The storage tree

Lately I have felt this heavy, not necessarily physically but like this weight of emotions on top of me that has kind of been suffocating for a while. It was not until yesterday when I spoke with my Dad did I realize that there was something that I had to change about myself. For that reason I want to share a story that he told me during our talk.

There was once a gardener and a carpenter. The gardener came to work and first he wanted to cut down some trees to make room for his garden but the machine just wouldn't turn on for him. Moments later he attempted to do another task in the garden but it started to rain that interrupted him again from completing his task. It was bad thing after bad thing, and when it was time to go home his car would not turn on so he asked the carpenter if he could take him home. The carpenter said yes because he had noticed the gardener going through his hardships. As they arrived home to the gardener's house, before the gardener went inside the house he encounters this tree on the side of his house. He touched the tree and once when he was done he invited the carpenter into his house for a cup of coffee. Drinking his coffee he begins to see the gardener playing and laughing with his children as if nothing were to happen. Which the carpenter found strange because didn't he experience a troubling day at work? When the carpenter was about to leave, the gardener escorted him out but before the carpenter could leave he had to ask him what did he do to the tree that made him lose all this anger. The gardener then said, that is the tree where I leave all my problems that has happened to me during the day. The next day I go back to the tree to pick up my problems as I go to work but usually its less problems then what I had left the night before. And with that the carpenter left in his truck.

I have always had this issue of wanting to help people and I also have this bad habit of carrying other people's burdens with me. And I told myself, I need my own tree. I need a place where I can put all these troubling thoughts and frustrations in one place, in that way it does not affect my performance in other things. It is not fair that I was affecting the people around me who did not have anything to do with my situation and it was time that I changed that. I have decided to just stay in this neutral state, I cannot force help on those who ask for it and it should not be my problem because honestly it is not my problem. I am not the one having to live through other people's situations, which is why as of now I should focus on what I have to get through and to get done. If people need help, then I'll help but that is if they only ask me for it. I also struggled to find people who would understand what it is that I was going through and all this time I have been overlooking my family for many years. It was not until my aunt told me that why I was telling outsiders my problems when I have a family who knows exactly what is going on. So guys please, do not take your family for granted because when they say they are there for you I kid you not they are there for you. And if that is not the case, usually those who are there for you, are there for you. Be careful who you tell your problems to.

How have you guys been? I hope you guys are all doing well.

xx Chavelita

Emotional health

Ever since the tragic death of my Grandmother everything had soon fall apart, yet it forced me to think what it is that I wanted for myself. This is already a mistake, don't wait until something tragic or heartbreaking to occur for you to make a change in your life because it will take a longer time to recover from it. Not everyone is perfect and I know for certain I am no where close to perfect, but sometimes you have to step back from where you are and view the situation you're in from a larger perspective. The issues that has been occurring between family and still have to carry out my school work it was stressful, and you know what I told myself? That people have it worse than me, that my problems are just minimalistic compared to others and that I could handle it myself. Yeah, slap me on my wrist because I did discuss this in a earlier post. Though sometimes the decisions you commit are at first conscious but you get stuck in this habit that it begins to become a regular and that is when you have to stop. When you feel like you are falling apart and you find yourself crying yourself to sleep, that is a major flag that you do need help. When you cannot necessarily explain what it is that you are feeling that is something you should take into consideration and in my opinion that is the most terrifying experience I had encountered. To not know what it is that you want or how to get it and so it seems like you are stuck, perhaps that's a sign of someone developing depression.

I have this bad habit of not allowing people to see me cry, so when I would cry I would cry by myself. Sometimes I felt better, but most of the time it did not solve the issue because I ended up crying over the same thing. Opening up is one of my biggest struggles, but once when you start peeling away the layer of insecurity you start to find yourself happier, stronger, and feeling genuinely better. I have mentioned this before, that taking the first step is the hardest but you have to think about yourself at times like these because I don't want to see any of you fall into or be close to falling into depression. Depression is one of the major mental illnesses here in America, and from having a great friend who has to take antidepressants they kind of take over your life. When she takes them, the next half an hour or so she is already feeling drowsy. Do not let a piece of medicine control your emotions, start to take care of yourself emotionally. Cry when you need to cry, do not worry about what others think. Want to scream in a pillow or in the open? Do it. Have something on your chest? Say it. You feel like you're alone or invisible and that people do not give you a chance to prove yourself? I am most certain you are not the only one, because I do feel like that a lot. But you know what I did? I stop caring what other people did because I found out that I am much happier doing something I like rather than be part of some sleazy gossip. I started to focus on myself the same advice my great friend told me, exclude anything you can that causes you stress and take it one day at a time. Give yourself self-worth, stop neglecting yourself just to be part of something that you may not and create your own path. It's just like what my Mom tells me, "When you came out of my womb, how did you come out? Alone, right? Well you have already proven that you could do things on your own without the help of others."

Yes we need help but also pick your people wisely and carefully. In this week I have learned that you have a choice you can have one thing hang over you weighing you down, or you can confront it and be released from it. I am very grateful for my Dad, at my moments of weakness he knows what to do even though he may not have the right words to tell me just having someone to listen and understand my problems is enough for me. He told me whenever I feel alone that I should call him and tell him. That is how you should be too, no one deserves to feel like they are alone. I have learned to let go over the things that have been weighing me down and to lean on others when I feel like I cannot handle something on my own. And if I have something to say, I should just say it because most of the time letting it out is better than keeping it in.

Do not wait until matters get worse, solve them as soon as they come. Do not let any person, situation, or event control you. Be considerate of yourself just the same way you are considerate with others. We are strong, we can overcome the things we may see as "impossible" at the moment, we can be grateful for the experiences that has happened that created the person we are at the moment.

You are special. 

(Don't forget that, love.)



xx Chavelita