Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The fear of communicating

By far this would probably be my greatest obstacle course I have come along to. Simply speaking was a challenge for me since I was small that I would actually cry almost everyday at pre kindergarten because my Mom couldn't stay with me. To be around unfamiliar faces makes me feel uncomfortable even more when I don't have a friend along with me. Though as I've grown older, I have learned a bit tricks to break the awkward ice.

1. Say hello! 
I know this may sound a bit redundant but if you greet someone you are already engaging into conversation. Perhaps ask them how have they've been because for starters everyone secretly loves to speak about themselves and loves someone who will listen to what they have to say. 

2. Ask common questions
You would probably want to start asking questions to that person when the right time comes (normally after greeting them is the right time) but you do not want to scare them off by asking too personal questions. Your first objective is to get to know the basics of the person: birthday, their favorites and dislikes such as food, seasons, treats and maybe their nationality if you're curious I know I would. 

3. Should I stay or move on?
I believe that everyone should deserve at least one chance to begin with. Though if the answer to the previous questions did not quite suit you then maybe you should move on. You're not obligated to be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or causes you to change to suit their habits. A friendship should make you feel happy and have the ability to trust the other person. If you're already doubting yourself with that person then you probably already the answer to that (move on). Not everyone you will meet, you will like but do not give up keep meeting new people and expand your horizons with them.

4. Trust fall
This step is rather tricky and risky because it could either go two ways either they support you and keep information that you tell them to themselves. Or they would go behind your back and tell everyone they know. For me I take an extremely long time to get to this platform but I have also learned that you should be able to take as much time as you need to get there. Begin with the little things such as the last person you kissed or dated, a person you may like or dislike, a fact about yourself that no one knows. I recommend you begin with the little things as a sort of test to see where this friendship is standing at. If they pass then congratulations you have made a good friend! Though if they did leak some of your information I would be careful with that person and even though they may say it was an accident, I would not be surprised that they would to do it again. 

5. Personal questions 
After passing the trust fall I think it would be safe to say to ask personal questions. Get to know your friend a bit deeper. Do not overload on these questions though because you can make your new friend to be uncomfortable. Only ask these questions when the right opportunity may come and be aware that at any time they may ask for your opinion based on the question you asked so be honest, tactful, and understanding. 

When I make friends I'm like the little turtle in the story with the rabbit and the turtle, who takes his sweet but persistent time to get to his goal while the rabbits here are making friends like a snap of a finger. I'm quite slow and steady when it comes to meeting new people, I was never the expert of being able to create a mass load of friends (hell I'm not even a expert in communicating ahaha). I wasn't able to manage but with a handful of friends I was able to get to know them more for who they are and it seemed simpler because you have less people to attend to. Though that is my opinion on friends, I just hope that you make good, healthy, careful friendships and that you do not take anyone for granted.

Photo credit to Sam, our emergency ice cream runs

Photo credit to Sam, you don't understand how much I leaned on these two girls (Sam and Ana). Las tres chicas! 

Hopefully this was helpful and if so I'll leave you with this question: Have you ever met someone you have least expected to become friends with? And if so, how did you meet them? (I feel the unexpected ones are the best ones yet!)

xx Chavelita 

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