Day 27: Bad Day pass

For the longest time I would have considered myself as the Debby Downer out of my group of friends. Not because I saw more the negative side of things and would dwell on them more (which come to think of it, that could of been a factor, the dwelling part not the seeing everything as negative part) but I think because I have been such an optimistic growing up that I feel like a bit of the overlooked negativity caught up with me. I would try my best to avoid the bad days that I would repress my problems and would attempt to find a way to not let the bad days happen. Like that could happen. That worked until they became too much to handle that led to just more stress and trouble in my direction. I began to realize that not everything is as rosy and pretty and being positive all of the time is exhausting! I did not understand the difference between what a pessimistic would view the world and what a bad day entitled. This was me for the majority of my adolescences, I just did not like having to deal with my problems and the stress that came with it and to not tell anyone seemed like such a great answer! I cringe at the way I would treat myself in the past, always trying to put on a brave face to make sure I was the least of someone's worries. And you know what? Everyone is worth worrying about. Not too much worry that it brings in stress and anxiety but enough to know that you care about their well-being. I did not realize at the time, but the more you keep quiet the more suspicion is brought on you, and no matter if you win the award for best hidden emotions, people are still going to worry about you.

Everyone is entitled to having their bad days. Some people like to show that they are having a bad day through social media or other forms of communication and other people like to have their bad days in private or with a close friend. Even the most positive people you may encounter have their bad days and they deal with their bad days. The more you get older, I believe, and you still find a way to remain a positive outlook on life and world, should be handed an award. Problems get more complicated when you have to start making your own decisions and life can sometimes be an emotional roller coaster. Yes and even adults have to take a moment for themselves to settle into the situations that are thrown at them. Overall, I want to say that I am not an optimistic but I also do not like to dwell in negative aspects of life so I find better methods to handle with the not so pretty parts of life. I started using my words and stated the things that I did not like or that have been bothering me. You come to understand that there are just days where if in order to get over something and feel better is if you need to cry it out or throw out some swear words, then be my guest.

Everyone has different ways of dealing with stress, some habits better than others, but I just hope that you are finding a healthy outlet to let go of some of that stress that is preventing you from being happy. Just like everyone is entitled to have bad days, everyone is also entitled to being happy. I wish there was such thing as a Bad Day pass at work or at school and with that being said you were excused. Like instead of a Sick Day pass when you got the flu, you have a Bad Day pass because it is important to also take care of your mental health. Just because you cannot detect immediately whether someone is emotionally well or not, it does mean that the potential of someone being in distress does not exist. So do not feel bad or non-deserving for the days that you happen to feel sad, I rather you acknowledge your problems for what they are than to stay quiet with your thoughts and coming up with conclusions that do not pair up with your problem. Just make sure you are not revisiting the same problem, one visit should be plenty.

My mama instincts are showing, but just know that I care for your well-being. You can still be strong and have bad days. Those bad days strengthen you not weaken you.

Do you wish Bad Day Passes existed?

xx Chavelita

High Standards: Bad or Good?

For as long as I can remember I have had high standards. I would always pick the boxes with the neatest packaging at the grocery store. Pay the extra dollar for a water bottle than to use a local water fountain. Buy clothes by the brand at times because I am familiar with the quality of the clothes and for the fact that the clothes fit my petite body that has always been a struggle of mine growing up. Though these standards mentioned are just to the material items, when these standards apply to people the real difficulty begins to peer out to the open. I have learned to stop being picky with the types of food I have been given but I find to be extremely picky with the people I have encountered over the years. Throughout time I have dropped so many friends for the simple fact that they no longer fit in my life. They no longer became effortless to talk to and with the constant feeling that I was being judged or becoming an interruption, the sensation was not worth the time. For the low tolerance I have for the negativity and drama that comes out of the mouths of others if I wanted to hear that I might as well turn on the television. Drama that half of the time I did not recognize the names of the people involved and needed someone else to explain the whole situation. I was not built for gossip and jokingly stating that I live under a rock, I honestly do live under a rock.

Coming back to having high standards, separation from most people has greatly affected me. To have a handful of individuals I am comfortable to speak my mind with and completely know that I can take them into account, does not leave a lot of room for new people to come into my life. But this is not a reason for why I do not want to meet new people, in fact I do want to meet new people but I just take so long to trust in people that by the time I feel ready they are no longer there. I am constantly missing my window of opportunity and I have been beating myself up because of that. I have been on dates, I have not been entirely unknown to what it is to meet a guy and share a few words with but then I have this gut feeling. The feeling that he is not the one so I slowly back out until the point where I find myself avoiding and or not talking to him. When I imagine a relationship, I imagine someone who is there to stay not someone that can simply have a great time and be dumped the next week or so because they got bored of me. I will be honest, I am high maintenance because of my emotions and how sensitive I am that may cause people to not tolerate me but because of my strong bond to those emotions I find that to be one of my greatest strengths and one of my greatest downfalls. For the way my emotions move me, I can provide so much love and support but this also depends if he is able to handle the amount.

The other day I was with a pair of friends heading to a pizza place for lunch and somehow the conversation of what the ideal guy came up. I remember I stated that I had weird taste in men and I already knew that I was going to be asked to elaborate as to what I meant as weird. My weird taste of men consists of someone who has a passion for all the things they hold valuable to whether it is to serve the country or be deeply wrapped into the major of their choice, have a great sense of humor but is able to tell where the boundaries are, supportive and pushes me to do my best, and sensitive that he is not afraid to tell me what is on his mind regardless of what masculine social norms have to say. He does not have to look like a Ken Barbie doll but I do want him to be able to completely trust in me as I would completely trust in him. I want him to be successful, he does not have to be successful when I meet him but I would want him to get there. I know that I do have a lot to offer, I know how much baggage I am carrying even if I do not show it, I know how extremely private I can be to those who do not know me, but I do not need someone to complete me. I simply want someone to join me on this journey of life so I have someone to share memories and moments with.

Do you think having high standards is a bad or good thing to have?

xx Chavelita