Ever since the tragic death of my Grandmother everything had soon fall apart, yet it forced me to think what it is that I wanted for myself. This is already a mistake, don't wait until something tragic or heartbreaking to occur for you to make a change in your life because it will take a longer time to recover from it. Not everyone is perfect and I know for certain I am no where close to perfect, but sometimes you have to step back from where you are and view the situation you're in from a larger perspective. The issues that has been occurring between family and still have to carry out my school work it was stressful, and you know what I told myself? That people have it worse than me, that my problems are just minimalistic compared to others and that I could handle it myself. Yeah, slap me on my wrist because I did discuss this in a earlier post. Though sometimes the decisions you commit are at first conscious but you get stuck in this habit that it begins to become a regular and that is when you have to stop. When you feel like you are falling apart and you find yourself crying yourself to sleep, that is a major flag that you do need help. When you cannot necessarily explain what it is that you are feeling that is something you should take into consideration and in my opinion that is the most terrifying experience I had encountered. To not know what it is that you want or how to get it and so it seems like you are stuck, perhaps that's a sign of someone developing depression.
I have this bad habit of not allowing people to see me cry, so when I would cry I would cry by myself. Sometimes I felt better, but most of the time it did not solve the issue because I ended up crying over the same thing. Opening up is one of my biggest struggles, but once when you start peeling away the layer of insecurity you start to find yourself happier, stronger, and feeling genuinely better. I have mentioned this before, that taking the first step is the hardest but you have to think about yourself at times like these because I don't want to see any of you fall into or be close to falling into depression. Depression is one of the major mental illnesses here in America, and from having a great friend who has to take antidepressants they kind of take over your life. When she takes them, the next half an hour or so she is already feeling drowsy. Do not let a piece of medicine control your emotions, start to take care of yourself emotionally. Cry when you need to cry, do not worry about what others think. Want to scream in a pillow or in the open? Do it. Have something on your chest? Say it. You feel like you're alone or invisible and that people do not give you a chance to prove yourself? I am most certain you are not the only one, because I do feel like that a lot. But you know what I did? I stop caring what other people did because I found out that I am much happier doing something I like rather than be part of some sleazy gossip. I started to focus on myself the same advice my great friend told me, exclude anything you can that causes you stress and take it one day at a time. Give yourself self-worth, stop neglecting yourself just to be part of something that you may not and create your own path. It's just like what my Mom tells me, "When you came out of my womb, how did you come out? Alone, right? Well you have already proven that you could do things on your own without the help of others."
Yes we need help but also pick your people wisely and carefully. In this week I have learned that you have a choice you can have one thing hang over you weighing you down, or you can confront it and be released from it. I am very grateful for my Dad, at my moments of weakness he knows what to do even though he may not have the right words to tell me just having someone to listen and understand my problems is enough for me. He told me whenever I feel alone that I should call him and tell him. That is how you should be too, no one deserves to feel like they are alone. I have learned to let go over the things that have been weighing me down and to lean on others when I feel like I cannot handle something on my own. And if I have something to say, I should just say it because most of the time letting it out is better than keeping it in.
Do not wait until matters get worse, solve them as soon as they come. Do not let any person, situation, or event control you. Be considerate of yourself just the same way you are considerate with others. We are strong, we can overcome the things we may see as "impossible" at the moment, we can be grateful for the experiences that has happened that created the person we are at the moment.
You are special.
(Don't forget that, love.)