Day 22: Daydream

Daydreaming is what she did best

She sits on her throne with her dainty hand on her cheek wondering “when I will be the queen of my mind?”

She glances at her hands like if she were to hold the power that distinguished her from the rest

To see how much longer she has to handle until the day that everything gets aligned 

Day by day she walks with her eyes looking straight ahead to avoid the trouble around her

Snickers, laughters, whispers crashed against the halls like waves on the bay

Sometimes wishing that someone were to tap her shoulder and give her a stir

To tell her something cliché 

Such as she should look up more and show off her beautiful eyes 

That holds the secrets that words cannot describe 

Or to move aside 

At least a touch is what the doctor prescribed

No one said that this life would be what we think 

One day we find ourselves with the confidence to strive for more

Other days we feel like a ship about to sink

Not a single moment is silent air; even creaks come from the floor 

The spring time came 

With a swift of warm blossom breeze to remind those to be at ease

Because nature, as always, is open to advice for those who aim

For a new a chance to start over to all its attendees 

A step is all that takes to create a rumble

For even a queen needs time to spend 

To learn from all her stumbles 

In order to rule her kingdom that she has befriend 

A daydream or two should not hurt

The imagination as real as it may seem it is still there

To remind her that even through the driest desert

An oasis could be found in the hot air

xx Chavelita

The elephant in the room

Stormy nights rushed in like an unwanted guest

Swallowing whomever comes into sight

A flash of light from the post, but not even that could be blessed

To see that what was once there, is no where from right

The warm gentle squeeze of life

Mustered with a mixture of uncertainty and might

Maybe today is the day this quarrel is sliced with a knife

Fairy lights and scents of power produced with a smite

How come right now, a pled

Is when this source of majestic competency fills the room?

When yesterday even the clouds did not want to lift themselves out of bed?

Are the answers even ready to bloom?

My my my the days were spent caressing the moments when everything has gone blank

Silent nights, dark shadows, they were bound to tell the truth

Forever that this place is just a plank

To ones plunge into their hidden ruth

Everyone thinks we have it all together

But honey we all know that's a lie

Even the elephant is afraid of the ants altogether

Structure doesn't matter, we will all come to an end as we lie

We don't know when, or how or even where

So this is the reason we need to learn how to deal with the storm

Learn how to dance in the rain and from there

Stay away from those anchors that drowns the lives in one set uniform

Writing poems or stories around midnight seems to be the peak where my imagination is not disturbed by any limits or people it is just the paper or in this case my phone and my hands. The inspiration when writing this is that letting go of something important or was once important is the struggle that most of us has gone through but once when you let go you soon feel liberated. You feel like the powerful giant looking down at your problems and although this feeling may last for a little bit we should enjoy and celebrate the accomplishments. Life is short and we should stop worrying and start living it. Who cares if we don't know the answers, some of the best things are inexplicable anyways! 

xx Chavelita 

Being Small

 

There isn't a time I remember when I was average size
Where my mother did not have to explain her friends that I was actually seventeen
And to this day I hear my father's voice that we measure our foreheads to the skies
But that did not stop everyone else from questioning that I was a teen

Days went by where I tell myself being small is perfectly fine
Until I go to school and I hear people whispering about me like I don't hear them
Sometimes I wish I turned around and told them to back off before I get them in line
But what difference will that make?

Shopping has a whole new story of its own
To pick out shoes is such a chore
Nothing would fit, I felt so prone
Little girl shoes are all that fit me, at this point I just wanted to leave the store

My doctor informs me that growing is no longer a choice
That what I got, is what I got
And when I saw him again I would stand tall even though I was losing my voice
Was God putting me on the spot?

My self-confidence plummeted and I could not make ends meet
What if my mom said yes to inject me with hormones?
Would I have grown to reach five feet?
Will that make me feel normal?

Looking through pictures, I stand out
As time went on I started getting comfortable in my skin
To find some sense of doubt
Should not cause my head to spin

I will wear my size two converse with pride
Show the world that I am not weak
And all the criticism from people to slide 
Because being small is quite unique

This morning I came across this video on Facebook about a group of poetry teenagers called Get Lit where they speak about current events. I thought this was very jaw dropping and inspiring that even I wrote my own poem to talk about the situation that small people come across on a daily basis. Although these events I speak about may seem minimal, you will not understand the struggle unless actually have small feet or people speaking behind your back like you're at some freak show on display. Just know for these insecurities, it is what makes you stand out and shine especially for being able to accept them or overcome these insecurities.

(Bare with me that I do not normally record myself aha) 

What is a insecurity that inspires you to prove others wrong?

xx Chavelita

I don't know what to say

A laughter a day they say 

Could keep the sickness away 

To smile and wonder 

Can create such a blunder 

Avoid the mad, the sad, and the bad

And to just be glad 

My tears lose their meaning 

As more and more are seamlessly leaving 

Choked up in my own words

How wondrous a mind can be without cords 

I close my eyes and I count to three 

Soon I escape to a vast land of trees 

If only there was a possibility 

That one day I could expand this probability 

To be open and accept those 

Who are waiting to be close 

But instead they are placed aside 

Hoping that they would soon glide 

So I wouldn't have to manage 

The fact that one day they don't have to deal with my baggage 

Endless fights that keep me awake 

Of what could of been if I stopped being fake 

Pieces of me scream I can do it 

Though other times I'm left with a pit

How can someone be so happy 

But also feel so crappy 

If life were to give us answers instead of lemons 

Would we be content with the lessons 

So many questions 

Yet I cannot seem to get any explanations

So as of now I remain as myself 

And that someday my life will be found on a shelf 

This poem I wrote last night around 9 PM and at first it all started with the intention of writing a poem. The idea didn't come to me until I started writing, and everything just happened to spill. I called this poem, "I don't know what to say" because lately that is what I have been replying to. I have these moments where you have the words at the tip of your tongue and it's not that you're being inconsiderate but the words aren't there. Well these are the thoughts I have when that happens. I have stories, I just don't know where to begin.

What ways do you use to express yourself?

xx Chavelita