Day 20: Talking

For as long as I can remember, I have been a quiet and private person. I can probably hold a secret for so long that I eventually forget unless someone brings up something similar to what I know. Not sure if that is a talent or not but it does show that I hold a lot of information within me and if I am not asked about what I know then that information just begins to be stored deeper and deeper into my memory. I have always been the listener among my friends. If I talk it is usually when I have something to say, which is what I am doing right now. And you know what, talking it is not all so bad especially when you have a great listener and responder to hear you out. Sometimes I am like a tea kettle, you can pour water in me and I would remain quiet but once when you add heat that is when you are going to start hearing me. Not that I have to feel heated or upset over something to get me to start talking but if you bring up interesting topics or ask me questions, controversial the better, I can speak for hours. In high school I had history for my last period of the school day and while mostly everyone were just dying to get out and go home I would typically stay behind to have intriguing conversations with my history teachers. Since my history teachers' classrooms were relatively close they would just visit each other in their classrooms for group discussions. The topics could range to the most nonsensical topics like having a salad for breakfast to how can recycling have an effect on the environment. The topics were little to no where close to the history that was being taught during regular class hours.

Where am I really going with this? Well talking is beneficial for mental health. When you feel stressed or when you have no clue what to do with the thoughts in your head, it's pretty nice to have that go-to person to spill all the details to. That go-to person could be as simple as your sibling, parents, friends, and or your therapist. There may be a couple of people who take advantage of talking and that I have found annoying that they would talk too much during school but like Shrek said, "It is better out than in." Use your words, speak out your mind, structure your words to portray your ideas, however you prefer to share your thoughts, go for it! You may have the most brilliant ideas or thoughts screaming to be recognized but if you do not share them then how will that benefit anyone? For those who are not as much as the talkers like myself and who does not like to share a lot of the personal details with others, I just think it takes the right person to open you up. Do not feel like you need to change in order to find someone to talk with. Continue being yourself and whenever you are given opportunities to share what you are passionate about you should. You will also find that friend that you can trust with your thoughts, they may be a little hidden (or maybe in front of you the whole time) at first but usually the hidden ones tend to be the ones with one of the biggest hearts. Or be like me and start your own blog!

Have you spoken to anyone today?

xx Chavelita

The lonely monster

Is there some sort of correlation that the more alone you are the more weirder you are? So not too long ago the Lent season approached me like a slap in the face. Here I am focused on what needs to get done in school so I would remain in the IB program and still be eligible for the IB diploma, then Lent comes. For a while before Lent though, I always think about something to sacrifice for the 40 days of Lent and the most challenging one yet is the one I am doing now which is not using social media. Do you understand what that means for a teenager like me to not be online? Might as well just walk in the dark and hope that I do not mistaken one of my steps for a ditch. I do not know if I have mentioned this before but my Dad is in the military and we are stationed in the United States but most of my family lives in Puerto Rico so how do I communicate with them? That's right through Facebook. Though I thought it would be nice to have some time for myself to gather my thoughts, reflect what I have done and what I want to do in the future, and this is where I test which people in my life are the ones that make it worth living. And you want to know what I have noticed so far?

1. I do not talk to a lot of people
2. Why do I have a phone? I barely talk to people. 
3. Most of my free time is invested in bed...sleeping. 
4.  I really need to work on my social skills
5. That buildings have ceilings 
6. I daydream way too much about people and hypothetical arguments
7. Time moves slowly when you are constantly checking for messages and there aren't any messages
8. Avoiding situations is hard when there is no distractions 
9. I am my own best friend since I spend most of my time alone that I find myself laughing at my own jokes...
10. Complaining is useless when you have no one to tell it to 

I could continue going, but I think you all have the gist of how my way of self-discovery is coming along. Though as of now I am slowly getting adjusted to not having my face in my phone screen and actually looking around my surroundings and actually talking to people face to face. By far face to face communication is my favorite way of socializing even though I may choke on my own saliva while laughing, have brain farts in between my sentences and mumble, my facial expressions makes up for all those embarrassing moments. Even messaging people has reduced immensely, now I just say what I need to say and I end the conversation. Drama is not my forte nor do I want to be sucked into that vortex. I do not need anymore stress as it is. To think about it, I bet my mom is going to be happy when she sees the phone bill... Besides the point, sometimes you need to eliminate the distractions in order to get to the core of your problems or to be able to get to know yourself without the influence of others. I am surprising myself everyday of how much my behavior has changed and how I am handling with things like school, advice, people, and so forth. 

A selfie for my readers since I have no where else to put it... even in this picture looks like I am crying for help... This is only the beginning... Must stay strong!)

What are one of the tough sacrifices you have made?

xx Chavelita

Unexpected turns

The majority of this day I have been trying to gather my thoughts as to what would actually happen if something or someone from your life were to change and causing this sort of domino effect to the rest of your life. Events happen out of your control and you are forced to juggle around your emotions, the emotions of others who may be affected and still try to maintain sanity within yourself. Perhaps I am being selfish for mostly thinking about what would happen to me if the causes were to become reality rather than worrying for the causes on other people's life.

Side note: Everyone has problems because someone may have worse problems than you that should not mean that you should keep it to yourself. Problems big or small are problems and should be taken care of immediately before they develop into worse scenarios. Your problems are just as important as anybody else's, I just wish people would stop competing to see who has the worst the problem instead help each other out to find the solution to that problem.

I will not lie though, I am known to be the biggest worrier there is not one day where I am not worrying about something. I've been told multiple times that I should stop worrying over the little things because I always seem to find a way through the obstacles but if I don't worry then how else will I acknowledge that there is a problem or a potentiality that a problem will be created? What people do not understand is that I worry because I care and maybe I care a bit too much about things that do not even involve me but that is the person I am. I can be stubborn, clingy, and will do anything to bring back peace or the happiness of those who have impacted my life. Which I also find myself holding in a lot of information. It sounds a bit complicated, huh? That I may not be involved in the issue but people tell me their issue and it is as if I have been enrolled into the issue as the bystander or the advice giver? I do not mind that people come to me when they have problems because I honestly prefer they do. It is not because it adds power to my name but it means that people are entrusting themselves to receive help and although I may not always have the brilliant advice to give or the witty responses to cheer up a bad day, I will like them to know that I am there for them. Whether we stopped talking for a number of days, have not seen each other in a few weeks, I will still be here because I know how it feels like to be left in the dust when the only person who will hear you is a bear made out of fluff.

I apologize that this advice post is not the regular peppy inspirational post you would normally read on here, but today has just been one of those "emotional roller coasters, insert your earphones and exclude yourself from others" kind of day and hopefully everything gets sorted out soon. I hope you have a wonderful day.
How do you deal with the unexpected turns in your life?

xx Chavelita

The fear of communicating

By far this would probably be my greatest obstacle course I have come along to. Simply speaking was a challenge for me since I was small that I would actually cry almost everyday at pre kindergarten because my Mom couldn't stay with me. To be around unfamiliar faces makes me feel uncomfortable even more when I don't have a friend along with me. Though as I've grown older, I have learned a bit tricks to break the awkward ice.

1. Say hello! 

I know this may sound a bit redundant but if you greet someone you are already engaging into conversation. Perhaps ask them how have they've been because for starters everyone secretly loves to speak about themselves and loves someone who will listen to what they have to say. 

2. Ask common questions

You would probably want to start asking questions to that person when the right time comes (normally after greeting them is the right time) but you do not want to scare them off by asking too personal questions. Your first objective is to get to know the basics of the person: birthday, their favorites and dislikes such as food, seasons, treats and maybe their nationality if you're curious I know I would. 

3. Should I stay or move on?

I believe that everyone should deserve at least one chance to begin with. Though if the answer to the previous questions did not quite suit you then maybe you should move on. You're not obligated to be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or causes you to change to suit their habits. A friendship should make you feel happy and have the ability to trust the other person. If you're already doubting yourself with that person then you probably already the answer to that (move on). Not everyone you will meet, you will like but do not give up keep meeting new people and expand your horizons with them.

4. Trust fall

This step is rather tricky and risky because it could either go two ways either they support you and keep information that you tell them to themselves. Or they would go behind your back and tell everyone they know. For me I take an extremely long time to get to this platform but I have also learned that you should be able to take as much time as you need to get there. Begin with the little things such as the last person you kissed or dated, a person you may like or dislike, a fact about yourself that no one knows. I recommend you begin with the little things as a sort of test to see where this friendship is standing at. If they pass then congratulations you have made a good friend! Though if they did leak some of your information I would be careful with that person and even though they may say it was an accident, I would not be surprised that they would to do it again. 

5. Personal questions 

After passing the trust fall I think it would be safe to say to ask personal questions. Get to know your friend a bit deeper. Do not overload on these questions though because you can make your new friend to be uncomfortable. Only ask these questions when the right opportunity may come and be aware that at any time they may ask for your opinion based on the question you asked so be honest, tactful, and understanding. 

When I make friends I'm like the little turtle in the story with the rabbit and the turtle, who takes his sweet but persistent time to get to his goal while the rabbits here are making friends like a snap of a finger. I'm quite slow and steady when it comes to meeting new people, I was never the expert of being able to create a mass load of friends (hell I'm not even a expert in communicating ahaha). I wasn't able to manage but with a handful of friends I was able to get to know them more for who they are and it seemed simpler because you have less people to attend to. Though that is my opinion on friends, I just hope that you make good, healthy, careful friendships and that you do not take anyone for granted.

Photo credit to Sam, our emergency ice cream runs

Photo credit to Sam, you don't understand how much I leaned on these two girls (Sam and Ana). Las tres chicas! 

Hopefully this was helpful and if so I'll leave you with this question: Have you ever met someone you have least expected to become friends with? And if so, how did you meet them? (I feel the unexpected ones are the best ones yet!)

xx Chavelita