Day 2: The night with Mary Jane

In my second semester of college I was invited by my floor mate to go clubbing which for some it is not a big deal but for me who does not normally go out, it was a spur of the moment night. I did not think about it too much because I knew if I thought thoroughly of going to this club I would convince myself not to go and end spending yet another night in watching some overly dramatic Spanish movie while contemplating what were the producers thinking while recording the film. You need to watch one in order for you to understand... I am still thinking about the plot on Brujas... Anyway, I dressed out of my shorts and went with black leggings and layered with a denim shirt and sweater. I allowed my floor mate to do my makeup and just like that my floor mate along wih my other floor mate headed to the car. It was already passed midnight when we had left but the night had just begun. Roaming around the empty streets, the clubs were relatively close to one another. Just going up and down the street you would find each club blasting their own type of music with individuals all dressed distinctively. For someone who is quiet on most days, I was blurting out lyrics to the new Panic! At The Disco album with the windows rolled down. I was feeling alive that night.

During the night though there was a change, none of the clubs had caught our attention and with that my floor mate calls one of her friends, I am assuming he parties often since he did have the hook up to this party where supposedly a band was playing, and we decided to swing by his place. The moment he got in the back of the car with me, he was bringing this sketchy vibe and his over confidence kind of just wanted to make me gag. Did not help that he was already smelling like he was rolling in smoking cocaine leaves. I reminded myself that tonight was supposed to be fun and I was putting my trust in my floor mates that they would not let anything wrong happen to any of us. After collecting a few drinks from the local convenience store we headed to the party. At least it was safe to say that it was better to have purchased the drinks beforehand instead of arriving the party where you may have no clue what they put in their alcohol. Not that I am promoting drinking alcohol in any way but if you are going to do it, then be safe and smart about it.

1. I would advise to not drink with people you do not know. Same goes for drinking in small groups, stay close to the people you came to the party with and keep watch of each other in case something were to happen.
2. Have a designated driver in case you do decide to drink
3. Drink responsibly, know your limits

You can always say no to drinking. You can always say no to anything that you do not want to do and if you are being threatened or forced to do something after saying no try to seek help. Even if you have to draw attention to yourself or have to fight your way through. Sexual violence happens and it could happen to any of us at any given moment. Please do not think because you go to a party that you have to pick up a drink and join. I went to this party and I had told my friends that I was not going to drink. I came in the party without the intention of drinking and I came out with the same intention of not drinking. They understood my decision and did not force me to drink. Yeah I was awkward at the party to be the few sober people there but I cannot put myself at risk especially when I do not know my limits and that night was not the time to find out. So if you come across friends who judge you for not drinking or even friends who judge you for drinking then I think that should be enough to say about who your friends are.

We arrive at the party and it was like if I was slapped by a blunt. The place reeked of alcohol and weed, I thought I was going to get high myself just by inhaling the second hand fumes. As I stood there with my friends while they spoke to few of the people from the party, I scoped my surroundings and my exits. In the living room there was a group of guys playing video games, a tipsy small man making his way through the kitchen, and a man knocked out cold in the backyard. There was petite girls like me who were drinking like champs and all I can think about is how... I suppose anything is possible in gatherings like these. I am not trying to be prejudice at all but I felt like I had stepped into one of those cliche teen party movies and the only thing was missing is having the police come through the door and break the party up or even join in because who knows what the twenty-first century brings. By this time it was about 2 in the morning and the party was still going hard. This was a moment where I thanked myself for being an introvert and preferring a small pizza and a movie in the comfort of my own bed. I think there was even a moment of the night that this tipsy guy was hitting on me so that just about tops the party experience.

At about two thirty in the morning we leave the party and head back to the dorm. Me just being me, I apologize for my awkwardness but that I still thought the night was interesting even though it will probably be something I would not try again. To keep the night going we decided to go for breakfast at IHOP and that is how our night ended, with a night filled with Mary Jane and a stomach full of pancakes. I believe I did not get home until 4 in the morning but I can say now that I have experienced my first college party.

Please be safe in parties or gatherings where there is alcohol or drugs involved. In moments of danger, do not be hesitant to call the authorities.

xx Chaveltia

Pardon

Manners are something that may seem like the tiniest problem in today's world but when it begins to feel like it is slowly disappearing among the mindset of others that is when I think it is becoming a bigger issue. As simple as showing a sign of gratitude like thanking someone for opening the door for you or saying please before asking your command can all be little things that can improve your relationship with others. To show that small piece of affection with others is a step closer to trusting that individual. There are times when I say excuse me after I burped and people will ask me, "why are you saying excuse me for?" and it makes me wonder if I did something wrong or their caregiver said something wrong for failing to enforce manners. In honest opinion, manners is not a difficult task to accomplish, it consists of a few words to create a phrase that soon leaves a big impact. Perhaps having manners is also a contagious behavior, but in order to be contagious someone has to start it. At times even that is a bit troubling to find in people which is kind of sad. Do not be ashamed if you are the only one displaying your manners to the public, whoever is judging does not know how to deal with their own emotions towards your sharing. It all begins with you, soon this trait begins to multiply within the crowd soon instead of people competing to be the best they will be competing to see who is the nicest. Man would that be something I would love to see.

Ladies, do not expect every man to be opening the door for you. Do not expect a prince charming that will lift you off your feet in the sweetest manner. The world's job is to rotate around the sun, it does not perform any sorts of miracles but it shouldn't mean that you should treat all guys the same. Keep your minds open, eliminate all schematic ideas of every person you meet and develop new perspectives of them. Be the one to start showing your manners to them if you have to, show them what they are missing out. I think it is best to set your expectations to a realistic scale, do not expect too much from people but also do not settle for less. Find your happy medium, and stick with it.

Gentlemen, although social norms has been structured to the point where the guys have to put their partner in front of them such as opening the doors for them or opening the car door for them know that it is your decision. Do not force yourself to do anything that you do not want to do. Treat people with respect, you do not have to shower people with manners though a manner here and there can take you places. Prove people that you can still be kind by following your own rules than following someone else's rules. Be confident in yourself, do not let anyone make you feel less worthy. If you're trying that should at least count for something. Choose your fights wisely.

In the end everyone should be considerate of each other no one is higher than anyone.

Do you think manners are slowing disappearing and why?



xx Chavelita

That awkward moment when we all succeed...

How come some people like to state the obvious? "Hey you're short!" "Did you see the size of that pimple on that person's face?" Why is it that we create judgements before we have the time to get to know the person for who they really are? It seems a bit unfair if you ask me, call me a hypocrite because I do it too but instead of pointing out the negatives why not the positives or point something that you do not normally see in someone?

To distinguish the traits of others is beautiful for the fact that you are recognizing for the person they are, though when the gossip begins it is not only destroying the image of that person but your image. Whatever it is that you do, reflects back. Not all the time when you do a kind gesture you will get a kind reflection back but it should not stop you to continue those gestures. People are forgetting what it is to be nice to others, that when you do something nice in return they think that it is because you want something in return. One of the worst phrases I have been hearing more often is, "It's okay, I am used to it." No it's not okay that people treat you like dirt, it's not okay when someone abuses your rights or does not give you an equal opportunity like others, IT'S NOT OKAY TO TAKE LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. If you put enough effort in what you do, you should not be the one having to bust your ass for others incompetence. Yes you should help others, but not until the point where you find yourself having to pull everyone else's weight because that is not your job. If people are not willing to take things into serious manners and not work for the position they want, it is their failure not yours. Do not take the fall for someone else, that will only underestimate the talents you are presenting and people will only assume that they can take you for granted. Be confident speak up when you do not like something, be open-minded to what is being said but not gullible that you will believe in everything you hear, be kind to remind people that kindness still exist, and love yourself for every flaw that you may not like and use it as your super power to defeat those who point them out. If you are already acquainted with your weakness, then it is a head start to happiness in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Be proud of who you are, forget those who makes you feel little, and if you need to start over, then start over. Prove to people of what you are capable of. Nothing is more accomplishing than astonishing those put you down and told you that you would not go far. You have to believe in yourself, before others begin to believe in you. Only you know the path in which you want to take, everything else will either help you get there or distract you from your destination, keep your eyes open and keep moving forward.

PS. It is up to you how you want to view things, nothing is one sided.


What is the first thing you notice in someone you are not familiar with?



xx Chavelita

"But I was sure they were the one!"

Relationships can be a bit messy, brain wrecking, awkward, tricky and if you're like me then scary, especially if they're your first one. I was pretty oblivious when I met him because he would simply talk to me and ask me how my day was everyday. Ok... So maybe I was terrible at taking hints but I thought he was simply being nice to me until he sent me a seven page message late at night stating that he did have feelings for me. The point is that when you're thinking about a relationship don't do it because you're simply lonely and looking for someone to fill up that gap in your life because that is not what they are for. A relationship should begin when you love yourself and when you're mentally and emotionally ready for one. You don't want to give anyone half hearted emotions because you wouldn't want the same in return. Be considerate of their emotions and if the relationship doesn't work out then you go and try again with someone new. Take the time you need to get over the break up but don't throw in the towel just yet. Another thing about relationships is learning about yourself, learning from the mistakes that were committed, and learning what it is that you would want to look for in the next person you would want to date. Please do not commit the same mistake as I did by never giving the person you like a chance (we were always each other's crush but we never went further than that) your window of opportunity will close and you'll be wondering what would of happened if you guys did go out. And in my opinion be cautious with your crush because at any moment they can find someone else and crush you (hence the crush) and sometimes giving people second chances will only make matters worse. I have done that and it took me another pair of months to get over him again. DONT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE. Because you did not work out with someone it does not mean you should try again with the same person who hurt you and hope for the same results of finding the lost love because it will simply destroy the self image you produced for yourself and the confidence you have tried too hard to accumulate when you were getting over them. If you do not have a crush it's perfectly fine, take the time to focus on yourself, try new things, meet new people, do not have the mentality that you will not find anyone because then it will make it difficult to find someone. Relax, gather your thoughts together and love will find a way through everyone in different forms. 

What have you learned from past relationships or crushes? 

xx Chavelita