Day 22: To the girls who thought being different meant something was wrong

Dear my girl friends who think being different means that there is something wrong,

To think differently or find interest in other materials that others might find odd or disgusting, that is not your problem and there is nothing wrong in appreciating the nonconforming ways of living. You be you. There is nothing more upsetting when someone tells you that you cannot do that or that is not appropriate. What is inappropriate about being yourself? When I was in grade school, I did not like to wear dresses nor was I big fan of Disney princesses. Ask me today and I still cannot name each of the princes in those movies. It just did not matter to me. I would prefer to sit in front of a computer with my brother and play computer games until our parents would tell us to get off. I could of listed you all of the first generation of Pokemon characters from the top of my head. In fact, while being introduced to video games, I have always complained about the main character being a boy. Why can't the girl be the main character? Why couldn't she saved the world from being absorbed by aliens? Or why did the girl have to either look like the damsel in distress or the prostitute by an empty alley? Why couldn't she just be a typical modest looking girl with strong features of her own? I found that to be unfair that because I did not mix well with the other girls and what girls were supposed to find interesting, that I was seen as an outcast. To this day I still feel like an outcast because I rather wear basketball shorts than yoga pants to go workout. Growing up I feel like we are placed in these dainty boxes labeled with the word "princess" and cute frilly laces as decor. Boxes that underestimate our differences and when we do decide to show our differences it is like we broke a this sacred law. If anything, we were breaking the glass ceiling. I think other individuals do not appreciate our differences because they do not know how to react with these differences. But if you know what your differences are and you are content with them then I feel like you are steps in closer to happiness than those who have judged you for not fitting into their ideal view of you. There are no rules or instructions on how to run your life. You win on some days and you win less on other days but everyday you are progressing even when you think you are not. From the numerous amounts of bullying, I have learned to appreciate my differences. On my hard days where I found myself looking for some self-confidence to boost my self-esteem, I would tell myself that because I am different I am going to have to find a different way to give my life value even if that meant separating myself from crowds. While those days of spending alone figuring myself out, the first few days were horrible but then they became one of the best days. I did not have to depend on anyone. If I wanted to go somewhere on my own I could. When you start agreeing with the people who have judged you in the past for being different then what side are you really on? So while some of you may think that being different has its disadvantages I am here to tell you that you are right. There is disadvantages now but the day you start to embrace and appreciate your differences for what they are, they start to become advantages. I believe that this world could use more variety so with your differences, my differences, and everyone else's differences then perhaps being different would be rightfully acknowledged.

What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with any of you.


Stay hopeful and stay different my friends.

xx Chavelita

Day 31: Questioning

For a while now I have been wanting to write this not just for myself but for my readers out there that are also questioning and figuring out who they are when it comes to sexuality. Now this isn't a coming out post because I feel strongly that I do like men, but I had come to a point in my life where I felt unsure. Like yeah I found some girls to be attractive but I couldn't see myself spending my life with a woman or to a raise a family with her if that is the case. On the other hand though I wasn't finding guys to be attractive either so I was kind of just stuck in between as to who or what did I actually like. I went through this stage that maybe I was just asexual and just wasn't fit for a relationship since I have never had that feeling of what it was like to be in one. I had started watching strong celebrity figures who had stated confidently about their sexuality such as Ellen Degeneres, Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, Ellen Page, Jane Lynch, and a few more on YouTube celebrities and I couldn't stop feeling so happy for them for figuring out that missing part of their lives. One of the videos that immediately struck a chord in my heart was from a YouTuber, Ingrid Nilsen. She is a beauty/lifestyle YouTuber that gives her viewers tips and inspiration on how to do certain makeup looks, putting your hair up a certain way, or sometimes just even talks casually all with a smile and making jokes on camera. The first time I started watching her videos I was upset about my petite size, but she is also petite and she was rocking with what she got. Having been subscribed to her channel for a few years, she posts her coming out video this year which definitely took me by surprise. I am not even sure that no one at first believed what was happening because Ingrid was always this chirpy, bubbly person that I wouldn't even guessed how much she was struggling to just come out to the public. When she started crying from happiness to be able say that she was gay, I kind of wanted to cry myself there was just so much emotion in that video that left me speechless at the end.

To stand true for themselves in all the hardships they had to overcome to realize that deep within themselves they knew who they were they were just unsure how to explain themselves to other people without having the fear of rejection. I already feel like it's tough enough as it is to be a sexuality that isn't heterosexuality because as a society we are still trying to get the full concept that the attraction, the desire, the love should only be solely based on female and male. Though what some are forgetting is that those are medical terms to distinguish whether you were born with a vagina or a penis but not all the time will these medical terms fit into the definition that you have set for yourself. No one is going to know you more, than you yourself. So if you have a vagina and feel attracted to ladies, then that's great or to a guy that is also great. Have a penis but like guys? Perfectly fine to me. Or attracted to ladies, that is also great. Transgender? I am still fine. Asexual? Totally respect your decision. Queer and more? Have my 100 percent approval. If you feel incredibly proud and happy for who you are then that is enough, you don't have to prove to other people unless you want to but that shouldn't be necessary. I am still going to love you.

Looking at coming out videos, this has taught me a very important lesson that society has already placed these stereotypes on the LGBTQ+ community that are already being implemented that people under this community behave a certain way but that is not how the way the community works. I think that is why when Ingrid came out I couldn't believe it because she didn't follow any of these set stereotypes which is a perfect example that everyone is a person living on this Earth. I feel horrible for this realization, for having a fraction of myself corrupted by society, but that is why I am constantly educating myself to learn more about the things that I am not being told. Coming back to the LGBTQ+ community, the people came first than the community, society just places another label on something they don't necessarily understand at the moment. From birth everyone is considered to be a human baby and depending how they grew up is how they behaved. What I am trying to say is that everyone is a human with a mind of their ideas and a body to carry themselves around. When I was younger and I know many of you can relate, we didn't see the person for their sexuality because that was not the first thing that come up in our minds. Perhaps for the majority, it's because we didn't know the difference between sexuality and gender. We saw people for the first time based on gender and not on sexuality, and for the most part if the person didn't say they were anything but heterosexuality, then we just assumed that they were heterosexual because for the longest time we are already placed with the idea that this ideal family consists of a mother and father then the children. I can't recall when was the first time I experienced same sex love but I didn't find it to be weird. Of course I was surprised but only because no one told me that was a possibility and I feel that is what we are doing wrong. People like to build bubbles around themselves away from things that they don't approve but forget that not everyone believes in the same things. So when parents block homosexuality from their homes, I feel that the child is not living a very truthful life. There is this giant elephant in the room and people do not want to talk about this matter. I know I can't force people to talk about things they don't want to discuss but at least tell your children that this does exist, that this is not some sort of monstrosity, life happens to everyone in different ways. As we live under the same sky, I feel that is enough to give people equal amount of chances.

I know I will never be able to empathize but I do support same sex marriage and the fact that everyone has the right to love who they want to love and live a fulfilled life.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

xx Chavelita