Day 30: Remember to open your eyes

There is always the time between eleven p.m. and one a.m. that my creative juices tend to flow out or more like my brain is just too tired to keep itself within its boundaries that my mind wanders off. Not all nights this happens but yesterday was one of those nights where I felt tired but I was not quite ready to fall asleep yet. Scrolling through social media I find a picture of my friend's drawing that instantly sparked ideas of things that I wanted to draw but I was not quite sure what yet but somehow I came up with the quote, "Remember to keep your eyes open" and started to draw the first thing that came into mind. One of the most valued features while I draw are eyes, which is why for the most part when you see any of my drawings their eyes are bigger or more centered attention than the rest of the drawing. Not because I enjoy drawing the eyes more than anything else, but eyes can be drawn in so many different ways and can shape the expression of the drawing. Big opened eyes can preview vulnerability and innocence while small eyes could express confusion or anger. Eyes allow to speak for itself and it's brilliant to say that eyes could tell so much more with just a glance.

When I was thinking about "Remember to keep your eyes open", I found it to be a reminder for myself to seek the possibilities out there and stop being afraid to take risks that may have a chance to change my life for the better. I also need to start giving other people chances who actually want to get to know me instead of being dryly sarcastic and disconnected. When I was younger, hugging and showing affection to people was like a piece of cake. I didn't think about how the other person will react, I simply went for that touch that everyone seeks and held it for as long as I could. Now that I am older, I find this action to be difficult and frustrating. I do want to hug people and show that I sincerely care, to kiss their cheek without feeling incredibly out of bounds. I do not want to miss anymore moments and instead I want to record all of these moments. Be more open to people and tone down a bit of the sarcasm, kind of settle my feet on the ground, and take in whatever it is that is going on at the moment.

You have the ability to change at any given day, at any given time. Do not feel like you have to stay the same person because people are used to the way you are. As many as people get accustomed to who you are, then it is possible for them to get used to the new you as well. So long as you changed to better yourself, then I don't find anything wrong in that. Throughout your early teenager years you're going to find yourself in loads of scenarios that test to see who you are and it's okay if you are not sure. All of these years you have to experiment as to what person you want to be, exactly. Depending on who you are brings in people that share similar qualities, so I don't find it surprising anymore when you find yourself speaking to new people and at other times speaking to a handful of people who remained by your side. Remember to open your eyes and try not to miss out on the good stuff in life. Seek out what you want to accomplish, follow your own path if you have to, look around you are not the only one trying to figure out what on Earth is going to happen next.

What was the last thing you saw that left you breathless?

xx Chavelita

Day 26: Battling with shyness

Probably one of the things that I find myself struggling with the most is to be the first one to make the move. To make friends. To say hello. To sit among a group of people that I have never seen before. To just make the first contact with other people instead of waiting for the other person to do so and missing out on so many opportunities for waiting too long when I could of been making memories... If only I opened my mouth to say something. When you are younger yeah so being shy was cute but when you get older being shy becomes such a hassle to deal with. Then the thing that frustrates me the most is that people have told me to stop being shy and some may relate but being shy is just not something you can overnight grow out of. Shyness becomes a part of your personality, a part of you that no matter how much you try to wash it off, it still remains there laughing at how much effort you put to change your shyness to be left on the same page. I feel so trapped in my own shyness that in my head I am battling to say something so simple like, "do you need help?" or "what did you think about that movie?". Sometimes I win and I get warm cheeks for calling such attention to myself but I pat myself on the back later that day. Then when I don't, well then I have lost and I can't help but be hard on myself about my shyness.

I'll be starting college in the fall, and that is one of the things that I want to improve in myself. To take on more opportunities and layer by layer start to remove the shyness that consumes me. This is the time where I should not be afraid to speak or share my thoughts with other people. I would be sabotaging myself out of this college experience. I want to be that person who sees someone eating by themselves and casually sits down and introduces myself. I want to be that person who can shout, "HI MY NAME IS ISABEL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS!" in the middle of my dorm hall. I want to be known as Isabel, and not just the shy girl who keeps to herself because that is not what I want. I want to be able to meet a guy as well and not be shy to make eye contact, I do not want them to get the idea that I am not interested. I think that is what most guys I tend to fall for think and I want and need to change that because I no longer want to have to deal with the what ifs.

So yeah, I want to improve my shyness and give people that same effect I give to you guys, my readers. Where I am completely honest and upfront with you without hiding who I am. To be comfortable to speak, crack some jokes, mix some sarcasm where it's appropriate, and still feel like a person you want to go to if anything out of the blue comes up. What I am thinking right at this moment is what I actually write on here, a more censored self, but it's still me in all glory and whatnot. I leave my book open on here so I can maximize my chances of connecting with you guys. I've always wanted to be that person who can walk around and have friends all over the place but still have my knitted group to fall back on. For those of you who are also shy and battling the same battle that I am, I really hope you start removing that layer of shyness because I know there is so much more to you that the shyness is not allowing you to demonstrate. I really cannot give you advice on how to not be shy because I believe that is not possible but you can always start by saying hello and to give one of those grand smiles. Lets not allow shyness to get in the way, okay?

Part of me is quite scared of removing the layers to new people around me but if I can do that online, then that should be more of a reason for me to do the same thing outside of cyberspace.

What is something you want to improve in yourself?

xx Chavelita