Day 30: The haircut

If you have not noticed yet, this recent May I went to the beauty salon and cut more than half of my hair off. I have been planning on cutting it short for a while now and especially with the intention of donating the hair to a charity that makes wigs, I just knew that I wanted to go short. Since I have been in middle school and high school, having long hair was the total trend. The majority of the girls would grow it out long and get trims within the year, and do not get me wrong I was the same way. It was like the girl code of goals to follow when it came to hair. The idea that long hair was pretty and short hair was underappreciated floated around the halls of my school. You just did not hear often of girls getting short hair cuts. As soon as I graduated from high school, I had went to the local salon to cut my hair because I could no longer stand the struggle of keeping up with hair that reached to my hip bone. I remember pulling my hair all the time especially when I would get out of bed, my hair would get stuck to my seat sometimes, my hair would brush my arm and I would swat at my arm thinking it was a bug, and washing it was just a nightmare! Without wanting to be wasteful, I decided to keep the hair that I had gotten snipped off so I can send it to an organization that would use my hair to make wigs with other strands of hair. Just like I had captioned on my revealing photo, I had fun with my long hair and I hope that someone else has the same fun as I did.

My first hair donation was in 2015 and now with my most recent cut in 2016, I decided to go shorter. I wanted to test out how I would look with short hair and if my haircut decided to go terribly wrong I would just have to remind myself that hair grows back. Since I am one blind chick without my glasses, during the cutting process I had no idea how my haircut was turning out. All I remember is my hair stylist using razor to cut a big chunk of my hair that I was donating and using a razor to make sure she was cutting the hair evenly. I was okay with the scissors but the razor just brought me to a whole level of stress because she would continue cutting with razor, that I was fearing that she was going to shave a side of my head. Now that I would not have the words to describe how I feel. Thankfully that was not the case. I have been very impressed with the turnout actually. Before she started to cut my hair I had shown her what kind of hair cut/hairstyle I was aiming for on my phone and even though I briefly showed it to her, she immediately had an idea of what she was going to do.

In all my haircuts, I have been known to sit there in silence. I am more of that person that would rather overhear other people conversations than to make small talk with someone that I was going to spend at most half an hour with. There is just something soothing about getting your hair cut though, the hair wash, the head massage, that liberating feeling you get when you cut a big portion of your hair that you have been so used to carrying the weight with you everyday. You end up feeling like a new person when you leave the salon. You know sometimes you just have to take risks when it comes to haircuts and see where the new look takes you. In the future I want to see if I have enough confidence to cut my hair even shorter and see if I can pull of that look. As of now, I am loving my short hair! So much easier to handle and care for. Since my hair is naturally straight after I wash my hair it's like a sleek piece of silk framing my face. I barely use my straightener anymore and I rather prefer not. Rather enjoy the all natural look and let my hair be free!

How short have you cut your hair before?

June 2015

May 2016

xx Chavelita

Day 1: Southwestern Discovery

For those who are new readers, I have recently completed my first year of college. Yay! So long freshman year and here comes sophomore year! And with that being said for the next days of June I will be discussing a few of the moments that I have experienced while I was out in the world figuring things out all in the comfort of my half piece of room I shared with my former roommate.

Early into my second semester of college, I received a phone call from an unfamiliar number which normally I would have not answered but because I am no longer under my parents supervision, I had to answer all of my phone calls regardless if it is a telemarketer that is trying to sell me life insurance at age 18. I answered the phone and there was this man on the other end asking for me which I told him that I was that person, and he continued on saying that there was a summer internship opportunity with my name on it and if I was interested in going for an information meeting to learn more about the company. In shock for the phone call and for being considered as a freshman, I told him my schedule for the following days and he scheduled me a meeting date. Boy, did I really not know what I was getting myself into...

Meeting Day:
On meeting day, I used Google Maps to look up the location that the man on the phone messaged me the night before and since I like to make my first impressions count, I left my dorm with enough time in case I were to get lost but also be able to find the building without having to rush in like if I had been chased by a large dog. (Yes... I am afraid of large dogs but you cannot blame me I am not even five feet tall) I legitimately walked passed my designated building and had to make my way around the sprinklers to get back on track. "Wiggins Complex" the building read and that is when I knew I had made it. I opened the door and advised the lady that I had come in for Southwestern, the company that offered me the internship, information meeting by the man who was named (to protect the staff we will call him Pedro) Pedro. I was instructed to take a seat that they would be there for me shortly but not a minute passed and a man dressed nicely in a suit and tie called my name and motioned me to follow him. The room was dark with hints of light to illuminate the round desk that filled the room. Me along with three other individuals were invited to the information meeting session and as soon as we sat down and introduced ourselves, we were given this green sheet to fill out some questions about ourselves. You know the usual, what is your name, DOB, address to what you wanted to get out of Southwestern. To begin with the information meeting was quite demanding, I felt like I was not given a choice to take notes, I had to take notes and I did not want to know what would happen if I did not take notes. With the mindset that the internship was going to be psychology related because on the phone the previous night I was asked for my major, I decided to let the notes slide but on the contrary it had little to do with my major... Their internship consisted of going to a different state, somewhere that I have no experience with, and sell educational products to families door to door. That should have been my red flag there but I had promised myself that I was going to do more things out of my comfort zone so when they had asked me if I was interested in going through the interview process I said yes. Just so you all know, this interview process gets weirder and weirder because I am pretty sure interviews should not be this demanding. I was given this packet with tasks to do, in fact I still have my packet, and prior to my first interview I had to complete the first section of the tasks. The first section consisted of reading the assigned passages and answering reflecting questions about what I wanted to get out of Southwestern. Oh and my first interview was actually the next day. Who needs prep time? (God help me...)

Interview 1:
Since I had classes in the afternoon the only time I could schedule my interviews were in the morning at 8 o'clock in the morning. Waking up early, I dressed nice, and did my makeup outside of my dorm room where the hallways were lit so I did not have to turn on the light and bother my roommate. The nervous jitters were starting to kick in and all I could think about is what I have done. If I wanted the internship, then I should be proud to be given the interview but all I did was fear of doing well knowing in the back of my mind that this was something I did not want to do for the entirety of my summer. With my head held high and my portfolio held tight, I walked back to the Wiggins Complex for my interview. The same pair of ladies from the day before were there and instructed me to wait again. For my first interview, Pedro was not my interviewer, instead it was the same man who held the information meeting. We will call the information meeting man, Luke. Luke again, was dressed nice in another suit and tie and I am honestly a sucker for nice people. If you are nice to me from the start, chances are that I will be more likely to share with you a few facts about myself and continue talking overall. Being directed to the interview room, the size of the room was smaller than my childhood bedroom, and trust me when I say this because my childhood bedroom is small as it is. A small desk with two chairs on the opposing side had already made the tiny interview room seem crowded especially with the door closed which is how my interview was held. The interview went smoothly, I could be the most anxious person before the interview but as soon as I sit down with the interviewer a surge of confidence overwhelms me. I do not know where the confidence comes from, but I must be taking the "fake it til you make it" phrase to the next level. One of the things that I hated during the interview is talking about my past because I never know which memory to bring up and I also hate being personal to strangers. In the middle of the interview though I was so focused on filling out the reflecting questions that I totally forgot about the passages. So when I was asked about the passages I thought I had sabotaged my chance because I honestly told him that I did not read it and was like, I guess we cannot discuss the passages then... and went straight into the reflecting questions. I am not one to lie so if I do get eliminated at least I know that I was being truthful. Yet other than that, I felt the interview was going great, interviewer was laughing, the interview turned into more of a sit and chat, and just like that I was offered my second interview. I drew a blank because again I did not think I was getting this far but did I say no? Of course...not.

Interview 2:
Prior to this interview I was instructed to call previous Southwestern individuals that have done a summer internship to gain more of an insider of what to expect. A list of phone numbers were in the packet  I thought it was a clever thing to get actually speak with individuals who have done the internship and listen to their stories to be certain if the internship was really for you. The only obstacle that I had to get through was actually making the phone call. I avoid making phone calls unless that is the only option that I am left with. Just the fact that I cannot see facial expressions and talking aimlessly, I prefer to speak to the person in person. At least when you speak to someone face to face you are able to catch the mixed signals in the body language and be able to ask that person to explain in what context do they mean. Along with the phone call, I was given a list of base questions to ask like what was a typical day of the internship, how did their parents feel during the interview and when they have left for the internship, and what they had learned overall through the internship. Most of the individuals that I had called were nice and provided some sort of philosophical advice. It was a little too good to be true, if you know what I mean. Completing the task I prepare myself again for my next interview. My second interview was actually the day after my first interview. This by far has been the most fast paced interview process I have put myself in. I did not even have time to think thoroughly about my decisions because as soon as I made one I had already had to start deciding on the next. At least for this interview it was at 10 in the morning but that still meant I had to dress nice. Arriving in the same location, this time Pedro was doing my interview. Which actually Pedro should have done my interview the day before but I guess something happened that he couldn't so Luke had to take over. Pedro was a large man, not fat, but built large. It was intimidating to say the least. The second interview was held in the same room and we started going over the tasks of the packet. As asked, I discussed about the individuals that I spoke on the phone. Some of them had insider jokes with Pedro that requested me to share with him and he chuckled as I mentioned them. At the end of the interview he had asked me what was the real reason why I wanted to go forward with the Southwestern internship and without warning a rush of emotions overcame me and I was starting to talk about how when I was younger I was always taught what I should do and who I should become. With the internship though it was a way of how I can define myself and prove others wrong that I am much more than what the next person tells me to do. I am my own person and I believe that I should be given the chance to prove myself. I nearly cried answering that question and I want to say that is how I got offered my third interview. Where will I stop...

Interview 3:
Last interview day, I had at least been given the weekend to prepare for this final interview. Which I was really grateful because I was running on fumes by the end of the week. Trying to make it on time to my interviews, on time to my classes, and still do my homework while prepare for the interviews to come was not a walk in the park. Priot to my third interview I was instructed to call another set of individuals for more personal anecdotes and read a small book that I was given by Pedro on my second interview. The book was a tad moving which I guess was supposed to set in the mood that anything is achievable regardless from where you start. On my third interview Pedro asked about the individuals and again I recited what they had told me on the phone. Then the most terrifying part of all came in this final interview. Pedro pulls out this booklet with phrases that the they say to the families that they go door to door to sell. Which was not too bad I just thought he was going to show me what were the common protocol of Southwestern's way of door to door selling but then he asks me to demonstrate how I would sell. As I left the room to demonstrate my poor selling skills to Pedro, a large chunk of my confidence left the room too. After showing how awful I am at selling products, he roleplays one of the premade sayings on the booklet we were going over to show me what was the "proper" way of getting the sell done. So I follow along since again I did not have a choice. I am impressed at how manipulating a salesperson can be with their product, I think it takes true art and talent to sell even the most minuscule needed item. Now just when I thought the interview was wrapping itself, Pedro hands me the booklet and says that I had five minutes to memorize one of the phrases because I was going to copy his roleplay back to him! FIVE MINUTES! The moment the door closed behind him, since he left me alone in the interview room to practice, my mind and my heart were racing to see who would be the first one to make it to sanity. Five minutes go by quick when all you want to do is turn invisible. I had almost replicated the roleplay word for word until I drew a blank towards the end where I had to skip and go to directly from the last point I could remember. Pedro was impressed, at least that is what I thought. The end of the interview came and that is when I had finally told him that I was not going to go forward anymore. He had thanked me for my time and effort, for meeting a person such as myself, and that although he was not sure whether I had what it takes that he still had a troubling time letting me go. Just like that, I shook his hand and I parted.

This whole Southwestern interview journey took a little bit over a week to complete and even through the whole process I was fearing of getting further and further along to being accepted, a part of me knew that this is not what I wanted. Towards the middle of the interview process I was wondering how far will I make it, lets continue to see how far I will make it and that is how I remained to keep going. I ended up not proving myself to Southwestern but more to myself that when you step out of your comfort zone, opportunities begin to rise. Even though most times you are clueless as to what to do with the opportunity when they come without setting yourself out there chances are that the opportunity would of ceased to exist. This journey has taught me a lot more about myself than I thought I knew. I have learned that under pressure I am still able to work well when I am given the right tools to push forward, my comfort zone grew smaller, and that I am more capable than I have thought. In a way I want to thank Southwestern Advantage for allowing to go through the range of emotions to find a new meaning to myself and for setting the bar high for having the most far out interview process I have been in so far.

What was the craziest interview process you have been in?

xx Chavelita

Expectations

Well my first day of school was yesterday and by the look of the lack of the blogpost yesterday it was one hell of a day. First days of school are the worst for me everything was turned upside down or inside out (whichever you prefer) and I did not enjoy it. Bright side was to be able to see my friends but even then that is limited. The classes that I have are not quite what I thought it would be, some of my favorite classes are no longer my favorite because of the switching of teachers or the switch of the students. Changes are hard, I understand that they are supposed to be because it measures your ability to spring back into the right direction or a new direction but I am honestly worried about this year. This is not very positive blogpost but I am not going to apologize for how I feel because I am too human, we are all a little broken. Sometimes we feel weak and we have reached those moments where you are just trying to place all the positives together to out balance the negatives.

The reason why transitions are hard for me because I am so accustomed to how my life was last school year and growing close to my classmates that now being placed in a group of people I barely speak to, its like all the odds are against me. To be a child of a military father, it was something you were either ready or not there was no choices if you wanted to leave. And here I am, still not used to it. Total survival of the fittest and as much as I prefer to be on my own, I know I cannot always be and being with a group of unfamiliar people makes the situation seem sketchy for me. When students who do not take their work as serious are placed in the same group as me, it makes me upset because I know where they all lead to: me doing all the work. I am no one's guinea pig, I am a leader and if people are not going to follow or at least cooperate than why should I cooperate with them? I'm just already stressed and I know I shouldn't be because it's barely the second day of school. I am trying to pull through, make the best out of my senior year, and complete all the work that comes at me.

The title of this blogpost is expectations. At any given moment there will be times where we are tossed the unexpected and have to learn to deal with them. Just because something was decent or great the year before, it does not always determine where you will be the next year. What you may have experienced the first time will not have the same effect as it does the second time. People change, situations change, and to cope with them has its own story. Though it is possible to overcome these obstacles, when you feel your weakest is when your window of opportunity comes to become a stronger person than you already are. I just have to reshape my comfort zone again and take my best friend's advice and open up more to people. Not on a personal level but as an acquaintance or at least to the point where I do not feel as lonely or a stranger when I do not have my support system with me.

As I mentioned before school has started for me which means that I will be posting less. I have decided that I should post at least three times in a week maybe the weekend with the addition of Wednesday? Depends on how much will be on my plate according to my schedule.



How do you recall your first day of school?

xx Chavelita

Bumblebee

I thought you should meet another person I am grateful to have in my life. For privacy, the person I am going to speak about we will call her Bee.

It is almost a year since I met Bee and she has created such a large impact in my life she is probably the one who helped boost my self esteem and molded me into the confident being that I am. Turning my flaws into beautiful imperfections, that makes me stand out from the rest of the world. Normally when I meet people who I am on a professional platform, I do not like to go personal. I was told by a teacher in my sophomore year of high school that, "we are not friends" to our class and that because she had given us her number to call if we had any questions on the homework it does not mean we could text her. That mentality stuck with me, oddly it did make sense at the moment because students and teachers were separate things at the time but it all changed my junior year. I will not lie I was confused, we could not text teachers but joining the IB program they give you their numbers to text them if anything (unless otherwise told that you can't) and I was I actually afraid to text my teachers since I thought it was pretty unorthodox to do. It was not until my friend persuaded me to text her and by the things she told me, perhaps it was okay to do so. It all started with a simple text message and from there our friendship flourished. She started to lean on me and I did the same in return. Her background stories are moving you would not expect stories like that coming from a bubbly person like herself. Though she does apologize a lot for little things which I think may not deserve an apology. I could say she is part of my family she is tied between the big sister or an aunt to me including her beautiful children. I can tell her anything and it would be casual which is one of the things I love about her. The little moments when I do have her for myself I find myself laughing and listening to her stories since I do not talk much, I believe there is hardly ever an awkward moment with her. Anytime spent with her makes me happy.

One of my favorite memories I had with her is when she took me to one of her presentations and when she took me back home. We spoke at my drive way for an hour or so in her car. I was surprise to say that my parents did not realize that I was out til 9 on a school night even less in the drive way so technically I was at home just not in it. It is probably one of the simplistic memories I share with her but I just love how quiet the night was. No distractions and it was just us two spending time together sharing our own memories. It was also the day I gave her a rosary in her favorite color and the moment she opened her gift, it was like Christmas morning. Her face was glowing and astonished that she even gave me a hug (we had never hugged until that day, I'm usually the hugging type of person but I somehow grew uncomfortable to hugs).

Bee is one of my inspirational role models, against the odds she still finds a way to tackle on the day with her work, caring for her children, all on her own. With her charismatic attitude, beautiful smile, and her perky lipstick this lady is going places! I'm honestly having a difficult time writing this blogpost since I cannot fathom the words to describe how wonderful she is. You have to meet her for yourself to understand the emotions I am going through. I love you, Bee! Continue being the person you are, accomplish your set dreams and I am sure the right one will come along and sweep you off your feet!

This is why I am telling you that you should give everyone a chance, you will never know who you will meet and have your life changed.



xx Chavelita

Rare friends

Have you ever met someone that immediately changed your life the moment you both came into contact? I am not the one to expect a close friendship from the first few days I meet someone but in this case it was different and we still talk as of today too. It was October of my sophomore year in high school and that year of 2012 I had my 15th birthday in July. Normally you would have your quinceanera around the time of your birthday but I am guessing there was not enough time for the preparations for my "surprise" quinceanera. Why is surprise in quotation marks you may ask? That is because my Dad decided to ask me to help on my own invitations for my own party that I found out that I was having one in Puerto Rico. Perhaps it was a bit predictable too since I did tell my uncle who is a party planner of my dream quinceanera... At least the thought of creating a surprise quinceanera counts. We arrived on the island and the first thing my Dad does is that he visits his oldest brother. He runs the family business mostly on his own during the night and not once do I recall to have found him sleeping. It is like he never sleeps! Anyway, my uncle has two children but his son has his own family in which he no longer lives in Puerto Rico but he has a daughter who does. When I was such a little pea, she would call me "pulguita" which means small flea in Spanish and since then that is how she would addresses me by. She does not call me that to annoy me but to show her affection towards me. Through her is how I met my friend. I will not say her name for privacy issues but my first impression of her was how sweet she was towards me, though she was a bit reserved to herself too. Me not knowing anything about her and she immediately gives me a hug with a kiss on the cheek as if we were family like some lost cousin that my parents forgot to introduce me to. (To this day I still have a feeling that I have family that I do not know about or have not met yet...) I find it hard to believe that she is shy when she had told me because towards me she is like this radiant butterfly who affects everyone she touches. It is quite marvelous, people like that are very rare to find. I remember she came to my quinceanera with my cousin, everyone was dressed so elegantly which is something you barely see in Puerto Rico because we are usually in t-shirts and shorts all year round. Then I went to Puerto Rico again in the late springtime of March in 2013 and I was able to see her again. Honestly it felt really nice to encounter her again and still see her friends with my cousin. She is such lovely company to be around with and she rarely asks for anything. Sadly, I was not able to spend a lot of time with her personally between her work schedule and my parents plans. Though she did surprise me on my last full day of my trip when she texted me what I was doing and she came out of my Tia's car as if nothing. I was not expecting her to be honest aha. Nice to treasure my last memory of that trip with her by seeing luminescent fishes in a pond of water (I am not kidding theoe fishes were like dragonflies, when you touched the surface of the water in which they are inhabitants of they glow because it is how they defend themselves from predators) That is probably something I regret from that trip, that I was not able to spend the right amount of time with everyone. Two weeks is just not enough for me because it takes time for me to get acquainted and comfortable so by the time I am it is already time to pack my bags again. Oh well, it gives me another reason to go back to Puerto Rico. It won't be any time soon but maybe during a summer so I have more time to explore and create new memories.

Family business

My cousin's dog, Poofi <3

Bahia Bioluminiscente (Bio-Luminescent Lake)

My ticket :)

Who is someone that has impacted your life, and in what way?

xx Chavelita

Jar of Hearts

(If you get the title of this blog post then you get a gold star!!)

Alright in my previous post I stated that I wanted to fill a jar with advice or wishes. Well starting on my birthday, I have started to accumulate these advice onto tiny sticky notes. I have decided that everyday until I am 18 I will write a piece of advice to myself and depending on how well this mini project goes I will continue after I am 18. Tiny pieces of advice is always needed especially on those sucky days which is the major reason why I wanted to start. This year I feel like I am going to find myself stressed, lost, and questioning myself like I usually do, so when I do feel like this I can simply grab a piece of advice. Nothing like getting advice from the person who knows you the best: YOU. Maybe with this mini project it will boost my self esteem and create positive outlooks in life. I recommend you to try it, it is never to late!

What are some of the ways you do to calm down your nerves?

xx Chavelita

Begin with yourself

It has been quite sometime that someone has spoken to me about happiness or mentioned the word to me. A simple adjective that can describe an emotion yet not that many people use it to describe themselves. I understand that as we get older, the view of life seems a bit obscure than what we would picture as children but just because some people put aside the things that made them happy, it should not mean you should do the same. We get this idea that we have to switch all our habits to new ones, and sometimes we end up switching our happiness and settling down for something that we do not want. Everyone tells us to grow up and to learn to be independent for when the time comes that we are not deliberately leaning our entire weight on our caregivers, but we get so accustomed of taking care of ourselves that we do not allow people to impact our lives (at least not so easily). It is seen as a sign of weakness or stubbornness for not letting someone into our lives because we were told that we have to support ourselves or else no one else will. It is depressing to see that the lack of connection within one another is slowly increasing, we avoid our issues and do not consult others for advice or a helping hand, we portray false smiles to "protect" ourselves and to draw away the attention from everyone else. People get the idea that having a problem makes them weak, that they are pestering if they tell someone, a loser for not being able to come up with the solution, and above all worthless because I will not lie I have done all these things some point in my life too. Yet I have realized that it is not the problem causing you to feel that way but it is the self perspective that you mentally molded into yourself. Before people have the time to judge one another, you tend to beat everyone to it by judging yourself and most of the time it is not even pretty thing and when people do compliment one another we have a difficult time believing it. I live in a world that everything said and done has to come with a reason or explanation because when you make a kind gesture people may think you want something out of it and when you speak wrongly of others people want to hear more because they are more likely to believe negativity over the positivity. This world is far from sun shines and butterflies as we gain more knowledge from the experiences made but we also have the choice as to how we want to see this world. You do not have to prove to anyone of your abilities or reinforce the person you are, if you have an idea of who you are and what it is that you want to achieve then that is fantastic. An idea is a great way to start the search in who you are. As simple as this sounds, there are still people discovering themselves. In my opinion, I am not certain that anyone knows about themselves inside and out. Every experience shapes that us and who we were yesterday can be a different person tomorrow. Just remember, do not be hard on yourself. Praise yourself when you can, ask when you are not certain, give out genuine smiles, and do not be mean to yourself or others.

What is something that you have discovered about yourself?

xx Chavelita