Day 1: Southwestern Discovery

For those who are new readers, I have recently completed my first year of college. Yay! So long freshman year and here comes sophomore year! And with that being said for the next days of June I will be discussing a few of the moments that I have experienced while I was out in the world figuring things out all in the comfort of my half piece of room I shared with my former roommate.

Early into my second semester of college, I received a phone call from an unfamiliar number which normally I would have not answered but because I am no longer under my parents supervision, I had to answer all of my phone calls regardless if it is a telemarketer that is trying to sell me life insurance at age 18. I answered the phone and there was this man on the other end asking for me which I told him that I was that person, and he continued on saying that there was a summer internship opportunity with my name on it and if I was interested in going for an information meeting to learn more about the company. In shock for the phone call and for being considered as a freshman, I told him my schedule for the following days and he scheduled me a meeting date. Boy, did I really not know what I was getting myself into...

Meeting Day:
On meeting day, I used Google Maps to look up the location that the man on the phone messaged me the night before and since I like to make my first impressions count, I left my dorm with enough time in case I were to get lost but also be able to find the building without having to rush in like if I had been chased by a large dog. (Yes... I am afraid of large dogs but you cannot blame me I am not even five feet tall) I legitimately walked passed my designated building and had to make my way around the sprinklers to get back on track. "Wiggins Complex" the building read and that is when I knew I had made it. I opened the door and advised the lady that I had come in for Southwestern, the company that offered me the internship, information meeting by the man who was named (to protect the staff we will call him Pedro) Pedro. I was instructed to take a seat that they would be there for me shortly but not a minute passed and a man dressed nicely in a suit and tie called my name and motioned me to follow him. The room was dark with hints of light to illuminate the round desk that filled the room. Me along with three other individuals were invited to the information meeting session and as soon as we sat down and introduced ourselves, we were given this green sheet to fill out some questions about ourselves. You know the usual, what is your name, DOB, address to what you wanted to get out of Southwestern. To begin with the information meeting was quite demanding, I felt like I was not given a choice to take notes, I had to take notes and I did not want to know what would happen if I did not take notes. With the mindset that the internship was going to be psychology related because on the phone the previous night I was asked for my major, I decided to let the notes slide but on the contrary it had little to do with my major... Their internship consisted of going to a different state, somewhere that I have no experience with, and sell educational products to families door to door. That should have been my red flag there but I had promised myself that I was going to do more things out of my comfort zone so when they had asked me if I was interested in going through the interview process I said yes. Just so you all know, this interview process gets weirder and weirder because I am pretty sure interviews should not be this demanding. I was given this packet with tasks to do, in fact I still have my packet, and prior to my first interview I had to complete the first section of the tasks. The first section consisted of reading the assigned passages and answering reflecting questions about what I wanted to get out of Southwestern. Oh and my first interview was actually the next day. Who needs prep time? (God help me...)

Interview 1:
Since I had classes in the afternoon the only time I could schedule my interviews were in the morning at 8 o'clock in the morning. Waking up early, I dressed nice, and did my makeup outside of my dorm room where the hallways were lit so I did not have to turn on the light and bother my roommate. The nervous jitters were starting to kick in and all I could think about is what I have done. If I wanted the internship, then I should be proud to be given the interview but all I did was fear of doing well knowing in the back of my mind that this was something I did not want to do for the entirety of my summer. With my head held high and my portfolio held tight, I walked back to the Wiggins Complex for my interview. The same pair of ladies from the day before were there and instructed me to wait again. For my first interview, Pedro was not my interviewer, instead it was the same man who held the information meeting. We will call the information meeting man, Luke. Luke again, was dressed nice in another suit and tie and I am honestly a sucker for nice people. If you are nice to me from the start, chances are that I will be more likely to share with you a few facts about myself and continue talking overall. Being directed to the interview room, the size of the room was smaller than my childhood bedroom, and trust me when I say this because my childhood bedroom is small as it is. A small desk with two chairs on the opposing side had already made the tiny interview room seem crowded especially with the door closed which is how my interview was held. The interview went smoothly, I could be the most anxious person before the interview but as soon as I sit down with the interviewer a surge of confidence overwhelms me. I do not know where the confidence comes from, but I must be taking the "fake it til you make it" phrase to the next level. One of the things that I hated during the interview is talking about my past because I never know which memory to bring up and I also hate being personal to strangers. In the middle of the interview though I was so focused on filling out the reflecting questions that I totally forgot about the passages. So when I was asked about the passages I thought I had sabotaged my chance because I honestly told him that I did not read it and was like, I guess we cannot discuss the passages then... and went straight into the reflecting questions. I am not one to lie so if I do get eliminated at least I know that I was being truthful. Yet other than that, I felt the interview was going great, interviewer was laughing, the interview turned into more of a sit and chat, and just like that I was offered my second interview. I drew a blank because again I did not think I was getting this far but did I say no? Of course...not.

Interview 2:
Prior to this interview I was instructed to call previous Southwestern individuals that have done a summer internship to gain more of an insider of what to expect. A list of phone numbers were in the packet  I thought it was a clever thing to get actually speak with individuals who have done the internship and listen to their stories to be certain if the internship was really for you. The only obstacle that I had to get through was actually making the phone call. I avoid making phone calls unless that is the only option that I am left with. Just the fact that I cannot see facial expressions and talking aimlessly, I prefer to speak to the person in person. At least when you speak to someone face to face you are able to catch the mixed signals in the body language and be able to ask that person to explain in what context do they mean. Along with the phone call, I was given a list of base questions to ask like what was a typical day of the internship, how did their parents feel during the interview and when they have left for the internship, and what they had learned overall through the internship. Most of the individuals that I had called were nice and provided some sort of philosophical advice. It was a little too good to be true, if you know what I mean. Completing the task I prepare myself again for my next interview. My second interview was actually the day after my first interview. This by far has been the most fast paced interview process I have put myself in. I did not even have time to think thoroughly about my decisions because as soon as I made one I had already had to start deciding on the next. At least for this interview it was at 10 in the morning but that still meant I had to dress nice. Arriving in the same location, this time Pedro was doing my interview. Which actually Pedro should have done my interview the day before but I guess something happened that he couldn't so Luke had to take over. Pedro was a large man, not fat, but built large. It was intimidating to say the least. The second interview was held in the same room and we started going over the tasks of the packet. As asked, I discussed about the individuals that I spoke on the phone. Some of them had insider jokes with Pedro that requested me to share with him and he chuckled as I mentioned them. At the end of the interview he had asked me what was the real reason why I wanted to go forward with the Southwestern internship and without warning a rush of emotions overcame me and I was starting to talk about how when I was younger I was always taught what I should do and who I should become. With the internship though it was a way of how I can define myself and prove others wrong that I am much more than what the next person tells me to do. I am my own person and I believe that I should be given the chance to prove myself. I nearly cried answering that question and I want to say that is how I got offered my third interview. Where will I stop...

Interview 3:
Last interview day, I had at least been given the weekend to prepare for this final interview. Which I was really grateful because I was running on fumes by the end of the week. Trying to make it on time to my interviews, on time to my classes, and still do my homework while prepare for the interviews to come was not a walk in the park. Priot to my third interview I was instructed to call another set of individuals for more personal anecdotes and read a small book that I was given by Pedro on my second interview. The book was a tad moving which I guess was supposed to set in the mood that anything is achievable regardless from where you start. On my third interview Pedro asked about the individuals and again I recited what they had told me on the phone. Then the most terrifying part of all came in this final interview. Pedro pulls out this booklet with phrases that the they say to the families that they go door to door to sell. Which was not too bad I just thought he was going to show me what were the common protocol of Southwestern's way of door to door selling but then he asks me to demonstrate how I would sell. As I left the room to demonstrate my poor selling skills to Pedro, a large chunk of my confidence left the room too. After showing how awful I am at selling products, he roleplays one of the premade sayings on the booklet we were going over to show me what was the "proper" way of getting the sell done. So I follow along since again I did not have a choice. I am impressed at how manipulating a salesperson can be with their product, I think it takes true art and talent to sell even the most minuscule needed item. Now just when I thought the interview was wrapping itself, Pedro hands me the booklet and says that I had five minutes to memorize one of the phrases because I was going to copy his roleplay back to him! FIVE MINUTES! The moment the door closed behind him, since he left me alone in the interview room to practice, my mind and my heart were racing to see who would be the first one to make it to sanity. Five minutes go by quick when all you want to do is turn invisible. I had almost replicated the roleplay word for word until I drew a blank towards the end where I had to skip and go to directly from the last point I could remember. Pedro was impressed, at least that is what I thought. The end of the interview came and that is when I had finally told him that I was not going to go forward anymore. He had thanked me for my time and effort, for meeting a person such as myself, and that although he was not sure whether I had what it takes that he still had a troubling time letting me go. Just like that, I shook his hand and I parted.

This whole Southwestern interview journey took a little bit over a week to complete and even through the whole process I was fearing of getting further and further along to being accepted, a part of me knew that this is not what I wanted. Towards the middle of the interview process I was wondering how far will I make it, lets continue to see how far I will make it and that is how I remained to keep going. I ended up not proving myself to Southwestern but more to myself that when you step out of your comfort zone, opportunities begin to rise. Even though most times you are clueless as to what to do with the opportunity when they come without setting yourself out there chances are that the opportunity would of ceased to exist. This journey has taught me a lot more about myself than I thought I knew. I have learned that under pressure I am still able to work well when I am given the right tools to push forward, my comfort zone grew smaller, and that I am more capable than I have thought. In a way I want to thank Southwestern Advantage for allowing to go through the range of emotions to find a new meaning to myself and for setting the bar high for having the most far out interview process I have been in so far.

What was the craziest interview process you have been in?

xx Chavelita

The time I nearly got arrested

Now that I am on break I now have more time to actually sit down and write. Which means... STORY TIME! I actually do not remember when was the last time I have told you a story so here we go!

As most of you know I am currently a freshman in college going to university in the United States and I will not lie to you all I feel like a baby again because I am experiencing so many things for the first time again that it is frightening but at the same time exciting. At the end of my fall semester instead of taking a bus like I did in Thanksgiving to go see my family, I was going to fly. I have flown before, multiple times but never have I flown on my own. My anxiety on a scale from one to ten was about a seven on that early morning. I could not stop feeling bad for putting my kindhearted mentor in the position of taking me to the airport such early hours of the morning. At least that lowered some of my anxiety because now I just had to worry about getting through the airport on my own.

Arriving at the airport it was about four in the morning, I thank my mentor and I wish her a Merry Christmas before I close the passenger door behind me. Pulling my purple suitcase behind me, I look back to make sure that I had everything before entering the airport. The line was not so bad to check in my suitcase, ever since I was a little girl I have been told to always arrive at least two hours before the flight to ensure that what has to get done could be done without having to stress over missing the flight. While the suitcase goes through a security check point of its own I begin to head to my own security check point. The line was again not long. For those of you who do not know when you arrive at the airport before any flight you have to check-in any bags you want to take along with you to the flight but do not want to carry throughout the journey. Then you have a carry-on that you can carry along with you onto the plane but you and that bag has to go through a separate security of its own. By protocol you have to remove all the layers that is not your pants, shirt, or socks and have to put in a tub to go through a scanner. The same procedure goes for your liquids (you want to make sure that all of your liquids are below the amount you can carry with you) and that if you are carrying a laptop to take out of the case. At this point I thought I was doing pretty well, even patting myself on the back a bit for being able to get through this all on my own. Until it was my turn to go through the scanner. At the airport they have these portable X-ray machines that swivels around you and inspects your body for any weapons or prohibited items. Since I have not been placed in one of these X-ray swivel machines, I could not stop the feeling like I was a criminal. Even after I went through the machine I had to get my head patted because I displayed signs of danger. I was not even wearing my hair up in fact I was wearing a beanie because I did not bother to brush my hair for the flight. Gathering my belongings I realized that one of my tubs did not return to me which caused me to panic. Going through security is a fast paced process so losing something during that I would not blame you. Scanning my surroundings I find my missing tub only one of the officers was holding it and I already knew something wrong was bound to happen. 

Some of this conversation is altered but here is how I mainly remember.

"Those are my belongings" I state worriedly.

"I need you to step aside ma'am" the officer signals behind the scanner.

"Ma'am are you carrying any sharp weapons with you today?"

"...Not that... wait... *heart drops as the officer approaches my wallet* I have a sharp weapon in the pocket of my wallet"

"We have asked you multiple times for sharp weapons..."

"I am so sorry I have forgotten that there was a knife there. I am sorry. So sorry..." my voice softens.

"You cannot take this knife with you on the plane, do you have someone you can give this knife to? Or can you put this knife in your check-in luggage?"

"I already checked in my bag, is there a way I can mail the knife to my house?"

"There is a mailing center but we do not sale stamps."

"Okay... Well let me call my friend.."

Just when I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I hit a wall. Not only was I feeling bad that my mentor drop me off early in the morning and sacrificed a portion of her sleep for me but she had to turn around and come back to pick up my knife. At this point I am not sure if I am able to get over this amount of guilt that has build up in just half an hour. In order to give my knife to my mentor I had to remove myself for the security check point meaning that once when I hand over my knife to her I have to go through security a second time. TWICE! Because once was just not enough... Even on my second time around I had to get my head patted. Now I am starting to think that there is something my head that even I do not know about. Forgetting what humiliation felt like, this day has sure reminded me of that sensation. I also lost my favorite beanie that day to top the whole disaster. 

Well guys now you know that anything can pretty much go when you are traveling. If you are doing any traveling at some point of your life just remember to leave all potential weapons and prohibited items at home. Have someone check you before you are pulled away by an officer for further questioning. I actually thought I was going to put through customs and have more questions asked then I would of definitely broke into tears. I want to say that the most hilarious part of this all is that before I left my dorm room, I thought let me leave my pepper spray so I will not get stopped by the airport... Ha ha ha... Just do not give me weapons, I beg you. I only accepted to take the knife so that my parents knew I would be safe on my own. Perhaps this is my sign that I need to learn another way of defending myself without having to carry items that can hurt someone, even myself. In my head I was also trying to place myself in the officer's shoes and all that came across to me is that even the little ones you have to look out for. 

How was your first experience traveling alone?

xx Chavelita

Day 25: To college graduate Isabel

Dear college graduate Isabel,

Reading this you are probably thinking I had too much time on my hands to be writing a letter to myself and then posting out on my blog for everyone to see. Yet I know you are secretly thanking yourself that you did because now you have something to look back and measure how much you have strove throughout the years. Either way I am giving you props for sticking it out to whatever it is that you decided to major in college with you decided to stick primarily to clinical psychology or branched out to the medical field in psychiatry. Then I bet you are also laughing at all the small things that I right now is freaking out like, who am I going to eat lunch with at college? Will I ever be comfortable enough to play my music out loud or sing in the communal showers? To be able to achieve that full college experience that I have been constantly been told about?

In the past you must of had a lot of pressure to carry with you, making your parents and carrying on the family name. The constant reminder of how many people wished you the best in college and already knew that you were to do just fine when in reality that would just make you freak out even more. You weren't looking for an audience to cheer you on, you wanted a group of people who you can fall apart to whenever you needed to. I already know you didn't need anyone to be used as your competition because ever since you were little you would already compete with yourself to see if you can be the best person you have ever been. You were tough on yourself before anyone could tell you twice what to do. Always a step ahead than what others may see you as and even through the struggle you find your methods of pushing forward. Late phone calls to mom and dad. A FaceTime every once in a while with your best friend just so you could hear her voice as she plants puns and stories on you. Crying whenever you would feel homesick or stressed. You surprise yourself in everything you do, and I hope you continue to see that in yourself as you continue on with your desired profession. The world is not an easy place as I imagine it to be right now, but just know that you did it and you were able to prove yourself and the world that you are ready to take the wheel.

Now just know thought that after graduating from college this is just another step you have to take in order to be under the career of your choice. So all those friendships you have made among your peers and with your professors are indeed your ticket into entering the real world because they will be the ones who boast about you and push you to get to where you want to be. So remember when you felt out of place that you were friends with your teachers in high school but then you learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know your teachers more in depth? In fact that is one of the best decisions that you have made? Well that is the same thing the professors are there for, to support you, recommend you to certain institutions in hopes that they will accept you to work for them, have an ear out for you. Yeah teachers and professors may be a little different, but they are educators and for the most part would want the best for you. But knowing you, you would have already became friends with incredible people and have been moved with certain professors.

Just promise me that you will not give up? That you take life seriously but also be spontaneous to remind yourself of your teenage years of being carefree? To give those you decided to date a fair chance and when you do find the one, that you hold on tight with him? Smile often, don't hold yourself back, and never forget to call your parents. When you find yourself saying that life is not fair, do not get discouraged to continue because I know as soon as you land that job you are going to feel a million times better. You are so bright, you shine wherever you go!

xx Chavelita

PS. You better have studied abroad and had taken some wicked pictures to show to your future kids and family!

Day 13: "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!"

There is only two things I feel like I'm excited about at the moment. One of them would be to see and hug my dad again for the first time in nine months and the second would be starting college. The only downside is that these two events almost happen around the same time, so I find it quite upsetting that I am not able to spend as much time with my dad after waiting for this eternity to end and for this moment to happen. On the other hand though, I'm actually pumped to start college which is another part of growing up and developing my character that would potentially tackle the world with the rest of the people who are attacking this world. I won't lie though, I am scared for this moment to happen because I know I would want to tap out within the very month or two that I was dropped off in college. Only do the people who went out of town for college can understand the same mixed emotions I am sensing because I will not be able to simply take a public bus home and sleep in my own bed with my parents asking me how my day went. Though as I have told plenty of people, if I do not leave now then I feel like I would never leave the comfort of my house. I am the one here detaching myself from my bubble, this comfort zone that I had created for myself the start of my freshman year of high school and well beginning from scratch to build a new comfort zone in college with my new not yet met peers and professors. The only thing that has kept my sanity together is the faith I have placed on myself that not everything will go as planned but at least I am giving this a try and I'm really running with the wind. College to me sounds like such a great opportunity, I have heard stories from my parents and I actually want stories of my own to share at the dinner table whenever I reunite with my loved ones. I know that this semester of college will probably not be the smoothest of semesters but I will not be the only freshman in college to be feeling those pangs of nostalgia, fear, and doubt. I just have to remain calm, smile and say hello to anyone I encounter, and try my best to transition myself into college mode.

What are you excited about?

xx Chavelita

Scenario: Eliminate the should haves

But do you know what this means? Have you considered about the dangers you are about to place onto yourself? How will I break this to your family? You will not be able to turn back to the life you have grown up to know. All this time you spent struggling to find out what specialties make you stand out from the rest only to realize that those talents are yours to keep. Talents that nobody can steal from you. Everything that you once knew will simply float away with the rest of your unspoken thoughts.

From the look in your eyes I know you had plenty to say I only wish you expressed them instead of having them consume your every motivation. If I were to write a eulogy for you I wouldn’t even know where I begin… 

Should I begin with the day we met? That hot summer morning on my way to my Grandmother’s house and you were just moving into the house next door? I still remember we were about twelve both looking confused as ever when our eyes locked into place for the first time because frankly our neighborhood barely had any new residents.  Our town was only a spec on the map, even with a magnify glass you could barely see us. Of the odds though you were the only person I was able to confide myself to and I am not sure if it was because we both came from tough pasts of losing a parent before we were even able to walk or because you found me crying on the front porch that night when my father had too much to drink. You didn’t even ask me any questions, you only split your cherry Popsicle in half and handed me the other half. We both sat there licking away while the rest of the world was crumbling before our eyes. Even though you did not speak a lot, your gestures did speak for themselves and when you did speak I was always left in dismay. Just like that one time someone decided to vandalize my locker with the words "heifer" and "moo" scattered onto my locker and with the only thought that came to my mind was how much of a loser I was. But then you said…

“Carly, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself there are plenty of people out there who already wants to make you miserable. Don’t be on their side; you have way too much to offer to just have it be wasted in self-pity. Come on say it with me. Team Carly! I am not hearing you! TEAM CARLY!”

To this day I can still hear you chanting “team Carly” and in all honesty you saved my life. For once I was able to remove the blanket I had been using to cover my mirror and gave myself a good look. I wept as though I was in shock in seeing an old friend and smiling and laughing for being ever so grateful of being alive to experience this moment. You were able to find the Carly I had lost since I was fourteen. 

Or should I begin on our first day of school? We were both assigned to the same teacher Mrs. Flowers and as our little joke we would always bring a flower because her last name was Flowers and we would place it on her desk without being caught. Most of the time her desk was cluttered with flower petals but I don't think that had bothered Mrs. Flowers. Being anonymous at that time seemed more exciting and bad butt than simply leaving flowers out in the open. We did things not to seek attention but more to see how others would react. Our classmates always sent out odd expressions in our direction but I didn’t care as long as I was spending time with you. Then during recess I would stand on your shoulders to peer out of the windows to see Mrs. Flowers sniffing the yellow rose we had given her that day and you would beg me to get off as your legs wobbled uncontrollably. We were only kids without a clue that we were making a difference in Mrs. Flowers’s life. 

So this is why I need you to wake up Nate. I need you to know of how much you impacted my life and how much you have caused ripples in other people’s lives. No one knows your story more than you do. To be part of your story is the same as saying that I was only the icing to the cake, but in reality many people come to eat the cake because that is where most of the richness comes from. Your mother right now has been sleeping in an uncomfortable seat next to you for the past three days with a fear that if she leaves, that she may not be able to see you or even have a chance to say goodbye. Please do not make me say goodbye. Please… I am not ready; I should have told you that I love you when I had the chance. I should have known better not to have let you leave my house when you said you needed space. I should have kept an eye out for you to know that you arrived home safely because I know you would have done the same. You were always the strong one. So strong, that not even your best friend was able to tell that you were screaming for help. I am so so sorry, Nate. I wish you can acknowledge how awful I feel for not doing the best I can, I should have done better. I cannot forgive myself for being so careless and I cannot even imagine how terrified your mother had felt when she found you in the tub next to empty bottles of pain killers. I really wish you would have told me about the battles you have been fighting; maybe I could have done something to help. Even if I was no help in conquering I could have been the supplier. Now I am wondering if I will ever see your dark brown eyes again, the same ones I have grown to love more each day since we met.

Just know that this is your final battle and no one can decide for you. It is your choice whether you want to live to see what else life has to offer or to close the book. But if you were to ask me, I still think you have plenty to write in your book. For now, I’ll just leave your other half of the cherry Popsicle right here.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I have always had a terrible time writing stories because of my writer's block sneaking up at me whenever I get the writing bug. Which is why I prefer to write poems, or short stories because they get straight to the point. If you did not get the main topic of this short story I wanted to center it around suicide and how many things are left incomplete in the act. "Eliminate the should haves" as straightforward of a title can be, instead of saying the should haves when the person has the crossed the line of no return, we should constantly be telling the ones we love that we do love and appreciate them. We cannot read minds so of course we would not know what the person is going through but we also should not wait until the last minute to be confessing the love we have to one another.

For those going through tough times just know that there is always help out there. I am sure there are people who are willing to listen to what you have to say and if you cannot find a family member or a friend you can always call, you can even text the suicide hotline if you do not feel like talking and one of their representatives will gladly be there to assist you. Here is some information that can be useful.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States:
1 (800) 273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Hotline in United Kingdom:
+44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)

National Suicide Prevention Hotline in France:
01 45 39 40 00

National Suicide Prevention Hotline in Russia:
007 (8202) 577-577

If you cannot find your country here is a list of Suicide Hotlines you can find them on this website:
International Suicide Hotlines

You are not alone, keep that in mind and if you are having suicidal thoughts please speak up. Being scared is okay but holding dangerous and damaging thoughts and information is not.

Love you all! You are all stronger than you think, do not forget that!

xx Chavelita

"But I was sure they were the one!"

Relationships can be a bit messy, brain wrecking, awkward, tricky and if you're like me then scary, especially if they're your first one. I was pretty oblivious when I met him because he would simply talk to me and ask me how my day was everyday. Ok... So maybe I was terrible at taking hints but I thought he was simply being nice to me until he sent me a seven page message late at night stating that he did have feelings for me. The point is that when you're thinking about a relationship don't do it because you're simply lonely and looking for someone to fill up that gap in your life because that is not what they are for. A relationship should begin when you love yourself and when you're mentally and emotionally ready for one. You don't want to give anyone half hearted emotions because you wouldn't want the same in return. Be considerate of their emotions and if the relationship doesn't work out then you go and try again with someone new. Take the time you need to get over the break up but don't throw in the towel just yet. Another thing about relationships is learning about yourself, learning from the mistakes that were committed, and learning what it is that you would want to look for in the next person you would want to date. Please do not commit the same mistake as I did by never giving the person you like a chance (we were always each other's crush but we never went further than that) your window of opportunity will close and you'll be wondering what would of happened if you guys did go out. And in my opinion be cautious with your crush because at any moment they can find someone else and crush you (hence the crush) and sometimes giving people second chances will only make matters worse. I have done that and it took me another pair of months to get over him again. DONT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE. Because you did not work out with someone it does not mean you should try again with the same person who hurt you and hope for the same results of finding the lost love because it will simply destroy the self image you produced for yourself and the confidence you have tried too hard to accumulate when you were getting over them. If you do not have a crush it's perfectly fine, take the time to focus on yourself, try new things, meet new people, do not have the mentality that you will not find anyone because then it will make it difficult to find someone. Relax, gather your thoughts together and love will find a way through everyone in different forms. 

What have you learned from past relationships or crushes? 

xx Chavelita