Sponge

Many times you hear that you should learn to forgive your peers so that you have a clear conscience to move forward in life or that forgiving is the mature thing to do when getting into arguments among others. Yet, how many times have you heard that you should learn to forgive yourself? Of course, our friends will commit mistakes, even our parents do and there are times that we find space in our hearts to forgive them but what about space to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made? We are not perfect or at least I have yet to see a perfect person but we tend to forget a lot about ourselves and about how we feel in situations.

I have to admit, we are like sponges. There are times that we soak up to the tiniest bit of information regardless of the topic and there are times that stains appear on us, usually these consist of memories. The substance could either be historical context from English class or it could range to the latest gossip that runs around the halls at school. Then there are the stains that are really difficult to remove. The constant need to rinse out the sponge and to scrub only to have the stain still faintly there. If you are wondering where I am going with this metaphorical talk, this is it, this is how we handle information. What we soak up can be temporarily beneficial for us that can later be applied when the right time comes and the stains is the information that sticks with us. Not all stains are bad but they linger more. With information comes with emotion attached and these memories are more potent because you are able to relate to them at a personal level.

Forgiving yourself just like you forgive others does not happen overnight. As we get older I feel it gets harder to forgive since we hold on to memories a bit more tightly than we should and we can be a bit hardheaded to look past the actions that happened during the transition. All of the sudden you feel this confusion eating you up to the point of having sleepless nights. You attempt to connect the dots as to what is going on and before you know it you are left thinking who's fault is it and what should be done in order to solve this problem, and all this shibang. Here I am to tell you that you first need to step away from the picture. Let your brain breathe and take a moment to collect itself. Maybe before you ask advice from someone, write down what you know happened or any details that you can remember then read it back to yourself. Is everything accurate from what you recall? A mistake that I always find myself doing is making irrational decisions based on the current mood I am in. Like when I am bothered by something and I have the tendency to straightforwardly tell my friends my thoughts on the certain matter. There was even times that I would pass incorrect or misheard information so it is important that you know what you are talking about before your venting process because something else. But throughout the day I find my sanity back and I look back to my messages and I cringe because of how irrational I reacted for something that did not even last a day of my emotions.

Now I am not telling you that what happens in arguments is your fault (well it could be the case sometimes) but I am saying that you are responsible for yourself. If you feel like something is troubling you and you are not quite sure what it is I like to think that it is because you are going through a change. Changes within ourselves are great, they are weird but necessary to reevaluate ourselves and update our self-perception of the world, ourselves and others. So coming back to forgiving yourself, you should not hold yourself accountable for every little thing that went wrong especially if they were not done on purpose. Forgive yourself in a way that you no longer feel like a weight of an elephant is on your chest or shoulders. Things you can forgive yourself are things like...

• not being yourself
• crying yourself to sleep
• talking gossip
• taking things for granted or people for granted
• for telling yourself all the cannots instead of all the can dos
• not getting enough sleep 
• for skipping meals or feeling self-concious of your body

I joke around a lot with my friends, telling them that you do not need a bully because you are your own bully and to a certain extent this is true. Do not belittle yourself for the way you do things, you should stick to doing things your own way in a form that you feel comfortable in expressing yourself. 

Forgive yourself and watch how things will start to slowly fall into place. Do not hold grudges or anything that will keep you from being the amazing person you are. 

xx Chavelita

Being Small

 

There isn't a time I remember when I was average size
Where my mother did not have to explain her friends that I was actually seventeen
And to this day I hear my father's voice that we measure our foreheads to the skies
But that did not stop everyone else from questioning that I was a teen

Days went by where I tell myself being small is perfectly fine
Until I go to school and I hear people whispering about me like I don't hear them
Sometimes I wish I turned around and told them to back off before I get them in line
But what difference will that make?

Shopping has a whole new story of its own
To pick out shoes is such a chore
Nothing would fit, I felt so prone
Little girl shoes are all that fit me, at this point I just wanted to leave the store

My doctor informs me that growing is no longer a choice
That what I got, is what I got
And when I saw him again I would stand tall even though I was losing my voice
Was God putting me on the spot?

My self-confidence plummeted and I could not make ends meet
What if my mom said yes to inject me with hormones?
Would I have grown to reach five feet?
Will that make me feel normal?

Looking through pictures, I stand out
As time went on I started getting comfortable in my skin
To find some sense of doubt
Should not cause my head to spin

I will wear my size two converse with pride
Show the world that I am not weak
And all the criticism from people to slide 
Because being small is quite unique

This morning I came across this video on Facebook about a group of poetry teenagers called Get Lit where they speak about current events. I thought this was very jaw dropping and inspiring that even I wrote my own poem to talk about the situation that small people come across on a daily basis. Although these events I speak about may seem minimal, you will not understand the struggle unless actually have small feet or people speaking behind your back like you're at some freak show on display. Just know for these insecurities, it is what makes you stand out and shine especially for being able to accept them or overcome these insecurities.

(Bare with me that I do not normally record myself aha) 

What is a insecurity that inspires you to prove others wrong?

xx Chavelita

But they're only words...

At constant measures I am telling myself, "but they're only words..." and that these words should not get to me. Now who ever said that, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" did not think about how much the value of words has evolved as time progressed. 

*SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVENT READ DOS PALABRAS BY ISABEL ALLENDE, SKIP AHEAD*

The other day I was reading Dos Palabras by Isabel Allende, where this lady named Belisa Crepsculario sold words a piece with a variety of prices depending on what the vendee wanted. A love note was worth a different price than what a hate note, and I thought this idea was so clever of Allende to write about because she actually places a price on words. Although this is magical realism, words do have a price entitled to them but the worth depends on how the person takes them. This caused me to think, if the words have a price then that means that they are worth something. In this case, the quote above is false, words do hurt and at time hurt more than being pelted with sticks and stones. Words have the power to presuade, to make someone cry from tears of joy to sadness, and for many of us causes us to overthink. Which happened to the colonel when he asks Crepsculario for help to tell him a speech that will boost the horrible reputation he had with the people to win him presidency. There was a catch, a condition, that still leaves me at the edge of the seat. Crepsculario tells the colonel two word that leaves the man mentally paralyzed in other words everything he would do, all the speeches he has recited to gain electoral votes, those two words were at the back of his mind. BUT ALLENDE DOES NOT STATE WHAT ARE THOSE TWO WORDS! Such a bittersweet cliffhanger...

*IM DONE SPOILING*

Besides the point, words are constantly changing. New words are being added to the dictionary and older words are being forgotten or getting harder to find. Some words I do not understand the meaning of because they are being created by us teenagers, oh the irony. Unless reading is your passion, the words are still alive. A lesson coming from Allende's story is that word choice is important. Everyone's interpretation is based on words, whether figuratively or straightforward, that may be the problem that many of us today have. Words could be tricky and confusing elements of communication and in honest opinion I do not believe that we will have the chance to deeply understand the words that are being stated in writing or orally. Leaving us with the imagination we have now. 

A tip for all of you is that control your imagination but do not be afraid to think out of your borders. Be smart in what to believe in but do not be stubborn to hear the imagination of others. Read a lot of books from different authors and cultures. Speak to people from different locations, age groups, and gender. Allow yourself to dip in your toes into someone else's world. Give others the chance to express themselves and do not judge what they have to say. 

Why do you think words are created for?

xx Chavelita 

Adaptation Proclamation

Spatial time is pretty interesting standard unit of measurement that continues endlessly like this vortex. The seconds are leaving us one by one and by the time we realize that the seconds turn into years. I remember my first day of fourth grade wearing my favorite white polo shirt with the collar having ruffles on the edges and my navy blue skirt which I approved only for the fact that they had shorts underneath or else I would of thought twice before wearing something that made me feel like I was walking without pants. I was downstairs having my breakfast as usual and when I went upstairs I complained to my mom, "Why did I have to go to school? Why do you get to stay at home?" and of course my mindset was not yet developed so almost anything I say was unfiltered. Then my mom tells me that when you graduate like me, you will no longer have to go to school. I was so desperate for that day to come quicker and now fast forwarding into what is now 2015, the year in which I will graduate, this sensation seems unreal. The years turned into memories that have this great way of popping up spontaneously. Nothing I have imagined this year is happening to me right now. I think I can say is that change is unavoidable but can be managed.

Friendships will flourish and some will soon wither away, and I am here to say that both are okay. These experiences that are created with others allows you to see how much of person you have become whether you gain the confidence you were missing or grew depressed that life is not how you imagined it to be through the influence of your peers. We are only human and changes like these will be faced and your choice is valid to stay or leave for something else. Look at what you are taught as a database, in a database you do not use all the information that is in there (and also because that would be torture to your brain) but the information is there in case you do need to refer back. Just know that there will be people who will constantly come unexpected in your life and you will learn something out of them. Many of us are used to being close-minded when we sense that a friendship is leading into a similar path that only lead us into being hurt but because of that one experience ended terribly with a friend we cannot assume the rest will be the same... Who knows how the next person will effect you.

A step out of your comfort zone is something that was extremely difficult for me and perhaps to many of you too. Where you feel like you are in a blanket when you are among those you are comfortable with or in locations you have grown used to. I believe stepping out of the comfort zone is healthy though terrifying yes as if someone were to yank off your blankets on a early school morning but healthy. From the start of my final semester of high school, my lunch schedule remained the same while everyone else switched because of the new semester. In other words I did not have anyone to spend lunch with. The first few days I would walk to the lunch room early to reserve my usual place by placing my belongings and went to the lunch line before the river of people started to fill in the room. Soon as I got my lunch I would eat alone. I do not want pity but goodness was that experience awkward because a lot of people would pass by and just look at me eating... I am not a new species wanting to be discovered. I knew I had to find someone to have lunch with before I begin to count the all the adjectives I use to describe the tasteless music that blasted on the school's speakers. Since I volunteer my time at the office so many times in the last months, that is where I found my blanket of comfort. I knew most of the staff, all the counselors, and the counselor clerk (which I should start calling her my godmother because she is ha) and I would sit there until fifth period started to watch the office as everyone else leaves for lunch. Until I was formally introduced to a girl who has also been spending her lunches alone in the office and I was encouraged to have lunch with her. Now I have someone to spend lunch with and have small talk. To take chances is the moral of this story. You will pat yourself in the back later.

Lately I have been challenging myself to do things I would normally say no to. Such as being the first one to start the conversation with a stranger, to speak up not only for myself but for the ones I care about, to wear makeup more often, and to actually talk to my classmates. Baby steps, but I feel they are necessary steps that will build my character and to be more well rounded. Academics will always be my primary goal but I do not think it will hurt to practice my social skills and have somewhat of a social life to learn more about others through their stories. Adapting to this person I have become is such an evolution for me, for once I feel detached enough from people allowing me to breathe and take my own route but close to those I trust that I can go to if needed. If this is not independence, I am not sure how else that term will be defined.

Do you believe you have the power to transform into the person you want to be?

xx Chavelita

Money without an owner

Alright, maybe I should just create a side segment to speak about college as I am a senior in high school that is about to go to college in the next couple of months. Yup it still does not feel real that I am going to college... Though my regular day to day advice will still be available for your pleasure.

Ever wonder how in the world you will be paying for college? Or have you come to a point where you decide that you do not want to go to college because you think you cannot afford the expenses for it? Well for starters get that idea out of your head. If you want something in life you should go for it. A lot of the times people will regret not taking the extra step into success and usually this step is only done by you. When there is a vision there is a form of arriving there, so keep going. Today I will be speaking about financial aid maybe that will alleviate some of your stress. Trust me there is money out there just waiting for an owner to claim.

Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA):
Now I am not sure every country has a program similar to to the Free Application for Federal Student Aid or FAFSA but this program is useful for those interested in college. Questions such as, am I applicable or how much money will I be receiving, depends on the amount of income you receive. My advice though is that regardless of the income your parents make or in other cases what you make, you should apply for financial aid. The worst that could happen is that you get nothing in return but you will never know until you actually fill out the application. The drawback about this is that in order to receive this type of financial aid, you must prove that you are a legal United States citizen.

Eligibility:
1. Your ticket to receiving your cut of FAFSA is by obtaining your high school diploma or General Educational Development (GED).
2. You must show evidence that you have enrolled or accepted a college that you will be attending as a regular student who is under a degree program
3. All males between the ages of 18 and 25 must be registered with the Selective Service
4. Must have a legitimate Social Security number
5. Signature on the FAFSA that states you do not owe refunds on the federal grant and the money will be used for educational purposes only
6. Maintain your grades (though this step is probably a no brainer)

Simple right? Here is another tip, if you have not applied for your pin number then go apply for one this instant! That pin number will be needed when you start to fill out your FAFSA. Both you and your parent or guardian will have to apply for a pin number that will be used on the application. The pin number is usually assigned about two to three days from the day you applied. Information that they will ask for is basic information about you (or the parent/guardian if they are filling one out). The neat thing about signing up for a pin number is that you are able to choose the four digits of your choice. Talk about power within your fingertips!

My first thoughts when I saw the amount of money I will have to be paying for to gain a higher education caused me to think twice. Reevaluating my routes of college was a must for me. If you really want to gain that associates, bachelor, or whichever degree plan you are achieving for, you need to be open-minded and take the opportunity to seek financial help in wherever places that is legal and safe. I doubt financial aid will decline when all you want is to create a better future for the world you live in.

Did you fill out your taxes for this year?
(I suggest you do those ASAP! FAFSA needs those income digits from your W-2 forms.)

xx Chavelita

The C word...

College seems to be a topic where some individuals get shy to speak about or something that should be left alone and not spoken about. Some of the reasons that may come to mind is the difficulty of visualizing where the future may take us. Since the future is merely an idea and is not something quite set in stone yet, pretty much anything can go. In circumstances like these we are forced to make decisions and not doing anything about the future is a decision a lot make because we have no clue what to do with the remainder of life. In the beginning of my freshman year in high school I had no plan as to what I wanted to achieve in my life, every time I were to be asked I simply lifted up my shoulders and recited the "I don't know". Some people had a scattered idea but it was better to have something to start with than nothing. Until my junior year in high school is when I had enough. To not be able to give an immediate or a solid answer for me was embarrassing. Here I am a bright kid with a passion for learning and then not to be able to name one college of interest or career to a family member, counselor or friend? I had to change that and by taking little steps into the wild is probably a good way to start.

1. Attend college presentations. 
I understand that there will be times that a college presentation may not be of little to no interest of yours maybe because the college does not sound right or of the location but you should at least take an advantage of what is being offered at your convenience. The college adviser set up and planned this presentation not for themselves but for the students to open up their minds to college. Now I do not know how much time and effort the college advisers place for their students but starting at their title as College Adviser should allow the idea that their main focus is to assist and guide students to a college. To help find a college that the student could be compatible to. These presentations can be broad since they are limited to time but attend a few of these and slowly jut down which ones were eye catching to you then go research or call for more information. A dedicated student are like brownie points for colleges and to see that you have set an effort to gather more information is by far marvelous.

2. Talk to your college adviser or counselor.
Like I touched upon, college advisers or counselors are educators too except they specialize more based on the student. Grades, the counselor know. Test scores, the counselors know. What you had for breakfast, alright so not everything about you but they do know a good chunk of your academic life. You are pretty much out in the nude so what is there to hide? I have a little secret to tell you... they also went to college. THEY ALSO WENT TO COLLEGE! Of course they have been in your shoes, some point in their life they had to apply for college in order to get their job. Bonding with your counselor will make this transition so much easier and less stressful trust me they will keep you in check. Trust your counselor or trust in an educator that will help you strive and break you from your fears of attending college.

3. Be consistent and open minded. 
At some point my oldest brother looked straight into my eyes and told me to apply for colleges. Apply to as many as you want that interest you and the rest will follow through. Do not repeat the mistakes that were committed by my brother where he only applied to one college and crossing his fingers that he will get in. When D-day came, he was declined and was stressing out as to where he would be going to college. The blessing was that a close family friend recommended him to a college that they had graduated from. Now in 2015 he will be graduating with his bachelors in Aerospace Engineering. Besides the point, be open minded but do not get discouraged if you are not accepted to one of your choices. This is why I want all of you to apply to at least five colleges. Just five. Easy, right? If you want to apply to more, be my guest.

4. Financial aid to the rescue!
Depending on the college you have applied to there will be numerous amounts of opportunities to get financial support to assist you in college expenses. By far one of my main reason of college is being able to afford it. Any scholarship that you are eligible for, you should really consider filling it out. There is money everywhere even in places you would doubt. See if they are any chances of being a student worker in your upcoming college that will provide any necessities or money to pay for college. There is also grants available which is basically free money so I would take full advantage of those too.

College at the moment for me is a surreal idea to think about but to be accepted is like confirming that surreal idea. Just know college is worth it so instead of being intimidated by them embrace them with full force. There are people out there to help you out, you just have to find them.

Which colleges have you applied to and what major did you have in mind?

xx Chavelita

Discouragement is the devil

Raise your hand if you ever encountered the sensation of losing faith in what you believe in? Or to have this feeling that no matter how hard or how much you work to strive for success you still feel stuck? Well I'm going to be straightforward with you all, it's the worst. We try to pick up our loose pieces but we drop them as soon as we see someone else finding the success you were grasping for. Well the only way to get through discouragement is to actually tackle down the problem. I have my waves but the way I manage to get through them is to remind myself of the accomplishments that were completed. If I were to get through those, what makes the the next problem any different? At the moment it may seem like you're climbing up a snowy mountain, never ending and tiresome, clueless as to where you will end up to be. The atmosphere so thick that you cannot see in front or in back of you but you keep pushing forward because we have this mentality that we've made it this far that to give up seems like a waste of effort. 

To friends I've been telling them to believe in themselves. Yes it is easier said than done, but it is a crucial step to take. A friendly reminder from yourself to yourself. Practice it. Preach it. Sing it. Scream it. Do whatever it takes to get that message engraved into your head. Do not throw in the towel just yet if you feel like something is not working out change it up a bit. Pick your battles carefully and plan them out. Do not just plan one out but a good set of three just in case you change your mind or something does not work out that you have a back up plan to soften your fall. 

Be optimistic. Apply your talents whenever you can, try not to take your failures too personally. I cannot promise you that everything will work out because that would be a lie but I can promise you that the sooner you get up the better. Keep the ball rolling and do not compare yourself to others successes because your successes are incomparable to others. Only you know what those successes are worth. Do not let other things or people dull you or of your achievements. If people congratulate you for them bless their hearts but don't let that distract you either. Just like the book Me Before You, “You only get one life. It’s actually your duty to live it as fully as possible.” (You should read this novel when you have the chance). So yes, live your life and avoid getting stuck. If you do, find a way to get back on your feet. Time is not stopping for anybody so use it to your full advantage. 

PS The new year is coming up perhaps take this time to clean up your plan and tweak it if needed. Change can be refreshing but be careful as well. Maintain a balance within yourself and others. Do not completely isolate yourself from distractions or people but do not get attached to anyone either. 

What are your plans to live life to the fullest? 

xx Chavelita