regardless of the day or time, he tries his best to help out in any way that he can. Which I deeply appreciate our special friendship because he sure brings a lot of clarity when I am overthinking about the simple. One night we were talking about our motivation to continue worshiping our heavenly Father and how compassion has a major role to our direction of learning about ourselves and what really makes us feel human. So here is a snippet of our conversation, hopefully it brings some wisdom like it did to me.

Me: So do you think through the same compassion is how one learns the meaning of loving and how to love one another just as God loves each and every one of us?
Him: Loving is in you. It's perception and perspective. You can see it in other people but I think only you can convince yourself of or from it.
Me: So why do you think some people make love complicated?
Him: I think all people make it complicated. It's just wiring when it comes to trusting someone and making yourself vulnerable.

So why am I bringing up the topic of love again? For a few weeks I had lost my faith in love and it is not something I am ready to talk about in full detail yet but to have nice reminders of what the capacity of love can do to someone is remarkable. Love can come in all different ways, shapes, and forms whether it is a lovely message from a friend, donating to charity, or rescuing an animal from the shelter, sometimes we do need that reminder that love is not entirely lost but our definition is simply changing and adapting to the person we are becoming. Not everyone is going to agree with your definition but you will know when the right person also agrees with your definition and adds more examples to strengthen your meaning. Give it time. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your needs. Nothing wrong in treating yo self!

What is that one thing, someone, place, or animal that has changed your definition of love?

xx Chavelita

Building blocks

Well for about a month now I have been living on my own with my college roommate and there is just not one day where my parents crosses my mind. Like the Saturday of my first college football game (which was such a spectacular experience to encounter) I was ironing my white shirt since the whole school was going to white out the opponent and well as careless as I was, I plugged in my iron into the outlet, turned up the heat, and left the iron laying faced down onto my bed sheets. Before I had time to realize what a mistake I had done to leave my iron faced down on my bed sheets, there was already a hole in my bed sheet from the heat. The hole would of been fine if only the hole was not right smack in the middle where I slept. Right after I got upset at myself for burning my newly bought bed sheets, my immediate thought was my mother getting upset for being forgetful.

Which brought to my attention that even though I do not live with my parents anymore, they still are a big factor, they are still a part of me. I look in the mirror and I remind myself of my mother. How we both seal our emotions away from people until the seal breaks, the way I worry about so many things that may not even involve me, how we remain consistent in our choices when we have to choose a restaurant to eat which normally ends up in either tacos or enchiladas at the end of the day, and how we look for approval in each other when buying clothes that are a bit out of our comfort zones. Then on the other hand I find myself joking around with people I barely meet, acting tough when in the inside I am scared to death, helping people to the best of my abilities, and being the one who listens and gives advice to my friends, reminds myself of my father and how much he would do these things while I was growing up.

This reminds me a lot about what I have learned at mass one day that because of our culture we sometimes do things the same way of our caretakers because that was just how things were done growing up. Which I agree because since we were little our parents (or guardians) have been our role model, teaching us how to speak in their native tongue, learning about traditions that we probably didn't understand what the true meaning was, how to treat others, basically we are all a reflection of our parents, at first. Then we grow older and we start to question why certain things happen in a specific way and why those things cannot be done in a different manner. On one hand, we begin to experiment and stray away while others prefer to stay with the familiarity. There are also cases where people experiment and come back to recite what they have learned. I want to say that this is how limits are tested to college students, like myself, are placed in their first year. The first year is the most crucial in college and I am now understanding what that all means. Some of us fit in well with our new lives while others run back to what is familiar. Not saying that they are weak, but to emphasis how much culture shapes the lives of people. Culture are the for sure the building blocks to behavior along with the environment one has grown up in.

Just wanted to say thank you to my parents for teaching me how to let go (and for letting me go) and be independent, providing me the support and a well conscious to tell the difference between right and wrong, for the traditions, and for letting me be myself because without those qualities I don't think I would of been writing this blog in the first place.


What is something that your parents or guardians have done for you that you will never forget?

xx Chavelita

Day 31: Questioning

For a while now I have been wanting to write this not just for myself but for my readers out there that are also questioning and figuring out who they are when it comes to sexuality. Now this isn't a coming out post because I feel strongly that I do like men, but I had come to a point in my life where I felt unsure. Like yeah I found some girls to be attractive but I couldn't see myself spending my life with a woman or to a raise a family with her if that is the case. On the other hand though I wasn't finding guys to be attractive either so I was kind of just stuck in between as to who or what did I actually like. I went through this stage that maybe I was just asexual and just wasn't fit for a relationship since I have never had that feeling of what it was like to be in one. I had started watching strong celebrity figures who had stated confidently about their sexuality such as Ellen Degeneres, Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, Ellen Page, Jane Lynch, and a few more on YouTube celebrities and I couldn't stop feeling so happy for them for figuring out that missing part of their lives. One of the videos that immediately struck a chord in my heart was from a YouTuber, Ingrid Nilsen. She is a beauty/lifestyle YouTuber that gives her viewers tips and inspiration on how to do certain makeup looks, putting your hair up a certain way, or sometimes just even talks casually all with a smile and making jokes on camera. The first time I started watching her videos I was upset about my petite size, but she is also petite and she was rocking with what she got. Having been subscribed to her channel for a few years, she posts her coming out video this year which definitely took me by surprise. I am not even sure that no one at first believed what was happening because Ingrid was always this chirpy, bubbly person that I wouldn't even guessed how much she was struggling to just come out to the public. When she started crying from happiness to be able say that she was gay, I kind of wanted to cry myself there was just so much emotion in that video that left me speechless at the end.

To stand true for themselves in all the hardships they had to overcome to realize that deep within themselves they knew who they were they were just unsure how to explain themselves to other people without having the fear of rejection. I already feel like it's tough enough as it is to be a sexuality that isn't heterosexuality because as a society we are still trying to get the full concept that the attraction, the desire, the love should only be solely based on female and male. Though what some are forgetting is that those are medical terms to distinguish whether you were born with a vagina or a penis but not all the time will these medical terms fit into the definition that you have set for yourself. No one is going to know you more, than you yourself. So if you have a vagina and feel attracted to ladies, then that's great or to a guy that is also great. Have a penis but like guys? Perfectly fine to me. Or attracted to ladies, that is also great. Transgender? I am still fine. Asexual? Totally respect your decision. Queer and more? Have my 100 percent approval. If you feel incredibly proud and happy for who you are then that is enough, you don't have to prove to other people unless you want to but that shouldn't be necessary. I am still going to love you.

Looking at coming out videos, this has taught me a very important lesson that society has already placed these stereotypes on the LGBTQ+ community that are already being implemented that people under this community behave a certain way but that is not how the way the community works. I think that is why when Ingrid came out I couldn't believe it because she didn't follow any of these set stereotypes which is a perfect example that everyone is a person living on this Earth. I feel horrible for this realization, for having a fraction of myself corrupted by society, but that is why I am constantly educating myself to learn more about the things that I am not being told. Coming back to the LGBTQ+ community, the people came first than the community, society just places another label on something they don't necessarily understand at the moment. From birth everyone is considered to be a human baby and depending how they grew up is how they behaved. What I am trying to say is that everyone is a human with a mind of their ideas and a body to carry themselves around. When I was younger and I know many of you can relate, we didn't see the person for their sexuality because that was not the first thing that come up in our minds. Perhaps for the majority, it's because we didn't know the difference between sexuality and gender. We saw people for the first time based on gender and not on sexuality, and for the most part if the person didn't say they were anything but heterosexuality, then we just assumed that they were heterosexual because for the longest time we are already placed with the idea that this ideal family consists of a mother and father then the children. I can't recall when was the first time I experienced same sex love but I didn't find it to be weird. Of course I was surprised but only because no one told me that was a possibility and I feel that is what we are doing wrong. People like to build bubbles around themselves away from things that they don't approve but forget that not everyone believes in the same things. So when parents block homosexuality from their homes, I feel that the child is not living a very truthful life. There is this giant elephant in the room and people do not want to talk about this matter. I know I can't force people to talk about things they don't want to discuss but at least tell your children that this does exist, that this is not some sort of monstrosity, life happens to everyone in different ways. As we live under the same sky, I feel that is enough to give people equal amount of chances.

I know I will never be able to empathize but I do support same sex marriage and the fact that everyone has the right to love who they want to love and live a fulfilled life.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

xx Chavelita

Day 30: Remember to open your eyes

There is always the time between eleven p.m. and one a.m. that my creative juices tend to flow out or more like my brain is just too tired to keep itself within its boundaries that my mind wanders off. Not all nights this happens but yesterday was one of those nights where I felt tired but I was not quite ready to fall asleep yet. Scrolling through social media I find a picture of my friend's drawing that instantly sparked ideas of things that I wanted to draw but I was not quite sure what yet but somehow I came up with the quote, "Remember to keep your eyes open" and started to draw the first thing that came into mind. One of the most valued features while I draw are eyes, which is why for the most part when you see any of my drawings their eyes are bigger or more centered attention than the rest of the drawing. Not because I enjoy drawing the eyes more than anything else, but eyes can be drawn in so many different ways and can shape the expression of the drawing. Big opened eyes can preview vulnerability and innocence while small eyes could express confusion or anger. Eyes allow to speak for itself and it's brilliant to say that eyes could tell so much more with just a glance.

When I was thinking about "Remember to keep your eyes open", I found it to be a reminder for myself to seek the possibilities out there and stop being afraid to take risks that may have a chance to change my life for the better. I also need to start giving other people chances who actually want to get to know me instead of being dryly sarcastic and disconnected. When I was younger, hugging and showing affection to people was like a piece of cake. I didn't think about how the other person will react, I simply went for that touch that everyone seeks and held it for as long as I could. Now that I am older, I find this action to be difficult and frustrating. I do want to hug people and show that I sincerely care, to kiss their cheek without feeling incredibly out of bounds. I do not want to miss anymore moments and instead I want to record all of these moments. Be more open to people and tone down a bit of the sarcasm, kind of settle my feet on the ground, and take in whatever it is that is going on at the moment.

You have the ability to change at any given day, at any given time. Do not feel like you have to stay the same person because people are used to the way you are. As many as people get accustomed to who you are, then it is possible for them to get used to the new you as well. So long as you changed to better yourself, then I don't find anything wrong in that. Throughout your early teenager years you're going to find yourself in loads of scenarios that test to see who you are and it's okay if you are not sure. All of these years you have to experiment as to what person you want to be, exactly. Depending on who you are brings in people that share similar qualities, so I don't find it surprising anymore when you find yourself speaking to new people and at other times speaking to a handful of people who remained by your side. Remember to open your eyes and try not to miss out on the good stuff in life. Seek out what you want to accomplish, follow your own path if you have to, look around you are not the only one trying to figure out what on Earth is going to happen next.

What was the last thing you saw that left you breathless?

xx Chavelita

Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Day 20: Celebrity crushes

I probably didn't start having celebrity crushes until I was like fifteen or sixteen, and even then I would just admire how successful some of those celebrities turned out to be. Sometimes I thought that I was not a normal teenager for not having strong a liking to people who I did not know personally so whenever my friends would talk about their celebrity crushes I was kind of like the late bloomer who sat in the sidelines that just gave the thumbs up of approval. Until I got a bit older and started to realize that I wasn't developing celebrity crushes because I just haven't met the right celebrities to simply jaw drop in their direction. So here are some celebrity crushes that I have developed throughout my time of discover.

Anne Hathaway - She has pretty much been my role model growing up, appearing in movies that I have seen at a young age. Not much gossip I have heard about her and every time I see her on the Ellen Degeneres Show makes me really proud to see her in total confidence and wrapped in success but still be a genuine person inside. I don't find many celebrities that are free willingly to thank everyone for being in the position she is and not be power hungry.

Prince Royce - My first ever man crush! This is a moment where I don't know if I loved his music first before him or vice versa. When I saw him on the Voice Kids, I would go so jealous that the kids who auditioned and were selected was able to have some one on one time with Prince Royce... I wish I had some one on one time with him... And I will keep waiting for that one on one time!

Taylor Kitsch - I like to think a very lovely teacher of mine for introducing me to Friday Night Lights and for allowing me to get to know the fine cast of this show. Kitsch plays the role of Tim Riggins who was a popular jock in the show. He was the running back in the Dillon Panthers football team. Even with a short close haircut Kitsch looks mighty fine... But of course, I prefer his long hair, makes him look like a more charming gentleman.

Zach Gilford - Another actor from Friday Night Lights, he plays the role of Matt Saracen the quarterback of the Dillon Panthers football team. With each episode that I watched I grew more in love with his character which made me adore him as a person. Even though he may be seen as just a replacement in the show, I would say that he was the main reason why I was watching Friday Night Lights.

Emmy Rossum - Lastly, Emmy Rossum in which I met her in the movie You're Not You which just had me in a ball of emotions. Such a lovely movie and I want to say it was because of the amazing cast that was chosen to fit the roles of the characters. Playing the role of Bec, I thought her acting was spot on. Vulgar tougher shell with a soft center, her character Bec went through a massive transformation in the movie and all in a well transition. Nothing was cheesy between her relationship with Kate (Hilary Swank) and at that last scene I just lost myself. Brilliant movie, and actress. I also couldn't stop thinking about how pretty she was even though most of her outfits were laidback, she did rock them.







What are your celebrity crushes?

xx Chavelita

Day 19: My first love... so far.

Where exactly do I begin? Falling in love just happens without you or the other person realizing, at least I remember I got to the point where I looked forward to the end of the day just to see him because we had our last class period together. When I wouldn't see him I would get a bit sad and I think that is when I realized that this wasn't just some regular friendship that I have had with other people I met. Anytime when we were together I was gasping for air from the many hilarious stories and puns that he would share with me, I had never met someone like him to be honest. We shared so many insiders, we shared personal never to be told stories, I even recall when we were doing an assignment outside of class. He decided, why not pull out my I-Pod touch and take multiple pictures of Isabel like some crazy paparazzi and chase her around the lobby? (I actually wonder if he still has those pictures...) I have met him when I was around fifteen and he was eighteen, and yeah I did feel weird that he is just a few days younger than my second oldest brother but when you're seeing life through rose glass lenses that doesn't really come into the picture. When you're up in the clouds, who would want to come down to face a harsh reality?

On the first day of school, I remember our teacher told us to walk around the classroom and whenever she told us to stop we had to high five someone that was nearby or speak to the closest person. It wasn't until the second or third round that I got to him. He always wore polo shirts for the most part, with long pants, and his white sneakers. That day he was wearing a orange polo with stripes, some good worn jeans, and his white sneakers. Now what he told me on that first day I do not remember only that I was laughing and replying back with something sarcastic. Total respect came from when he followed my sarcastic comment with another sarcastic comment and we both ended up just laughing. I also can't forget that handshake and that same old smile. The handshake so proper because he didn't enjoy slapping hands like some cool kid from down the block.

He was the sweetest guy that I have ever met... One night when I was sleeping he had left me a seven text messaged long message confessing this love he had for me and I freaked out. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, no one has ever taken the time to actually confess their feelings about me and for once I was also feeling the same way but there was just a part of me that was just not ready yet for a relationship. Perhaps I replied incorrectly to his message but sometimes I wonder where we could of been if I were to say yes,,, He was also the first one to ask me to homecoming because I had told him that no one has ever proposed to take me as a date to any dance, though something came up and we both didn't go to homecoming but I will forever treasure the fact that he asked me and my stomach was so knotted up in emotions. In fact he was also my first valentine... I remember on that Valentine's Day I was not expecting anything just like any other Valentine's Day but when I was in Spanish class there was a knock on the door and my classmate got the door. Then the delivery guy who was passing out Crush can sodas with chocolate kisses on top said my name and the whole class did the embarrassing ooo's and aaah's as the delivery guy gave me my Crush soda, I couldn't help but blush. But that was just the beginning as he said in the message I had sent him to thank him for the soda, when I was on my way to history class he purposely stepped on my shoe and I was ready to tell someone off until I realized that it was him carrying a stuffed tiger. Then told me Happy Valentine's Day again in person. I still have the tiger sitting among my army of Hello Kitty's on my bench.

My God was I so lucky to experience what it felt like to feel wanted and be needed in someone else's life in a romantic manner. Is it silly to say that after a year of knowing him I was thinking what were the odds if we had a future together?  For more than half of the year I met him, he was facing some complications at home that he wasn't going to school anymore but by then we had already exchanged numbers and we were messaging nonstop like chattery chimps. He went through some tough times and in a way I felt like I was sharing his hardships too. I want to think that he told me the major parts that was going on but I do not blame him if he decided to keep some of the information to himself. Near the end of the year he came back only he no longer had the same schedule so we no longer had a class together. Which brought me back to the same position I was in during the school year. I have a sad feeling that was when we were drifting apart and as much as I didn't want that to happen there was nothing that I could do to stop life from happening.

At the start of my junior year I actually bought him a whole pack of Sharpies for his birthday because he had told me that since his father had thrown away his Sharpies, he could no longer do his art in his notebook especially the many koi fishes that he enjoyed drawing. A little later in fall break I was already feeling like something was wrong between us because he started to keep certain things away from me. Which is something that was far off his character, it was not until I found out through Facebook that he was dating someone... When did he meet her? I don't know. How did this happen? I don't know, I thought I was the only girl he was talking to because he was the only guy I was talking to. What did he tell me after I found out? That he was too scared to find out how I would react and did not want to see me get hurt. What a knee slapper, huh?

And that is how my first love came to an end. Not even dating and I was as heartbroken as if we were dating. But either way I have learned a lot about myself during this experience, and a lot about how guys are. Things could be perfect. Life could be spent pinching away your skin to make sure you are awake rather than dreaming for certain things to happen. And as easy as that things could turn out to be they take unexpected turns. Yet what is meant to be will be meant to be and what isn't, will not. Pick yourself up, shrug off the dirt, and try again.Take your time to mend your broken heart but do not forget that there is still a lot more to experience and a lot more people out there to be given a chance.

How was your first love?

xx Chavelita

Day 18: Thirty facts about me

Since my introduction, I haven't posted another random facts about me kind of blogpost. Now that I may have more readers, I find it a great idea to retouch and add some new facts about me that just been sitting in the back of my mind. Usually when people do not ask me specific questions about my past, then I will not think or talk about it. Not that I do not want people to know but they are just stored so tightly in my mind that the information does not release as easily as other moments or memories... So here are thirty facts about me!

1. I was born on midnight of July fourth, which on my birth certificate it says 00:01 of July fifth, but secretly I like to think I was born on both days
2. One of my doctors had told me I had an extra rib, so whether that is still a mystery or a fact I still like to think I have an extra rib to explain the cause of my scoliosis other than my turtle slow growing rate
3. I learned Spanish when I was four years old in Puerto Rico with my extended family (I am Puerto Rican fyi), so even though I may or may not have an accent speaking Spanish or English, just know I am bilingual and yes I understand both languages fluently
4. When I was in eighth grade I used to be a reporter for the school's media program and I actually met veterans who fought during Pearl Harbor, I still remember them saying to put our phones on 'shake' instead of saying vibrate aha
5. Maybe I should explain that I have lived in Hawaii for three years (6th to 8th grade) so that is how I met veterans from Pearl Harbor (before anyone else asks I lived in a legitimate house, not some hut come on now this is twenty first century...)
6. I used to be a alter server, a dedicated one too because there was one point where I thought I was too young to be one that I actually started crying when they wouldn't let me one week until the following week I was given the chance to serve. Ever since I lived in Hawaii I would serve at church whenever my name was on the schedule
7. I am allergic to pecans and walnuts (all other nuts I am fine with) I also had a near death experience when I blindly had pecans at a friend's house and started to have a serious allergic reaction which consisted of irritated skin that was swollen, big lips, itchy throat, and in the morning I woke up with swollen eyes. Lesson learned guys, do not think you can fight an allergic reaction alone in the middle of the night, please go to the hospital... 
8. Following the allergic reactions trend, I am also allergic to ant bites so wherever I am bit by an ant, whether it is on my foot or my arm, I will swell up.
9. I haven't reached five feet in height so I am constantly being mistaken for a fifteen year old or younger so I have a memory slot just dedicated to the many reactions of people when I tell them my real age
10. I still do not know how to drive
11. I went to nine different public schools until the time I graduated from high school
12. I visited Mauna Kea on the Big Island (yes there is a cluster of islands that consider to be Hawaii is not just Oahu) which is a dormant volcano in Hawaii, we were so high that instead of looking up to see the clouds, we had to look down and boy was I freezing! 
13. In sixth grade I was given the opportunity to give the class speech but since I couldn't say the word 'cherish' at the time my speech was given to another girl... 
14. In Hawaii my designated hospital was Tripler which is known to be a big pink hospital because I heard that apparently the person who was in charge of ordering paint or the person who delivered the paint was given the wrong color and well one day I had asked my dad which was probably days after I saw the reenactment of Pearl Harbor on DVD that if the halls were in fact filled with patients in beds. Well there was a man who was walking on the opposite side of the hall walking in our direction crossing and I am not sure if my dad asked him my question or if he overheard but he did confirm that actually happened. So I felt like I was walking through a piece of history every time I had my appointments in Tripler. 
15. Last year I saw bio-luminescent fish with my extended family for the first time in Puerto Rico. There was a boat ride to get to their habitat but whenever you would touch the water the fish would lit up in a way that they were like water dragonflies, I thought I was living in a fairy tale for a moment. 
16. I learned how to ride a bicycle in little as five minutes with my dad because I was tired of being the only sixth grader who for the most part was the only one who didn't know how. I tried teaching myself at first in the grass, but my dad saw me struggling and decided to help me out by teaching me on the pavement in front of the house.
17.  I only have fallen in love once but never had a relationship with anybody 
18. When I was about eight or nine I used to sing in the church choir along with my brothers and a few other people (I need to find out where the rest of that confidence went to continue singing in public)
19. For as long as I can remember, I am afraid of needles. No matter how much I try to prepare myself or calm myself before any vaccinations or blood work, my heart is still racing and my blood pressure would be at its peak. The tears never fail either. 
20. I'm good at math, but when I'm adding simple numbers I still use my fingers to count just to make sure I counted correctly in my head the first time
21. When I was little I would cut the hair of my Barbies thinking that their hair will grow back just like mine
22. Growing up I wasn't really into the Disney princesses but I know for a fact that I was obsessed with Tinkerbell and I still think that she's pretty cool. 
23. I always found myself being around people older than me unless I was in school then yeah I befriended people around my age, but outside of school I found friendships with older people to be easier and more interesting. People would tell me that I was mature and wise for my age but I didn't believe them because I thought my thoughts were as normal as everybody else's. 
24. I still avoid people I am familiar with in public areas
25. If you do not know by now, I am a big reggaeton (Spanish rap) kind of gal. I listen to it so often that I get upset at myself for knowing most of the songs I hear on the radio or anywhere that is playing and get really excited and obsessive when I hear new reggaeton music. 
26. In kindergarten, I would actually give my teacher roses because in front of the house I used to live, we had rosebushes that would naturally grow. 
27. I still laugh the same today as I used to when was ten or maybe even younger.
28. I am not afraid of bugs (I once crushed a cockroach with my hand because I couldn't find anything else to kill it with), but I cannot stand seeing dead animals...
29. I had a grandfather from my dad's side who owned a tiny neighborhood convenience shop and it is still running by my uncle, I actually saw it the last time I went to Puerto Rico and has the same original sign
30. I actually didn't mind whenever I matched outfits with my mom when I was little, also I didn't understand what was so embarrassing about looking similar. My mom seemed to love doing it, so why not let her? For the most part I am not embarrassed to have my parents around I actually find myself laughing more with them around. At a young age I was taught to just be myself and so I did. I really didn't understand why some things were the way they were supposed to so I didn't pay attention to them growing up maybe that's why I am not afraid to embarrass myself in front of people because either way I would be laughing along. 

What are some interesting facts about yourself?

xx Chavelita

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita

Day 12: Blessed and grateful

At random moments over the months, I look back to all the wonderful and not so glamorous portions of my life. Then after coming up from the thoughts, I come into realization that not everybody goes through the same path to get to where they are today. Some of us went through a long bumpy road, others went down a rocky slide, and others went through a maze to get to where they are now. The reason why I did not put that some glided through success is because success does not come from being lucky but more with the work that has be put to achieve their position. If life went smoothly all the time, then what would be the definition of living? Anyway here are five things as to why I feel blessed as I walk through my own road.

1. For my parents who are still happily married - After nine years of dating and twenty three years of being married, ever since I was little my parents relationship was always something I looked up to. Even though I was younger and did not understand what the struggles they went through to provide for my brothers and I, they never blamed us and they definitely never lost their temper with us. Most of my memories were silly, funny, and full of love and cuddles. For that I will never trade my parents or those memories for anything. 
2. For being healthy - Something that I take for granted, is being healthy which is by far a blessing. To be able to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste, now that's a big deal. 
3. To be able to go to college - One of the things that I was most worried about is being able to pay for college which could have also been the greatest obstacle to maintain my position as a college student. At least with the support of my parents and the scholarships that I have earned for the following semester has placed me in a good position to attend college. 
4. For the people who had walked into my life whether they stayed or left - Everyone had a purpose in my life whether the impact was minimal or substantial, I have learned immensely from each person. Those are the people that has transformed me into the person I am today which is why it is a blessing to say, for getting me into the position I am today.  
5. For my best friend - My best friend always makes me feel blessed and I feel like we have defeated many odds as we have remained friends for eight years... Yeah eight years, the same age as a child. Mind blowing but I am glad that we stuck with one another because she is literally my other half. 

What makes you feel blessed?

xx Chavelita