Day 3: The pet peeves

I can be such an implosive person, in other words I will get upset but I will act like everything is fine and when I cannot handle anymore I get set off. At least this does not happen often, well now that I am older I do have more of a control of my anger. So here is some of the things that make me question humanity sometimes.

1. When people come to me for advice, ignore my advice, but then comes back with the same situation expecting another set of the SAME advice - I love to give people advice, hence that the center idea of this blog is to give advice. Though what annoys me is when people continuously ask for the same advice after I had given them the previous time we have spoken about the situation. My ideas do not change as quickly in a time span of a week or so if that gives anyone the clarity that they need, maybe in a year my ideas could have altered but I would still be giving you more or less the same advice with a bit more experience. 
2. When people act like they're Puerto Rican - My culture is not a trend for pleasure, I find it incredibly disrespectful that just because people use our expressions that it automatically makes them Puerto Rican. This really goes to some of the individuals from my high school that think only because you know some of our swear words does not make you a Puerto Rican just like I enjoy eating Mexican platters does not make me a Mexican. So please show some respect and stop degrading my culture. 
3. When people see me for my small figure and assume that I cannot do much - This is really degrading to have this immediate assumption without allowing me to present my talents. I agree that I have a small figure and perhaps I can barely pull my dresser out to pick up some lost candy that has fallen in between the space of my wall and the dresser but I do find ways to manage. The physical strength is not what I am really annoyed about because I know there is not much muscle in my arms, but like information wise. When people assume that because I am small and I look young for my age that they have to withdraw certain information from me. Which could also be funny because I probably know some background information on topics people would least expect me to know. Just because I am small, that does not mean I cannot handle it so please save yourself the trouble of playing the big person. 

What is your greatest pet peeve?

xx Chavelita

Day 2: The car trip

In my previous blogpost, Life is precious, I had told you all that one of my mom's friends would take me to school during the time that my mom got ill and as to this day I can still recite the things she had told me even if it was just a minute worth of advice.

I was staying at another one of my mom's friends house that day and as I got ready for school, the lady who picked me arrive at the house who was also taking another one of my mom's friends son to school since we both went to the same school at the time. Normally I am not given rides to school because I would take the bus that was in the middle of the neighborhood. near my house with my friends. Yet there is little quiet me, riding in the back seat still feeling exhausted the night before still thinking about my mom and trying to fall asleep in a bed that wasn't mine. During my middle school years I felt those are the ones I will remember the most, I felt like most of my transformation happened during those two years of middle school which is probably why I consider my middle school years the best years. As we arrived to the school, the school was on the right side of me, which was also the door opposite from where I was sitting. Patiently waiting to slide over to exit through his door, he closes the door in my face which triggered this powerful emotion in my mom's friend. I remember her yelling in the car to him but I am not sure if he heard or just ignored her. Then out of instinct I told her that I was used to it. Now this is the part that stuck through me until today,

"You shouldn't have to be used to that behavior. People should treat you with respect."

Somewhere along those lines, I have learned that I should not settle for less. Just because some people were not taught to treat others with the same respect that one gives them, I shouldn't be accepting behavior that I did not deserve in the first place. If you are reading this, you have taught me about my self-value, which was something I was struggling to define in myself at the time. That day I felt like something just clicked into place, hearing those words were something that I needed. Being tough and strong but handling disrespectful behavior are totally different things and I thank you for teaching me the difference. Being the independent person and the hard headed person of not wanting anyone's help because I thought I could handle anything that was tossed at me, you have taught me that everyone needs help once in a while and that it's not a sign of weakness whatsoever. Instead, asking for help measures my ambition of completing certain tasks and how willing I am to get things done by using the resources around me.

So I thank you.

My ambitious readers, do not forget about your self-value. That is something that you should be proud to have and no one should water down the amazing people you are with negative attitudes or unacceptable behavior. Which I also do not want you to lower your standards or to anyone's level, if they want to be with you or want to be friends they should be the one's raising up to your expectations. Behavior and manners is key, if you do not like something then speak up as we cannot change a person for who they are, we do have the choice as to what to tolerate.

What is something that has stuck through you in a conversation?

xx Chavelita

Cafeteria Duty

This week as I was waiting in the lunch line, a quick memory came up to me and I thought I should share it.

I was in 6th grade and still in elementary school. Since the school systems in Hawaii are a bit different they still consider 6th grade as a lower level. Well each day two students are chosen to do cafeteria day in which those students take the morning off from classes and go help the cafeteria staff serve the food. This was something completely new to me, my first thought was how are they going to allow kids serve food for four hours straight? Just one time I was chosen to do this job. It was 8 o'clock and I headed to the cafeteria like I was supposed to. I'm not certain if I went alone or I had another classmate go with me but when I got there a pile of plastic aprons and rubber gloves was already waiting for me. You can imagine how those gloves fitted me, to paint you a picture I had to roll the end of my gloves and fold my apron in half. It's like one size is a lie to me because sometimes they're also too big on me. The plus side was that I was eating for free today since I'll be working and having lunch for breakfast couldn't make me any more happier. Surprisingly the cooks spoke Spanish. Yes Spanish, a place where you don't hear it as much which I felt pretty exclusive to be able to understand their conversations. Since not many people speak Spanish in Hawaii, it was nice to use it as this special code to communicate with the my parents in front of my friends who didn't know Spanish. The job I was placed to do was passing the plates to the cook which was okay for me, I didn't like to be in charge of large tasks back then because I lacked confidence and wasn't sure if I was able to handle it. The next thing I am about to say is the truth. When I was on break a car was parked in front the school. Since it's a outdoor school, the hallways are basically outside. But at the moment of break Madison Pettis was walking to her car with her body guards. I was only able to see her curly hair. Now to think about it this is probably the closest I have been to a well known person. I almost missed it too, I can be oblivious at times when it comes to crowded activities and random screaming from classrooms. The rest of day was pretty much routine and at the end of the work day I was fed leftovers which was a bonus. 

I think it would be safe to say that I do understand the tedious, repetitive work the cafeteria staff is put through. Organizing the food. Preparing the food. Serving the food. Then cleaning up. I've been in their shoes and just after that day all I wanted to do was sleep. Next time you see a cafeteria staff member tell them thank you, be kind to them for feeding you and actually taking the time to prepare the food you're about to eat. It's the tiniest gestures that could affect a person and it could actually make them feel that their effort was sufficient.

What is a random memory you remember from school?

(Hopefully she doesn't mind... heh) 6th Grade Graduation

xx Chavelita

Pardon

Manners are something that may seem like the tiniest problem in today's world but when it begins to feel like it is slowly disappearing among the mindset of others that is when I think it is becoming a bigger issue. As simple as showing a sign of gratitude like thanking someone for opening the door for you or saying please before asking your command can all be little things that can improve your relationship with others. To show that small piece of affection with others is a step closer to trusting that individual. There are times when I say excuse me after I burped and people will ask me, "why are you saying excuse me for?" and it makes me wonder if I did something wrong or their caregiver said something wrong for failing to enforce manners. In honest opinion, manners is not a difficult task to accomplish, it consists of a few words to create a phrase that soon leaves a big impact. Perhaps having manners is also a contagious behavior, but in order to be contagious someone has to start it. At times even that is a bit troubling to find in people which is kind of sad. Do not be ashamed if you are the only one displaying your manners to the public, whoever is judging does not know how to deal with their own emotions towards your sharing. It all begins with you, soon this trait begins to multiply within the crowd soon instead of people competing to be the best they will be competing to see who is the nicest. Man would that be something I would love to see.

Ladies, do not expect every man to be opening the door for you. Do not expect a prince charming that will lift you off your feet in the sweetest manner. The world's job is to rotate around the sun, it does not perform any sorts of miracles but it shouldn't mean that you should treat all guys the same. Keep your minds open, eliminate all schematic ideas of every person you meet and develop new perspectives of them. Be the one to start showing your manners to them if you have to, show them what they are missing out. I think it is best to set your expectations to a realistic scale, do not expect too much from people but also do not settle for less. Find your happy medium, and stick with it.

Gentlemen, although social norms has been structured to the point where the guys have to put their partner in front of them such as opening the doors for them or opening the car door for them know that it is your decision. Do not force yourself to do anything that you do not want to do. Treat people with respect, you do not have to shower people with manners though a manner here and there can take you places. Prove people that you can still be kind by following your own rules than following someone else's rules. Be confident in yourself, do not let anyone make you feel less worthy. If you're trying that should at least count for something. Choose your fights wisely.

In the end everyone should be considerate of each other no one is higher than anyone.

Do you think manners are slowing disappearing and why?



xx Chavelita

Why are you so confident?

Yes I was on Ask.Fm again, and yes there is still some disrespectful people on there but that is the wrong blogpost, as I was getting ready for bed someone sends me this question, "Why are you so pretty and confident!!" Although there is no question mark found in that sentence I couldn't stop blushing. I was a bit starstruck you can say to an anonymous. And I replied,

"I'm pretty because of my genes (don't ask what in my weird mind made me say that) and I'm guessing my personality aha and I'm confident because I'm tired of people taking others for granted and not speaking up for themselves (that used to be me). So I try to present the image of a confident lady so I inspire others to be confident in themselves. Embrace yourself, flaunt your flaws and someone will come along and love you for who you are. It's all in my blog honestly. And thank you. :)"

I wanted to elaborate more on that response because confidence is something that we all struggle to gain. Some days our confidence level is at the brim ready to spill out and other days we barely have any confidence to even leave the house. Confidence is hard. I am not going to lie or sugarcoat. There are days that I stare myself in the mirror and wonder what people see in me or notice in just that short glimpse. Not much other than my physical features such as I am a short female with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. I feel people at first impression only see maybe ten percent of the person you are. The rest of the ninety percent is all formulated through experiences, stories, and memories. So it wouldn't be fair to compare your whole one hundred percent on someone else's ten percent. You are not giving yourself a chance nor are you giving the other person a chance. I know looks can be deceiving, people's behavior can be confusing, and meeting people for the first time can be a bit of a plot twist. Though we are not all perfect, even those who may be bubbly most of the time face similar issues so please do not compare yourself or create assumptions that they have it better. With confidence comes power and without confidence comes with insecurities. In my opinion, I would rather have a little bit of power than a whole load of insecurities. Insecurities are like the Thursday's in my life in a school week, it would feel like a Friday but you still have another day to go until the weekend. You have to learn to live with your insecurities, become best friends to the point where you know them inside and out that allows you to gain your own voice. Then maybe the ten percent that you are allowing people to see will become an eleven percent or higher.

The way I gain confidence is learning from my previous mistakes and how uncomfortable and frustrating they caused me at the time. I remember going to church one day with my family and we went to a different mass than the one we normally go to and my luck I was sitting next to someone I did not know. I would of not mind other than the fact that the man would not give me my personal space. I kindly pushed him away but he kept pushing back. My mom noticed how uncomfortable I was so she switched seats with me and told the man what he was doing. I wish I had spoken up that day...

One of the largest pet peeves is when people instead of asking me to help them on homework (which I would try my best in doing) ask me for the answers. I am no homework bank where I can reproduce you the work at any given moment for no cost. It's probably the only time where I am noticed from others around my age group and it aggravates me. Though do not do what I did and question, "why am I so different from everyone else? why don't I fit in?". You do fit in somewhere, maybe not with the group you think you did but somewhere else and I will tell you when you find your group you will feel so much better. Your self image will bloom and you will laugh at those people searching for other sources of gaining their work. Do not lower your standards to people who will not live up to them, change because of your own benefit.

What is something that annoys you about people?



xx Chavelita

Nosy McGees

Looking through my Ask.Fm account, I've been finding a lot of rather nosy people maybe that is an understatement more like persistent pressuring people who can get a bit ugly sometimes if the person does not answer the question.

First of all if you're in anonymous mode you already do know that the chances of getting a genuine answer to your question is limited especially if it is something personal because of the fact that they do not know who you are. (Besides if you cannot even show your true identity you probably do not even deserve a genuine answer to that question.)
Second, STOP MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE (...and maybe go look for your life that you left somewhere in your room, I'm pretty sure they are feeling lost). I cannot stress this enough. The whole purpose of having a social media account is that you are able to express yourself and not be constantly pressed on for information that one may not want to share to the public. I understand that everyone gets curious as to who so and so may like, or if your potential crush may feel the same way about you or whatever the case may be but if they tell you that they do not want to talk about then let it go. If one begins to make someone uncomfortable I believe they have every right to defend themselves rather it is to throw sarcastic, swearing comments back or simply ignore that person in total. Just because you may be anonymous, does not give the person the right to be a jackass and disrespect people. No one should EVER disrespect you.
Third, if you want to know something that is sensitive get off of anonymous or find another form of social media to speak to them where it is only between the two of you. This is not a talk show where you need an audience to get your point across or even less to entertain an audience. Do not for what the reason may be, force out information that you do not want to share if they really cared they would respect your decision.
Fourth, and foremost be careful with online predators (well anyone who may be a threat to you). Sometimes blocking the person is the only effective way to deal with someone quickly before questions start to become insults. Like I tell myself, "I do not need anyone else's crap, I already have my own to deal with it".

I really hope no one is being cyerbullied and if you are I hope you find the strength to seek help. You are the controller to your own life. Do not let anyone else play with your feelings and have them be tossed around because you are worth more than you think. :)

Be safe! Don't be afraid to fight for yourself, throw some sarcastic comments around if you need to! Slap their face with those ravishing words of yours! :D

How do you deal with disrespectful people?



xx Chavelita