I have to admit, we are like sponges. There are times that we soak up to the tiniest bit of information regardless of the topic and there are times that stains appear on us, usually these consist of memories. The substance could either be historical context from English class or it could range to the latest gossip that runs around the halls at school. Then there are the stains that are really difficult to remove. The constant need to rinse out the sponge and to scrub only to have the stain still faintly there. If you are wondering where I am going with this metaphorical talk, this is it, this is how we handle information. What we soak up can be temporarily beneficial for us that can later be applied when the right time comes and the stains is the information that sticks with us. Not all stains are bad but they linger more. With information comes with emotion attached and these memories are more potent because you are able to relate to them at a personal level.
Forgiving yourself just like you forgive others does not happen overnight. As we get older I feel it gets harder to forgive since we hold on to memories a bit more tightly than we should and we can be a bit hardheaded to look past the actions that happened during the transition. All of the sudden you feel this confusion eating you up to the point of having sleepless nights. You attempt to connect the dots as to what is going on and before you know it you are left thinking who's fault is it and what should be done in order to solve this problem, and all this shibang. Here I am to tell you that you first need to step away from the picture. Let your brain breathe and take a moment to collect itself. Maybe before you ask advice from someone, write down what you know happened or any details that you can remember then read it back to yourself. Is everything accurate from what you recall? A mistake that I always find myself doing is making irrational decisions based on the current mood I am in. Like when I am bothered by something and I have the tendency to straightforwardly tell my friends my thoughts on the certain matter. There was even times that I would pass incorrect or misheard information so it is important that you know what you are talking about before your venting process because something else. But throughout the day I find my sanity back and I look back to my messages and I cringe because of how irrational I reacted for something that did not even last a day of my emotions.
Now I am not telling you that what happens in arguments is your fault (well it could be the case sometimes) but I am saying that you are responsible for yourself. If you feel like something is troubling you and you are not quite sure what it is I like to think that it is because you are going through a change. Changes within ourselves are great, they are weird but necessary to reevaluate ourselves and update our self-perception of the world, ourselves and others. So coming back to forgiving yourself, you should not hold yourself accountable for every little thing that went wrong especially if they were not done on purpose. Forgive yourself in a way that you no longer feel like a weight of an elephant is on your chest or shoulders. Things you can forgive yourself are things like...
- not being yourself
- crying yourself to sleep
- talking gossip
- taking things for granted or people for granted
- for telling yourself all the cannots instead of all the can dos
- not getting enough sleep
- for skipping meals or feeling self-concious of your body
I joke around a lot with my friends, telling them that you do not need a bully because you are your own bully and to a certain extent this is true. Do not belittle yourself for the way you do things, you should stick to doing things your own way in a form that you feel comfortable in expressing yourself.
Forgive yourself and watch how things will start to slowly fall into place. Do not hold grudges or anything that will keep you from being the amazing person you are.
xx Chavelita
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