Day 22: Daydream

Daydreaming is what she did best

She sits on her throne with her dainty hand on her cheek wondering “when I will be the queen of my mind?”

She glances at her hands like if she were to hold the power that distinguished her from the rest

To see how much longer she has to handle until the day that everything gets aligned 

Day by day she walks with her eyes looking straight ahead to avoid the trouble around her

Snickers, laughters, whispers crashed against the halls like waves on the bay

Sometimes wishing that someone were to tap her shoulder and give her a stir

To tell her something cliché 

Such as she should look up more and show off her beautiful eyes 

That holds the secrets that words cannot describe 

Or to move aside 

At least a touch is what the doctor prescribed

No one said that this life would be what we think 

One day we find ourselves with the confidence to strive for more

Other days we feel like a ship about to sink

Not a single moment is silent air; even creaks come from the floor 

The spring time came 

With a swift of warm blossom breeze to remind those to be at ease

Because nature, as always, is open to advice for those who aim

For a new a chance to start over to all its attendees 

A step is all that takes to create a rumble

For even a queen needs time to spend 

To learn from all her stumbles 

In order to rule her kingdom that she has befriend 

A daydream or two should not hurt

The imagination as real as it may seem it is still there

To remind her that even through the driest desert

An oasis could be found in the hot air

xx Chavelita

Day 21: Advice to my future children

Although I am only eighteen and have many many more years to learn about myself and the world around me, I feel like I have some leverage from all the learning I had done through the challenges that were tossed in my direction. Not all opportunities or situations come as easy as a slow pitch to hit out of the park even though some of us do wish that we had our questions answered in an instant. And those who do opportunities and situations that are easy to handle, we feel like those aren't worth much of a value but here I am to tell you is that every lesson that was learned through our experiences are worth value. When we sit there, sometimes in the midst of the night alone or we stand there idle in our morning showers, our minds are working up a storm to figure out a solution to a problem that is either there or not. Bubbles and lines crossing, with an infinite number of solutions, when we want one answer we come up with multiple possibilities that just drives us up the wall. I know we have a solution but then we start to wonder if its appropriate enough to fit the current situation and we begin to overthink which does not lead us anywhere. I think people should just trust in what they got and see where that may lead them. Which starts to my first lesson for my future child...

Do not follow the crowd. At first people may think that because they are following the crowd that they are doing something right, which may not always be the case. I have given the crowd a chance and all the times that I did, I was farther and farther away from the person I wanted to be known as. I nearly forgot myself while transforming into someone I wasn't. I would think that there was something wrong with me because I found such difficulty to connect with other individuals among my age group. Yet I continued walking by myself, allowing enough contact to keep myself in check but for the majority of the time I spent my time figuring things out without any outside influences. So kids, when you feel like you do not fit in with rest of the group and you find yourself spending alone time apart from everyone else or observing your surroundings, remember that usually the amazing people among the crowd do not call attention towards to themselves by showing off but because you have a natural glow, those who have their eyes open will definitely see you and change your life. Follow your own path for now, find out more about yourself and with time people will cross paths with you. Just a heads up though, some will walk alongside of you and others will simply cross without acknowledging you.

Be careful who you trust. I have found myself in many predicaments especially when I tell friends personal information that end up not being my friend for long. Then I think, well great there goes all my deep information along with the many insecurities and thoughts that I should of just kept to myself in the first place. Even though at times I forget what personal information I have shared with some people, having that information wondering around on someone else's lips makes me want to curl into a makeshift shell. I don't want to say that I was careless but more so that I outweigh a lot of people's good qualities over their bad qualities, so lets hypothetically say that everyone knows that one person who is known to be worst person to man and I would still find something good about them. I would still give them a chance despite all the commentary I have been told in private. I just want my kids to be able to open their minds to see the rounded values that make up any person that they decide to meet, not be timid, afraid or embarrassed to be themselves and share their stories. To be able to interact with their peers and know the difference between an average friend and the values that make up a better friend. So that they can limit the chances of disappointment they are going to encounter in life. Just know that mommy will always have ears to listen, arms to give out those needed hugs, eyes to give my undivided attention, a voice to comfort when my kids feel overwhelmed, and a sense of humor to make you laugh even if they may end up laughing at me for something silly. I will be here every step of the way.

Sweet words are easier to swallow, if needed to. There was always this saying that my dad would tell me, "diga dulce palabras por se caso si los tienes que tragarlas", which in English it means to "say sweet words in case you have to swallow them". We have all come to a close point in our lives or even crossed that point in ours lives when we're absolutely furious with someone and say rather harsh things in spite of the moment. Yeah for those few minutes we spill emotions out like if someone were to open the faucet at full blast. Until we calm down and realize that the situation could of been handled in a different manner. Regret begins to develop and we feel this embarrassment rising in our faces and soon the tiny sweat droplets form that is why it's better to say sweet words. I agree that people should know what position they are in whether it is in a relationship, friendship, or among family and have the chance to speak about what is on their minds but at times we may forget that words are a powerful tool and should be used carefully. This advice also goes when speaking to or about other people. Spreading rumors and then having the victim find out where the source of that gossip is coming from already does not paint a pretty picture. In a situation like the words become difficult to swallow or take back so that is why is just best to not spread false information about others. When spreading compliments, the sweet words, the person could either thank you or not acknowledge your words the same if you are complimenting yourself you could either accept the sweet words or trash them. At least swallowing sweet words are a bit easier than swallowing the bitter ones. I want my kids to be able to choose their words wisely and watch what they say to others, because even words could have the effect to change a person.

What advice would you tell your children or what advice do you already tell your children?

xx Chavelita

P.S. I am not pregnant. The kids mentioned are hypothetical.

Day 20: Celebrity crushes

I probably didn't start having celebrity crushes until I was like fifteen or sixteen, and even then I would just admire how successful some of those celebrities turned out to be. Sometimes I thought that I was not a normal teenager for not having strong a liking to people who I did not know personally so whenever my friends would talk about their celebrity crushes I was kind of like the late bloomer who sat in the sidelines that just gave the thumbs up of approval. Until I got a bit older and started to realize that I wasn't developing celebrity crushes because I just haven't met the right celebrities to simply jaw drop in their direction. So here are some celebrity crushes that I have developed throughout my time of discover.

Anne Hathaway - She has pretty much been my role model growing up, appearing in movies that I have seen at a young age. Not much gossip I have heard about her and every time I see her on the Ellen Degeneres Show makes me really proud to see her in total confidence and wrapped in success but still be a genuine person inside. I don't find many celebrities that are free willingly to thank everyone for being in the position she is and not be power hungry.

Prince Royce - My first ever man crush! This is a moment where I don't know if I loved his music first before him or vice versa. When I saw him on the Voice Kids, I would go so jealous that the kids who auditioned and were selected was able to have some one on one time with Prince Royce... I wish I had some one on one time with him... And I will keep waiting for that one on one time!

Taylor Kitsch - I like to think a very lovely teacher of mine for introducing me to Friday Night Lights and for allowing me to get to know the fine cast of this show. Kitsch plays the role of Tim Riggins who was a popular jock in the show. He was the running back in the Dillon Panthers football team. Even with a short close haircut Kitsch looks mighty fine... But of course, I prefer his long hair, makes him look like a more charming gentleman.

Zach Gilford - Another actor from Friday Night Lights, he plays the role of Matt Saracen the quarterback of the Dillon Panthers football team. With each episode that I watched I grew more in love with his character which made me adore him as a person. Even though he may be seen as just a replacement in the show, I would say that he was the main reason why I was watching Friday Night Lights.

Emmy Rossum - Lastly, Emmy Rossum in which I met her in the movie You're Not You which just had me in a ball of emotions. Such a lovely movie and I want to say it was because of the amazing cast that was chosen to fit the roles of the characters. Playing the role of Bec, I thought her acting was spot on. Vulgar tougher shell with a soft center, her character Bec went through a massive transformation in the movie and all in a well transition. Nothing was cheesy between her relationship with Kate (Hilary Swank) and at that last scene I just lost myself. Brilliant movie, and actress. I also couldn't stop thinking about how pretty she was even though most of her outfits were laidback, she did rock them.







What are your celebrity crushes?

xx Chavelita

Day 19: My first love... so far.

Where exactly do I begin? Falling in love just happens without you or the other person realizing, at least I remember I got to the point where I looked forward to the end of the day just to see him because we had our last class period together. When I wouldn't see him I would get a bit sad and I think that is when I realized that this wasn't just some regular friendship that I have had with other people I met. Anytime when we were together I was gasping for air from the many hilarious stories and puns that he would share with me, I had never met someone like him to be honest. We shared so many insiders, we shared personal never to be told stories, I even recall when we were doing an assignment outside of class. He decided, why not pull out my I-Pod touch and take multiple pictures of Isabel like some crazy paparazzi and chase her around the lobby? (I actually wonder if he still has those pictures...) I have met him when I was around fifteen and he was eighteen, and yeah I did feel weird that he is just a few days younger than my second oldest brother but when you're seeing life through rose glass lenses that doesn't really come into the picture. When you're up in the clouds, who would want to come down to face a harsh reality?

On the first day of school, I remember our teacher told us to walk around the classroom and whenever she told us to stop we had to high five someone that was nearby or speak to the closest person. It wasn't until the second or third round that I got to him. He always wore polo shirts for the most part, with long pants, and his white sneakers. That day he was wearing a orange polo with stripes, some good worn jeans, and his white sneakers. Now what he told me on that first day I do not remember only that I was laughing and replying back with something sarcastic. Total respect came from when he followed my sarcastic comment with another sarcastic comment and we both ended up just laughing. I also can't forget that handshake and that same old smile. The handshake so proper because he didn't enjoy slapping hands like some cool kid from down the block.

He was the sweetest guy that I have ever met... One night when I was sleeping he had left me a seven text messaged long message confessing this love he had for me and I freaked out. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, no one has ever taken the time to actually confess their feelings about me and for once I was also feeling the same way but there was just a part of me that was just not ready yet for a relationship. Perhaps I replied incorrectly to his message but sometimes I wonder where we could of been if I were to say yes,,, He was also the first one to ask me to homecoming because I had told him that no one has ever proposed to take me as a date to any dance, though something came up and we both didn't go to homecoming but I will forever treasure the fact that he asked me and my stomach was so knotted up in emotions. In fact he was also my first valentine... I remember on that Valentine's Day I was not expecting anything just like any other Valentine's Day but when I was in Spanish class there was a knock on the door and my classmate got the door. Then the delivery guy who was passing out Crush can sodas with chocolate kisses on top said my name and the whole class did the embarrassing ooo's and aaah's as the delivery guy gave me my Crush soda, I couldn't help but blush. But that was just the beginning as he said in the message I had sent him to thank him for the soda, when I was on my way to history class he purposely stepped on my shoe and I was ready to tell someone off until I realized that it was him carrying a stuffed tiger. Then told me Happy Valentine's Day again in person. I still have the tiger sitting among my army of Hello Kitty's on my bench.

My God was I so lucky to experience what it felt like to feel wanted and be needed in someone else's life in a romantic manner. Is it silly to say that after a year of knowing him I was thinking what were the odds if we had a future together?  For more than half of the year I met him, he was facing some complications at home that he wasn't going to school anymore but by then we had already exchanged numbers and we were messaging nonstop like chattery chimps. He went through some tough times and in a way I felt like I was sharing his hardships too. I want to think that he told me the major parts that was going on but I do not blame him if he decided to keep some of the information to himself. Near the end of the year he came back only he no longer had the same schedule so we no longer had a class together. Which brought me back to the same position I was in during the school year. I have a sad feeling that was when we were drifting apart and as much as I didn't want that to happen there was nothing that I could do to stop life from happening.

At the start of my junior year I actually bought him a whole pack of Sharpies for his birthday because he had told me that since his father had thrown away his Sharpies, he could no longer do his art in his notebook especially the many koi fishes that he enjoyed drawing. A little later in fall break I was already feeling like something was wrong between us because he started to keep certain things away from me. Which is something that was far off his character, it was not until I found out through Facebook that he was dating someone... When did he meet her? I don't know. How did this happen? I don't know, I thought I was the only girl he was talking to because he was the only guy I was talking to. What did he tell me after I found out? That he was too scared to find out how I would react and did not want to see me get hurt. What a knee slapper, huh?

And that is how my first love came to an end. Not even dating and I was as heartbroken as if we were dating. But either way I have learned a lot about myself during this experience, and a lot about how guys are. Things could be perfect. Life could be spent pinching away your skin to make sure you are awake rather than dreaming for certain things to happen. And as easy as that things could turn out to be they take unexpected turns. Yet what is meant to be will be meant to be and what isn't, will not. Pick yourself up, shrug off the dirt, and try again.Take your time to mend your broken heart but do not forget that there is still a lot more to experience and a lot more people out there to be given a chance.

How was your first love?

xx Chavelita

Day 18: Thirty facts about me

Since my introduction, I haven't posted another random facts about me kind of blogpost. Now that I may have more readers, I find it a great idea to retouch and add some new facts about me that just been sitting in the back of my mind. Usually when people do not ask me specific questions about my past, then I will not think or talk about it. Not that I do not want people to know but they are just stored so tightly in my mind that the information does not release as easily as other moments or memories... So here are thirty facts about me!

1. I was born on midnight of July fourth, which on my birth certificate it says 00:01 of July fifth, but secretly I like to think I was born on both days
2. One of my doctors had told me I had an extra rib, so whether that is still a mystery or a fact I still like to think I have an extra rib to explain the cause of my scoliosis other than my turtle slow growing rate
3. I learned Spanish when I was four years old in Puerto Rico with my extended family (I am Puerto Rican fyi), so even though I may or may not have an accent speaking Spanish or English, just know I am bilingual and yes I understand both languages fluently
4. When I was in eighth grade I used to be a reporter for the school's media program and I actually met veterans who fought during Pearl Harbor, I still remember them saying to put our phones on 'shake' instead of saying vibrate aha
5. Maybe I should explain that I have lived in Hawaii for three years (6th to 8th grade) so that is how I met veterans from Pearl Harbor (before anyone else asks I lived in a legitimate house, not some hut come on now this is twenty first century...)
6. I used to be a alter server, a dedicated one too because there was one point where I thought I was too young to be one that I actually started crying when they wouldn't let me one week until the following week I was given the chance to serve. Ever since I lived in Hawaii I would serve at church whenever my name was on the schedule
7. I am allergic to pecans and walnuts (all other nuts I am fine with) I also had a near death experience when I blindly had pecans at a friend's house and started to have a serious allergic reaction which consisted of irritated skin that was swollen, big lips, itchy throat, and in the morning I woke up with swollen eyes. Lesson learned guys, do not think you can fight an allergic reaction alone in the middle of the night, please go to the hospital... 
8. Following the allergic reactions trend, I am also allergic to ant bites so wherever I am bit by an ant, whether it is on my foot or my arm, I will swell up.
9. I haven't reached five feet in height so I am constantly being mistaken for a fifteen year old or younger so I have a memory slot just dedicated to the many reactions of people when I tell them my real age
10. I still do not know how to drive
11. I went to nine different public schools until the time I graduated from high school
12. I visited Mauna Kea on the Big Island (yes there is a cluster of islands that consider to be Hawaii is not just Oahu) which is a dormant volcano in Hawaii, we were so high that instead of looking up to see the clouds, we had to look down and boy was I freezing! 
13. In sixth grade I was given the opportunity to give the class speech but since I couldn't say the word 'cherish' at the time my speech was given to another girl... 
14. In Hawaii my designated hospital was Tripler which is known to be a big pink hospital because I heard that apparently the person who was in charge of ordering paint or the person who delivered the paint was given the wrong color and well one day I had asked my dad which was probably days after I saw the reenactment of Pearl Harbor on DVD that if the halls were in fact filled with patients in beds. Well there was a man who was walking on the opposite side of the hall walking in our direction crossing and I am not sure if my dad asked him my question or if he overheard but he did confirm that actually happened. So I felt like I was walking through a piece of history every time I had my appointments in Tripler. 
15. Last year I saw bio-luminescent fish with my extended family for the first time in Puerto Rico. There was a boat ride to get to their habitat but whenever you would touch the water the fish would lit up in a way that they were like water dragonflies, I thought I was living in a fairy tale for a moment. 
16. I learned how to ride a bicycle in little as five minutes with my dad because I was tired of being the only sixth grader who for the most part was the only one who didn't know how. I tried teaching myself at first in the grass, but my dad saw me struggling and decided to help me out by teaching me on the pavement in front of the house.
17.  I only have fallen in love once but never had a relationship with anybody 
18. When I was about eight or nine I used to sing in the church choir along with my brothers and a few other people (I need to find out where the rest of that confidence went to continue singing in public)
19. For as long as I can remember, I am afraid of needles. No matter how much I try to prepare myself or calm myself before any vaccinations or blood work, my heart is still racing and my blood pressure would be at its peak. The tears never fail either. 
20. I'm good at math, but when I'm adding simple numbers I still use my fingers to count just to make sure I counted correctly in my head the first time
21. When I was little I would cut the hair of my Barbies thinking that their hair will grow back just like mine
22. Growing up I wasn't really into the Disney princesses but I know for a fact that I was obsessed with Tinkerbell and I still think that she's pretty cool. 
23. I always found myself being around people older than me unless I was in school then yeah I befriended people around my age, but outside of school I found friendships with older people to be easier and more interesting. People would tell me that I was mature and wise for my age but I didn't believe them because I thought my thoughts were as normal as everybody else's. 
24. I still avoid people I am familiar with in public areas
25. If you do not know by now, I am a big reggaeton (Spanish rap) kind of gal. I listen to it so often that I get upset at myself for knowing most of the songs I hear on the radio or anywhere that is playing and get really excited and obsessive when I hear new reggaeton music. 
26. In kindergarten, I would actually give my teacher roses because in front of the house I used to live, we had rosebushes that would naturally grow. 
27. I still laugh the same today as I used to when was ten or maybe even younger.
28. I am not afraid of bugs (I once crushed a cockroach with my hand because I couldn't find anything else to kill it with), but I cannot stand seeing dead animals...
29. I had a grandfather from my dad's side who owned a tiny neighborhood convenience shop and it is still running by my uncle, I actually saw it the last time I went to Puerto Rico and has the same original sign
30. I actually didn't mind whenever I matched outfits with my mom when I was little, also I didn't understand what was so embarrassing about looking similar. My mom seemed to love doing it, so why not let her? For the most part I am not embarrassed to have my parents around I actually find myself laughing more with them around. At a young age I was taught to just be myself and so I did. I really didn't understand why some things were the way they were supposed to so I didn't pay attention to them growing up maybe that's why I am not afraid to embarrass myself in front of people because either way I would be laughing along. 

What are some interesting facts about yourself?

xx Chavelita

Day 17: So what about the stars?

As all of you may know about zodiac signs and how if you're in the right position of the stars and the planets and almost about every little thing that moves outside of our planet that we are meant to be have a really good day... For starters lets see what my zodiac sign, Cancer, says about me and the rest of those who fall into the same birthday range based on a few websites... To keep things brief I am only taking a few sentences from the description but I will leave the website for those who want to read in further detail.

1. "Cancerians love home-life, family and domestic settings...The moon is their ruler, so they can be a bit of a contradiction and sometimes moody. However, they are conservative, so they'll be apt to hide their moods from others altogether...Cancerians make loyal, sympathetic friends. "  Website No.1
2. "Cancer have an offbeat sense of humor, often finding something humorous that others don’t. They are extremely good listeners and have a heart for the problems of others...When a Cancer becomes your friend you can be sure that they are truly your friend and will not consider using someone to their own benefit. Cancer tend to be dependable and reliable...This sign can be moody, clingy, and often become incredibly insecure if they feel that they are about to lose the friendship or love of someone close to them." Website No.2
3. "Strengths: Compassionate, thoughtful, defensive, steadfast Weaknesses: Controlling, unable to let go of the past, lack confidence, have a bad magpie habit"Charismatic marks: Average build, round face, busty (women)" Website No.3
4. "Nurturing and protective, Cancer loves to take care of people and make everyone feel at home...Sensitive Cancer can take things personally, overreact and get upset at the drop of a hat. Mood swings are no fun to be around!" Website No.4
5. "Cancer Strength Keywords: - Loyalty - Dependable - Caring - Adaptable - ResponsiveCancer Weakness Keywords:- Moody - Clingy - Self-pitying - Oversensitive - Self-absorbed" Website No.5

Now I am not sure how accurate these websites are at evaluating people depending on the day they were born but I just cannot fathom an explanation of believing in something that I cannot comprehend. I do believe that in order to get to know someone is to actually physically give them a chance to prove themselves who they are to you. Now if you believe in your zodiac sign and the horoscopes that come along with the sign, then that is great. I believe that everyone has the free will and the right to believe in something and to have something to look up or to look forward to. Though I am certain that horoscopes are not meant for me and for me it does not define me for the person I am. Only I can define myself along with what I have learned from my experiences and from the people who have grown to know me. 

Do not get me wrong I know that my flaws could include being shy and reserved to new people and experiences, being hard on myself for not being able to explain my emotions or express my emotions to others, and jumping into conclusions but I knew these qualities before I was explained what were zodiac signs. I believe the one who noticed the most about my flaws was my mom because before I was able to gain a sense of memory she told me that I would cry if I wasn't near her. That if new people wanted to hold me she either had to be near me or I would just cry. I didn't handle new situations well and a part of me couldn't decided what I wanted. That was all before I could speak, now imagine me speaking and that just stirs up a whole another chaos within. So why would I let zodiac signs depict who I am and who I should be, when I know who I am and still figuring out what I should be? I'm pretty sure I could figure out myself more for observing my actions rather than looking up in the sky waiting for the stars to wink at me. 

What is your zodiac sign, and do you believe in it?

xx Chavelita 

Day 16: What I miss...

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof...

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you're left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they're the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn't commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you're left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you're young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita