Saturday, June 4, 2016

Day 4: L.O.V.E.?

The idea of falling in love with someone has indeed been on my mind, but do I really do anything to pursue it? Not really. Also for the fact that I do not think love can be pursued at least in people they can't. I remember in high school telling myself, "That is okay I am sure I will find someone who will surpass my small figure and will love me for who I am in college. Love is certainly will be different in college, more mature and worthwhile!" I was right about one thing, love is certainly different in college, but there are not all mature as I thought they would be. In fact, falling in love in college has been a challenge and I am not only speaking on my behalf. Take me for an example. When you are barely getting into college there is this application that could be downloaded on your phone called School App and the essential purpose for that app is to meet people who have been admitted to the college of your choice and have decided to also attend that fall semester with you. You have limited access time on the app because then the following individuals that are accepted next year take over the app. Well one day feeling homesick because I had no one to speak Spanish to, I posted on the app "Where was my hispanic people at?", like I own all hispanic people, and surely I had gotten like at least 10 comments from that post. Half joking and half serious, I was not expecting to get so much activity on that post. There was this guy who decided to private message me on the app and we started talking in Spanish. We decided to meet each other for lunch one day so we can properly meet each other and share more of our stories with one another. I arrived a little early so I sat on a bench to wait for him, then there comes this rather dark skin guy in one of the t-shirts that were given in freshman orientation and I asked if he was the one had been messaging me on the app in which he replied with yes. It would of been a nice day that day... If only he were to stay. When we got into the dining hall in one of the dormitories, I decided to go my own separate way to get my food and I assumed we would meet later. So waiting there like a hopeful freshman straight out of high school waiting for better things to happen, where I actually thought I had a chance with this guy, he leaves. I have no clue where he had gone to that day, but I did eat by myself that day.

So maybe he was a dill hole that day for automatically judging me and not giving me a chance but I simply brushed it off. I applauded myself for actually trying and seeing where this experience would have taken me. So for those who are hopeful to find their love in college, I do not want to rain on your parade and say that they are not there because who knows what will happen. None of the days I have had in college were the same. Something new was always happening but I just want to say that love will not be knocking on your door and say, "Hey hey hey friend! Think fast here comes your soulmate!" I still believe that when you stop looking for love, that love will find you but if you are looking for something to happen overnight then good luck! I was talking about this with a friend from high school actually who similarly been in the position I have been in for quite sometime. Both have not dated, no first kiss, etc. etc. but sometimes it is not entirely the case that we have yet to find the right guy that swoons us but there are still things to do before we get someone else involved with our lives. I know not every person is that way but there are people who think that way and I feel it is important to acknowledge that. We have society constantly pressuring us in finding someone to settle down with but when you are barely reaching your twenties or are in your twenties you are still figuring yourself out. I feel like society's definition of love comes from two pieces of hard material with paper in between, written in black and white. Only they forget that love could be seen in so many different ways.

If you want to have some alone time then you should and society should not have to be breathing down your neck for the decisions you make. It is your life, you are in control of what happens to it. The thought of settling down with someone at such an early time still blows my mind but I am not here to tell you what to do. If you find that someone you do what you feel it is best for you and them. If you want to stay independent then that should also be accepted. No one was given a manual as to how to love one another or ourselves, so who has the right to tell you are doing it wrong?

I had another conversation related to love with a really good religious friend of mine from high school. He is that type of friend where you can go for weeks without talking to but if you need a shoulder to lean on, he is your guy. Regardless of the day or time, he tries his best to help out in any way that he can. Which I deeply appreciate our special friendship because he sure brings a lot of clarity when I am overthinking about the simple. One night we were talking about our motivation to continue worshiping our heavenly Father and how compassion has a major role to our direction of learning about ourselves and what really makes us feel human. So here is a snippet of our conversation, hopefully it brings some wisdom like it did to me.

Me: So do you think through the same compassion is how one learns the meaning of loving and how to love one another just as God loves each and every one of us?
Him: Loving is in you. It's perception and perspective. You can see it in other people but I think only you can convince yourself of or from it.
Me: So why do you think some people make love complicated?
Him: I think all people make it complicated. It's just wiring when it comes to trusting someone and making yourself vulnerable.

So why am I bringing up the topic of love again? For a few weeks I had lost my faith in love and it is not something I am ready to talk about in full detail yet but to have nice reminders of what the capacity of love can do to someone is remarkable. Love can come in all different ways, shapes, and forms whether it is a lovely message from a friend, donating to charity, or rescuing an animal from the shelter, sometimes we do need that reminder that love is not entirely lost but our definition is simply changing and adapting to the person we are becoming. Not everyone is going to agree with your definition but you will know when the right person also agrees with your definition and adds more examples to strengthen your meaning. Give it time. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your needs. Nothing wrong in treating yo self!

What is that one thing, someone, place, or animal that has changed your definition of love?

xx Chavelita

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